Things That Annoy Me Thursday: School Fundraisers

“And the man at the assembly said we could win prizes if we sold stuff,” Natalie said when I picked her up from school.

Crap.

I knew exactly what she was talking about: a school fundraiser.

I detest school fundraisers. Yes, I understand it helps schools raise money. But I would rather donate directly to them. And I do. We do NOT do fundraisers. Before you go, “But it could be a fantastic experience for your daughter!” because I just know some fundraiser enthusiasts are reading the post shaking their heads, know this: you cannot sell stuff on this military base. So if you wanted your little Betsy to sell her cookie dough, you’d have to take her off base OR a parent could take the order form to his or her work and he or she could guilt trip his or her colleagues into purchasing $15 cookie dough.

It seems a bit slimy for a guy to come into a school and tell kids to sell junk for his company. He got them all excited by saying they could ride a limo if they sold enough. Natalie was more interested in the cheap toys which I could just BUY HER.

Here’s Natalie flipping through the catalog:

As she did, she was like, “You have to sell this stuff to win this stuff!” as though she were selling Pampered Chef or something.

Thankfully, my daughter at times has the memory of a pea, so she promptly forgot and I promptly threw everything out.

Unfortunately, this didn’t mean I was done with the school fundraiser. No, I got knocks on the door from children who did not get the memo that selling was not allowed on base. Children who found it perfectly acceptable to pound on the door at 8 PM. Where were their parents? Why would they allow this? Did they sneak out?

You get the polite kids who kindly say thank you when you decline their pitch to buy their crap although most of the time, the kid just stands at the door blinking and mutters quietly, “Will you buy something?” Then you get the Donald Trump wannabees who are like, “I need you to buy something!” and when you say no thank you they’re like, “Well, I have to sell this stuff!”

No, Junior, you do not.

I seriously want to throw tomatoes at the kids who question an adult when they say no thank you. I’m polite; therefore you should be polite too. Go home.

So yes, I hate school fundraisers. Most of America hates school fundraisers.

I’ll donate directly to the school.

I’ll buy the popcorn and pickles they offer.

I’ll volunteer.

That’s how I’ll make my contribution.