The Rain Shower

“Guess what?” my husband Tom said to me when he came home from work on Thursday.

A part of me was hoping that he’d say, “We don’t have to move after all! We get to stay here!” (For those who don’t know, we’re moving next month. To Montana. And no, I am not happy about it.)

That was just wishful thinking on my part. Because of course it had nothing to do with the move.

“I have Friday, Saturday, Sunday AND Monday off,” Tom gushed and punched the air with his fist.

When he worked his old job, he never got this many days off. In fact, he used to rant that he thought the base was full of a bunch of lazy asses who never did any work.

“I mean, why do they need all these days off? You don’t see security forces having all these days off!” he’d shout.

Of course he’s singing a new tune now.

“Why?” was the first word that tumbled from my mouth. I pictured Tom following me around the house, invading my space, HOGGING THE COMPUTER…

Tom’s face fell slightly. “Why? That’s what you ask me? You’re supposed to be thrilled.”

I forced a smile on my face. “Why?” I repeated, my voice squeaky high. I was trying to convey a chipper manner even though I kept thinking, “You mean I have to share this tiny house with my husband for four days?”

“I don’t know. I guess Friday is considered a Family Fun day or something,” Tom shrugged, pulling off his boots.

I held my breath when he did this. You do not want to suck in air when Tom is removing his disgusting boots. I learned that the hard way and nearly passed out from the stench.

“A Family Fun day?” I snorted.

Tom yanked off his other boot. “I’m not going to complain.”

I was tempted to complain.

When I woke up on Friday, there Tom was with the remote in his hand watching The Military Channel. If you want to learn all about how a M4 is made then The Military Channel is for you. As it is, I could care less, so I was not amused to see it flashing across the screen first thing in the morning.

Then Tom kept asking me what I was doing throughout the morning.

I’d go into the kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?” he’d wonder.

I’d go upstairs.

“Whatcha doing?” he’d question.

If he wasn’t doing that, he was hogging the computer. We’re probably the only household in America who doesn’t have wireless set up. So the only way I can get on the Internet is via our computer. And my husband likes to play online games so he’d be on there for a few hours and I’d get angrier and angrier by the minute.

Finally I had had enough. I went over and plopped down on the computer chair even though it was currently occupied by Tom.

“Excuse me?” Tom said as I settled down.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said lightly. “I didn’t realize you were still on here. Being that you’ve been on here for over two hours, I thought that for sure you’d be gone by now.”

Tom mumbled something. I overheard “psychotic wife” but I let it go since he eventually got up so I could check my e-mail.

Then when I got off the computer Tom was following me around again.

“Okay Tom, you know how you said that Friday was Family Fun day? Well, I’m here to say that I’m NOT HAVING FUN!” I shrieked.

I said I was going to see a movie a few minutes later. I needed out of the house.

I went to see All About Steve which was an odd movie. I munched on my popcorn slathered in butter as I watched the strange turn of events unfold. Bradley Cooper, he’s easy on the eyes but he’s too much of a pretty boy for me.

As I was driving home it started to rain. This was followed by hail. I gripped the wheel because I hate driving in foul weather. Plus I was worried that the hail would damage my poor car. When I pulled up in front of the house my plan was to wait until the rain dissipated because at that point, it was still coming down in streams. I watched as drops bounced off the windshield and reached over to take a handful of leftover popcorn.

I was too busy enjoying the buttery goodness that I didn’t even see Tom come out of the house. Then I heard a thumping against my window and I screamed and nearly choked on a kernel.

Tom was standing there holding his jacket over his head to protect himself from the rain.

He had come out to bring me inside so I wouldn’t get wet.

Suddenly I felt bad for getting irritated with him. He doesn’t mean it. He just, I don’t know, loves me or something. And I’m grateful for it, of course I am, but I’m an Only Child and am just used to silence. And alone time.

“You came for me!” I said and then realized Tom couldn’t hear. He was still standing there, motioning for me to get out.

I cracked open my door. “You came for me!” I said again. I threw my arms around his neck and he stumbled backwards. He couldn’t return my hug because he was busy holding the jacket up.

“Can we do this inside?” Tom asked as the hail pinged down around us.

“We could kiss in the rain,” I suggested. The movies make this look so romantic but it’s really not. Tom and I kissed in the rain once and a big drop went down my back and caused me to screech in Tom’s poor ear. But still, I imagine that was just a fluke. Surely kissing in the rain can be romantic.

“Amber, it’s not only raining, it’s hailing,” Tom reminded me as a ball hit his shoe.

True. Suppose a piece of hail went down my back this time? That would probably hurt.

So Tom and I walked towards the front door with our makeshift umbrella above us. When we got inside I gave Tom a kiss.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” I said.

Tom grinned. “I’d come and get you anytime.”

Awww! Romance! I knew Tom had a romantic side to him, I just knew it! Even though he totally scratches his balls in front of me but no matter!. This proves that—

“Now how about thanking me properly?” Tom added, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

Oh geez.