An E-mail to Tom

*Tom is in Korea for a year so I'll periodically share an e-mail that I've sent to him while he is there*

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Dear Tom,

You’ve been gone for three weeks and I must say, people have different reactions when I tell them that you’ll be gone for a year.

First we have the Religious Reaction. Some people simply tell me that they’ll pray for me, which I appreciate. But I had one lady take it a step further. When I admitted that you wouldn’t return until the following August, she gasped and crossed herself. I’m not kidding. She crossed herself. I thought I had accidentally informed her that you had passed or something but then she went, “An entire year?” and crossed herself again. I’ve never in my life seen anything like it and I backed away slowly. Maybe that woman belongs in another Reaction category (see Dramatic.)

There is also the Irritating Reaction. Upon informing the person that you are in Korea, they’ll wave a hand in the air and say, “At least it’s not Afghanistan.” They make me feel like I have no right to worry or miss you and it takes all my might not to conk them over the head with my purse and say, “Look lady. My husband may be in Korea but I still have a right to miss him and last I checked, it wasn’t entirely peaceful over there.”

Going alongside the Irritating Reaction is the whole, “At least he’s only gone a year and not eighteen months.” Yes, I always understand that situations can be worse but honestly, how do people think that comments like that will cheer me up?

We also have the Dramatic Reaction. I once told a woman that you wouldn’t be back until next August and she yelled (yes yelled), “Shut UP! An entire YEAR?!” I thought she was going to have a convulsion.

Rounding up the reactions that I’ve seen is the Overly Affectionate Reaction. These are the people who immediately gather me in their arms when they find out that you’re gone for a year. It can be quite a frightening experience. I mean, you know I’m not a fan of hugging people I don’t know. But what can you do when arms are suddenly tossed around you and you’re brought into someone else’s breasts but hug them back. It seems like I’m comforting them when I go, “I’ll be okay. Really.” It’s especially scary when they come at me with the air kiss on the cheek thing. I HATE the air kiss on the cheek thing. I always want to hold up a hand and go, “Please don’t” but then they’ll think I’m one of those people anal about germs and you know I’m not since you’ve seen me eat food that’s fallen on the floor.

So yes, Tom. There are many different reactions that I’ve had to deal with and I may even encounter more as time goes on.

Just know that we love and miss you, and oh, I mowed the yard the other day without any issues. At first I forgot to prime it because I assume that a mower should come to life the second I pull the string thing. When it didn’t I about ready had a fit in the front lawn but then I remembered the Optimus Prime thing that I made up to remember to prime it. (The little diddy in my head goes, “We Optimus Prime the mower, lalalala.”)

Love,
Your Optimus Priming Wife,
Amber