English 101

Before I share my own post I want to invite you to visit my daughter, Kat's brand new blog.  She began it yesterday after returning from her mission trip to Moldova.  I am so proud of her and I hope you will drop by and encourage her to continue.  Now...for the post I had planned for today.  I am an English teacher first and foremost and then a Spanish teacher.  My students always complain about how hard Spanish is and this is what I usually tell them when they start whining about the degree of difficulty in Spanish.  You think English is easy???   There is no other language in which

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it guys, English is one crazy messed up language. "There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor were French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. So let me ask you today why it is that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?   If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?   How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.. English was invented by people not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights are out they are invisible.
Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?  You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'  It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warmUP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UPexcuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.  And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We openUP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP ,you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .  One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........it is time to shut UP !  Happy Thursday!

Onto Oklahoma

“What if they fail us? Then what?” I asked Tom as we stood in our empty house in Wyoming.

“They won’t,” Tom answered.

I started to nibble on my fingernail. There is no way I’d ever bother with a manicure. It would be destroyed in less than an hour. “But if they fail us—”

“They WON’T.”

Tom was probably right. We paid for a cleaner, after all. See, when you live in base housing, you have to clean the house before you can move. Some people do it themselves. Other people hire cleaners. Like us.

“They’re here,” Tom said, staring out the window.

Sure enough the housing vehicle pulled up and parked in the driveway. I chewed my lower lip. This was it. The moment of truth.

It was a woman and a man. The woman looked friendly. For some reason I had pictured an old woman who would swipe her fingers against the counters searching for dust. This woman was young and I watched as she started opening and closing kitchen cabinets. She didn’t say much, she just walked around and checked things off her list.

“I’m nervous,” I whispered to Tom.

“It’s fine,” he assured me.

The woman went into the garage. We followed behind her like lap dogs. She opened the back door and opened the trash can.

“Did you wash this?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.

Oh no.

I knew Tom had washed it a few days before but who knows if the antelope messed with it?

“I did,” Tom confirmed.

“There’s a residue that needs to come off,” the woman said.

So we had to wheel the trash into the house and wash it off in the kitchen since our hose was packed.

That was fun.

The plus? That was the only problem she found. As soon as she checked that we cleaned the trash can, she signed us off.

“You’re free to go,” she said.

It’s a strange feeling handing over the keys to your home that you lived at for nearly five years. I felt my heart squeeze.

“What’s wrong? You do know we passed,” Tom said, easily handing his key over.

I tugged the key loose from my keychain. “I know. But this is the house where we brought our daughter home from the hospital. I still remember walking through the front door and setting her over there.”

I expected Tom to be moved. Instead he was like, “Could you hand her the key so we can go?”

I passed the key over to the woman. “I’ll miss this house.”

She didn’t seem moved either.

She just pocketed the key and handed us over the paperwork that showed we were cleared from the house.

It was no longer our house.

It belonged to the military again.

We headed for the front door. Before I walked out and turned and stared at the empty walls, at the indentations where our couch used to sit, of the spot where Natalie started to walk....

“Amber. Are you coming?” Tom was sitting in the car.

There was the spot where Natalie smiled for the first time. Where Tommy wrote his first sentence. The kitchen where Tom swung me around and said he’d love me forever..

“Amber?”

“I’m coming.” I blinked and closed the door for the last time.

Tom noticed I was down when I got in my seat. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “It’s time for a new house. In Oklahoma.”

I nodded. “I know. It’s just…this home has so many memories.”

Tom backed the car out and I watched the house. There was the front yard where Tommy learned how to ride a two wheeler bike...

“But I guess it’s time to make new memories. In Oklahoma. So goodbye Wyoming house. You were good to us,” I continued.

Tom frowned. “I recall a lot of things breaking down in this house.”

There was the issue with the sink. And the toilets that seemed to always run water. And the carbon monoxide alarms would always go off and I’d think we were going to die in our sleep....

Still. I’ll remember the good, not the bad.

“Onto Oklahoma,” I said to Tom with a smile.

He smiled back. “Onto Oklahoma.”

