Church Bulletin Bloopers for September 4, 2010:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. (I guess we are stocking up before doing without.)
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale... It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. (Hummmmm.....is that a Freudian slip or what?)
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. (I know people who really believe this!)
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. (I think she sang at my church a long time ago....I remember the agony!)
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. (oh my...do we get a choice? Is it like pound puppies and kitties?)
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. (beans, beans, the musical fruit....)
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. (I have heard this choir too! Charlene Mason sings with them.)
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. (This is a scary thought....Dont' you think?)
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. (It is amazing how leaving off one little letter can change the whole concept.)
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. (Ahhhh...someone from Bible Study talked.)
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. (Don't they have enough of an issue...without making them come in the back door?)
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. (Ouch....my question is...do the double doors sound like a truck backing up?)
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours. (Excuse me?)
Hope you enjoyed the little bit of tongue and cheek humor. Have a great Saturday!
No comments:
Post a Comment