The Cheese to my Macaroni

Rawr.

Earlier today we went downtown to pick up some donuts at this local shop.

When we pulled up Mom went, "It's closed," and I honestly thought she was joking because it was her way of saying, "Eww donuts, too fatty, stay away!"

But I looked up and sure enough the closed sign was slapped against the door with the explaination of: "Ran out of donuts for the day. Sorry."

Ran out of donuts?

Here's an interesting concept: how about you make some more?

I mean honestly.

I guess that's what I get for enjoying a tiny local donut shop.

Instead we stopped in for ice cream. I asked for a strawberry citrus drink. Tom walked in with me wanting the same drink and when we walked out he was all, "I think the guy made us strawberry banana smoothies. I saw him throw a banana in the blender."

Um.

I took a sip and sure enough it was a strawberry banana smoothie.

Why didn't Tom speak up in the store?

Why won't he grow a pair and speak up?

I mean the smoothie was good enough but what I really wanted was a strawberry citrus. I suppose I could have marched back in and demanded the proper drink but at that point the guy was helping someone else and I didn't want to wait.

Anyhow.

Yesterday wasn't much better.

Tom and I were planning on going on a movie date. It took us forever to come up with a movie we could agree on.

He wanted to see Vantage Point and I said no thank you.

Then he mentioned Jumper and I said no thank you.

"But that Hayden dude is in it," he said. "I know you have a thing for him."

I do but it's not my type of movie. I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't just go watch movies with my celebrity crush in it if I don't like the genre. (I did this with Elijah Wood movies when I was younger.)

"I'll see Definately, Maybe ," I said with a grin.

Tom made a face. "I'm not sitting through a girl movie."

"I'm not sitting through a boy movie," I said firmly.

Finally I noticed that Juno was still showing.

"There's Juno," I suggested, thinking Tom would turn it down.

Instead he shrugged. "I'll see that I guess."

So finally we agreed on the movie. We decided on the 5:05 showing.

But guess what?

Two hours before we were set to leave his work called him in.

Something happened with Tom's troops.

I was livid.

"Tell them you have plans," I snapped.

"They don't care," Tom responded.

"But maybe if you mention that you have plans they'll be compassionate and--"

"They don't CARE, Amber. Jana, please explain to your daughter how the military works," Tom said sharply.

Mom gave me a sorrowful look and said gently that the Air Force didn't really care about families.

Of course I KNEW that but geez..we rarely get to go out just the two of us.

Maybe if I saw Tom sticking up for his family for once, maybe just mentioning us--"Sir, of course I'll come in but would it be possible if I can get out at 4:30 since I have a date planned with my wife"--just something like that, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

But Tom just takes everything.

And he didn't even seem upset, that also disturbed me.

He just calmly pulled on his uniform. Maybe if I saw some emotion from him--"Dammit, I just wish I could go out with my wife" then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.

So he left.

4:30 rolled around and he still wasn't home. I called his cell phone.

"Give me ten minutes," he barked and then hung up.

I waited ten minutes.

No Tom.

I waited five more.

No Tom.

I decided to go on my own.

I was near tears as I left the house. My cell phone rang as I backed up. I stopped the car (look irritating cell phone drivers, here's a concept--STOP THE CAR when your phone rings or don't answer it!) and answered.

"Just go ahead without me. I'll try to make it but no promises," Tom said and then hung up.

A few tears slipped down my cheeks as I slipped my phone in my purse.

Stupid Air Force I continued to think as I drove along.

I mean I do love the military life but it's so aggrivating how they honestly could give a rats ass about the family.

I know, I know, they'd issue you a family if they wanted you to have one.

I hate that phrase.

I made it to the cinema and hardly anyone was in there.

It was a bit strange.

When I walked into my theatre number room there were only two other people in there.

Then the previews started.

Still no Tom.

Then the movie started.

Weird, Juno is drinking a lot of Sunny D.

And OH, it's Dwight from The Office!!

Then someone walked in.

Tom!

He had a nachos and some soda in his hands.

I had told him that I'd sit in the aisle so he spotted me right away.

The movie was entertaining enough. I doubt I'd buy the DVD but it was enjoyable to watch once. To think a former stripper wrote the screenplay.

It's obvious that I'm Gymboree obsessed because I spotted the Gymboree bag twice in the movie. The first time I was all excited.

