This Is How My Summer Will Go

“So did you make summer plans? I created a chalkboard background on our door pantry—got the idea from Pinterest—and wrote down everything we want to accomplish over the summer!”

“I just want to accomplish not killing my kids. Ha ha!” I said.

The woman looked horrified. Oops. Not everyone gets my humor.

But really, am I supposed to write down what I want to accomplish over the summer? I sort of felt like it would go like this:

--Sleep in. The kids allow this because they tend to party in their rooms until 10 or 11. Most of the time they leave me alone but most nights Natalie asks for something every half hour. "I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. Could you check to see if I got all the poop off my butt? Can you put another DVD in for me?" Because I'm one of those parents who puts a TV in every child's room. With a DVD player.


--Disney World in June. Get to see my husband's family. Yay! Don't have to cook for a week. Double yay!


--Work on not yelling so much—the neighborhood can probably hear me.


--Go shopping without losing my shit since Natalie will have to come with me now. She likes to touch everything and comment about what it feels like. "Look at this glittery purse. It feels bumpy! Look at this Doc McStuffins toy. It's soft!"


--To not have ice cream for dinner more than 5 times a week (sometimes when Oklahoma gets super hot, this gets tempting..)


--Send my kids off with my parents, who are saints. They are taking them at the end of July for at least week so I can relax. By that point my patience will be thin and I’ll have gained 10 pounds from stress eating (and the ice cream for dinner.)


--Maybe play board games if the kids don’t turn into whiney brats or insist that one of the game pieces is tired and needs to sleep in their bed (Natalie. She once brought the entire cast of Candy Land to bed with her. We still haven’t found all the pieces.)


--Movie nights if the kids promise to not talk or fight or eat all the popcorn.


--Beach in August! I’ll need one of those modest swimsuits like the Duggars wear though from the stress eating.


--SCHOOL STARTS! Yes, I am already counting down the days..