New York City Part 3

My side hurt.

How could people run for fun? There was nothing fun about this feeling.

I ran at top speed down Fifth Avenue and could feel sweat beads forming on my forehead. Any second now one was going to drop on—ew. There it went. Right on my nose.

I could see my prize getting smaller and smaller in the distance. If I could move a little faster I could catch it. Wait! It stopped! Thank goodness for New York traffic. I waved my arms wildly and almost hit a man walking past. I think he might have called me a twat but I couldn’t be certain. New Yorkers can be rather cranky.

How did this happen?

Well.

I suppose it’s best to back up a little bit.

The day started off enjoyable. Jennifer and I met up with another blog friend. She met us at Grand Central Station and treated us to breakfast. I felt relaxed. And full of the delicious French Toast that I ordered.

After breakfast it was time to ride the Subway to Battery Park in order to catch the ferry to see the Statue of Liberty.

Yes. The Subway.



Tom had warned me to avoid it. And I imagine my mother wished I would avoid it as the one time she visited New York, a man was masturbating behind her as she rode it.

We heard it was easy enough though. And it was. Nothing crazy happened. A guy didn’t come on while waving a gun in the air like what happened on an episode of Blue Bloods. No, it was calm. Relaxing even. I felt like a real New Yorker. I knew exactly what I was doing. Lalala.

At Battery Park we saw a gigantic line stretched out. My heart dropped. It was hot, a balmy 80 degrees and I already felt like I was melting. The line looked as though it went on forever. Nervously, I asked a worker if we had to wait in the line (please no, please no, please no) and he said we didn’t since we bought our tickets online.

So here’s a helpful tip if you are going to New York City: buy your Statue of Liberty tickets ONLINE to avoid the never ending lines.

Jennifer and I only had to wait in a small line. Granted, then we had to wait again for our ferry to come but that was okay.

The ferry ride took about 20 minutes and then we saw her.

The Statue of Liberty in all her green glory:









We went through the museum and then walked around. We couldn’t go on top. All those tickets were sold out. So another tip: if you want to go on top, buy tickets early.

Here’s when things got dicey.

We got in line to catch the 120 ferry back to Battery Park. This is because at 3, we had a Sex and the City tour.

The problem is, we didn’t get on the 120 ferry because it was full even though we got in line in plenty of time. Never underestimate groups of Indian people I suppose.

Anyway.

We missed that ferry and had to wait for the 150 one.

This meant that we were running late.

We didn’t get back to Battery Park until 230. Not good.

We decided to get a taxi since we weren’t sure the Subway route back. I waved my hands wildly in the air and at one point Jennifer was like, “What are you doing?” I thought I was hailing a taxi but instead it looked as though I had ants in my pants. Forgive me. I’m new to the city.

We eventually found a taxi. I behaved like a true New Yorker and barged in front of a group of men who tried to barge in front of ME for the taxi I saw pulling up.

“Ours!” I snapped and Jennifer and I got in. We gave the taxi driver the address and hoped for the best.

Problem is, Battery Park was like 20 minutes away from where we had to be.

When it got to 255, we were 5 minutes away. Jennifer called the company to let them know we were coming.

As the taxi pulled to our stop, we saw the tour bus in front of us. Yes! We had made it! We had—

Then the bus started to pull away.

“Shit!” I screamed, tumbling from the cab. I waved my arms manically in the air. “STOP!”

A few people gaped at me. Most didn’t pay attention. New Yorkers are used to the crazies, you see. I think a Japanese tourist took a photo of me. So if you have a Japanese friend and see a picture of an American girl waving her arms like she’s on fire, that’s me.

Jennifer and I began running down the street. And as I said in the beginning, this was not easy.

“I....wish...I...were...in...better...shape,” I gasped as I ran.

My side was screaming for me to stop. But I couldn’t stop. I paid $40 for the Sex and the City tour and I was going to get on that bus, dammit.

Only...

...the bus kept moving and my legs didn’t.

