I Resolve to NOT...

Tomorrow it will be 2009.

A lot of people scramble to come up with resolutions that they hope to keep for the New Year.

For a twist, I’m going to write down resolutions that I know I will not keep.

--------------------------

I resolve to NOT try and lose weight. Let’s be honest here. I like to eat. I tend to gravitate towards the foods that aren’t healthy. If the pounds drop, that’s fantastic. If not, well, I can still fit into my pants so all is well.

I resolve to NOT mention the Twilight series anymore. The fanatics frighten me. Plus, no one else thinks it’s amusing when I say things like, “Whenever it’s written that one of the vampires hiss, I think of a hissing cat and it makes me giggle so it sort of kills some of the serious moments of the book…”



I resolve to NOT stop watching those horrible MTV shows. I can’t help it, I enjoy the drama of The Hills and that new show The City. I suppose I can feel better about myself though: at least I don’t watch that horrid Tila Tequila program. Or that Paris Hilton one. What was she looking for again? A maid? No wait, I think it was a best friend or something. At least I never watched THAT show.

I resolve to NOT stop cursing silently at the people who refuse to use their turn signals while driving. How hard is it to flick your wrist?

I resolve to NOT stop cursing silently at the people who talk on their cell phones while driving. Get a Bluetooth.

I resolve to NOT stop watching sugary chick flicks or movies with aliens in them. I tried several times to broaden my horizon by trying to watch those movies with subtitles. Because apparently you’re a well rounded adult if you enjoy them or something. I don’t know. I do know that I fell asleep while watching several subtitled movies. I couldn’t follow the plot. I suppose this means I’m not well rounded. Oh well. Pass me The Notebook please.

I resolve to NOT stop shopping Gymboree. I just can’t. Perhaps if they started designing clothing with only animal print on it I could stop. I cannot stand animal print on clothing. But as it is, they keep releasing these lines that I MUST put on my darling children.

I resolve to NOT stop laughing when someone passes gas. I can’t help it. Farts are funny.

I resolve to NOT try to be a great cook. It’s just not in the cards for me. When I cook, things will most likely always burn. Some people just automatically know what to do in the kitchen. I obviously do not. I’m usually in there darting around like a chicken with its head cut off with my arms flailing in the air trying to stop this from burning and that from boiling over.

I resolve to NOT stop frequenting McDonalds. I can’t help it. The fries rock.