Grammar Boy

My son is 8 and his writing is....

It’s just, the thing is....

Fine, the boy can’t spell very well.

I mean, he tries, don’t get me wrong. But lately his penmanship leaves much to be desired. Oh, I work with him, but he doesn’t take me seriously when I tell him that a woman appreciates a properly spelled letter from a man. And that she’d also like to be able to make out the words.

Look, my husband Tom…he has neat writing but his spelling is...well, let me put it this way. He once spelled ‘regroup’ as ‘regrupe.’

Tommy is now enrolled in an After School program where he gets extra help in reading and writing. He listens to his teachers more than he listens to me. I don’t want him to be one of those adults who doesn’t understand the difference between ‘their,’ ‘they’re’, and ‘there.’ Or ‘your’ and ‘you’re.’ You have no idea how hard it is for me not to say something when I see a Facebook status with these words used incorrectly. Of course, my grammar isn’t perfect, but I do understand the basics. And I want the same for Tommy.

I asked him to write something about himself the other night.

“Why?” he sighed.

“We need to practice your writing daily. We’ve been through this before. Don’t you want to be a good writer?”

“Fine.” Tommy grabbed some paper and started writing. A couple of minutes later he shoved the paper at me. “There.”

I peered down at it:



“Kanye West, this is fabulous!” I exclaimed.

Tommy frowned. “Who is Kanye West?”

“Oh, just this guy who thinks he’s the greatest at like, everything. I just like how you mentioned that you were so handsome and…you know what, never mind. This is good, but can you see your mistakes?”

Tommy shook his head. “It’s perfect.”

“Ahh Kanye, no, for starters, it’s not proper to say ‘I got blue eyes,’ you’re not on Jerry Springer. You should have written ‘I’ve got blue eyes.' I like that you clarified that you have a mouth. Handsome is spelled like this.” I scribbled down the word for him to see. “And again, you should have written ‘I’ve got a girlfriend.’ Girlfriend is spelled like this.” And I wrote that down for him too.

“Thanks,” Tommy said glumly, taking the corrections.

“I know it can get frustrating, but you’ll get it,” I vowed. “And no kissing that girlfriend of yours until you’re...”

“Twenty,” Tommy finished.

Basically, his relationship isn’t that serious. They chat for a bit at the bus stop, exchange Silly Bandz, and engage in a game of Tag.

Still, I’ve drilled it in his head that there is no kissing until the age of twenty. I hope he continues to believe this for many years.

And I hope he never acts like Kanye West.