Football Fun?

I admit it. I’ve never been a fan of a football.

To be honest, I don’t even understand the rules. Tom tried to explain it to me once but my eyes started to glaze over as he was jabbering on what a linebacker does and I started to fantasize on what I wanted for dessert. An ice cream sandwich? A cookie?

“Do you understand?” Tom would occasionally ask as he prattled on about yard lines and such.

“It must be fun to be the chalk guy who puts the yard lines on the grass,” I mused.

Tom looked irritated. “Do you want me to explain this to you or not?”

Before I had a chance to answer, he started yakking about the sport again even though my response would have been no. But since he was talking so passionately, I felt it would be rude to interrupt him. So I let him talk as I thought about doing the Can-Can. I have no idea why that thought came into my head. Strange images suddenly morph into my mind on a daily basis. I mean, just this morning I thought about Robert Stack, who was the host of Unsolved Mysteries , and I wondered what he was up to these days.

It turns out, he’s dead.

Oh.

Too bad. He had a scary voice and a frightening face. But one mustn’t speak (write?) ill of the dead so pretend I never wrote that.

Last night Tom had the Super Bowl on. He’s not a fanatic about the sport but he wanted to watch. Probably so he could talk about plays with his work buddies and not look like a total loser. He was rooting for the Cardinals.

“I’m rooting for the Steelers,” I said cheerfully.

Tom raised an eyebrow. “Why? You don’t even watch football.”

I shrugged. “I like their name better.”

Tom rolled his eyes and went back to watching my Steelers basically kick the Cardinals ass.

Well, until the middle of the game. When the Steelers started to lose. But then they took the lead again when some guy attacked another guy. At least, that’s how it looked to me. Apparently he was just blocking a pass.

Let me point out that throughout the game, Tom was shouting at the television and causing me to jump three feet off the ground. The people who know me in real life have seen that I’m an extremely jittery person. I jump at the slightest noise. So basically, last night I was jumping quite a bit.

At one point I was minding my own business, going through the fridge and contemplating if I should make myself a sandwich when Tom shouted something like,

"OH COME ON! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!"

Which causes me to fling the turkey meat across the kitchen out of fright. It bounced against the cabinets with a loud thunk.

I don’t think Tom liked watching the game with me. Because not only would I jump whenever he would shout (“could you stop that? It’s distracting, Amber..”) but every time a player would fumble or leap on another man I’d instinctively go, “Ouch.”

So basically, every few minutes I was all, “Ouch.”

Of course I know that they have padding. But it looks painful when they crumple to the ground.

“Could you stop saying ouch?” Tom begged after my two hundredth time saying the word.

“I’ll try,” I said, but at that moment a player went head first into the ground. “Ouch!” Then I slapped a hand over my mouth when Tom gave me a Look. “Sorry,” I muttered.

Thankfully the game ended on time.

“My team beat your team,” I taunted Tom.

Tom, who was pouting slightly over the Cardinals loss, went, “Whatever. You can’t even name one player on the Steelers.”

I scratched my head and tried to picture a Steeler name that ran across the screen during the game. Come on. Think.

“Um,” I said. And then a name suddenly came to me. “Robensburger!” I pointed a finger at Tom. “In your FACE!”

Tom snickered. “That’s ‘Roethlisberger.’”

“Whatevs! I was close enough,” I replied. Sheesh, what a mouthful though. And I only remembered his name because it ended in burger and I was thinking, "Mmmm, a burger sounds good..."

After the game a new episode of The Office came on. Which is my favorite show. After Lost. It never fails to make me laugh. Plus, I like staring at Jim.

I better finish this up and get to cleaning. Natalie thought it would be an excellent idea to dump the rest of the box of Apple Jacks on the floor.