Messages to Tom

Tom,

I don't get it.

I just don't get it.

Why, for the love of God, can't you throw your boxers in the actual laundry basket?



Is there are reason why you drop them right beside the basket?

Is it because you enjoy upsetting me?

Tom,

I'm confused.

When you use the last of the toilet paper it's common courtesy to replace it.



Did you miss that lesson growing up?

Have you mistaken me for a contortionist again and assume that I can dip and turn myself while on the commode in order to reach the toilet paper?

How many times do I have to tell you that I can't BEND like that? You can pray and wish for it to happen but I'm here to say THAT YOU MARRIED A NON-FLEXIBLE WOMAN.

The next time you use the last of the toilet paper please take a glance at the sign that hangs in our bathroom:



Seriously, Tom. It will not cause brain damage. I promise.

Tom,

I am perplexed.

Why do you leave your empty soda cans RIGHT BY THE TRASH?



Do you have this compulsion to do things half way?

Do you think you're being helpful by placing your trash BESIDE the waste basket?

Is it so hard to lean over and deposit your garbage into the can?

I even measured the distance from the soda can to the trash.



And guess what?

It was a little over two feet.

Surely you can reach two feet?

Just pretend that you're reaching for Megan Fox or something. I really don't care. Just PLEASE throw away your mess. You are a GROWN man.

Tom,

Don't be baffled.

I really did change your boring television program and put on mine:



Hey, you left to take a ten minute PIP. (Poop in peace.) That alone isn't fair. When was the last time that I got a PIP? Why do you get to casually walk into the bathroom and SHUT THE DOOR (which I haven't done in years because a kid usually just opens it right back up) and relax while doing your business and I have to rush through mine?

So yes.

I changed your military show and put it on mine.

Learn to pick up after yourself and take quick dumps and then maybe, perhaps, you'll get to watch your programs.

It really is that simple.