"Look Tom, Gymboree!" I said, gesturing.

The bag was sitting in Jennifer Garner's living room.

Then it appeared again when she was at the mall. It would be awesome to have a rich friend who gave Gymboree to my kids. If I were rich I'd totally buy Gymboree for my friends.

I did like that they used an actual newborn in the movie. It really bugs me when they try to pass three month olds as a newborn.

I understand about the child labor law and all--I think newborns can be on screen for like two minutes which is like two seconds in movie time since they need lighting and all that fun stuff. But still. Get a small baby or something, it really distracts me when the baby is obviously not a newborn.

However it bugged me when Juno's water just suddenly broke. It RARELY happens that way. But in a lot of movies pregnant people will just be strolling along and BAM, there goes their water.

My water was broken by the doctor each time.

Tom said that the movie was "interesting" which means he liked it okay.

It's a better response than "what the crap was that?"

That would be his response when we watched Knocked Up.

I did tell Tom that he was the cheese to my macaroni. In the movie that's how Juno describes the man she loves.

Tom raised an eyebrow at me and went, "Uh thanks. You're the um, root to my beer.."

I guess that's his version of being romantic??

Okay so then we get home and Natalie is actually not crying. Awesome.

Of course the minute she saw me she cried.

It's my punishment I guess.

Then later it was bedtime and I was looking forward to Lost.

However, Natalie started screaming in bed.

I checked on her and she was covered in vomit.

Luckily I had paused the TV (DVR rocks--or so I thought) so I got her cleaned up.

She finally went back to sleep so I pushed the play button--and my TV just gave me a black screen.

I began to panic.

What happened to my beloved Lost??

I kept pressing play and nothing.

I probably would have totally freaked out had my mom not have been sitting beside me. I didn't want her to think that she raised a potty mouth for a daughter.

Instead I went, "What's going ON?"

For the first few minutes.

When it was obvious that Lost wasn't going to be coming back on I threw the remote on the couch and called it a total piece of shit.

Then I quickly apologized to my Mom.

"I'm sorry Mom. But it is. It's a total piece of SHIT!"

Mom didn't seem to mind. "It's okay. I'd be aggrivated too," she said.

I called the cable company and they told me to unplug the power cord and re-plug it back in.

And guess what?

The DVR started working again.

"I missed Lost," I angrily told the person.

"I'm sorry.." she said, a little confused.

"Now I have to download it on the computer. Stupid DVR," I fumed.

"Ma'am, I do apologize, but this rarely happens.."

"It better not," I snapped. Then I felt rude so I went, "I'm sorry. I was just really looking forward to watching Lost."

"It's okay, ma'am. Is there anything else I can help you with?" Her tone of voice sounded like she wanted to add, "Please no. I just want to hang up with you you psycho Lost fan.."

So yes, now I have to download it online.

I only got to see the first few minutes with Desmond going ape shit wondering where he was and who everyone was.

*Growls*

Right now I'm typing this with Natalie on my lap. Usually she entertains herself for at least five to ten minutes but now if I set her down she flips out.

So she's pretty much been attached to me all day.

Tomorrow we're all going to the mall and then Kohls so that should be fun.

I'm off to go start dinner. We're having spaghetti.

Then I might make brownies or cookies since we didn't get donuts.

Mom will probably be all, "How decadent.." she uses that word a lot when I talk about junk food. *Laughs* It amuses me..

A Date with the Husband

Mom is visiting!

So yesterday Tom and I were able to go on our date.

I was worried on how Natalie would be considering that she tends to flip out if I leave the room.

Tom and I went to Coldstone for dessert.

I got a waffle bowl of course. I think it amuses the workers that I always ask for a chocolate dipped waffle bowl with SPRINKLES.

Yes, I am 25 and I still love sprinkles. The colored ones.

I got the flavor called Our Strawberry Blond. I believe it was strawberry ice cream, graham cracker bits, strawberry chunks, fudge and caramel.

It was delicious.

I got the smallest scoop--the like it.

Tom got the love it.

Which makes NO sense because he never finishes it all. I wonder if he gets the bigger size because he thinks it's not macho to order the small size? I've no idea but it irks me because he NEVER finishes all his ice cream. I'm all, "You know, you CAN get the like it, you don't have to get the LOVE it.." But he's all, "I'd rather have too much than too little." The problem is he almost always gets too much of something and lets the rest go to waste.

