The Wii Surprise?

Does that answer your question if Tom found out about the Wii?

But let me back up.

So I arrived home Friday evening after getting my hair done. I was shaking because of A) driving in the dark and B) driving over ice patches. My hands actually ached as I pulled them away from the wheel since I had been gripping it so hard.

I shook out my hands before I picked up our dinner. Heaven forbid if I had dropped Tom's double cheeseburger on the ground. Because after all, he was starving.

As I mentioned yesterday when I walked in the door I spotted the Amazon box. I was about to ask casually if Tom had opened it but was suddenly bombarded with children.

Tommy rushed over with a paper grasped in his hand. "Mommy!" he shouted. "I got a hundred on my spelling test!" He shoved it in my face so I couldn't even see the words. And then Natalie ran over shrieking angrily, "MOMMMMM!" and latched onto my leg.

So there I was with a paper in my face, a toddler gripping my right leg while trying to hold onto the McDonalds bags.

"Wow. Fantastic job, Tommy!" I said, trying to back away so I didn't get a paper cut on my cheek. But it was difficult because Natalie was not letting up on her grasp on my leg.

"Daddy is taking me to see Madagascar 2 tomorrow night," Tommy said excitedly.

I cast a look at Tom, who was sitting on the couch watching Spongebob. He gave a nod to confirm this and then came over and took the McDonalds bags from me.

"I'm so hungry," he said dramatically and headed over to the dining room table.

It was hard to walk because yes, Natalie was still on my leg. So I sort of wobbled over to the table as Tommy babbled beside me about how funny the first Madagascar was and did I think the second one would be just as funny?

"I'm...not sure," I answered, bending down to pry Natalie from my leg.

"MOM!" she screamed in my face.

She was totally telling me off for daring to leave her.

She cheered up when I handed her a fry though. She started chewing on it but still glared at me.

I fixed her a hot dog and cut that up on her high chair tray and then sat her down.

Tom was nearly finished with his meal by the time I opened my spicy chicken sandwich.

I wasn't sure if I should even mention the package. Maybe he already forgot about it? Tom can have a short attention span when he thinks something doesn't apply to him. Maybe he simply grabbed the package from the UPS guy and placed it on the ground without a second thought.

I took a bite of my sandwich. Mmmm, so good.

"So," Tom said, balling up the paper from his two double cheeseburgers and tossed them into the empty McDonalds bag. "What's in the package?" A mischevious glint appeared in his eyes. I glanced up at him sharply.

"Did you look?" I demanded.

Tom shook his head. "No."

But the way he said it made me suspicious.

He stood up and strolled down the hall. I took another bite of sandwich and followed him.

"MOM!" Natalie screeched.

Oh no you don't! You will NOT leave my sight the rest of the night!

I saw Tom pick up the package and when he saw me behind him he started to RUN.

And I followed him.

Before I knew it we were playing chase.

I wanted to tell him to stop but I had chicken in my mouth. I rushed after him while trying not to choke.

"MOM!" Natalie screamed as we ran past her.

"What's happening?" Tommy yelled but then collasped into giggles when he saw the funny sight of his Daddy being trailed by his Mommy who had a mouth full of chicken.

"The bottom is actually opening," Tom said, peering at the bottom of the box.

Sure enough, a piece of it was flipping upward. And Tom bent down to peer inside and...

"Give that to me!" I shrieked, lunging for the package.

But Tom, who has about seven inches on me easily lifted it over his head and looked up.

"A Wii!" he exclaimed. "A Wii, a Wii, a Wii!"

And I'm sorry, but when you repeat the word Wii over and over like that it's hilarious.

Maybe just to me.

Because suddenly I started to giggle and I couldn't stop.

I mean a grown man was all, "Wii wii wii!" like a little kid asking to make a pee.

I had thankfully swallowed my chicken by then and was doubled over with laughter.

"Mommy, what happened?" Tommy asked, concerned.

"MOM!" Natalie angrily shouted. At this point she was hurling each piece of hot dog in my direction.

