Monday, April 22, 2013

On Answering Embarrassing Questions

“What’s humping?” Tommy asked innocently.

The question was embarrassing in itself. What made it worse was that we were in public. Sitting in a waiting room for the dentist to call us back. Did I mention that the waiting room was full of people?

And, oh yes, the people sitting around us heard Tommy.

A few snickered and the woman sitting diagonal from us leaned forward slightly, awaiting my response.

I felt warm all over.

“Tommy, that’s a very adult word—phrase—where did you hear it?” I wanted to know. Okay, yes, I got the line from Three Men and a Little Lady. Remember the scene when Mary asks what a penis is?

“Some boys at school were talking about it,” Tommy answered.

“I—”

More snickering from the other patients.

“Let’s talk about it at home,” I suggested. “It’s not appropriate to discuss in public. With young ears.” I nodded towards the tiny kids.

Honestly, I was hoping Tommy would forget.

(And bonus, both kids are still cavity free!)

Tommy didn’t forget though. When we got home he asked about it again. As I ran Natalie’s bath, I explained that it was something people did when they liked each other.

“That’s strange,” Tommy said, wrinkling his nose. Then he went, “Do you think we’ll get a tornado soon?” Because he tends to move from subject to subject quickly. Which is why it’s hard for him in social settings.

I was glad though. Phew. Tornados I can discuss.

Humping? Not so much.

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