The New Computer Game

So Tom bought the new Call of Duty game.

I always hate when he gets a new game.

When he gets a new game, he hogs the computer and we live in the Stone Age and don’t have wireless internet so I barely get to go online.

When he gets a new game, all his focus is on it. I could walk out butt naked and he wouldn’t notice. Believe me, I’ve tried this before.

When he gets a new game, he curses. A lot. Then he looks surprised when Natalie says, “You shithead!” He’s all, “Where did she learn that?” Seriously, Tom? Seriously? I just wonder.

I get fed up when he spends hours on a game and I tell him so.

“It’s time for you to get off the computer,” I’ll say.

“Why?” he’ll answer.

“Because you’ve been on for four hours and quite frankly, it’s not fair. I would love to spend four hours playing Sims but I can’t,” I’ll explain.

I’ve asked him not to use foul language but does he listen? No, the other players on the game are all *bleep bleep bleepers* and oh, they all apparently cheat too.

He goes online to play with other people and every few seconds you hear, “That’s CHEATING! You can’t just stand there at my spawn point! That’s CHEATING!”

I am so sick of hearing him. His new schedule is that he works three days and then he gets three days off. So he was off yesterday, he’s off today and he’s off tomorrow.

I want him to go back to work so I can have some silence. So I don’t have to hear, “HE'S CHEATING!” every few seconds.

Here’s a thought Tom: maybe they aren’t cheating. Maybe you just SUCK.

Then when he finally pulls himself off the game he starts to talk to me about it.

“I hate when everyone doesn’t stay together. They all go off and do their own thing. We have to STICK TOGETHER,” and here he’ll slap his palm with his fist for emphasis, “or else we’re going to keep losing. We need a PLAN, you know?”

“No, I don’t know, Tom. I don’t play games like that,” I’ll remind him but he doesn’t care. He’ll keep going on about tactics, and cheaters, and tactics, and cheaters...

So if your husband plays the new Call of Duty game and happens to be cheating, please tell him to stop, okay?

Then maybe I’ll get a little peace around here.

To cheer myself up, I’m sharing some pictures. I’m also doing this to bug Tom. He keeps asking if I’m almost done with the computer so now I’m deliberately taking my time.



Here is Natalie's reaction to taking some pictures. She's all, "Say WHAT?" She's wearing Gap. Sometimes I cheat on Gymboree with Gap.



I started to sing creepy Yo Gabba Gabba songs and a smile was beginning to come out....



Crap, maybe not. I was doing a dance and nearly fell on my butt and Natalie was all, "That's NOT how the song goes."



Ahh, here's a smile. She's blowing a few kisses.



It's Dancey Dance time!



Natalie was just as confused as to why Modern Family and Cougar Town were replaced by the CMAs too. Couldn't the CMAs be put on the freaking country channel or something?



I started to dance around around again.

(No, Tom. I'm NOT almost done with the computer. Lalala....this...is....me...taking....my....time...)





Should I be concerned that Natalie always wants to lift up her shirt when I take pictures? Stay away from Joe Francis, sweetie: