My Dear Letters

The following are letters I wish I could send. Or, you know, say.

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Dear Tommy,

I hope you have a wonderful first day of Fifth Grade. You will do great. Remember your spelling though. And please son, remember the difference between your and you’re and their, there, and they’re.

Signed,
A-Doesn’t-Want-To-Have-Offspring-That-Writes-Your-Welcome,
Amber

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Dear Natalie,

Wow, I can’t believe you’re in Kindergarten. Didn’t I just push you out? I’m glad that you’re excited about it. I was worried we might have a Stephanie Tanner from Full House moment. Remember when she went to Kindergarten and was scared? You watched that episode and was like, “Why is she scared? School is great!”


Signed,
An-It’s-Going-To-Be-Weird-And-Quiet-Without-Her,
Amber

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Dear Tom,

Thanks for saying that if I turned into a zombie that you’d shoot me unlike that guy in The Walking Dead who didn’t have it in him to shoot his zombie wife. (At least he hadn’t by episode 4.) But really, I appeciate your sentiment. And likewise, if YOU turn into a zombie, I’ll shoot you too.

Signed,
A-Better-Not-Ever-Turn-Into-A-Zombie-Or-BAM,
Amber

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Dear eBayers who don’t pay for your item,

If you can’t afford what you bid on, here’s some advice: don’t bid! I only bid on things I can pay for right away. Waiting days on end to finally pay is NOT RIGHT. If you can’t pay within 24 hours, please piss off. I usually am nice and say on my auctions to pay within 4 days. And people STILL refuse to do this. GAH!

Signed,
A-Tends-To-Be-An-eBay-Moron-Magnet,
Amber

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Dear Overly Sensitive Military Wives,

I like your Facebook page. (Can be found here.) I know people complain that it’s mean spirited and the like. It’s their right to feel that way HOWEVER…if they don’t like a page, why like it in the first place? I don’t agree with everything posted on there but I understand that not everyone is going to think like me. And that’s okay.

Signed,
A-Doesn’t-Take-What-I-Read-On-Facebook-Too-Seriously,
Amber