They basically died on me. They died on Jennifer, too. She eventually said, “I can’t run anymore.”

“Me either.” More sweat beads dropped off of me. Gross.

Thankfully the tour lady we had called gave us the address of the first stop of the tour. The Pleasure Chest. Where Charlotte bought her rabbit.

So we got another cab and gave the address. The driver seemed confused.

“Where is that?”

I guess tourists don’t ask to go to The Pleasure Chest often. What, don’t tourists have needs?

He had to look at Jennifer’s phone for a few seconds before he nodded and said he knew where it was.

Only he really didn’t, because he dropped us off on a street in Chelsea and drove off.

“Er…I think we’re 5 blocks away,” Jennifer said, staring at her phone.

More running?

Ugh.

It’s a good thing I’m done having children. With all the running I did, I’m sure I gave my uterus a terrible jostle to the point where nothing would want to ever grow in it again.

“I see the bus,” I said, after we had jogged for a few minutes. I shielded my eyes with my hand to make sure it wasn’t a mirage. Could it be? Was it really the bus? Did we make it after all?

“It is the bus!” Jennifer confirmed.

Then we noticed The Pleasure Chest and knew we had made it. Success! All the running paid off. I mean, sure, my feet probably had all sorts of disgusting blisters on them but it didn’t matter. We MADE IT!

The tour guide was expecting us. We stumbled onto the bus and took a seat as the tour guide pointed out places where the show was filmed.

We got to go to a place called Buska—baccakhan? I don’t remember. It was used when the two gay guys finally kissed on New Years. Their names escape me. And it was used again in the first movie when Carrie told Big, “This will be your last kiss to me as a single woman.” Something like that.



Yes. My face is bright red. Running around New York will do that to you.

We also got to go in the place where Aiden’s bar was. Scout. Only it’s really called something else. We got to have Cosmopolitans but they wanted 9 bucks for one. No thanks. So Jennifer and I just sat and tried to cool off.



The tour was okay. I mean, they gave us cupcakes. But I guess I was expecting…more?

Ahh well.

After that, we decided to go to FAO Schwartz. We had to walk 14 blocks because we couldn’t get a taxi. My feet were really pissed off at this point.

By the time we got to FAO Schwartz, a worker was like, “We’re closing!”

I didn’t even get to play on the piano! Or do obscene things with the guy dressed as a soldier.

It was a bummer, but oh well.

I did get a photo with the Plaza Hotel in the background:



Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin looked out those windows in Big Business! Yes, I’m a nerd.

We went to Serendipity for dinner and dessert:



This is the famous frozen hot chocolate:



And this is the coward’s portion of the Banana Split:



I know what it makes you think of. A Viking hat, right?

Our last stop that day was the bar on top of our hotel. I ordered a mojito and it seemed to take awhile for my drink to come. Jennifer suggested we take photos and I assumed we were pouting because our drinks were taking so long:



Um. A little miscommunication.

But I wanted my MOJITO, dammit.

The next day we returned home.

I miss the city. Yeah, it’s crowded. But people move quickly. I love it.

Someday I’ll go back.

