Anyhow.
When I went downstairs this morning Tom was in front of the computer about to start a game.
“Tom,” I said. “Can I check something real quick?” I wanted to check the Target forum to see if there was any news about the toys going 75% off.
He reluctantly let me and I hurriedly checked the website. I didn’t expect to see anything. But then I saw a new thread with THE 75% OFF SALE HAS STARTED!!!! in bold letters.
My heart immediately began to race. I nearly fell out of the chair.
“TOM!” I shrieked, leaping to a standing position. I stumbled and nearly went careening into the couch. Sometimes being a klutz is no fun.
“Jesus. What?” Tom said. He had been standing behind me the entire time. “Are you okay? Why are you flapping your arms like that?”
I hadn’t realized that I was. But sure enough I was prancing around the room and my arms were going wild. I felt like a chicken with its head cut off.
“The toys,” I gasped out. “The toys have gone 75% off.”
Then I darted up the stairs to get dressed.
“Um. Excuse me? Does that mean you’re leaving?” Tom wondered, following me. He found me in the room racing across it.
“Where are my PANTS?” I wailed.
“You’re holding them,” he pointed out.
Oh. Right.
I started to pull them up over my pajama bottoms.
“Um. You might want to take those off first,” Tom suggested.
Yes. Of course.
So I did that and yanked up my jeans and threw on a shirt and then I said goodbye.
“Wait!” Tom yelled. “What about me?”
Huh?
I paused and he nearly collided into my back.
“You’re going to watch the kids, of course,” I said. If he thought I was bringing them with me then he had another thing coming.
“Maybe I want to come,” Tom said in his pouty voice. Oh no. I didn’t have TIME for pouty Tom. I had to get to the toys before Old Lady Hog showed up. What part of this was he not comprehending?
“You can’t come,” I said firmly, pulling on my shoes.
“Why not?” Tom puffed his lower lip out. “Maybe I want to come.”
“You CAN’T come!” I said again. “You’ll rush me.”
“But maybe I want to come. Why do you just get to go? I’d like to come and spend time with you and—”
“Oh my GOD, Tom. I think we’ve just set a world record of using the word come the most in a conversation. I don’t have time to argue so if you want to come, come!” I burst out.
Tom looked like he was about to say something suggestive over our abundance usage of the word come but I had already darted into another room to find my purse.
“Let’s go!” I said and marched towards the front door.
“Is Natalie going in her pajamas?” Tom said, gesturing to Natalie who was clad in her pink kitty pjs with messy bed hair to boot.
HAIR! I needed to brush my hair too.
“No. She needs clothes!” I rushed back upstairs at top speed and pulled an outfit from her closet. I came back downstairs and threw it at Tom. “Please get her dressed while I do my hair.”
I ran a brush through my hair and then went back out hoping to see Natalie dressed. But Tom had her skirt in his hands and he was gazing at it in confusion.
“Which way does this go?” He turned it around and wrinkled his nose.
“The daisy goes in front, Tom,” I said.
“Huh?”
“Oh never mind. I’ll do it!” I took the skirt and put it on Natalie.
“Why does girl stuff have to be so confusing?” Tom said beside me.
I’m amused that he can’t figure out a skirt yet he knows how to put together complicated weapons.
On the drive down I realized I hadn’t brushed my teeth. Crap! I always brush my teeth before I go out because it says to the public I care enough not to make you inhale my breath that smells like old kiwi. Oh, and there's the whole not wanting cavities and gum disease too. I puffed into my palm and inhaled and nearly keeled over. My mouth smelled as though I had been sucking on old gym socks or something.
“Do you have a mint?” I asked Tom frantically. “My breath reeks.”
“I know! When you were by me I nearly passed out from the stench,” Tom mocked.
“I don’t have time for jokes! I need a mint! I can’t go into a store with my breath smelling like this,” I said, rooting around in my purse. Surely I had to have some sort of mint in there. It was filled with all sorts of stuff. I pushed past receipts and my keys and my wallet and more receipts and change and a lemon jolly ranger—SCORE! A lemon jolly ranger would do. I would just smell as though I were sucking on lemon.
I popped it in my mouth and settled back in the seat. The candy tasted a little off because it had probably been in my purse for a year but oh well. You do what you need to do not to make other people think that you stink.
