The Things That I've Done...

Tom has been gone for over two weeks now. This means that I had to learn to do a variety of things on my own.

Here are a few things that I’ve done, so far:





1. Changed lightbulbs in awkward areas. When you’re short, changing lightbulbs isn’t as easy as it sounds. In order to change that one I had to get on a chair and stand on my tip toes. When Tom was here he’d have the bulb changed in less than a minute. It took me over ten minutes and when I was done I called the lightbulb a string of swear words as well as flipping it off.





2. Deal with disgusting bugs. Now, okay, this bug looks tiny, but it had a long THING poking from its ass. Therefore, I didn’t want to deal with it. If Tom were here he’d have grabbed his shoe, smashed the bug on the wall and said, “There.” Then he’d be all chuffed as though he expected an award and I’d be all, “Aren’t you going to deal with the carcass?” and he’d be like, “I killed it, you get to deal with that part.” So not fair! What I ended up doing with this bug is sucking it up the vacuum. And now I’m afraid to turn on the vacuum, lest it comes flying out. I wonder if I could run next door and say, “Could you turn this on for me?”





3. Made fun of things like this on TV on my own. In the past we’d have totally mocked Gary from Teen Mom bouncing around dressed as a bunny. It’s not as fun to mock on your own I’ve found.





4. Clean up “artwork”—wait a minute, I always did this on my own. But when I’d scrub it off, I’d usually rant to Tom and be all, “Your daughter made a mess today,” and he’d say something like, “Oh, she’s just my daughter now is she?” Now I just mutter angrily under my breath and count down the days until Natalie starts preschool.





5. Try to explain to Tommy that when he’s older that yes, he’ll have hair. Down there. He came up to me the other night and went, “So when I’m older, I’ll have hair on my penis?” and I wanted the floor to suck me up. Normally I’d send Tommy over to Tom because I’m sorry, just saying the word penis makes me giggle. It’s a funny word. Now Tom isn’t here so I had to stutter my response. “Er…yes….when you’re older you will have hair..” *Tugs on shirt collar* “Down there.” Maybe I could have asked Tom over Skype but I get paranoid that sometimes other people can hack into our conversation and if they overhear “penis” and “hair” they might thing something raunchy is going down. (Or that we have a bizarre hair stylist business.)