(I'd have eaten it but after eating all my ice cream and most of my bowl I was full.)

It also irks me that when I try to have a conversation I get either grunts or a one word answer.

Hello man, we're out ALONE. With no kids vying for our attention. Let's talk! Let's have an ADULT conversation and marvel over the fact that we don't have to bring up Cookie Monster or talk in an irritating high pitched voice to keep the baby from crying.

I kept trying to start a conversation.

I think I asked how work was going.

"Good," he answered.

Um.

"How is it good?" I pressed.

A shrug. "It just is."

I felt like I was talking to a teenager, honestly.

Those used to be my responses when Mom asked how school was.

"Fine," I'd reply, itching to get away so I could go chat.

"Explain it to me," Mom would say.

"It was VERY fine," I'd say thinking I was the shit for coming up with such a witty response.

I expect that from teenagers. They can be a surly bunch.

But I expect actual sentences from my life partner for goodness sakes!

"Isn't this ice cream delicious?" I raved. "I love when you can eat your own bowl. That's so exciting to me!"

Tom cocked an eyebrow at me. Probably thinking, I'm here with my adult wife who is raving about an edible bowl.

"How is your ice cream?" I asked, gesturing to his bowl.

"Good," came the one worded response.

Have we run out of things to say or what?

Sometimes he can be incredibly chatty.

But apparently he wasn't at all in Coldstone.

After we ate--I ended up having a one sided conversation chattering on about different things--we headed off to Target to get Tommy's last birthday present.

It was a Jungle Book set as he's been loving the movie lately.

Tom found a DVD that he wanted--something called Snatch which did not look good at all.

Then he started opening his mouth. "Oh it's an excellent movie, so much crap goes on and.."

He prattled on for like five minutes.

But heaven forbid if he talks to me about his WORK.

I did find the book I wanted. I picked it up off the shelf, hugged it to my chest and proclaimed it to be mine.

I love books.

Then we checked out and Tom announced that he wanted a pretzel from the mall.

"How?" I asked. "I'm stuffed from the ice cream and most of my bowl."

"Ice cream never fills me up," was his response.

It would had he FINISHED it all.

So off to the mall we went.

When we got out of the truck at the mall Tom actually did something romantic.

He took hold of my hand.

"You girls love holding hands, don't you?" he asked.

"I do. When you have kids you're holding THEIR hands. It's nice to hold your partners," I said.

Of course we passed by Gymboree.

And I swear, I wasn't going to go in.

But Tom, TOM was all, "Don't you want to go in?"

"I better not," I said. "The store is evil and I have a problem."

"Oh go in. You know you want to," Tom challenged.

Seriously, I wonder if he's testing me sometimes.

Obviously I failed because I flounced right in the store with Tom at my heels. He was either thinking, "Holy hell that backfired! My wallet!" or, "Finally. Geez. What's her problem?"

I found an outfit I wanted.

Plus some shoes that I had been looking for in the clearance bin. I happily dug through it and went, "I FOUND them in her size!" I held them up like a trophy or like that 80s movie with Molly Ringwald when that boy holds up the panties--and Tom just shook his head at me.

I spent $39, which is a record for me in Gymboree.

Then the worker was all," Did you want a Gymbuck? If so you need to spend this much more.." and showed me the chart.

NO.

"Um," I said weakly. I tossed a look to Tom. Come on Tom, tell me NO. Tell me Natalie has ENOUGH. TELL ME, TELL ME!

"Get what you want," was his response.

He's really lucky that I don't take advantage of that. Luckily I have some willpower so I weakly told the worker that I didn't need anything else. Even though my brain was all, "A GYMBUCK. You could use another GYMBUCK. Get the GYMBUCK! You only have ONE. You need another one, right.."

Nooo brain! Piss off!

After I paid I hightailed it out of there so I wouldn't change my mind.

We went home after that.

We were only gone for about an hour.

When we stepped inside I didn't hear crying so I took that as a good sign.

Natalie was on the floor playing with her toys with Mom beside her. When she saw me she immediately burst into tears and lifted her arms up.

For shame you bad woman! How dare you leave me!

I scooped her up and asked Mom how she was.

