My Dear Letters

There are My Dear Letters...letters I wish I could send...

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Dear Zac Efron,

I know you didn’t come up with the line “you should be kissed every hour, every minute” for your new movie The Lucky One. And I know it’s meant to be romantic. But all I think when I hear it is, “That sounds awful. I’d need some space.”

Also, it’s hard for me to look at you as a real man considering you were in various Disney movies.

Signed,
He-Just-Doesn’t-Do-It-For-Me,
Amber

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Dear The Hunger Games Movie,

You were good, don’t get me wrong. But you forgot some important things from the book. For starters, where is Madge? Madge should have been there. What happened to the Avoxes? Also, if you didn’t read the book, it was hard to understand the flashback when Peeta threw Katniss the bread. People might not have known she was acting like that because she was so hungry. They might have assumed she had just been running around with her bow and arrow, got exhausted and was like, “I’ll rest against this tree,” and then Peeta was like, “Here. Have some bread..”

Signed,
A-Still-Liked-The-Movie-But-It-Missed-Some-Crucial-Bits,
Amber

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Dear Tommy,

That’s my iPod Touch so I can ask for it back whenever I want. If you want one, save up for it. It’ll only cost you like two years allowance. Or more.

Signed,
A-Sorry-You-Don’t-Have-A-Wealthy-Relative,
Amber

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Dear Natalie,

No, you can’t stay and live with Rapunzel when we meet her at Disney World next year. I’m sorry. But yes, you can call Flynn Rider Eugene Fitzherbert if you want since that’s his read name.

Signed,
A-Sorry-You’re-Stuck-With-Us,
Amber

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Dear Car Who Honked At Me Because I Stopped On Red Before Turning Right,

Yes, I DID honk back at you. Because while you can turn right on red you HAVE TO STOP FIRST! It’s still a red light.

Signed,
Some-People-Shouldn’t-Be-On-The-Road,
Amber

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Dear Rachael Ray,

Why are your recipes so complicated? There are some ingredients I have never heard of before. And then you’re like, “You can find this meat if you have an Italian deli.” Well. Not everyone lives in NYC where there IS an Italian deli. Stick to things that people can EASILY find.

Signed,
A-Likes-Simple-Recipes,
Amber