I managed to regain my composure and held my hands out for the box.

"Give that to me," I told Tom sternly.

He reluctantly did.

"Did you get me a Wii?" he asked excitedly. He even jumped up and down with his hands all balled up by his cheeks.

I have never seen Tom jump up and down like that.

Should I be insulted?

I mean I birthed him two kids. Hell, I said yes when he asked me to marry him and he didn't jump up and down like that.

I think I was so startled by Tom's behavior that I didn't know what to do next.

"Can I have it now?" Tom's voice cut into my thoughts.

I blinked and stared at the box that was in my hands. "No," I said. "It's for our anniversary."

Tom pouted. Complete with a lip poking out and all. "But..." he looked crestfallen.

But then I started to think that I might as well give it to him. I mean he had already seen the thing. Then I thought, Hrm. How can I use this to my advantage?

I gave a long sigh. "Oh," I said, handing the package over. "You can open it--"

"YAY!" Tom shouted.

Yay?

He rarely says yay.

I held up a palm, signaling I wasn't finished speaking. Tom looked at me expectantly.

"On one condition. You MUST smile for our family photos. I don't want your constipation look."

Tom thought about this for all of a second.

"Okay!" he promised. "Okay!"

"MOM!" Natalie screamed. By now her entire dinner was scattered all over the floor and she looked downright pissed.

So I went over and picked her up.

"So anyhow, how was your day?" I asked Tom, settling back down at the table to finish my dinner.

But he was long gone.

He was already in the living room setting up the Wii.

Okay then.

After I finished eating he already had it set up.

First he made the Mii. As you can see from the top picture.

Then he started playing some games.



Natalie found it hilarious. She kept laughing whenever Tom moved.

That night Tom thanked me properly for the Wii. And said that my hair looked really nice.

"Are you just saying that because I bought you a Wii?" I asked.

Tom shook his head. "No. I mean it. It's nice."

"And remember you promised you'd smile for our pictures," I said.

"Fine," Tom sighed out as though it were the worst request in the world.

I guess we'll see if he follows through. Our pictures are this afternoon.

My New Hair

So on Friday I went and got my hair done.

I popped into Chick-fil-a before heading into the hair salon so I could get a sweet tea. It takes a long time to get my hair done since it's so dang long.

Then I headed for the salon--I get my hair done at Regis by the way. Of course whenever I hear the name I think of Regis from Regis and Kelly even though I rarely watch the show anymore. Maybe it's because I'm insulted that they never picked any of my children for their Beautiful Baby Contest. I don't know.

I go to Regis because they give military families 20% off.

I had my hair done by a woman this time. The last time I had one of the gay guys do it and he was hilarious. He was still in there doing someone else's hair and was prattling on about Survivor.

"The people this year are just AWFUL!" he was saying as I settled into my chair.

My hairdresser--I'll call her Susan--draped the sheet around me and then got out my card to see what color I use for my hair. Because I had no idea what actual color it was. Colors these days aren't just called blond you know. They're called honey, golden or sunflower fields.

I was amused because on my card it reads: "Client has A LOT of hair. Takes A LONG time."

A lot was underlined three times.

I always feel like a bit of freak show when I'm getting my hair done. Mainly because the other people in there--the other clients--usually gape at my hair in confusion.

"Have you always had long hair?" they always ask.

Or, "Have you ever had it short?"

This one old lady was infuated with my hair.

"How long have you been growing it out? Does it take a long time to wash? How often do I wash it? How long does it take to dry? Did I use a hair dryer?" The questions kept tumbling from her mouth.

"Actually," I said. "I don't own a hair dryer."

Well then the entire place looked baffled.

The gay guy's mouth dropped open and he went, "You NEED a hair dryer!"

Not really. I just air dry my hair when I wash it.

In the middle of getting my hair done an elderly woman rolled in. I say roll because she was in one of those automated wheelchairs. She looked sweet with her white hair and her red rimmed glasses.

However, she was no longer sweet when she opened her mouth.