No Regrets

When my mom died my friend Mary was sent to Wal-mart to get some panties and a bra for my mom.  Granny panties I told her....yet, my friend has an impish side to her that I love very much and she also bought a red thong and bra....the joke though was on her....not me.  I was never given the bag with the thong in it....the funeral home took the bag and went to work getting my mom ready.....all during the viewing....people would come up and ask me....if my mom was wearing the red thong....you know...in times like these you have to have some brevity....and Mary gave me just that.  Did she really buy a red thong and panties....who knows....it is not important.  It was just a light moment in a dark time.  Yesterday Mary sent me an email with a comment attached..."I knew I should have done the red bra and panties."  I did not understand the comment until I read the post.  "A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'. I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day...I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. T he words 'Someday....' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now....I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell...I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."  Yesterday I attended a most unusual send off.  My friend Renee's father died late Wednesday afternoon.  He was such a sweet and humble man...and he did not want a big fuss over him....he wanted to be cremated and so before he was taken for that....those of us who loved him and loved his family met in a room at the funeral home and said goodbye.  There were no flowers....there was no coffin....there was just Mr. Glen....with his suspenders on....sleeping peacefully.  Renee, Dexter, and Carissa went first....she spoke to him as if he was going to wake up any moment....then kissed him sweetly and the little family hugged.  It was a touching sight.  The rest of us said our goodbyes and Frank offered up the sweetest prayer.  Having just been through this same scenario with my dad I want Renee to know that she was blessed to have spent the last four years being with her dad.  He lived in a trailer in her back yard.  She got to spend time with him....something that if he still lived away would not have happened.  There was no someday for the two of them....there was everyday.  I was blessed with that same time and believe me it has made a world of difference.  Mr. Glenn will be sorely missed by those of us at his church, his friends, and most of all this sweet little family....but this man left a wonderful legacy.  He was very special.  I know that he entered the gates of heaven and they welcomed him with open arms.

Snippets From My Past....according to Carol

The first five years of my life I lived on Georgia Avenue in West Palm Beach, Florida.  My house was directly across the street from Palm Beach High School.  When I was five we moved across town to El Prado.  It was just El Prado....not a street, road, avenue, blvd...just plain El Prado....but some of the greatest moments of my life happened right there....on that street.  Seventeen years ago, on my fortieth birthday, my friend Carol sent me a scrap book of memories.  She has a remarkable memory for details that I lack....or maybe it is that I remember it differently...who knows....I was reading through this the other day and thought I would share some insights into life of Karen with you....remember this is through the eyes of another.  I feel I owe Carol a great debt for filling in some of my gaps....so from time to time...I may pull the book out and relive a time when the living was easy. "Once upon a time in April 1954 on the 15th day, Karen Leigh Sasser was born in West Palm Beach, Florida.  She had a wonderful mommy and daddy, Wilma and Fred Sasser.  In Miami, Florida later that year on the 24th of December(almost 10 weeks early) along came Carol Ann Geiger.  She had a wonderful mommy and daddy too - Valerie and Harland Geiger.  Then one winter day about 5 years later Carol moved into the house behind Karen.  They became friends and remained so until this day.  Here's some memories of those growing up years together...."

School Days

"Oh, how long ago it seems now!  We started out at Hillcrest Park for Kindergarten(which wasn't required).  Then there was good ol' Belvedere Elementary.  Remember the lunch chimes?  Recess?  And Miss Lohr's3rd grade was the only class we had together.  We walked to school, read Belvedere Highlights, did homework and participated in art and science fair.  There were Weekly Readers and the Spring and Christmas programs at the Pavilion(either boiling or freezing as we sat on the ground waiting for our turn on the bleachers).  And of course we were proud members of our School Safety Patrol and had our first trip away from home to Washington D.C!  Then we moved on to Conniston Junior High.  We went out and bought our supplies-blue canvas binders, cartridge pens(didn't you like turquoise ink), combination locks, and gym suits(GROSS!).  We changed classes for the first time and got lost at first.  There was chorus with good ol' Miss Findsterwald ("I enjoy being a girl!") and the best part - dances with live bands in the cafeteria.  I remember writing in my diary every boy I danced with and if it was a fast or slow dance.  And there were football games and basketball games and for one year me being part of the snooty cheerleaders (well some of them were).  Go Blue Devils!  Yeah Blue and Gold!  On to Forest Hill High School-on with Falcons - red, white, and blue.  We get to ride the school bus (Wow!) then later drive ourselves.  We joined the Pep Club and went to football games.  I don't think we ever had a class togethe but hung around together on the seats outside and had lunch together.  And we were even allowed to leave school for lunch, too!  There were term papers, finals, SATS, etc.  We wondered where we'd go to college.  We thought Florida Southern maybe.  There were boys, Homecomings.  I joined the Spanish Clubs and you joined the German Club.  We both joined Youth for Christ...working on the float that won first place.  And we graduated with letters from Richard Nixon even!  On to PBJC - Peanut Butter and Jelly college.  We had a lot more freedom there.  We didn't have to show up all the time,.  Remember good ol' Mr. Duncan in lit class in that freezing auditorium with the Big S!  (Shakespeare to others) And we attended programs and assemblies and even took classes like tennis, golf, archery.  Of course I headed to Florida Atlantic for a whole semester and never returned to school...but you continued forward to get your degree and even kept going after that.  I'm proud of you.  Maybe someday I'll enter a classroom again - maybe not."  How funny is it that I teach Spanish today....and have for 20 years....and only took three years of it in school?  I hated Spanish....I took French for a year and German for two....and what do I teach?  Spanish!  Carol took it for six years...and even thought about majoring in it.  Sometimes things don't happen like you thought they would.

