To The Movies I Went..

So yesterday I went to see Marley and Me.

It was only fair since Tom went to see Valkyrie. He said it was good enough for him to want it on DVD.

I couldn't decide what I wanted to see. It was between Marley and Me or Benjamin Button. Aniston versus Pitt. Who, I'm sorry to say, I do not find attractive. He is much too pretty boy for me. Plus I don't like the fact that he checked out of the marriage and turned to Angelina Jolie. And I think the reason why Angelina wants to adopt so many children is to try to clear her Karma. Because she knows she's in deep sh*t for stealing a husband so she's all, "Maybe if I help impoverished kids then all will be okay again.."

I went back and forth for awhile and then opted for Marley and Me simply because it was a shorter movie. And because I'm still mad at Brad Pitt.

I headed off yesterday afternoon. I stood in line to get my ticket and was behind a bunch of old ladies. One of them shuffled up to the counter and shouted, "ONE TICKET FOR MAGGIE AND ME!"

The woman on the other side of the glass replied back, "You mean, Marley and Me?"

"MAGGIE AND ME!" the old lady practically screamed.

Her friend nudged her. "Debbie, you're talking too loud again. Not everyone is near deaf like you."

I bought my ticket and got in the long concession stand line.

I love movie theater popcorn. Swimming in butter. And salt. And SnoCaps. For those who don't know, SnoCaps are chocolate chips with little white candies on them. I always dump those into my popcorn. Tom is disgusted with this. When we got a popcorn the last movie we saw together (and it's been so long I can't even remember what movie that was..) he was horrified when I dumped the candy on top of the popcorn.

"Okay, now you've ruined it," Tom complained.

"You kidding me?" I answered, taking a huge bite. Mmmm butter and chocolate. "It's delicious. Try some!" I pressed the bag close to his face and he backed away as though I was trying to get him to eat brussel sprouts or something.

"No thanks. I'm good. I'll just stick to my nachos," Tom fumed.

Whatevs.

More popcorn and chcolate for me.

I used to be able to get SnoCaps at Wal-Mart or Target for .99 cents.

I can't find them there anymore. I'm wondering if the movie theaters caught on that people were sneaking them in and made a deal with stores not to sell them anymore?

Because I had to fork over THREE dollars for the same SnoCaps at the theater.

It was painful, let me tell you.

THREE dollars for candy.

I reluctantly handed over the last of my Christmas cash and then hurried to theater number 5.

I knew it would be packed. Because when I was standing in line, basically everyone who came up to buy tickets were buying them for the 1:30 of Marley and Me.

Mainly old people.

Old people must love those dog movies or something.

Actually, it's probably a relief for them to find a movie that's not filled with swearing, sex and booze.

I mean geez. Some of the movies of today are shocking to me.

I was able to find a good seat.

I settled down and immediately set to dumping the SnoCaps on top of the popcorn. Then I shook the bag and took a bite.

Mmmm. Butter and chocolate.

Then the previews began.

I counted eight of them.

They did have a preview for a movie I want to see though.

Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Based on the hilarious books.

The woman in the movie reminds me of myself. Only instead of going crazy for name brand clothing for myself, I go crazy for children's clothing. And I don't have debt.

Here's a preview of the movie:



Then Marley and Me started. Now, people had warned me that it got sad towards the end. And that I should bring a tissue.

I didn't listen.

I should have listened.

Because the last half hour of the movie made me cry my eyes out. I had to use the sleeves of my shirt to dry my eyes. It was amusing because you could hear a cacophony of sniffles going off every few seconds.

I was a little annoyed at one point though. During a poignant scene, someone's CELL PHONE went off.

Hello?

Did they miss that HUGE sign that came on the screen before the movie started?

The one that read: PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES.

It even had a picture of a cell phone turning off. So not being able to read is not an excuse.

When that woman's cell phone rang a bunch of people went "SHHHHH!" at once.

Then the lady beside me started texting. Her bright screen was distracting and I wanted to snatch the phone from her hands and throw it across the room.

You do NOT text while in a movie theater.

Other than those moments, I had an enjoyable time. I liked the movie. I was glad that it didn't have elaborate sex scenes in it like I imagine Benjamin Button did. I hate when movies have elaborate sex scenes. In Marley and Me it just showed the two main characters kissing passionately and then it cut to the next scene. That's what more movies need to do. I'd rather not SEE people going at it. If if I wanted to see that sort of thing, I'd rent a porno.

When the movie ended, we all filtered out of the theater. The teenager workers who were waiting to clean up shook their heads and one went, "Why is everyone always crying after this movie?"

His friend replied, "Dude, the dog (edited so as not to give away ending)..."

Seriously. All the women coming out of there had tissues in their hands and red faces.

I drove home and when I walked through the door Tom raised an eyebrow at me.

"What's wrong with your face?" he asked bluntly.

See, I'm not a pretty crier. Some women are. Me? Well, my face gets these awful red splotches and my nose starts to run and extra spit fills my mouth so I feel like I have to swallow every two seconds.

"The movie had a sad ending," I answered with a sniff. I started tearing up just thinking about it.

I told Tom what that ending was and the heartless bastard simply went, "It happens."

Ugh.

Natalie marched over to me and went, "BOOB!" and tugged on my leg. "BOOB!"

"She's been asking for boob for the past hour," Tom explained.

Oh.

I was slightly insulted. I mean she didn't ask for ME. She was just asking for my BOOB.

I gave her some breastmilk and then she gave me a little smack and walked away. Like she was punishing me for leaving.

Well, excuse me!

So bottom line is that I highly recommend Marley and Me.

But don't be stupid like I was: bring a freakin' tissue because you'll probably need it if you're one of those types who cry during movies.

Oh, and please turn off your cell phone.