In her lap she carried a bottle of hair spray. The gay guy went over to ask if she needed help and she snapped,

"Well I should hope so. Someone sold me this EMPTY bottle of hair spray and I demand a refund!"

She handed the bottle to the gay guy, who looked confused. He looked it over and went, "Ma'am, this bottle has been used. I can tell. Plus no one would have sold you an empty bottle of hairspray."

The elderly woman looked aghast. "SOMEONE did!" she retored. "And I demand a refund!"

She dug through her purse which also sat in her lap and produced a piece of paper. "Here's my receipt. I demand a refund," she repeated, practically throwing it in the gay guy's face.

He looked it over and went, "This bottle was bought back in September." He raised an eyebrow at the elderly woman who refused to back down.

"I demand a refund!" she shouted.

Her face was started to turn red. I was worried that she'd pass out or something. Or hurl her purse at the guy's face.

"Ma'am, this bottle has been used. It's obvious. Plus it was bought back in September--"

"I had a stroke and it's hard for me to make it out!" the woman cut him off.

The gay guy looked impatient but he simply smiled and went, "I can't offer you a refund."

The elderly woman looked startled and went, "You are not being helpful. I'm going to tell all my friends about how AWFUL this place is!"

And then she rolled out back into the mall.

There was a stunned silence and then people began to talk.

"I have never seen that happen before," Susan, my hairdresser said and then snickered.

It turns out though that this old lady was going to each store and trying to get some money.

Another patron getting their hair done mentioned that she had seen the same woman trying to get a refund from a blanket that she claimed was, "Old."

Yikes.

So after all the color was in my hair I had to sit for about an hour. I had brought my Twilight book so I started to read that.

The gay guy noticed and went, "Are you JUST now reading that?"

I closed the book and nodded. "Yeah. I kept hearing about it and figured I ought to try it out."

The gay guy looked excited and gushed, "It's awesome. You will LOVE all the books. Are you seeing the movie?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

He looked surprised. "You HAVE to see the movie!"

I smiled. "I might."

After Susan had washed my hair and was going through the lonnngg task of drying it I suddenly gave a gasp.

"What? Did I hurt you?" Susan asked, looking concerned.

"No," I replied. "I just realized that my husband's anniversary present might be coming in the mail today. I hope he doesn't open the box."

His gift is the Wii by the way.

When I mentioned the gift everyone told me how awesome the Wii was.

Now, a few of my faves warned me that if I brought a drink in to get my hair done that I would probably have to pee.

And this was true.

On hour two my bladder started to get uncomfortable. I didn't want to wander down the mall with scary looking hair so I just dealt with it.

It wasn't pleasant though.

Then Susan straightened my hair.

I had told Tom that I'd probably be done by 5. Sure enough at 510 my phone started to ring.

*Sighs*

Heaven forbid.

I ignored it even though Susan went, "You can answer if you want."

Nope.

Tom knew where I was.

He was just being impatient.

My hair was done a few minutes later.

I paid and left a generous tip. I always feel guilty that they have to spend so much time on my hair.

Here is my new hair. Taken by Tom who takes the most unflattering photos ever. He takes pictures sitting down so that I look all distorted and such. I ask him to stand up and he's all, "Why?" And yes, Natalie was throwing a fit because I dared to sit her down. Since I had been gone for three hours she was punishing me by not allowing me out of her sight. Basically saying, "Hey, you took off for three hours without my permission. Now you won't get a moment's peace until I go to bed. Mwahaha!"



Then I tried to take a photo myself and it didn't turn out that great either. But oh well. You get the point.



Then I phoned Tom up.

"THERE you are," he said all dramatically.

"You knew I was getting my hair done," I sighed.

"I'm hungry," he replied, sounding like a petulant child.

"I'll pick up dinner," I promised.

Then I hung up and realized I forgot to ask Tom if a package had come in. And if he had opened it.

I drove to McDonalds and picked up some food there.

Then I headed home.

And let me tell you, driving at night SCARES me to death.