First Day of Summer Hodge Podge

Welcome to Summer and Joyce's questions for the Wednesday Hodgepodge.  Want to read more zany answers then check out Joyce's blog by clicking here.  Want to play along?  Be sure to link up on her blog and share you own responses.
1. Summer's here-whoohoo! What's your favorite sight, sound, AND smell associated with summer?
Tough question.  My favorite sight would have to be all the lillies and Queen Anne's lace blooming on the side of these Alabama rural roads I travel.  My favorite sound is the sound of the summer storms.  My favorite smells would be fresh rain and fresh mown grass.
2. Fireflies or lightning bugs...what are they called in your neck of the woods?  They are lightening bugs around here and my yard has an abundance of the pesky little critters.  I remember as a child taking my grandmother's zipper jars and catching them.  We would sneak them in our room and watch them light up until we went to sleep.  When we woke in the morning they were usually dead.  Poor little guys!
3. What is something from the past week that reminded you of your childhood?  We had a family reunion on Saturday and it reminded me of all the ones I went to as a child.  My great aunt was there this year....she turned 107 in May and is sharp as a tack. 
4. Define 'the good life'.   Love of my family, singing for anyone who will listen, worshiping on Sunday, job security, and the ability to participate in the things I enjoy doing.
5. Tell us what we'd see if you took a snapshot of your desk/work space?  I would be embarrassed right now.  My office is in a sad state of disrepair.  I have all of my mom's stuff in here and just can't seem to get motivated to do anything with it.  That is one of my summer jobs.  I am also changing desks this week.
6. Peaches or watermelon...yes, you have to choose.  Hands down peaches.  I live close to Chilton County, AL and they have some of the best peaches on the face of the earth.  I love them!
7. Ever been skinny dippin'? Is that too much for the Wednesday Hodgepodge? Rest assured we won't need details...unless of course you feel you must but remember, this is a family friendly blog so keep it G rated.  I have never in my life been skinny dipping or chunky dunking as it would be now.  I don't like the idea of getting in water with nothing on.  Not appealing at all.
8. Did you know that on June 22, 1847 the doughnut was created?  Wonder what policemen did before that?  Do you like doughnuts?  If so, what is your favorite kind?  Mine are Dunkin Doughnuts and I loved the fruit filled ones the best.  Second would be Boston Creme.  We don't have a Dunkin Doughnuts in the general vacinity...guess it is a good thing. 
9.  I have two randoms today.  What is your favorite song that you associate with summer?  I grew up in South Florida and loved anything by the likes of the Beach Boys or Jan and Dean....so my favorite summer song is "Tell 'em I'm surfing" by the Baggeys because it reminds me of summer days with my friends Carol, Kathy, and Donna at Momma Jones' house drinking sweet tea and playing cards as kids.  We would turn the music up and sing and dance around.  Whenever I hear this song I smile.


Happy Wednesday to you all!

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

----------------------

To prefer the extreme heat in Oklahoma to the chilliness in Wyoming.


To love the Godiva milkshake. It’s six bucks but it’s worth it.


To hate when people get gas and leave their vehicle by the gas pumps to run inside the convenience store. PARK please, so people behind you don’t have to wait forever. Unless you have to pay inside I guess….


To not be surprised that Hugh Hefner isn’t getting married again. Apparently his fiancé didn’t like that there were always women around. Half naked ones.


To love Steak N Shake. I had never eaten there before I came to Oklahoma and I’m now obsessed with their Diet Cherry Coke (note: happy hour is 2-4…half price drinks and shakes..)


To have been depressed over the ending of Jodi Picount’s Handle with Care novel.


To be wary of the guy on that Haunted Collector show who takes items that he claims are causing hauntings in people’s homes. I’d be like, “Fu*k no you aren’t taking my stuff.” Unless, you know, my children’s heads started to spin like Linda Blair’s.


To hope that the rest of my stuff gets here soon. I sort of need my vacuum.


To have not made the best impression on my new neighbor. I sort of screamed when his dog charged over to me. But in my defense, I didn’t expect to see a dog out at 10 at night. The guy is probably like, “The eff is wrong with her?”


To really need to start exercising since I’ll be going to the beach in 2 weeks. It’s just, I love food…and not healthy food like kale and cereal that looks like bark. Real food.

