Stop Yelling!

Okay.

Everyone is yelling.

Why is everyone yelling?

For starters, my son was upset because I accidentally picked up Cinnamon Toast Crunch when he wanted Froot Loops. He looked at the box with disgust and went, “What’s THIS? I wanted Froot Loops?

I reminded him to watch his tone. And I said, “Look, I’m not a short order cook.”

He said, “I know! You barely cook at all!”

Touché, son. Touché.

But still, I told him that he needed to be grateful for what he had because some kids get nothing for breakfast.

“I guess I’ll eat the Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” Tommy sighed. “But I won’t be happy about it.”

Fine.

Then my daughter had a famous two-year-old meltdown. It was the over the same thing I wrote about yesterday. She asked for some oatmeal so I made some. I brought it to the table and said it was ready.

“No THANKS!” Natalie shrieked, arms crossing her chest.

“You have to eat,” I urged. Seriously, Natalie is nearly two and a half and is only about 21 pounds.

“No THANKS MOMMEEEEEEEEEE!” Natalie shouted.

Does anyone want to borrow her for a few hours?

“Fine. I’ll eat the oatmeal,” I said and scooped up the bowl and took a big bite. “Mmmmm,” I said dramatically. I even rubbed my stomach for emphasis.

Natalie instantly took offense.

“Hey! THAT’S MINE! THAT’S MINEEEEEEEEEE!”

Who talks that loudly at eight in the morning? Who has the strength?

Apparently my daughter does.

Then she came hurling at me and I thought she might bite my ankles. Instead she stuck her face against my knee and whimpered, “That’s mine.”

So I offered it to her.

“NO THANKS!” she yelled, backing away as though I were offering her gruel.

We played this song and dance for about a half hour. Then Natalie decided that yes, she was hungry and took all of three bites.

At least it’s something.

Then my car yelled at me. Well, sort of. It’s a hybrid and the display turns this angry shade of blue if you’re using the gas too much. It turns a festive happy shade of green when you’re being kind to the Earth. Look, I’m all for being kind to the Earth but sometimes I have to put my foot on the gas. Sorry car, but I do. I was driving to Target and the display turned blue and I went,

“Why is everyone being so MEAN today?”

I got home and put Natalie down for her nap. She wasn’t pleased. She yelled some more. When she finally went down I went on my WiiFit. The thing told me I had gained two pounds and asked me why.

“Because I bought some pecan pie and consumed nearly all of it myself,” I told it in a snippy tone.

Then Tom came home and whined because he didn’t like what I was making for dinner.

“You’ll eat it and you’ll like it,” I said through clenched teeth.

Basically, I had a long day.

But I perked up.

Why?

Because I found this in my mailbox:



A book can always make me happy.

I bet Nicholas Sparks doesn’t complain about his wife’s cooking.