I'll Be Home For Christmas

The words Christmas and family are synonymous to me.  In all of my 57 years I have only spent oneChristmas without my parents once and it was the worst Christmas of my life.  The year was 1979....seems like eons ago now.....and we did not have the money to go see my parents, my mom was hurt and bedridden because of a bad fall, and my grandfather was dying here in Alabama.  Ronnie's parents and family all lived here....and my grandparents did too....but it was not the same as being with MY parents.  It was the bluest Christmas I have ever had and I vowed that year that it would never happen again.  My grandfather died on December 27th and my parents ended up coming to Alabama...but it was not the fun and joyous time Christmas should have been.  The holiday mood was tainted even more.  I found myself singing, "I'll Be Home For Christmas" alot.  You know I could have understood this if I had been in college....or a young myself.  Griefus....I had my own children at the time....two children ages 9  and 10 and was expecting one in June.  It should have been a happy time for me....but it wasn't.  I was not home.  Selfishly I even asked Ronnie if we could afford just one ticket for just me to go home....I was ashamed that I even asked.  I always made Christmas special for my children....and without me here....it would not have happened.  Ronnie's family always had a progressive dinner on Christmas Eve....and if I had gone home...I would have not been part of that....I was torn between wanting so much to go to my childhood home....and staying in my married home.  it was truly a blue Christmas for me all around.  This is my first year since 1979 to find that feeling creeping into my heart again....only this time I can't go home because my parents are celebrating Christmas in heaven....together.  What a glorious Christmas we will all have when we are all united once again!  Then....I'll [truly] Be Home For Christmas! 

Things That Matter, Things That Don't

My friend Mary and I went to Panama City Monday morning to look for oil for a school project she is working on.  Earlier she burned me a CD she got when she went on her Emmaus Walk.  I put it in the minute I pulled out of my driveway in Rock Mills and made it all the way to track number 9 before I got to her house.  I told her I loved the CD as we stowed my backpack in her car.  When we left her driveway we started the CD over again.  I loved songs number 1 - 9....when we got to track number 13 I thought my heart was being ripped from my chest.  I had never heard the song that was playing and finally just looked out the window at the landscape on Hwy 231 between Montgomery, AL and Red Level.  I heard a sniffle and cut a glance over at my friend...and tears were rolling down her face as well.  This song is not about me....but I have lived this song in several versions.  The first verse tells of a father who works hard and is underappreciated...and realizes when he gets home and hears his child say, "Daddy's Home" what is important in life.  I learned that lesson a long time ago....30 years ago to be exact.  When I had Kat.  I learned that she was the most important thing to me...and no matter what life or work dealt me....she loved me....sometimes in spite of myself.  The second verse talks about a girl who carried a grudge against a dad who had walked out on her 30 years ago.  My dad NEVER walked out on me....but when my brother died...my mom left us (mentally) when she pulled inside herself to deal with the death of a child.  I did not understand it then....and I am not sure I understand it now....but I do know losing Kat would certainly break my heart....the difference here is that I know Kat is a Christian...and so am I....so we have someone else in our corner and we are not bearing something like this alone.  Kat's father (the ex) has had a couple of strokes and his health is terrible.  Kat loves him in spite of all the times he has shunned her.  She will have no regrets ever....there will never be any should of, could of, or would of's in her vocabulary.  The last verse deals with me...there are times when I think I can do things on my own....but I usually learn quickly...I can't.  I have to have somebody much bigger than me....carrying me.  It has been a tough lesson for me....but throughout my 56 years of life....I have learned....there are things that matter....and things that don't. 
So I thought I would share this Rascal Flats song with you today.  Tomorrow....is another day and I will post about the beach trip....and just for your information...it was strictly business....we never even put a suit on.  Happy Tuesday to all!

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