Home Again, Home Again, Ziggity Zig

Oh how excited I was late yesterday afternoon when I saw I had a text message from Kat.  She was in the States and had turned on her cell phone.  I texted her back, hit send, and thought...."Oh no missy....you want to SPEAK to your baby."  So, I hit send and called her.  I would have been happy just to have heard her answering machine....I just wanted to hear her voice.  She answered and sounded so tired.  We talked for a brief few minutes and I let her go with a promise that she would call me when they landed in Atlanta.  They had another couple of hours of their Newark layover.  True to her word she left me a voice message about midnight Eastern Time and said they were headed home. Kat, Brian, and some others from their church have been on a mission trip to Moldova since last Monday.  Their mission was to love some orphans.....and knowing my daughter and her friends...that is exactly what they did.  They were working with Philip Cameron Ministries.  Prior to going on this trip Kat wrote a note on her facebook that I want to share with you so you can hear her story in her own words....
"I wish that I could be a more eloquent writer and that I could truly convey the overflowing emotions that I feel when writing this...
Hello Friends!
I just can't believe that Brian and I are leaving for Moldova in 3 days! God has been doing a mighty work in our lives in preparation for this trip. This trip is God's plan and desire for our hearts realized....Really...you cant even imagine. Let me just tell you a quick little story.  Four years ago, when I was working at the Chapter One office (with Janice, Kimmie, and Rachel). I heard this man on Faith Radio talking about this country I had never heard of....MOLDOVA. He told of the perils that young men and women face in Moldova. It broke my heart to hear about young orphan girls aging out of the system and being scooped up by horrible predatorial people. I went to work that day and talked about Moldova around the morning coffee with my coworkers....and after that I could never forget the name of the country....God has continued to burden my heart for the children there. I won't give you any history or polticial lessons on Moldova because you can read that for yourself if you so desire...I'd rather you know about the children there. Simply stated...Moldova is a poor country and there are MANY orphans there. Many of the children in the orphanages have families who are alive who either don't want them or would rather not waste money on their care. Can you imagine...knowing that your family is out there...but would rather see you raised by strangers? It breaks God's heart. Over the last few years God has continued to break our hearts for what breaks his...Moldova. Brian and I have spent lots of time in prayer for the children and people of Moldova. Philip Cameron Ministries (the man who I heard on Faith Radio as it turns out) has formed a relationship with our church. We have been blessed to hear the girls from Stella's House share their stories on many occassions (check it out at www.stellasvoice.org). In the spring the government of Moldova gave the christian organization, Philip Cameron Ministries, a previously state run orphange (that was in EXTREME disrepair). Anyway, Philip Cameron Ministries has renovated the orphanage and there are currently between 30 and 40 children there. We are going to be spending the majority of our time with these children just LOVING on them and showing them that we love them and that our amazing Creator does too! The orphanage is Providence Orphanage in Cupcui, Moldova. We will also be spending time with the Girls from Stella's House. This is Philip Cameron Ministries attempt to prevent these girls from being sold in to sex slavery. They give them a home, help them learn english, and help them establish and learn a trade ( all the while teaching them about and showing them God's love)...I'm telling you I LOVE this mission organization...and they are based in Montgomery, AL).  Ok...I realize that my story has gotten a little too long...and some of you are checking out mentally right now...so I will recap with bullet points to drive it home (thank you Brian Jones)
■Moldova is a small country in Eastern Europe
■Poverty is rampant
■Child ABANDONMENT is rampant
■It is quite possibly the sex trafficing capital of Europe
■ There are children and young women there who need to see and know Gods love is real (THIS IS the MAIN PURPOSE of our trip).
I just wanted to give you all a chance to keep up with our team while we are in Moldova.
http://frazerumc.org/missionsblog/ 
Please pray for: 1. our safety as a team 2. That God will make a way for us to show His love to everyone we meet. 3. Flexibility as we adjust to Gods plan for our team and for our lives 4. Team unity and cohesion.  La revedere, (thats Romanian for Goodbye)  Kathryn and Brian"  Want to see pictures of their trip then visit the frazer link above and click on Moldova 2011.  Am I proud of these two....you betcha.  I am as proud as I can be.  They are an exceptional couple and I think they are both mighty spiritual warriors.  I can't wait for them to visit our church and share with our congregation about this trip.  I can't wait to hug them.  I thank God for their safe return and know that this is only the beginning of many trips to come....I heard that in her voice last night.  Happy Tuesday....I know mine will be....my baby is home!

