It’s been fantastic having him home. Really it has. I mean, sure he likes to follow me around the house and ask me what I’m doing every few minutes. He’s just curious is all. It’s pretty cool to know that he thinks so highly of me.
Usually I would look forward to putting Natalie down for her nap so I could have some privacy. Isn’t it precious that Tommy still trails behind me even after I put her down? Who needs privacy anyway? It’s just so lovely always being with my son and always---
Oh, who am I kidding?
I need my space!
Why won’t Tommy give me my space?
He has a room FILLED with toys and yet he insists on always being around me. I’m not that interesting! I clean and I clean and I clean some more. Sometimes when I’m feeling extra feisty I may even cook.
It was flattering at first having Tommy always wanting to be near me. But then it got old. I’d politely ask if he wanted to go play with his toys.
“No!” he’d say brightly.
So I’d start to do the dishes and he’d just be standing there...watching...I cannot stand to be watched.
Then Tommy decided to make things extra exciting and started following me wearing this:
The mask also allows him to sound like a robot. So the entire day I have someone at my heels with a voice that sort of resembles C3PO.
This was cute at the beginning. But after a few hours I started to get annoyed. I'd be bending down scrubbing the latest stain out of the carpet. I'd turn around and I'd see this:
And I don't care if I know that he'll be there. It still startles me each time. It's not normal to turn and see an Optimus Prime head staring back at you. It's just not!
I headed off to scrub the toilet.
"What are you doing?" Tommy asked in his robotic voice.
What does it LOOK like I'm doing? was what I wanted to snap back with.
Instead I said, "Well, I'm cleaning the toilets, Tommy."
"It's Optimus Prime," was his response.
I went to mop the floor. I accidentally ran into this:
"Hey Tommy?" I said lightly. "How about you go outside?"
"It's Optimus Prime. And no, I don't want to go outside. I want to clean with you," Tommy--I mean, Optimus Prime answered.
I COULD have pointed out that he wasn't even cleaning. He was just WATCHING. But I didn't. I just bent down to scrub off a mystery stain off the kitchen floor that the mop wasn't getting. Tom squatted down beside me. I looked up and saw this:
Holy CRAP.
When I finished cleaning I had a few minutes before Natalie woke up. So I went to the computer to check my e-mail. Optimus Prime followed me and gazed over my shoulder.
I HATE when people read over my shoulder.
"Tomm--I mean, Optimus Prime? Could I please have some privacy?" I asked nicely.
"What is privacy?" Optimus Prime teased.
"Something that YOU'LL never be getting as a teenager if you keep this up," I muttered.
Eventually--blissfully--I got him to leave me alone for a little bit.
How?
I told Tommy that he needed to save being Optimus Prime for when his Daddy came home. Because surely Daddy would LOVE being followed.
"He would?" Tommy wondered excitedly.
I nodded. "Oh definately. He was just telling me on the phone that he can't WAIT for you to observe him."
Okay, so it's slightly mean. But Tom deserves it. Even though I know he's working hard at military dog training school he gets to have downtime when it's all over. He's talked about going to the Rainforest Cafe and to Sonic and to TGI Fridays....
So really, I don't feel guilty at all.
Have fun with Optimus Prime, Tom.
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