What Do You Mean Big Meal?

“So what big meal are we having on New Years Eve?” Tom asked. (The day before New Years Eve, I might add.)

I looked up with a start. What was wrong with Tom? Why was he using the words ‘big meal’ at me? Didn’t he realize that I had just done two big meals (Thanksgiving and Christmas thankyouverymuch) and that I was done with the big meals until next year? Sometimes I think he forgets that he’s not married to Martha Stewart.

“Um. I was thinking about popping a pizza in the oven and calling it a night,” I admitted with a shrug. To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about a New Years Eve meal. I didn’t really think it was a big deal. So we’re ringing in the New Year. Big whoop. I got some sparkling grape juice to celebrate that. Wasn’t that enough?

“A pizza?” Tom spit out the word as though it were dirty.

“Yeah, I got the cheese stuffed crust one that you like,” I said grandly.

“A pizza?” Tom repeated. Now his nose was all scrunched up as though he were smelling his own fart, which I must say, can knock a grown man over. It’s disgusting.

“Look, if you want to make a ‘big meal’”—I made quotes with my fingers here—“then go for it. I won’t stop you.”

Tom frowned. “I know I don’t want to have a frozen pizza for dinner.”

I smiled sweetly. “Well, it won’t be frozen after it’s cooked.”

He stuck his tongue out. “You know what I mean. We have to have something...better…”

“And like I said, you’re welcome to make something better. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of a riveting episode of Dawson’s Creek. It’s the one where Dawson tells Joey to go with Pacey because he loves her so much that he wants her to be happy. It’s sweet, really, although when Joey runs off Dawson starts to cry and he looks constipated so I can’t help but laugh even though it’s supposed to be this poignant moment,” I said.

Tom looked confused. “So two dudes get it on in that show?”

“No, Tom. Joey is a girl. How many times do I have to explain this to you? Joey was played by Katie Holmes, who is now Tom Cruise’s prisoner. Can you believe that he tries to get people to call her Kate? It’s like, Tom, sorry, her name is Katie not Kate. How would he like it everyone started calling him Thomas Cruise?”

Tom shook his head. “Look, I don’t care about your girly shows. Can we get some good food on New Years Eve or what?”

I thought about it for a second. “I can make marinated chicken but that’s my final offer.”

“With mashed potatoes and corn?” Tom wondered hopefully.

“Sure, if you’ll make some devilled eggs.”

“Deal.”

So we had marinated chicken and the delicious devilled eggs. I can’t get enough of those things.

Tom went to bed before midnight since he had work the next day. Natalie passed out around nine. She kept saying, “Happy New Year!” every few seconds and it was cute the first few times but after awhile I wanted to pull off my ears.

Tommy stayed up with me though. He’s powered by ADHD so he was fully awake by 11:





He kept asking me all sorts of questions like what time was it in England (we used to live there and he still asks about it), did carrots really help you see better, would he be getting some Fun Slides because he really, really wanted some, what was Santa doing now, did he bring in the new year with his elves, when would he start Algebra and was it true that I really got a D in Algebra in high school (yes), and why was the moon blue outside, was it because Cookie Monster was sitting on it?

“How about we be quiet for a few minutes?” I suggested. I pressed a finger to my lips. “Hey, do you want to watch this show called Dawson’s Creek?”

“No, I want to watch the New Years show at New York. Can we go to New York someday? Can we see the Empire State Building? Kevin was in New York in Home Alone 2. He got the burglars again,” Tommy prattled on.

So we watched the New York show and I realized that I must be getting old because most of the singers that came on made my head ache.

Then it fell silent and I relished in the quiet and tried to read—it was ten minutes until midnight. But then I peeked on the couch and Tommy was passed out.

I was going to let him sleep but I figured he’d be upset when he woke up the next morning so I shook him awake.



“I wasn’t sleeping!” he told me.

Right.

We rang in the New Year together and then went to bed.



When I climbed into bed I kissed Tom’s head and whispered Happy New Year in his ear.

“The gym is down the street,” Tom mumbled.

Okay. Obviously he was sleep talking.

“Happy New Year, Tom,” I said again.

“I’d like an orange.”

“I love you, too, Tom. Here’s to a fantastic 2010.”