Our Families

"I'm sure glad the Sasser's met the Geigers!  I was just a 5 year old shrimpy kid new to the neighborhood who moved into a house behind you.  We said "hi" and the rest was history.  We started kindergarten together soon after...  Our parents would visit each other, drink coffee, drink beer, play careds and went to parties with each other and visited with people like the Wrights, Harrises, Standts, and Driggers. Our dad's went fishing together and out mother's went shopping together.  My parents were Winstons and yours were Marlboros.  Yours were country and western and mine were Robert Goulet.  You mom could sew and mine didn't want to.  WE had a bad year around 3rd grade when you all lost Dougie and we lost Laura. (The sad part here is this is where I have a memories block.  I cannot seem to remember things that happened here...life for me seems to have skipped some spaces....almost like a bike chain lagging.  There are huge chunks of my memories gone....and I am grateful to Carol for allowing me to see them...even if it is through another's eyes.)  We thought we had done bad things or said something bad to make this pahhpen.  I visited with your grandfolks, etc. in Alabama and you visited mine in Miami Beach.  We had a blast with your cousins when they'd visit.  And I must quote some favorite lines of your mom and dad.  Mrs. Sasser:  (when happy - "kay-ren" in a sweet Alabama accent"  Mrs. Sasser: (when mad - "Kare - ren Leigh! in an angry non-accent).  Mr. Sasser:  "I know you are playing possum! "If you don't quiet down I'm getting my belt!" (trying to scare me, right?  then we'd keep on giggling.)"  (I have to interject there that my father NEVER spanked me with a belt...ever....he always threatened....but it did not happen.  I was terrified of his belt til the day he died.).  I am sure each of you can pull up memories much like these.  I have to ask....do you remember when you met your best childhood friend?  I'd love to hear about it, so leave me a comment.  I love stories like these!

New York City Part 2

As I said before, I’m awful with directions.

It’s a good thing Jennifer knew where she was going.

She got us safely to our OnLocation movie tour where a bus would drive us around to different places where movies were filmed.

I really liked our guide. She was full of energy and her name was Roseanne. I love the show Roseanne.

We drove by Central Park:



Scenes from Enchanted were filmed here.



Trump Tower. There’s Donald Trump going, “You’re fired!”



The Flatiron Building.



You see that guy? His head was bleeding and he was walking around going, “Could somebody PLEASE give a cigarette to a guy whose head is bleeding?” There certainly are characters in New York, let me tell you. Jennifer and I also passed a singing naked old lady cowgirl. We were disturbed.



Here’s Jennifer and I in front of the I Am Legend house. I never saw it.



Katz’s Deli! You can't really see it but it's in the corner. You get a happy dance if you know the significance of it.



Jennifer walking into Dash. Yes, that’s the Kardashian’s store. No, I wasn’t impressed. Some security guard was inside going, “You can’t take pictures of the merchandise.” Someone from our group did buy something. It was a chick who was a Snooki lookalike. It was disturbing. Newsflash: orange skin does NOT look good. Nor does poofy hair.



