The Princess Dress

When Tom’s Mom was here she bought Natalie a Snow White dress.

The thing is, for four days, Natalie refused to take it off.



Oh sure, she’d allow me to put regular clothes on first. But then she’d be all, “Princess dress.”



“Darling, how about we just give the Princess dress a rest?” I said hopefully on day three.

“PRINCESS DRESS! PRINCESS DRESS!”

“Jesus! Alright!”

She would wear it all day.

Even when she ate.

Even when she went to bed. I mean, didn’t it make her itch? It looks like it would make her itch. But I guess she didn’t care.

She did let me take it off so she could bathe at least. But the dress HAD to be slung over the toilet. If it’s wasn’t, Natalie flipped out.



On day four, I was trying to figure out how I could wash the thing.

Because the dress had begun to emit a smell. It desperately needed to be cleaned. But how?

I even told her honestly that she was starting to stink.

“So I think it would be a good idea to wash the dress? How about we take it off?”

“PRINCESS DRESS! PRINCESS DRESS! PRINCESS DRESS!”

“Tom! A little help here!” I shouted. He was on the computer playing his beloved Call of Duty game. How he tunes all the noise out is beyond me.

“What?” Tom was genuinely surprised.

“Natalie’s dress is starting to smell and she won’t take it off!” I explained.

“She doesn’t smell!” Tom retorted. “Just let her keep it on. All kids go through stuff like this.”

Then he went back to his game.

Gee thanks for nothing, oh wise one.

And of course he wouldn’t think she smells. This is a man who comes home from work with feet that reek from being in boots for hours and seems surprised when I beg him to take a shower so we don’t all keel over from the draft.

“How about we put on another dress?” I tried a different tactic with Natalie.

“PRINCESS DRESS!”

Then she added her Princess boots to the ensemble.



I took Natalie out to Target in her Princess dress. People thought it was cute. But only because they didn’t get close enough to smell her.

“What’s her name?” the cashier asked.

“Natalie,” I replied.

“SNOW WHITE!” Natalie cut in. “Mommy, I Snow White.”

Okay then. Snow White.

I began to think that she’d never take the dress off.

But then this morning she suddenly stepped out of it.

“All done,” she said, handing it to me.

“All…done?” I said this cautiously, worried that she’d turn into a rabid child and beg me to give her back the dress.

“All done,” Natalie repeated.

I backed away with the dress slowly. I kept expecting her to chase after me and try and bite my ankles.

But no. She just calmly started to play with her blocks.

Of course now her latest obsession seems to be not wanting to wear pants. She’s currently sitting in the living room clad in a shirt and her diaper. Her pants have been tossed into the corner of the room. “All done, pants,” Natalie told me seriously.

I think I’d like the smelly dress phase back…