Especially when it had snowed and there were ice patches on the street.

I was driving with my hands firmly gripped on the wheel. I slid on some ice once but managed to get my car back in line.

I was freaking out though by the time I pulled in the driveway.

I felt like I had just finished a roller coaster ride or something.

I grabbed the food and headed for the door.

I hope he hasn't opened the package....but maybe it hasn't even come today...

I opened the door and right away saw the Amazon.com box.

Oh no...

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW

The 6:30 In the Morning Call

So I was rudely woken up this morning by the phone.

It was 6:30 in the morning to be precise.

I had been having a weird dream too. See, I just started reading Twilight (normally I’m not into the whole vampire story but nearly half my favorites talk about it so I figured I might as well read it to see what all the fuss was about) and in my dream this vampire was chasing me. The weird thing is I haven’t even gotten to the vampire part of Twilight. I’m only on chapter two. I’m thinking it might be the previews that I’ve been seeing for the movie. Anyhow I was running and the vampire was chasing me—and the vampire looked like Elijah Wood. With fangs. I wonder why I was running? If it were Elijah Wood I’d pause and be all, “Oh it’s you Elijah! Let’s make out! You're on my list so it's okay!"

But yeah, the phone interrupted right when I was about to attack Vampire Elijah with a stick I had picked up.

I checked the Caller ID and it said something like Laramie County SC.

I had no idea what that meant.

Who was Laramie County and why were they calling me?

I mean obviously I know I live in Laramie Country. But surely Laramie County wouldn’t be so rude as to call at 6:30 in the morning to thank me for choosing to live in their community. Because then I’d snap, “I didn’t choose to live here. The Air Force made us!” and then slam the phone down.

I am not pleasant in the morning.

I was going to ignore it. The phone rang once…twice…three times…but then I started to worry that perhaps it was the Laramie County JAIL. What if Tom was in JAIL?

(I know. My mind does not work properly in the morning either. Sometimes I just stare dumbly in the fridge when I first wake up and forget what I’m doing. Then I remember that I’m searching for breakfast but my mind can’t wrap around what this breakfast even IS so I end up wasting ten minutes pacing the kitchen in confusion. I really should take up drinking coffee. Maybe it would help.)

I started to panic over the thought of Tom in jail. Maybe he finally told off one of his bosses. I know they can drive him insane and he tells me how he has to bite his tongue to keep from lashing out at them sometimes. Maybe he had finally had enough and shouted a bunch of inappropriate words and was thrown in jail?

And then I started to worry that he would be FIRED from the Air Force and be slapped with a dishonorable discharge and oh my gosh! He’d never be able to work again. He’d have to stay at home with the kids and I’d have to find a job. He’d probably not watch the kids properly and I’d come home to find Natalie wandering the street in her diaper and Tommy trying to make his own dinner.

But then I started to feel guilty…come on Amber, Tom would do a better job than that.

And then I realized I ought to just answer the phone before it woke everyone else up.

“Hello?” I barked into the receiver.

Please Tom. Please don’t be calling me from jail.

I was met by an automated voice. “Hello,” the robotic male voice told me, “This is the Laramie Country blah blah blah calling to inform you that due to inclement weather, the following schools are closed..”

Huh?

Inclement weather?

It took a few seconds for my brain to realize what this was.

And then I was confused because I was all, “WHAT inclement weather?” So I leaned over and peeked out the shade as the voice prattled on what schools would be closed and saw a blanket of white covering the ground.

Oh.

I mean the forecast has been calling for snow for two weeks but we barely had any. I just thought they were talking out of their butts again and that maybe we’d get a few flurries and then the snow would call it a day and go away.

I guess not this time.

The robotic voice did not name Tommy’s school unfortunately. I was a little bummed because at first I was excited over the prospect of sleeping in. (Sleeping in for me now is 8. I know that’s sad.)

The robot voice wished me a good day (“thank you,” I found myself saying even though I know no one even heard me) and then I hung up.

