Tom's Wal-Mart Plan

Poor naive Tom.

He's decided that he'll be going to the Wal-Mart Black Friday sale since he'll be up anyhow.

I had told him that I was avoiding Wal-Mart.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because it's scary. It's scary during the day and I don't even want to know what it's like when it's still dark out," I answered.

He then asked me to show him the Black Friday ad. He looked through it and mentioned that there were a lot of great deals.

"I KNOW that," I said. "But I'm just not going to Wal-Mart. If you want Wal-Mart deals you have to get there early. The deals start at 5."

Tom shrugged. "So I figure I'll leave the house at 415. The line shouldn't be that bad."

HAH.

Is he serious?

Does he not know that there are die-hard Wal-Mart fans out there?

Who will most likely camp out at one in the morning. In the COLD.

I explained this to him and he insists that it probably won't be that bad.

"Tom. It's going to be bad. You hate crowds," I reminded him.

He still says he wants to go. So I gave him a list of things to pick up.

The main thing we want is the $88 Hot Wheels Jeep. I told Tom to just focus on that. Who cares about the cheap TVs? Just go for the Hot Wheels Jeep.

"And Tom, it's okay to push if some mother gets in front of you. I know you're overly polite but just tell her that she may NOT get in front of you just because she has a vagina. Okay?" I added.

But anyhow, Tommy has the rest of the week off of school for Thanksgiving break.

So I told him today that I'd take him to see Santa.

"Okay!" Tommy said happily. He grabbed his big toy book and flipped the pages to the Airport Geotrax. "I'm gonna ask Santa for this!"

(Guess what? Santa already bought it. It's hidden in the closet.)

This morning we drove to the mall. Now, for the past week I've been showing Natalie pictures of Santa and she's gotten excited. I'd ask her if she wanted to meet Santa and she'd be all, "Yeth!" with a sharp nod.

As we drove to the mall I asked Natalie if she was ready to see Santa.

"Yeth," Natalie said.

But guess what happened the second I placed her in Santa's lap?

Yeah.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

At first I thought she'd be okay. We walked up and there was no line. Santa waved from his plush green chair and Tommy happily went over, grasping his toy book. Leave it to my kid to bring a toy book so Santa would know exactly what he was talking about.

I picked Natalie up from her stroller and she kept looking at Santa with curiosity.

"It's Santa," I reminded her. "Remember? We like Santa. Santa is nice."

But yeah, when I put her on Santa's lap?

She nearly ruined Santa's eardrums.

So I had to sit down on the plush green chair too with Natalie in my lap.

(Santa smelled like peppermint.)

They tried to take a picture but then Natalie covered her face.

"Come on sweetie," the picture-taking elf said. "Put your hands down and smile."

But no. Natalie refused to take her hands off her face. She sat primly on my lap with her palms flat against her eyes and nose.

They tried to entice her with a stuffed penguin.

"Look sweetie," the elf tried again.

Natalie briefly took her hands down. But then realizing it was nothing of interest the hands flew right back up.

The picture that we took is not that great. I had held Natalie's hands out of her face and she was not pleased. So she looks pissed off, Tommy is looking away and Santa is just looking baffled.

I'll share a picture of the picture in a future entry.

Then Tommy was able to show Santa what he wanted.

"This Geotrax," he said firmly.

Santa was all, "Well I have a small sleigh so I'm not sure if I can get that for you," because he probably doesn't want to promise anything if the parents aren't really going to get it.

"But if I don't get you this I'll bring you other things," Santa promised.

"Okay but you can get this. Your sleigh is magic," Tommy reminded Santa.

Hah.

Santa seemed at a loss of what to say. Finally he went, "I will try my very best."

And then we went on our way.

I took the kids to McDonalds since the behaved. Tommy said he just wanted a burger.

"Not a Happy Meal," he said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. NO Happy Meal."

When I got up to the microphone to order I asked Tommy again.

"NO HAPPY MEAL!" he shrieked impaitiently.

I ordered a hamburger Happy Meal for Natalie. And a burger for Tommy.

But then guess who decided he wanted fries after I ordered??

*Sighs*

Thankfully Natalie never eats all her fries so I gave some of those to Tommy.

And now we're home. The weather is actually nice. 60 degrees. But tomorrow it's supposed to be in the 30s. *Shivers* And it'll be butt cold on Black Friday. But I don't care because all the shopping and walking I'll be doing will keep me warm.

Wish Tom luck at Wal-Mart. I have a feeling he's going to drive up, see the crowds and come right back home....