Natalie's First Homework

“Natalie, please come over here.”

“Natalie, no, now is not the time to do a hand stand.”

“Natalie! Stop pretending the crayon is a mustache. Let’s do this!”

She had her first homework assignment. It was not going well. I couldn’t get her to focus on it.

I never remembered homework in Kindergarten. What I recall is naps and petting a ferret. Wait, that’s Kindergarten Cop. But I do remember naps. And coloring. And playing. Not homework.

It wasn’t complicated homework, mind you. She had to draw a picture of herself and her family. Then answer some questions.

“I’m going to give myself green hair. Green hair is fun,” Natalie said, grabbing a crayon from the box.

“Hey, Anne of Green Gables, let’s not. Can you draw a picture of yourself for real?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if the teacher would appreciate green hair. I would imagine so. I mean, it’s KINDERGARTEN. If they expected mini Van Gogh’s, well, sorry.

After ten minutes, Natalie finished coloring herself. When it came time to draw her family, she was rolling along the floor.

“Natalie!” I snapped. “Please finish this.”

“Do you want a hamburger?” she said. She had moved to her play kitchen and had a plastic spatula poised over a tiny saucepan.

“No. I want you to finish this so I can read. Can you draw your family?”

Natalie rolled her eyes at me. “Ugh!” she grumbled. “Ugh! You…MOM!” She grabbed a crayon, plopped down in her seat, and went to work.

She totally drew me a mustache. That was her revenge. Although, honestly, I probably do need a wax. Weirdly, she gave Tom a stethoscope.

Then she had to answer questions.

“What’s your favorite color?” I asked.

“Pink!”

“What’s your favorite TV show?”

“Family Guy!”

Um.

Er.

Yeah. She watches Family Guy sometimes.

“How about you pick another show?” I prompted. I didn’t want to get a phone call from the teacher about it.

“Did you know Family Guy is inappropriate?” the teacher might question. “This explains why Natalie randomly goes giggity.”

“Spongebob!” Natalie tried again.

“Favorite store?”

“Target! Like you!” Natalie shouted.

“You made your Momma proud,” I said as I wrote down the answer.

“Target has toys. And it’s red,” Natalie responded primly.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

In PreK, she had to answer this question. She picked Rapunzel. I thought she might do the same.

But no.

She was like, “A fairy!”

“How about something like a teacher?” I pressed.

“A FAIRY!” Natalie boomed.

Okay. I wrote that down.

Finally, we were done. Thank goodness. I hope she won’t have a lot of homework.

If she does, her Daddy gets to sit with her the next time.