I was a little miffed that I was disturbed so early. I usually wake up at 7 and obviously after the phone call I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I just lay there and for some reason started thinking about Grey’s Anatomy and how confused I was.

Why was Izzy seeing Denny? He died like two years ago. In the preview for next week’s show it looked like they were in the process of having sex. Can you have sex with a ghost? That would look so weird if you walked in on someone having sex with a ghost. They’d be like humping..well…air..

Does Izzy have a brain tumor? Maybe she’s going to die. I know Katherine Heigel seems to think she’s a movie star now and has even dissed the writer’s on the show. Maybe she wants her character to die.

Or maybe this is the writer’s revenge. Maybe they’re giving her the worst plot ever to work with. Here Katherine. You get to have sex with a ghost. Yays!”

Serves her right, really. If she DOES die I wouldn’t miss her. I don’t like her character anymore.

My thoughts were cut off by Tommy’s voice shrieking with excitement over the snow.

“Snow! Oh my goodness gracious!” I heard him shout.

Oh my goodness gracious is his newest phrase. He used to say Oh my God and I had to put a stop to it.

“Why?” he had asked.

“Because it’s really not appropriate,” I explained.

Thankfully he accepted this reasoning without argument.

But now I hear his new phrase all the time.

For instance, last night I told him I was making pancakes for dinner.

“Oh my goodness gracious!” he exclaimed.

The other night he made a mistake on his homework.

“Oh my goodness gracious!” he shouted as he erased his boo boo.

Natalie took one of his cars and he chased after her bellowing, “Oh my goodness gracious, Natalie!”

He amuses me.

He walked off to the bus stop all bundled up.

“Remember: don’t sit on the snow!” I reminded him.

Later today I’m getting my hair done. It needs it. My roots are showing. Big time. I think you’re meant to go get your hair re-highlighted every six weeks. But who has time for that when you have two kids? So I pretty much go in every..well…six months or so? Maybe five months if I’m lucky.

We’re having family pictures taken on Wednesday so I wanted my hair to look decent.

The only thing is that it takes hours for it to get done since it’s so long. I guess I could chop it off and minimize the time but I like my long hair. It seems like most women have short hair these days and I like to be different. I do plan on getting three inches chopped off today. I guess that’s something. Then I’m getting my highlights re-done and usually they straighten my hair for me.

It usually takes three hours.

And yes, my ass is usually aching by the end of it all.

I’m going to get myself a sweet tea from Chick-fil-a before I go in because last time I got incredibly parched just sitting there.

Most people can sit under those hot lights for what? Ten minutes?

Because my hair is so long I have to sit under that thing for about an hour.

I guess I’ll bring Twilight and read while I’m waiting. It is interesting so far. Right now Edward keeps shooting Bella mean looks. If someone kept shooting me mean looks I’d probably say something like, “Are you constipated or what?”

I’m off to go figure out lunch.

Anniversary Talk

Okay, I need to stop watching The Today Show.

Today they talked about the germs in your house. And how they're actually SPREAD with a vacuum.

Oh ew.

The lady who was explaining this was all, "Yes, we found germs that can cause diarreah, pnemonia, strep..."

However, they did say that if you had a vacuum with a Hepa filter that it helps somewhat.

But Tom had the runs the other day and now I'm wondering if it's because of our floor? (Or my cooking. Eeps!)

Thank goodness our Dyson has a Hepa filter. I feel a little better about that.

But I'm still very very disgusted.

Anyhow, the other day Tom asked what I wanted for our anniversary.

"Nothing," I said with a shrug.

Because honestly, I spent a lot of money on the Wii. (Some people asked how much I paid. I paid $249, as is the usual price. But I added on accessories and such which brought the total to $320. Eeps.) I put it on my Amazon Rewards credit card because hey, I figured I could get points out of it at least. But I hate using credit cards. (We usually always use debit cards.)

"You need to give me a list," Tom chastised.

So I scribbled one up.

