My Reality Check Bounced!

Yesterday, I met my parents at the Cancer Center for the final consultation before beginning chemo. I was feeling pretty optimistic when we got there and were called back to wait in the room. Dr. Murphy came in and was pleasant as always......and I relaxed....after a brief question and answer period....and an explanation of squamish cell carcinoma....he moved us into the chemo area....to see what we were facing. He opened a door....and I felt my legs grow roots. There....looming in front of me was the chair that you sit in while the big green monster invades your body. I could barely breathe. They had my dad sit down and went over all the bad things that can happen to people who take chemo.....but don't always.....I did not hear that....all I heard was the bad. We then were ushered into the radiation area....for a simulated version of what was going to happen there. I looked at my watch and realized I had to return to school.....so I hugged my parents and left....only to physically bump into dr. Jahraus - the radiation oncologist. I looked in his gentle eyes...and came apart at the seams. He took me into a room...and talked with me about what was happening. I explained...this is my father....I am a daddy's girl.....I love this man with all my heart. He understood....and talked about God with me. Reality hit. Here I was....a professing Christian....and not trusting God at the moment. I was ashamed of myself. Later in the day he emailed me a scripture reference from Jeremiah. I opened my bible in the quiet of my house....and read these words: Jeremiah 29:11-13 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I smiled as I finished the passage. Said a quiet prayer for my family.....and then....put on my big girl panties....because God and I are ready to deal with this....and no matter what the outcome.....I CAN, and I WILL seek Him continuously. God Bless the Doctors at the Cancer Center and all the patients that put their trust in them....they truly are blessings of God.