Law & Order is filmed here a lot.



This is the firehouse where Ghostbusters was filmed.

The firemen and women are proud of this fact:



Some rich guy in a Lamborghini passed the bus:



Does this look familiar?



Yup. The Cosby Show house. The owners got $1300 per outside shot. Not from us. The show. I wish a sitcom wanted shots of my house.

After the tour, we went to the Hard Rock Café for dinner:





Yes, I needed that drink. After all the walking, my feet were like, “What is going on?” Plus, it was hot. I felt like my face was going to melt off.

Then we got to see Wicked!





Go see it. It’s fabulous. I laughed, I cried, I wanted to know who the heck played Boq because he was pretty attractive and plus, I liked saying the name Boq.

I’ll end with a photo of this:



Let’s pretend you’re on Jeopardy. I’m Alex Trebec except I have a vagina.

What building is this?


*Cue Jeopardy music*

New York City Part 1

Oh, God.

I was going to die on this plane, wasn’t I? It can’t possibly be normal for it to shake this much.

I gripped my Diet Coke as the plane dipped. My stomach lurched and I took deep breaths. I couldn’t die like this. There was so much I hadn’t accomplished yet. Like...getting a novel published. Beating Angry Birds. Having a gay best friend.

Plus, I needed to make it to New York City. It had been my dream to go for years.

“Are you okay?” the lady sitting beside me asked. It probably worried her that I had turned white as chalk and was muttering, “I don’t want to die,” over and over again.

“I’m fine,” I lied.

The plane dropped again.

“Bumpy weather, huh?” the lady said cheerfully.

How could she be cheerful when we could be on our death beds? Or death seats, really.

The captain of the aircraft came over the loudspeaker....ahhhhhh, he was letting us know we were all going to die and—

“We’re circling LaGuardia currently. Because of the poor visibility, we have to wait.”

Oh.

It was horrible weather. The skies were dark and gray. Miserable. Not the best first impression of New York.

Still. I’d let it go. New York had so much to offer.

If I made it to New York, that is.

It took forever to land. The captain kept coming on and saying. “We’ll land in 10 minutes.” Then he’d pop back on and say, “My apologies, that’ll be 20 minutes…”

At that point, I really had to pee. But there was no way I would go in the airplane bathroom. So I crossed my legs tightly and tried to think of happier things.

Like Times Square!

And…and…Serendipity. Mmmm, frozen hot chocolates.

We landed an hour late. At that point my bladder was screaming but I had to get to my best friend Jennifer. We had a scheduled a shuttle to take us to the hotel and I was already way late.

I found Jennifer easily and we checked in for the shuttle and I hurried to the bathroom. I behaved like a New Yorker and knocked people over. Well, not really. Just this one chick who was in the middle of the hall yakking on her phone and she refused to move even when I said, “Excuse me.” When I came back out, the shuttle was waiting. I took a step outside and thought, “I made it to New York! I didn’t die after all!” I took in a deep breath and..

…well, okay, New York sort of smelled like pee.

But that’s fine, there are tons of people in New York. It’s allowed.

My heart was thumping with anticipation as the shuttle drove us to Manhattan. I discovered that people really did drive like maniacs in New York. I could not drive in New York. I’d cry.

The shuttle driver took us to The Roosevelt Hotel.





Pretty, huh? And you can save 20% if you are a Facebook friend. FYI. I’m all about saving money.

Waiting in the lobby was Summer, a blog friend who was meeting us for dinner. And she knew the area, so that was helpful.

Have I mentioned I’m bad with directions?

We ate at Benihana. I’ve never eaten there before but I was impressed. And everything was SO good.



Then it was off to Times Square to Madame Tussands where I got inappropriate with some wax figures.

And excuse my haggard appearance. I had survived a terrifying plane ride and didn’t bother to put on makeup when we left the hotel.

First off, I was trying to escape King Kong.



And then George Clooney was like, “Hey baby, wanna go out?” (I said no.)



