Scary Alien Shows

Whew.

I have more time to write now.

Which means there will be PRONOUNS in my entry. Hooray for pronouns!

The bad news is I'm totally PMSing and I feel like I'm going to eat all the food in the house. I feel like I'm on the Michael Phelps diet or something and have to remind myself that hello, you're not a swimmer so put that second eclair down!

So anyhow, the other night Tom had to go to a going away party for one of his co-workers.

What did I do?

I started watching this program about UFOs and aliens.

Big mistake.

I don't know why I haven't learned by now that I am not to watch programs like that alone.

I remember watching Unsolved Mysteries in my dorm room when no one else was there and freaking myself out.

The show was interesting though. I believe in aliens.

Of course I started to believe that an alien was going to walk into the house and abduct me.

Tom returned home in the middle of the show and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh good. I was freaking myself out," I told Tom.

He started to watch the show. He doesn't believe in aliens.

"A man on the show says that we're being egotistical if we think we're the only beings out there," I said with a sharp nod.

Tom made a face as he pulled off his shoes. "Then I guess I'm egotistical because I don't believe in aliens."

Then I started to watch as retired military members started talking about the UFOs they had seen and my eyes flicked suspiciously over to Tom.

"Tom," I said. "When you joined the Air Force were you briefed about UFOs? Did they tell you they exist but that you're not allowed to tell? I promise I won't tell anyone. Just, I don't know, WINK at me if you were briefed okay? That way you didn't technically tell me. Okay? So here we go Tom: do UFOs exist? Were you briefed?"

I stared at his eye expectantly.

But it did nothing. Tom just stared at me as though I were completely insane and went, "Amber. Even if I WAS briefed I couldn't tell you a thing. You know that."

Well hmph.

I'm ONLY his wife.

The woman who birthed TWO of his children.

The woman who gave him an HEIR.

I even said that last bit and he shook his head. "You really need to stop reading those King Henry books," he said.

"I just feel like I'm privy to the information," I fumed.

Tom raised an eyebrow. "PRIVY? The heck?"

He's always amused on some of the words that I use. When we first started dating he nearly keeled over with laughter when I informed him seriously that I was "parched."

He thought I made up the word.

"It's a word, Tom," I said. "It means to be thirsty."

I had to show it to him in a dictionary before he believed me.

And now it's a part of his vocabulary. Just the other day he went, "I'm parched!"

Of course I was still all freaked out about aliens when I went to bed. I kept thinking of those aliens in Signs and swore one was going to morph in front of me. Morph because, well, they're aliens and they have that technology.

I eventually drifted off to sleep but vowed never to watch a show like that alone again.

But just watch. I probably will. Because I'll talk myself into it and be all, "Oh well it'll be okay. You're older now. This sort of thing isn't scary anymore.."

But it IS. It always will be. Get that through your thick skull, Amber.

I have some pictures to share.