Dear Wyoming

Dear Wyoming,

Look, I know I called you some bad names. I know I probably complained about your crazy winds and the fact that your wildlife liked to eat my grass. But really, you weren’t a bad state at all. Your roads were easy to drive on, you had most of my favorite stores (Old Navy never arrived but you are forgiven since Kohls was built a year after I got there.)

I didn’t mind your snow when it didn’t get out of control. I did not like it when we were snowed into the house. That was a little extreme, as though you were like, “Haha, look what I can do!”

I’ll even miss Glen, the antelope who loved to eat the tree I attempted to keep alive in my yard (it didn’t work. Glen ate it.) I won’t, however, miss Glen’s offerings (re: poop) that he loved to leave all over the driveway.

You’ve been good to me for the four years we were there and I thank you. Perhaps one day we’ll return for a visit.

Take care of yourself. A suggestion though: you might want to start getting warm in May. It’s not nice to tease your residents and be 70 one day and then 40 the next. By May, that nonsense should be over. I hear that even now you’ve been rather chilly. Please get some lessons from California, Wyoming. She’ll teach you all about weather.

I will miss you. My daughter was born in your state so I’ll always have that even though your nurses promised me a Popsicle while I was in labor and never brought me one. That was mean.

Goodbye for now.

Love,
Amber

Teach Your Children Well

My nightmare began in September of 2009.  My parents were missing, then in assisted living, then in a nursing home, then my dad died, my mom had dementia....and the list goes on.....but today, today this post is about a warning/plea for all my readers.  Please, please, please....don't do to your children what my parents have done to me.  I know my parents loved me....but right now...I am not feeling the love.  I am feeling frustration.  But, I have learned some valuable lessons.  I am not going to do this to Kathryn.  My affairs will be tied up neatly with a little will taking care of business.  She won't have to be named Conservator of my business and then made Administrator of my Estate and be put in a position where she will have to wait six months to settle my estate and have to purchase a bond.  It seems like it is a never ending cycle.  I was made conservator of my mom's business while she was in the nursing home....but once she died so did that title.  I had to hire another attorney to probate the estate.  There is an ad that has to run in the paper for 30 days asking anyone who has a claim against the estate to submit their claim....and then...at the end of six months I can settle these claims.  So now...we are in limbo.  I have to pick up the bond today and take it to the attorney.  The judge has already approved me as the administrator.....so it is just a wait and see time.  There are not that many bills out there...probably no more than 20,000 worth of medical bills.  There is a house, that Eric, my son is living in, there are some stocks that will be sold to pay the rest of the bills off.  I have been paying her nursing home bills out of her checking account for the past 18 months and that has taken a sizeable chunk of the available money.  Plus....over the past months...there have been little small bills for newspapers, power, water, magazine subscriptions, AARP Medicare Plus, clothes, incidentals....it goes on and on.  My mom and dad were savvy business people back in the day....but age and dementia took its toll on their minds.  Somewhere along the way my parents became afraid and did not want to put me on their checking account or anything else.  They could have put the house in my name years ago....but oh no!  Now, I have to pay for this...and pay for that...and pay and pay...and pay!  I am an only child!  I truly believe that one day a bunch of lawyers and judges got together and said, "Hey...there is money to be made when people die without wills...and we need to get in on the action."  This should have been simple.  No Will + One Surviving Child = Done Deal.  But, alas...that is not the way the legal system rolls.  So, I am off to the lawyers office to TCB.  Sigh!  Don't do this to your children.  My mom used to say, "People who take short cuts or don't take care of business just make someone elses life harder."  I didn't know she was giving me a warning!  Wish I had listened better.
UPDATE - I had a phone call tonight from someone who reads my blog on a regular basis and is the midst of this same nightmare.  She had some wonderful advice, great words of encouragement, prayers and just a sweet spirit.  I knew people read me....but until tonight had little grasp of how much my blog affects people.  How cool is that?