I mean....Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts? Yes, please.
I made it my mission to find a box.
I heard they were available at Target so I headed over there. It was no problem going to Target because I’m usually there at least once per week anyhow. I love Target. When I first walked into the store, I became distracted by a beautiful red peacoat. Oooo, it was lovely, and I plucked it from the rack and held it against my chest.
But Amber my annoying Voice of Reason piped up. Don’t you already have a peacoat?
Yes. But in black. This one is a beautiful shade of red.
But Amber. I thought you were going to cut back since you’ll be moving next year.
Ugh. This was true. I promised Tom that I’d start getting rid of things so the move would go smoothly. When we moved from England, Tom was appalled over how much stuff we accumulated. (Actually, he didn’t call it stuff, he called it crap and every few minutes I’d hear, “What’s all this crap?” and I could hear the movers grumbling, “I’m with the husband, what IS all this crap?” And excuse me, can a girl not own more than one pair of pants? And so what if we had three plastic bins filled with girl clothes even though we hadn’t yet had Natalie? I just KNEW I’d have a girl someday so I planned ahead.)
I put the beautiful red peacoat back and momentarily forgot what I was doing.
OH! The Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts!
My heart lifted as I headed into the Halloween section. I was so sure I’d find the display but instead I found a blank shelf. There was a price tag underneath that told me that this is where the Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts would live. If there were any left.
Which there weren’t.
I felt personally offended. Who ate all the pop tarts? Did someone grab all of them? How rude! All I wanted was one box.
“Can I help you?” a target male worker asked. He probably noticed me staring in horror towards the empty shelf.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m looking for some Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts. They should be here,” I slapped the shelf for emphasis, “but they aren’t.”
The guy looked confused. “You’re looking for Pop Tarts?”
Um. Yes. Why was that so baffling? And they weren’t REGULAR Pop Tarts. They were Pumpkin PIE Pop Tarts.
“Yes. Are there any in the back, do you know?” I asked sweetly.
He shook his head. “No.”
I wanted to say, “Could you go check?” but I didn’t want him to call security. So I said, “Is there a list?”
“A list?” He wrinkled his nose.
“Yes, a list where I could give you my name for when the Pop Tarts come in. I must try one,” I explained.
He still looked bewildered. What part of this was baffling? I wanted a Pumpkin Pie Pop Tart. End of story.
“There is no Pop Tart list,” the Target employee said slowly. I could see the edge of his lips twitching, which probably meant he was trying hard not to laugh. I’m sure I gave him a story to tell to his friends. If you hear the one about a Target customer asking for a list in order to purchase Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts, that was me. Hi.
So I didn’t get the Pop Tarts at that Target trip. But it wasn’t a total bust, I did find some shorts for 75% off as well as some Flip Flops. And obviously Tom wouldn’t understand because he’d say, “Don’t you HAVE Flip Flops?” and I’d be all, “Yes, but not in brown.”
I tried to find the Pop Tarts a week later.
I could feel that THIS would be the time when I’d get them.
I marched back in the Halloween aisle and there they were, staring back up at me.
“Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts!” I said, elated as I hugged one to my chest.
I startled a woman who was walking past me. “Huh?” she grumbled, probably thinking that I was talking to her.
I guess that would be less weird so I played along with that. “Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts!” I waved the box in the air.
She frowned. “I don’t like pumpkin.”
Well, whatever lady.
“You found them,” the Target worker that I had confused the week before said, walking over.
“Yup. I guess I didn’t need to put myself on a list after all,” I answered.
He snorted. “I guess not.”
Now I just had to hope that I actually LIKED the things. Suppose I took one bite and wanted to throw up? Wouldn’t that be depressing?
When I got home I unwrapped a Pop Tart and stared at it. It definitely looked tasty. Then I put it in the toaster and waited.
When it popped up, I eagerly grabbed it.
Here it was. The moment of truth.
I took a bite.
And....
....it was fabulous.
Delicious!
Sure, they are kind of fatty. Like, one pastry is 200 calories. But I pretend that calories don’t count before noon, therefore I can enjoy both of them in the morning with no guilt.
It rocks.
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