It went something like this:

--A Gymboree Gift Card

--An Amazon Gift Card

--Some treats that are down the Wal-Mart aisle--I saw chocolate dipped pretzels, chocolate dipped marshmallows and a giant Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. Yum!

--A cheeseball from Hickory Farms

---------

And, you know, that was basically it.

Tom was not amused. He looked at it and raised an eyebrow.

"A CHEESEball? For our anniversary? No way. Not only is it cheesy--" he paused when I started to giggle at that and shot me a Look. "But cheese gives you gas."

True that.

"I guess I should be happy that you didn't ask for a person," Tom continued.

Usually I put a human being on my list.

Usually it's Elijah Wood.

"And Gymboree? Amber. That's not for you," Tom said.

"But I have fun buying clothes," I explained.

"How about some jewelry?" Tom asked.

I shrugged. "I have a lot of jewelry. I can't really wear any because Natalie tries to pull it from my neck."

Tom stared at my ring finger. "I can get you a new wedding ring. The one I gave you before is cheap."

I held my ring finger to my heart. "I like my cheap ring," I retorted.

And it wasn't totally cheap. I think it was near $500. That's not cheap to me. I guess it is to some people who have thousands of dollars sitting on their ring finger. But I don't think I'd feel comfortable with that. I'm a total klutz and I could se myself losing a ring like that.

"You have to give me better ideas than this," Tom said, setting my list down.

"Flowers?" I offered.

Tom sighed. "That's it?"

"It's all I can think of," I replied.

I started to walk away and Tom cleared his throat. I turned around.

"Aren't you going to ask what I want for our anniversary?" he questioned.

Oh.

Oops.

I didn't ask because I already bought his gift. A Wii. Which was shipped yesterday.

"What do you want?" I pretended like I really cared even though I knew that the Best Gift EVER was on its way.

"There are some computer games that I want," Tom said. And then he prattled on about some gun and about some powerful flashlight that can attach to the gun and he was blah blah blahing and I kept thinking about the Wii and how excited he'd be.

Tom clapped his hand which made me jump out of my skin. "Hello? Are you listening?" He waved a hand in front of my face.

I nodded. "Yes. A flashlight. That attaches to your gun. And a Wii," I said, trying to supress my knowing smile.

Tom looked confused. "I never said anything about a Wii. I've given up on a Wii."

I had to look away so he wouldn't see my stupid grin on my face. I seriously cannot lie. My danged face gives it away. I usually smile like a complete idiot when I'm lying.

It's a horrible compulsion I have. Even when something horrible happens I feel compelled to smile.

Oh, I have Rachael Ray on and she has this van called RachRescue that I guess helps people cook?

I need that.

Rachael, help me!

I may have given my husband the runs.

I really don't know what I'm doing in the kitchen.

Help!

On Amusing Television

So over the weekend I probably watched too much TV.

On Friday I watched my usual show Ghost Whisperer. And brace yourself, a spoiler is approaching! I totally believe that there are some people who can see spirits. I’m not one of them. I am entirely too jumpy and if one appeared to me I’d most likely scream the house down. So spirits are smart not to show themselves to me.

Anyhow, Ghost Whisperer was moving along—Melinda helped a ghost, as usual, and all seemed to be well.

Until Melinda’s husband was shot.

But he appeared to be okay. They rushed him to the hospital and Melinda was told that he should recover.

But then..HIS GHOST APPEARED TO MELINDA!

He had apparently died of an embolism.

I shouted, “No, Jim!” because I apparently get too attached to characters.

Of course the show ended after that because television networks just love to string their viewers along. I think they get a sick pleasure of making us wait until next week. Or weeks later, if they’re being particularly mean.

Then I settled in to watch The Ex List and was surprised that it wasn’t even on.

So I checked online and guess what?

It got cancelled.

I was a little annoyed at that. It seems networks are too quick to cancel shows if they don’t do instantly well.

Then on Saturday and Sunday I decided to have an Office marathon.

I just love that show. It is now the funniest show on television to me. Gilmore Girls used to be but it ended so then The Office moved to my top slot.

