Black Friday Freak Out

I did the Black Friday thing last year.

When the stores opened at 4 AM. I was freezing in line and willing the people behind me to remember what Personal Space was since they kept inching into mine.

And then the check out lines were insane...as in, wrapped around the store insane.

I vowed to never do that again.

I didn’t.

This year, Tom and I went to some stores at 9 AM. We went to Target first and yes, it was busy, but not crazy busy. I actually had a purpose for going—I needed construction paper to do a school project with Natalie. Tom was eager to look at the electronics deals.

And that’s ALL he wanted to look at.

When we got in, he breezed past all the other displays. Target had special price displays for their Black Friday sale dotted around the store and I wanted to look at them all.

Tom did not.

In fact, he seemed baffled when I stopped to look at some pajamas.

“Did we need those?” he asked.

“No but…they’re four dollars,” I explained. I mean, hello?

I found the cheap DVD displays and pawed through those. Tom seemed impatient as I lifted up DVDs and asked if he wanted any.

“I have most of those DVDs,” he said.

Oh. He bought a lot when he was in Korea so I’m still not sure what all he has.

“Look, Tom. Due Date! This is a funny movie and—” I realized I was speaking to a complete stranger in a jean jacket. He blinked at me in surprise.

Where did my husband go?

I scanned the store and found him heading for the electronics. Apparently he was not impressed with the cheap DVDs.

I went back to the electronics section and got distracted by the book area. This is where Tom found me.

“What are you doing?” he seemed genuinely surprised I was looking at something that we did not come for.

“Books. There are so many I want to read right now,” I said, fingering the newest Philippa Gregory.

“Are you almost done? There are people everywhere.” Tom is not comfortable in crowds. He thinks the men behind him are going to pull a weapon out at any moment. Or something. It’s the cop in him.

We started to walk to the Christmas section. Tom was walking past all the sale displays. I was beginning to feel weak and I swear sweat beads formed on my forehead. Why wasn’t he looking at them?

When he walked past the home goods display I couldn’t take it.

“YOU’RE SKIPPING EVERYTHING!” I shrieked.

Tom stared at me as though I had a polka dot bra on my head.

“I thought we were here for construction paper,” Tom reminded me.

“Yes but…we can still look at the deals. Just in case,” I said.

“But we don’t NEED anything else. You were just saying the other day that we had too much crap,” Tom pointed out.

This was true. I had opened a closet and was nearly attacked by all the stuff we had crammed in there. I had screamed, “No more CRAP this year. Please. NO MORE CRAP!”

Still.

Passing sale displays is like some sort of sin in my world.

In the end, I was good and only got the construction paper that we came for.

I didn’t encounter any Black Friday crazies.

Wait, there was that chick who had a freakout because she couldn’t look at all the sale displays.

Oh. That was me.

Oops.