It's A Scary Place

“Don’t go far, Natalie. I don’t want you to get lost in here.” I cringed as I saw someone scratching their butt and then touching some tomatoes.

I quickly stepped back to avoid being hit with a cart that belonged to someone sporting My Little Pony pajama bottoms.

I tried not to stare openly at the woman in the corner who seemed to be hacking up a lung. She had on pajama bottoms with hearts all over them.

“Apparently it’s too difficult to put on a pair of pants,” I muttered. Look, I try not to be judgmental, but I will never understand it when people go out in pajamas. It takes like five seconds to pull on pants, does it not?

“Your little girl is beautiful,” a voice from behind the bread display said. The owner was an elderly man who was missing most of his teeth.

“Thank you,” I answered. He seemed sweet…until he licked his lips and then I immediately thought of the creepy old man in Family Guy who always wants to see Chris’s underpants.

It was like I was in another world. A world where no one felt like putting on real pants, a world where it seemed like a person was going to keel over, a world where…what the hell was that lady doing? Oh. Kicking off her flip flops so she could walk around barefoot? Why?

In case you haven’t figured it out, I was in WalMart.

I don’t go to WalMart often because quite honestly, the people scare me. I mean, there’s an entire site dedicated to the strange folk that frequent the store. PeopleofWalmart.com.

I prefer Target. But Target doesn’t always have what I need so I have to work up the courage and head to WalMart.

I managed to grab what I needed, pay for it, and hurried towards the exit with my purchases—only to nearly be run over by someone walking in.

“Uh, this is the exit. Says so in big white letters above the door,” I couldn’t help but say. I mean, really. People do that all the time at WalMart. If they aren’t walking in the exit, they are trying to exit from the entrance.

“Huh?” the lady who almost crashed into me answered. She was busy poking at her cell phone.

“Never mind,” I sighed and hurried to the car.

I imagine I’ll be back again soon. WalMart usually has good deals on school supplies.

I’m guessing now that I’ll see at least 3 people in pajama bottoms.

As well as people blocking the aisles with their carts so no one can pass.

But, to be fair, that seems to happen in every store that I go to.