My Dear Letters

Dear vehicles that like to cut in front of me,

Did you forget how in driver’s ed that you were taught to keep at least two car lengths in front of you for safety? Well, how am I supposed to do that if you keep getting into my two car lengths? That space is for SAFETY not for YOU!

Signed,
A Trying To Be Careful,
Amber

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Dear Tom,

Look, I’m sorry if I’m incapable of talking dirty to you during the act. I tried! Laughing hysterically when I whispered in what I thought was a sexual tone, “You want my crotch, don’t you?” was not very polite.

Signed,
A Non-Kinky,
Amber

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Dear Tommy,

Announcing that you don’t have to listen to me because you’re getting married is not going to work. You’re only seven. You can’t get married. And plus, when you ask a girl to marry you if her response is, “Fine. I guess,” then she’s probably not the one for you.

Signed,
Because-I’m-The-Momma-That’s-Why,
Amber

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Dear Natalie,

Don’t you have anything better to do than follow me into the bathroom and watch me poop? I mean honestly? What is the allure?

Signed,
A-sincerely-baffled,

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Dear People who like going to the movies,

Doesn't this movie look good?



It is a movie called Motherhood It's starting in select cities on Friday. Please go see it so it can come to Wyoming. Thanks! (For more info about the movie, go here.

Signed,
A-Really-Wants-To-See-This,
Amber

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Dear pregnant woman who lives down the street,

The word is pregnant. Not prego, not preggers…but pregnant. Thank you.

Signed,
A Non Cutesy Word Using,
Amber

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Dear Writer’s Block,
Please go away so I can finish my novel. No one will want to publish a novel that has the ending of la la la la la la la la be bop boo.

Signed,
A Frustrated,
Amber