When we finally got to Target I grabbed a cart and put Natalie in the front.
“I’ll meet you in the toys,” Tom said, taking Tommy with him to the video game section. This is what always happens when we go to Target.
When I first got to the toy area I just saw the signs that said 30% off and my heart dropped a little.
Ahh well...maybe another time...maybe...wait...wait...that red price tag says 75% off...and so does that one...and so does that one...THE SALE HAS STARTED!
I practically did a happy dance right then and there. But I contained myself. I peered around the area and realized that Old Lady Hog wasn’t there. It was just me alone with the toys that were 75% off.
Tom found me five minutes later with my cart filled.
“Okay, I’ve been gone for a few minutes. How is the cart already full?” Tom asked, scratching his head.
“I’m a professional,” I answered simply. I have the ability to scan things quickly and figure out if I need it or not. You have to be able to move fast for sales like this because the toy can be gone in a matter of seconds. I learned the hard way when I was trying to decide whether or not to get this Hot Wheels set for Tommy. I was so busy tapping my chin that I didn’t even realize that Old Lady Hog had grabbed it and placed it in her cart.
Of course Old Lady Hog wasn't even there but she has super powers and can probably morph out of thin air.
Tom started looking at the variety of toys and picked up a Lego set.
“Awesome! Let’s get this. It’s on clearance.” Then he tried to stick it in the cart. I checked the red tag and it was only 30% off.
“No Tom,” I said kindly, removing it. “This is not how shopping is done. We only want the toys that are 75% off.”
Tom looked baffled. “But it’s on clearance. And it’s here. Why not buy it now?”
Sometimes I wonder about his hearing. “Tom. The toys in my cart are all 75% off. I never buy toys at 30% off because I know I can get a better deal eventually,” I tried again.
Tom stared at me with his mouth agape. This was not computing.
“Here Tom. I’ll ask a worker to scan your Lego and see if perhaps it is 75% off,” I said and picked it back up. I found a worker and politely asked if she’d check the toy.
“Of course,” she chirped and scanned it. “Yup!” Then she printed out a red tag and stuck it on the box.
Awesome.
I headed back to Tom and waved it proudly over my head. “It was 75% off,” I said and put it in the cart.
“SAH-WEET!” Tom said, punching the air. He’s 27 and still loves Legos. He says they’re for Tommy but he’s usually hunched over building them. “Are we done?” Tom begged.
“Yup,” I said and we headed off to check out.
A few people tossed me a few odd looks as I walked with my cart full of toys. I thought it was because they assumed that I was an eBayer. I am so not an eBayer. All the toys are for Christmas. Natalie will forget all about them and I just told Tommy that an elf was coming tonight to take them back to the North Pole to make them special.
When we were standing in line I couldn’t stop scratching my neck. It was then when I realized that my shirt was on backwards and it was the tag that was bothering me. The collar was practically at the middle of my neck. I looked like I was in the 1800s or something. I hadn’t noticed because I was so busy shopping.
“Tom,” I hissed. “My shirt is on backwards. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “I thought it was the new style. I don’t get girl styles.”
So basically I had been walking around with my collar basically up to my chin. Lovely. That’s probably why people were staring. They were like, “Um, what’s that chick doing wearing her shirt like that? We’re not on a compound..”
Want to see what I got?
This was one of my most exciting finds. Natalie has been wanting a train set like Tommy's big one and this is perfect. I got it for $8.
The creepy Yo Gabba Gabba stuff. Everything was under $5.
Tom convinced Tommy that he wanted the car thing for Christmas. And Elmo is just..well, everyone loves Elmo. Plus Natalie was all, "ELMO! THERE YOU ARE!" when she spotted him in the store.
The car thing was a little over $5 and the binoculars were only $1!
This was only $7.
And this was Tom's beloved Lego set.
And let it be known that I left a lot of toys behind lest you think I am like Old Lady Hog. I left a ton. Natalie wanted more Yo Gabba Gabba stuff because they had all the characters there but I only let her pick out one of each.
I would definately check out your Target if you want some awesome deals. Granted, some people were saying that their Targets are still holding at 30% off for toys but it's always good to check.
Now. I need to go find a place for all of these. Hmmmm...
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