It's Shiny

Look what (finally) I have:



For those who are baffled, that would be a DVR box.

Though I didn't get it yesterday like expected.

Here's what happened: I called up our provider before we left to make sure all we needed was our old cable box. I don't trust just listening to one person. I'm one of those people who needs the person on the other end to confirm appointments. For instance when I make Natalie's weight check appointments I always repeat: "So it's at ten in the morning on the twelfth, right?" Just to make sure that the person on the other end didn't write down something else.

So I called them up and was suddenly told, "Oh you need to call that in ahead of time. If you go in now, there won't be a box for you."

Okay. No one had TOLD me that.

I was thankful that I had called. I'd have been livid if I had gone into the office and was told that I needed to call it in and get an order number.

I was told that a box would be ready for me the next day after noon.

So I had to wait yet another day for my DVR.

"So it's easy to set up?" Tom kept repeating as we drove to our providers office.

"Yes. I was told it was very easy," I assured him.

"Nothing is ever as easy as they say," Tom grumbled as he parked.

I ran into the office with our old box and was given the new box.

"It's so shiny!" I said. Oops. I totally meant to think that.

The lady on the other side of the desk cocked an eyebrow at me as she set my new (shiny) box down. Apparently not many of her customers make proclaimations like that on a daily basis. I might have even been her first.

(But it WAS shiny. Our old box was black!)

"Sign here," the lady said, sliding a piece of paper at me. "This shows you switched your boxes out."

She probably wanted to add, "You psycho customer, you."

I signed and then she asked me if I had the proper cables to get HDTV.

"Um." Insert blank stare from me. My mouth probably even dropped open in confusion. Cords? Huh?

The lady rolled her eyes slightly. "I'll give you some." She wandered into the back and returned with some cords. "Okay so you plug this into the box to the TV instead of the coax."

Seriously she called one cord a coax. Or something that began with a c.

I still stared at her with confusion.

What I wanted to ask was, "What the hell is a coax cord?"

"Um. So I plug this in instead of that other cord?" I asked.

The lady nodded. "Yes. Otherwise the HD won't work."

"Um."

We stared at each other for a few seconds.

The lady clearly wanted to say, "Begone you psycho, begone."

"If I have problems I can call.." I finally finished.

"Yes," the lady assured me, relieved that I was about to move on.

I gathered my new box. Hello pretty DVR, hello!

"Do I get instructions on how to use this?" I wondered. I realized she hadn't given me any.

Now it was the lady's turn to look baffled. Instructions? What are these instructions in which you speak of?

"It's pretty easy," she said using a tone that made me feel like a complete moron.

"I know but I've been known to hit buttons and screw things up," I said with a chuckle.

The lady didn't even crack a smile. She just stared at me.

We did the staring game for a few seconds.

Apparently there WERE no instructions because she didn't move into the back room again. Instead she said, "Give us a call if you have problems," and then faced her computer screen.

My cue that this conversation was over.

So I walked out with my brand new DVR box.

Tom noticed the new cords on top and sighed.

"I told you! I told you it wasn't as easy. What are these?" he waved them in the air.

"To get HD in our TV I guess," I answered.

"You GUESS?" Tom let out a long string of air.

When we got home he immediately started to try and set it up.

It wasn't working right.

The cable wouldn't turn on.

"I TOLD you!" he boomed. "I plugged it in like the other one and surprise surprise, it's not coming up. I TOLD you!"

So I had to call up our provider.

It turned out he put two of the plugs in the wrong area.

The guy on the other end helped us. Then I asked how we knew if the HDTV was working. He told me to go to the channel and see.

I did.

"Can you tell a difference?" he asked.

I really couldn't. Then I realized I was on HDTBS.

"Go to a sports channel," he said.

I did and..

Wow crystal clear.

"It's so CLEAR and shiny!" I said cheerfully. There I go using that SHINY word again.

This guy at least chuckled.

So our TV is working again. I haven't tried to record because I am confused. If I want to look things up, what do I do? Or do I just find the show I want and hit the record button?? Where do my stored recorded shows go? How do I bring them up?

And if I pause a show and I want to be caught up to what the station is on do I hit the LIVE button?

Why did they not give me instructions??

I'm worried I'm going to screw something up.

Tonight I don't have to use it because I only watch Big Brother. So I don't have another show on at the same time.

Tomorrow I will need it because I think the new America's Next Top Model starts and so does something else I watch. How do I record the other show?

**Is completely baffled**