"She cried at first," Mom admitted. "But I walked her around the house and she fell asleep. She would look at me and squish her eyes shut as though wishing me away. Finally I guess she figured if she fell asleep that I'd go away. But I didn't let her sleep for more than a half hour. I woke her up, she got upset but then I gave her a bath and she was happy again. Then we came down here and she didn't cry much."

Ahh good.

An exciting thing that happened though was that Natalie pointed to the ceiling fan. She had never pointed before so we were all excited.

"She pointed! She pointed!" we were all saying.

Yes, when you have a baby, little things like that matter.

Mom noticed that I bought clothes and went, "Amber, I do believe you have a problem. Natalie's closet is stuffed with clothes folded on the bottom!"

Er..

I guess she hasn't seen the two drawers stuffed with clothes too.

Granted she can't fit into them ALL now. They're a mixture of sizes.

Today Tom and I are going on another date today since he works Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

We're going to see a movie.

I'll write more on that tomorrow.

I'm thrilled because I love movie theatre popcorn. Dripping with butter. It always baffles me when people ask for NO butter. Then the popcorn tastes like salted stryofoam!

Must have butter!

I'm Offended

Okay so on this forum that I write on, there was a thread started on what offends people.

Basically it started because there are some people on the forum who get easily offended. For instance, someone wrote OMG and a few people got their panties in a bunch because they didn't want the Lord's name taken in vain. Even though it was just OMG. Some people pointed out that OMG meant "Oh my GOODNESS" to them and not God. But some people were still offended.

This turned into a mini-debate and then someone started the thread on what offends people. Of course it turned into fun and games with people saying things like, "I'm offended when someone cuts me off while driving," and then the people who were offended by the OMG comment got offended by the thread because they felt that others were making fun of them.

It was a big headache, really. People need to chill out.

So today's entry is going to be on what offends me. And yes, it will be silly.

----

I'm offended that Tom called me in the middle of Lost last night. There I was all engrossed in Kate's story and then the phone rings. I was debating not answering but Tom is irritating and continues to call until I pick up. He says he starts to panic that something has happened to us. I think a part of him panics that perhaps I invited a male over and am doing the nasty with said male on his couch. Which I could never do since I have this irritating thing called a conscience. Anyhow I answered the phone and barked out, "What? I'm watching Lost and I can't miss anything because then I can miss a key part in the episode. I—wait a minute, I have DVR now. I can pause. Tom, I just PAUSED the TV!" Tom thought I was a bit too excited over this.

I'm offended that Regis and Kelly did not pick Natalie as their Beautiful Baby winner. I really think the contest is rigged.

I'm offended when companies continue to release tasty treats that I am unable to turn down. Of course I had to try the Sara Lee cheesecake bites. And I had to try that Starbucks hot chocolate that was just sitting on the shelf waiting for me to toss it into the cart.

I'm offended by shows like Lipstick Jungle that pretty much say that if you have a boring marriage that it's okay to have an affair. It's really not. It's actually called adultery.

I'm offended when people don't support the military. Please by all means, if you can do it better go ahead.

I'm offended when people tell me that I should just buy my children's clothing at Wal-Mart or Target and that I'm wasting my money on Gymboree. Excuse me, when I start using YOUR money to pay for MY children's clothing, then you can open your yapper. By the way, I do get some of their clothes at Wal-Mart or Target. I just find I prefer the quality at Gymboree. I find Wal-Mart clothes tend to fade or shrink.

I'm offended when a site won't load for me. I immediately start to panic thinking that it's my computer and it always turns out that it was just the site. (Like when OD was down. I was positive it was my computer and went into a panic and restarted it like three times before I realized it was the site. Oops.)

I'm offended when I can't squeeze into my size 3 pants from high school. Dang hips! (And thighs!)

I'm offended that Lost won't give any answers. I am terribly impatient. I couldn't believe the ending of last night's episode. How? Why?

I'm offended that the military didn't station us in Hawaii. I think we deserve the nice weather after enduring Nebraska, England and now Wyoming. Plus I need to stalk the Lost set before the show ends. I'll be Creepy FanGirl Who Needs To Know Answers.

I'm offended when all I get in the mail are bills.

I'm offended that I still manage to either spill food or my drink on a daily basis. Shouldn't the awkward/clumsy phase have disappeared after I finished being a teenager?

I'm offended by the junk that airs on the television and movies. If I wanted to watch people have sex, I'd have rented a porn.

I'm offended when people assume that I'm "taking the easy way out" when I give my son medication for his ADHD. I think if those people really spent a week with Tommy without his medication that they'd understand.

I'm offended that one of the top stories on The Today Show was the fact that Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins. Does anyone even care? Isn't there a, I don't know, WAR going on?

I'm offended that enough people watched that horrible show Carrie and Bruno Dance Wars or something like that and that there is going to be a second season? What the crap? I found it a waste of air space.

I actually AM offended when someone cuts me off while driving.

I'm offended that on The Tudors they made King Henry's illegitimate son die at a young age. This did not really happen. He died at 17 from consumption apparently. It irked me that on the show they made him die at around the age of three from the sweating sickness. I even shouted out, "That's not right!" I think they did it on the show to show his dire need to have a son though.

I do believe that's everything that I find offensive these days.

Later I'm going to Once Upon a Child to bring in some of Tommy's old clothes and the rest of my maternity items.

I guess in a way I'm offended that they totally rip you off there. *Grins*

It's Shiny

Look what (finally) I have:



For those who are baffled, that would be a DVR box.

Though I didn't get it yesterday like expected.

Here's what happened: I called up our provider before we left to make sure all we needed was our old cable box. I don't trust just listening to one person. I'm one of those people who needs the person on the other end to confirm appointments. For instance when I make Natalie's weight check appointments I always repeat: "So it's at ten in the morning on the twelfth, right?" Just to make sure that the person on the other end didn't write down something else.

So I called them up and was suddenly told, "Oh you need to call that in ahead of time. If you go in now, there won't be a box for you."

Okay. No one had TOLD me that.

I was thankful that I had called. I'd have been livid if I had gone into the office and was told that I needed to call it in and get an order number.

I was told that a box would be ready for me the next day after noon.

So I had to wait yet another day for my DVR.

"So it's easy to set up?" Tom kept repeating as we drove to our providers office.

"Yes. I was told it was very easy," I assured him.

"Nothing is ever as easy as they say," Tom grumbled as he parked.

I ran into the office with our old box and was given the new box.

"It's so shiny!" I said. Oops. I totally meant to think that.

The lady on the other side of the desk cocked an eyebrow at me as she set my new (shiny) box down. Apparently not many of her customers make proclaimations like that on a daily basis. I might have even been her first.

(But it WAS shiny. Our old box was black!)

"Sign here," the lady said, sliding a piece of paper at me. "This shows you switched your boxes out."

She probably wanted to add, "You psycho customer, you."

I signed and then she asked me if I had the proper cables to get HDTV.

"Um." Insert blank stare from me. My mouth probably even dropped open in confusion. Cords? Huh?

The lady rolled her eyes slightly. "I'll give you some." She wandered into the back and returned with some cords. "Okay so you plug this into the box to the TV instead of the coax."

Seriously she called one cord a coax. Or something that began with a c.

I still stared at her with confusion.

What I wanted to ask was, "What the hell is a coax cord?"

"Um. So I plug this in instead of that other cord?" I asked.

The lady nodded. "Yes. Otherwise the HD won't work."

"Um."

We stared at each other for a few seconds.

The lady clearly wanted to say, "Begone you psycho, begone."

"If I have problems I can call.." I finally finished.

"Yes," the lady assured me, relieved that I was about to move on.

I gathered my new box. Hello pretty DVR, hello!

"Do I get instructions on how to use this?" I wondered. I realized she hadn't given me any.

Now it was the lady's turn to look baffled. Instructions? What are these instructions in which you speak of?

"It's pretty easy," she said using a tone that made me feel like a complete moron.

"I know but I've been known to hit buttons and screw things up," I said with a chuckle.

The lady didn't even crack a smile. She just stared at me.

We did the staring game for a few seconds.

Apparently there WERE no instructions because she didn't move into the back room again. Instead she said, "Give us a call if you have problems," and then faced her computer screen.

My cue that this conversation was over.

So I walked out with my brand new DVR box.

Tom noticed the new cords on top and sighed.

"I told you! I told you it wasn't as easy. What are these?" he waved them in the air.

"To get HD in our TV I guess," I answered.

"You GUESS?" Tom let out a long string of air.

