But I Love Her!

I gripped the coupons in my hand excitedly as we headed inside Target. I was all set to score some good deals. Finding good deals is like a high for me. And it turns out, Target was having a pre-Black Friday sale, complete with awesome coupons that were found in the Sunday paper. One of the coupons was 50% off any Disney princess toy—and Natalie loves Disney princess toys so I knew that would make a good Christmas present. Another coupon was money off a Lego set—which is perfect, because Tommy adores Legos.

The only problem was, would anything be left? I didn’t stand outside waiting for the Target to open at 8 like some people said they were going to do. No way. I move slowly on Sundays. So by the time we got there, it was a little after 9.

The parking lot wasn’t full so that gave me hope. But…but…a woman walked out of the store with two gigantic bags. Did she take all the deals? What if she took all the deals and there was nothing left? What if there was nothing left?

“Come on kids, we have to hurry,” I said dramatically. I had Natalie on my hip and hurried and stuck her into the cart. I started to head for the toy section.

“Mommy,” Natalie said. “I have to pee.”

Oh no. Seriously? Remember how I wrote how Natalie had to pee everywhere we went? Well, she still does that.

“We need to get to the toy section or they might be nothing left,” I said seriously. “No princess stuff. Nothing.”

Natalie didn’t care. “I have to pee.”

Tommy groaned. “Oh, Natalie.”

Off to the bathroom we went. My heart was thumping with anticipation. Would there be any toys left? I mean, if there weren’t, who cares right? Natalie wouldn’t die if she didn’t get a Disney Princess toy for 50% off. But it was FIFTY PERCENT off. That was an excellent deal!

“This is disgusting,” Tommy complained. “I’m not going in the girl bathroom.”

“You have to. Someone could swipe you,” I said.

“I’m not going in the girl bathroom!” Tommy crossed his arms over his chest.

I sighed. “Fine. Don’t move and if someone tries to take you, scream. If someone asks if you want to see a puppy in his car, you scream. If someone asks if you want to become an actor and tries to hand you their card, you scream.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, resembling a teenager. “I know not to go off with a stranger.”

So I went in with Natalie. I told her she had to hurry, so her brother didn’t get kidnapped.

She didn’t care. She took her time, sitting on the toilet that was probably covered in germs.

“Hurry up, Natalie. I don’t want your brother to get kidnapped,” I said frantically.

“I’m peeing,” Natalie answered even though she wasn’t.

Ten minutes later she was done. I hurried out and Tommy was where we had left him, slumped against the wall, irritated.

“That took forever,” he said.

Tell me about it, son.

Back in the cart Natalie went. I rushed into the toy section and…

….there was a lot of stuff left!

I showed Natalie a Rapunzel doll from that movie Tangled and Natalie started to reach for it...but then she spotted a My Size Rapunzel doll and grabbed for that.

“I want this,” she said.

I frowned. “That’s too big. This doll is the perfect size. She fits in your toy chest and everything!”

Natalie hugged the My Size Rapunzel box. “I want this. I love her.”

“Natalie, you don’t understand, that My Size doll will scare Mommy at night. It’ll be standing there in the corner, I’ll think it’s a ghost and I’ll scream.”

“I LOVE HER!” Natalie didn’t care that her doll could give me a potential heart attack. Rude.

“Can we look at Legos now?” Tommy asked, shuffling his feet impatiently. “This is all girl stuff.”

“Are you sure you don’t want the perfect size Rapunzel?” I tried one last time.

“I.LOVE.HER!” Natalie said, nodding at the My Size Rapunzel box.

So fine. She got the My Size Rapunzel doll (ended up being only $25 with the coupon), Tommy picked out a Lego set, and I also got the Nintendo DSi since it was on sale for $119, the lowest I had seen it. Tommy has a DS now, and the kids fight over it to the point where I want to hurl it out the window and scream, “You see? Now NO ONE has a DS. Are you happy?”

It was a successful trip. But as we stepped out of Target, my stomach growled. I checked the time. Nearly 10, most places weren’t open yet. IHOP was though. Granted, IHOP on Sundays is a scary place indeed. Still…pancakes sounded good. So I brought it up to the kids, who clapped and said that yes, pancakes sounded good to them too.

The second we stepped into IHOP Natalie went, “I have to see IHOP’s bathroom. I have to pee.”

Of course.

“Oh my God, Natalie,” Tommy snapped.

“Tommy. Don’t say that,” I lectured.

“She JUST went in TARGET!” Tommy fumed.

Actually, I wanted to basically say the same thing. “Natalie, you JUST went in TARGET!” But I knew there was no point in arguing. Natalie has to see the bathroom and that’s that.

Into IHOP’s bathroom we went. Tommy waited outside the door again.

“I can’t believe you, Natalie,” he said before we went in.

“I can’t believe YOU, brother,” she answered sweetly.

It took awhile, but the good news was, after we were done with the bathroom a table was ready for us. I ordered the blueberry pancakes.

“Now Tommy,” I said after the waitress walked away. “Since I got you the DSi for Christmas, you probably won’t be getting any other big gifts.”

Tommy frowned. “The DSi isn’t big.”

Oh, right. The literal thing. “No, I mean, you probably won’t get any other expensive things.”

“That’s fine,” Tommy shrugged.

Natalie handed me a Sweet N Low packet. “I think I need to pee again.”

“No, the bathroom is closed,” I said. If she peed all over the booth, I’d deal with it. But I highly doubted she really had to go.

Natalie handed me some Splenda. “I want my Rapunzel when we get home.”

“No, Rapunzel is going away until Christmas.”

“But I want her,” Natalie whined.

“I’m sorry, she’s for Christmas.” I stuck the packets back.

“But I WANT her,” Natalie cried.

“And like I told you before, Veruca Salt, you can’t have her now,” I replied.

I held my ground too. When we home, I took the box from Natalie and said that Rapunzel was going away for awhile.

“But I LOVEEEE HER!” Natalie crumpled to the ground. “I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH!”

She was behaving like I behaved as a young teenager when I had a crush on Macaulay Culkin.

“She’ll come back next month,” I promised.

“I loveeeee her!” Natalie carried on for about a half hour before admitting defeat. She got herself off the floor, brushed off her legs, and went to sit on the couch, acting as though she hadn’t just been acting like a complete lunatic.

It’s a good thing I also bought a thing of chocolate at Target.