I just love the episode where Jim finally admits to Pam that he loves her. It’s at the casino night and he’s all, “I’m in love with you,” and Pam is all shocked and you think the episode is going to end on a sad note but then they end up kissing in the office.

John Krasinski who plays Jim is creeping up to the top of My List. You know, my list of celebrities that I can hang around with even though I’m married.

Here it is so far:

1. Elijah Wood (he’s been at the top of my list for a long time. I’ve had a crush on Elijah since I was like 13 or so..)

2. John Krasinski (he totally passed Michael Phelps! I think it was the marathon that did it. He is just so stinking adorable. Elijah, you better watch out!)

3. Michael Phelps (sorry Micheal, you were bumped. But you’ve been seeing a bunch of different ladies anyhow so it’s best you get that out of your system before I meet you anyhow..)

I can have up to five but I don’t have five anymore. After watching The Notebook I had Ryan Gosling on there but it turns out he can be a bit moody and such and I don’t want to hang out with someone moody, thanks. So he was removed.

I guess I could put Hayden Christensen down as number 4. He’s pretty cute and he’s friendly to his fans which is a big plus.

Maybe I’ll add Dominic Monaghan to my list as well. He’s takes fabulous pictures which means he’s artistic and sensitive which is a big plus.

Decisions, decisions…

Oh and don’t feel sorry for Tom. He has a list too. This is what it is the last time I checked with him:

1. Isla Fisher (he has a thing for redheads…if I could look decent with red hair I’d surprise him but I think I’d be a washed out mess.)

2. Megan Fox (I think all men have her down on their list. I guess I can’t blame them. She is pretty.)

3. Amy Adams (again because of the red hair. I think it’s why he sat and watched Enchanted with me.)

He used to have Lindsay Lohan before she turned “insane” which are Tom’s words. He couldn’t believe she crashed that expensive car and was all, “Heck no would I hook up with her. She’d probably crash my truck!”

If Tom were allowed to add “regular” people (you know, people who aren’t in Us Weekly) he might have wanted to add this big breasted woman that we saw at Wal-Mart the other day just out of sheer curiosity. I’m not kidding, it looked like she had shoved two watermelons up her shirt. I usually don’t stare at breasts because I’m a total hetero but when this check walked by I couldn’t HELP but stare. I mean her breasts were like 60% of her body it seemed. But yet she was uber skinny with bleached blond hair. How was she not falling over?! I saw Tom gaping at her and I was thinking, “I wonder if she could breastfeed? I would be worried that my breasts would CRUSH my baby if they were that big…” Tom was probably thinking, “I wonder what they look like? Are her nipples huge too?”

I also watched Brothers and Sisters over the weekend. I have a bunch of episodes on my DVR that I needed to get caught up on. That show always makes me wish that I had siblings.

If anyone is wondering what to add to their Netflix I have some ideas for you. I mean they’re all TV shows but they’ll keep you busy when nothing is on TV.

Gilmore Girls (seriously, this show is hilarious!)

The Office (again, hilarious! And there’s Jim to stare at.)

Brothers and Sisters (it will either make you grateful that you’re an only child or make you wish you had a bunch of siblings…)

The Tudors (because Henry VIII rocks and it’s really funny to see a grown man pout like a child when things don’t go his way. Only in Henry VIII’s case if he didn’t get his way he’d totally have you beheaded..)

Scrubs (also very funny. I used to have a crush on Zach Braff until I learned he was a bit of a jerk in real life.)

So those are some ideas to get you started.

I need to go. I let Natalie watch a Yo Gabba Gabba episode and it’s over and she she’s going, “More? More?” and trying to mess with the remote as though it’s going to magically put another episode on.

Sunday Grumps

Ugh.

So you know how Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest?

It so wasn't.

Again.

At nine in the morning our doorbell rang. I was in the bathroom and I decided to ignore it. I knew it was a kid from the annoying way he kept laying onto the doorbell. It would be long stretches followed by short ones followed by a pound on the door.

I figured the kid would get the point and leave. I didn't feel like answering because A) it was the day of rest and way too early to converse and B) it was the day of rest and I didn't feel like dealing with other people's children.

Here's the thing though: the kid did NOT get the point and leave.

He kept ringing the bell. Long after I was finished using the bathroom.

He ended up waking Tom up. And Tom was not amused. He stomped down the stairs and was all, "I'm going to tell that kid--" and I grabbed his arm and stopped him because I knew if Tom opened the door he'd probably shout an expletive and then the kid would run and tell Mommy and Daddy and then said Mommy and Daddy would be pounding on our door demanding to know why we felt the need to use the f-word in front of Junior.

And then my entire Sunday would be a bust. So I told Tom I'd just answer the door.

I opened it and the kid was all, "Oh hi!" as though he hadn't been going crazy with the doorbell and banging the door down with his little fist.

"Can Tommy play?" he asked.

What I wanted to do was get down to his level and hiss, "You little shit. It's NINE in the MORNING on the day of rest. When someone doesn't answer the door the first time you get the point and you LEAVE. Now unless you want me to grab you by the ankles and swing you around my head, I suggest you LEAVE."

What I said was, "No. We're going somewhere. It's a little early," I added in my best polite voice.

The kid pouted. Great. I don't like it when my own kids pout and I hate it even more when other people's kids pout.

"But..but can he play for a little bit?" he pressed.

I nearly had the door shut in his face. I had to pause and say, "No. He can come out when we get back," and then I managed to shut the door.

I mean geez.

Nine in the MORNING on a Sunday.

I was not pleased afterwards. Tom wasn't either. He wanted to march over to that kid's house and ask his parents what they were thinking letting him come over so early.

I talked him out of it.

The last thing I want to be known as are the Grumps on the Street.

Even though we like SO are.

But anyhow, I'll go back to Friday. Halloween.

Tommy was excited all day and kept asking when it was time to go.

We were going to the base clinic at 4 since they were passing out candy there.

When it finally rolled around to 4 we got into costumes and headed off.

Apparently half the base thought going to the clinic was a good idea too. Because there was a line stretched out to get in.

We got in line and inched along towards the entrance.

My arm started to ache and I tried to set Natalie down and get her to walk while holding onto my hand.

Hah.

The second I set her down she tried to take off on me.

Apparently I only give birth to kids who don't like to hold still.

Lovely.

So I had to hold her the entire time and let me tell you, my arm was in pain.

We went around the clinic and the kids were given a good amount of candy.

There was a little haunted house in the back that Tommy wanted to do. I figured it would be okay so we went in and all was well until someone leaped out.

Tommy went, "Why did you DO that?" and was terribly insulted at being given such a fright.

But when we were out of the haunted house he claimed he wasn't scared at all, that he was just pretending.

Finally we were done and I was able to set Natalie down into her carseat.

Bliss.

My poor sore arms.

I picked up McDonalds for dinner--mmm nuggets--and I won nothing on Monopoly.

Then it was about time to take the kids Trick or Treating.

Natalie refused to say Trick or Treat but she did say hi and bye.

Here are the kids in their costumes:



Tommy picked out this costume awhile back.



It was hard to take pictures because he kept moving.



And Natalie:







They got a lot of candy:



I've been pigging out on it. Because Tommy doesn't like most of his candy and Natalie could care less. All she wants are the Pop-Pops. (Lollipops.)

I've been happily walking around with their buckets tucked under my arm, rooting through all the candy and pulling out all the mini candy bars.

Mmmm mini Baby Ruth's rock.

Extra Hour of Sleep??

I want to kill all those newscasters who keep boasting about the extra hour of sleep they got last night.

What extra hour of sleep?

Where can I find one?

Seriously.

Whoever says that must not have kids.

I didn't get an extra hour of sleep. My darling daughter was up at regular time for her which meant it was actually SIX in the morning.

So what extra sleep are people talking about??

I wish I drank coffee.