There Is No Talking

**There are no spoilers in this entry**

“So who is that, why do they keep doing flashbacks, is that the same guy from that other show you watch? Party of something?” The questions just shot from my husband Tom’s mouth. For a brief second I was tempted to shove the couch pillow into it.

I mean, it was LOST night.

Tom knows that during Lost night that he has to keep quiet. There is no talking during Lost night.

I paused the show and glared at him. “I’m going to quickly answer your questions so you’ll be quiet: that is Hurley, they do flashbacks to show you what would have happened had they never gone to the island, and yes, that’s Matthew Fox who played Charlie on Party of Five. Now let’s hush.” I even placed my finger to my lips in case he didn’t understand the word. I pushed play, settled back on the couch, and began to watch.

“How is that Hurley guy still fat, aren’t they on an island, wouldn’t he lose weight?” Tom blabbered.

Oh my GOD.

Did he NOT just hear me? There is NO TALKING DURING LOST NIGHT. Just as there is no crying in baseball, there is NO TALKING DURING LOST NIGHT.

I paused the show again.

“How about you go to bed now?” I knew I was treating Tom like a child but he was acting like one. He knows Lost night is the one night that I ask for quiet. During any other of my shows he’s welcome to talk. Like when he’s actually awake for Grey’s Anatomy he’ll be all, “What happened to Izzy, did she die, why does someone always cry during this show it’s really annoying…” I will happily answer those questions. I tell him that no, Izzy is alive, and that I have no idea why someone always cries in the show. I imagine it’s because working in the hospital can be quite trying. Much as living with a husband WHO TALKS DURING LOST NIGHT is.

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Tom pouted. Now he was truly acting like a child. “You know, we have a DVR you can record the show and watch it later if I bug you so much.”

I sighed and rubbed my temples. We had been through this many times before. “I like to watch Lost live. That way when it’s over I can discuss it with people. Now…are you going to be quiet now?”

Tom nodded once so I pushed play.

During a poignant scene Tom snored and went, “What’s Charlie’s problem? What did he mean that he came back to the island because he was broken? Who says things like that, ‘I was broken?’ I feel like I should pull out a violin and start playing.”

I angrily paused the show.

“HIS NAME IS JACK HE PLAYED CHARLIE IN ANOTHER SHOW!”

Tom flinched. “Jesus. Calm down. I don’t watch this show all the time, I have comments.”

“Keep them to yourself. I am not interested.”

“You’re mean, do you know that?”

“Only during Lost night.”

“This is confusing me, do you want to go upstairs for some sex?”

I groaned. “No. I don’t want to go upstairs for some sex. I just want to watch my show in peace. Okay?”

Tom stuck his tongue out at me but he thankfully kept quiet for the rest of the show. But then when it was over he went, “Wait. That’s it?”

“Yes. Lost always ends with a climax.”

“But I thought it was the final season.”

“Yes, Tom, it is.”

“That was the last show ever?”

I sighed again. “Tom. That wasn’t the last show. It’s just a show for the FINAL SEASON. The final episode won’t air until May.”

“Because I was gonna say what a shitty ending,” Tom said with a frown.

“That wasn’t the final ending, Tom.”

“Oh. That’s the only reason why I wanted to watch. You said it was the final one.”

“I said it was an episode for the final season, Tom.” I got up and went into the kitchen for an Excedrin. Tom was seriously giving me a headache.

Remind me to jabber on during those military shows that he always watches. I’ll ask dumb questions like, “Who is Patton, who is responsible for that awful mustache that Hitler sported, what kind of airplane is that, and that, and that, and that, and oh, what kind of tank is that, and that, and that, and that?”

Let’s see how HE likes it.