My Dear Letters

Nothing much else to report so I'll do My Dear Letters.

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Dear Natalie,

Contrary to what you may think, I do NOT like it when you hand me your boogers. Please stop it. Find a tissue, okay?

I’d rather have a pretty picture,
Amber

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Dear Feet,

Why can’t you be prettier? I really wish I could wear cute summer shoes but alas, you won’t allow it.

Chick with the unattractive toes,
Amber

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Dear Tommy,

No, you may NOT have a phone. You’re eight. You basically only know us. So who would you call? You do realize that Spongebob isn’t real, right? You can’t call him. So no phone.

Just being a practical and not giving into every request,
Amber

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Dear Tom,

I’m reminding you again that I am NOT a contortionist. I repeat: I am NOT a contortionist. Therefore, I cannot bend that way no matter how much you want me to.

A non-bendy,
Amber

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Dear Letters to Juliet,

Please be a good movie. I’m going to see you Sunday. If not, oh well, at least I get to munch on buttery popcorn and enjoy kid-free time.

A waiting to be entertained (without worrying about children),
Amber

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Dear TLC,

Why in the world are you bringing Kate Gosselin back? At this point I think people are just a tad tired of seeing her. Maybe wait a couple of years and see if she grows a Nice Gene. Then try again.

An irritated,
Amber

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Dear blogger The Blue Zoo,

Thank you so much for nominating me for a Funniest Pages award over here. I ended up being one of the winnners! That totally made my day. I'll definately be posting my award as soon as I remember how. HTML does NOT like me.

Signed,
A Yay-People-Like-Me,
Amber


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Dear Mederma Stretch Mark Cream that I bought from here,

Please work. I know I should be proud of my stretch marks…the whole I got these from bringing my children in the world thing—but I’m really not. I need them gone. And I cannot afford a tummy tuck. Sadly. So please. Work.

A stretch marked covered,
Amber

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Dear Southwest Airlines,

Please lower the cost of your flights from North Carolina to Denver. (We're going to visit my husband's side of the family so he can say goodbye before he leaves for Korea.) I found a great deal from Denver to North Carolina.....but your return trip costs bites ass. $171 per ticket is too much from cheapskate me. Please lower them to $99. Pretty please?

Less plane ticket means I can shop more while I’m there,
Amber

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Dear Lost creators,

Hi. I’ve been watching your show for six years now and I still have NO IDEA what is going on. Please explain the following things in your finale. Such as: where did Ben go, who is Jack’s son’s mother, what exactly IS the island, what is the man in black’s name, is Jacob really good, is Jack going to run the island now, CAN CHARLIE COME BACK TO LIFE?

A baffled but still loyal,
Amber

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Dear The Tudors,

I’m sad that this is the last season. Can someone please take over the show and continue it? So much more happens. Such as Prince Edward becoming King but having those freaky Seymours speak for him since he’s underage, Thomas Seymour trying to seduce Elizabeth (yuck), Thomas Seymour eventually losing his head (he deserved it), Prince Edward dying of consumption (aww), a poor girl called Jane being forced to take the throne even though Mary has the legitimate claim, Jane being de-throned after only nine days and then losing her head (double aww), Mary finally getting a man, Mary burning anyone who doesn’t share her religious views (hence why she was dubbed bloody Mary), Mary putting her sister Elizabeth in the Tower of London since she believed Elizabeth was plotting against her due to Elizabeth NOT sharing her religious views (among other reasons), Mary thinking she’s pregnant but turning out not to be, Mary dying (she was sort of freaky so I didn’t really sympathize with her), Elizabeth taking the crown....so please? Someone? Bueller?

A Tudor fanatic,
Amber