I hung out with the Osbournes and did not eat a bat.



I ran into Rob Pattinson and was not impressed.



Neither was Jennifer.



Or Summer.



I picked Leonardo DiCaprio’s nose and he told me what was going on between him and Bar. He claims she wants to settle down and start a family and this tends to terrify him.



Jennifer became a rapper.



We hung out with the Obama’s.



I attempted to drive in New York. It did not go well. I ran over Jennifer.



And then she ran over me when I was trying to shop.



Regis and Kelly interviewed me.



I messed with Donald Trump’s hair. He now wants me on The Celebrity Apprentice.



I briefly died.



Summer hung out with Lucy.



I was alive again and hung out with Janis Joplin. We have the same hair.



Jennifer and I tried to take Mark Spitz’s gold medals.



Summer found boob tassels.



I mocked Justin Bieber.



Jennifer soothed him and was like, “Don’t worry. I still love you.”



And that was Madame Tussands. I believe I got my money’s worth.

Hodge Podge Vol 29 - Memorial Day Week

Welcome to the latest edition of Joyce's weekly Wednesday Hodgepodge. She invites everyone to play...just answer the questions on your own blog or facebook page and then link back to her site to share answers.

1. Have you ever been to the capital of the USA-Washington DC? If so what's your favorite site? If not, what site would you most like to see on a visit to that city someday in the future? Is it even on your list of places to visit?
I love DC and have visited many times.  My favorite site is the Vietnam/Korean/WWII War Memorials and Arlington National Cemetary.  I love standing at the walls of these places.  You can almost hear the men who's names are listed there tell stories.  I also love the Smithsonian.
2. When did you last attend a wedding? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? Were you a summer bride? If you're single is summer the season of your dream wedding?
We attended a wedding the last of March this year.  A member of our church married at the end of the service.  I have several this summer for former students.  I was a January bride both times....there must be something magical about that month.  Frank and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary this year.
3. What is your favorite way to eat strawberries?
I love the things.  I can eat them in a field.  I can eat the entire yield.  I love them with shortcake....or I love them in pies baked.  I love them chocolate dipped....I love to drink them....sip.  I also love them in some jam...yep I love them...Karen I am.
4. What is one thing you are especially looking forward to this summer?
My family reunion on the 18th of this month, traveling with friends and Frank.  Spending time with Chuck and Susan...and getting my feet sandy at the beach....AND the Leadership Conference in Mobile I am attending.  I am also looking forward to getting some major projects done
5. Do you use/like the self scanner at the grocery store?
I have a hate/hate more than breathing relationship with this device. They say it is faster....but it is not.'Please wait for an attendant.' 'Please remove the last item from the scanner.' 'Please wait for an attendant.' If I wanted an attendant....I would have stood in the long line to have one wait on me in the first place. Quick question....and maybe I should save this for my random thought......nahhhhh....why do places like Walmart have 47 hundred check outs...and at the busiest time of the day only have two checkouts open????
6. Share a favorite piece of common sense advice.
Listen to what people say....LISTEN....before you react.  There is a difference between listen....and hear!
7. Barefoot, flip flops, tennis shoes, sassy sandal-your first choice for summertime?
I don't wear tennis shoes in the summer unless I have to....or need a pedi really really bad.. Flip flops or cute sandals are my #1 pick.
8. I love Memorial Day...it is one of my favorite holidays...I love standing and saying the pledge.  I love singing or listening to the Star Spangled Banner.  I love seeing our flag waving in the breeze.  I love honoring the men and women who gave their lives so I can enjoy life as I know it.  What is your favorite holiday and why?  I am headed to Alex City to take care of some business....(I forgot to pick up Frank's suits last week...while I was in Alex City...and so Sunday....he did not have one.  I bought him some black pants and a gorgeous pink shirt with matching tie....and he preached without a jacket.  I am sure he loved that....because he burns up in the pulpit....and I freeze in the congregation.)  Have a Wonderful Wednesday!  Stop by and see me again!