When we got home he immediately started to try and set it up.

It wasn't working right.

The cable wouldn't turn on.

"I TOLD you!" he boomed. "I plugged it in like the other one and surprise surprise, it's not coming up. I TOLD you!"

So I had to call up our provider.

It turned out he put two of the plugs in the wrong area.

The guy on the other end helped us. Then I asked how we knew if the HDTV was working. He told me to go to the channel and see.

I did.

"Can you tell a difference?" he asked.

I really couldn't. Then I realized I was on HDTBS.

"Go to a sports channel," he said.

I did and..

Wow crystal clear.

"It's so CLEAR and shiny!" I said cheerfully. There I go using that SHINY word again.

This guy at least chuckled.

So our TV is working again. I haven't tried to record because I am confused. If I want to look things up, what do I do? Or do I just find the show I want and hit the record button?? Where do my stored recorded shows go? How do I bring them up?

And if I pause a show and I want to be caught up to what the station is on do I hit the LIVE button?

Why did they not give me instructions??

I'm worried I'm going to screw something up.

Tonight I don't have to use it because I only watch Big Brother. So I don't have another show on at the same time.

Tomorrow I will need it because I think the new America's Next Top Model starts and so does something else I watch. How do I record the other show?

**Is completely baffled**

Amazing Grace

I have a new favorite classic Christian song....well that is not exactly true....the song is still the same one....just a different rendition of an old favorite. Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace haunts me. This weekend....I watched the movie that inspired him to write the song. Ironically....the movie is called, Amazing Grace. It is the story of William Wilberforce, the English Parliament member who worked tirelessly to abolish slavery in England. It was also a sub story about John Newton....an ex slave trader - turned preacher....who....received the amazing grace of God....saw the error of his way.....and wrote the words to the song, Amazing Grace. The odd thing is....most of us know the standard verses....but...we are not aware that there are verses we have never been taught. The song actually goes like this:
Verse 1: Amazing Grace (How sweet the sound) That sav'd a wretch like me!I once was lost, but now am found,Was blind, but now I see.
Verse 2: 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,And grace my fears reliev'd;How precious did that grace appear,The hour I first believ'd!
Verse 3: Thro' many dangers, toils and snare,I have already come;'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,And grace will lead me home.
Verse 4: The Lord has promised good to me.His word my hope secures;He will my shield and portion be,As long as life endures.
Verse 5: Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,And mortal life shall cease;I shall profess, within the vail,A life of joy and peace.
Verse 6: The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,The sun forbear to shine;But God, who call'd me here below,Will be for ever mine.
Ok, so what happened to the line...."When we've been there ten thousand years...?" John Newton did not write that verse. Chris Tomlin added the lines"My chains are gone...I've been set free. My God my Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns, unending love, Amazing Grace."
This song has always had a powerful affect on me. The Chris Tomlin version brings me to my knees. I have never been a slave....like the ones William Wilberforce fought to free....but I have been enslaved in my life. Enslaved by addictions and sins....but right this moment I know that my sins (chains) are gone. I have been set free.....because God's Son Jesus died on a cross for me. During this reflective time of Lent....when I dwell upon all the things that lead up to the event we celebrate called Easter....I must tell everyone I see...Christ lived, Christ died...Christ rose again....I have been given Amazing Grace....and it truly is a sweet sound...because it saved this raggamuffin....and when the day comes that the world ends....I will live with Him....because of that Grace. Peace be with you!

Feeling Old

Last night I went to see Gordon Lightfoot in concert. Now, I know most of you are sitting there asking yourselves, "Gordon who?".....well anyways...he was one of my favorite singers in the late 60's early 70's. He is Canadian. Pre-concert, Tim, Patty, Amanda, Randy, Frank and I were sitting there watching the people claim their seats....and I laughed to myself at how old the concert goers appeared to be....then I realized I was one of them.....hummmmm....so the girls all asked each other...., "Do I look that old?" The lights dimmed and he walked out of stage....gosh....he looked old....his music began and I waited in anticipation for my favorites....finally....Sundown and The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald came.....I felt satisfied. Several months ago....I went to see Christ Tomlin and Matt Redman in concert....I never sat down and was hoarse when the concert ended from singing at the top of my lungs...nobody stood at this concert...it was a concert for old fogies....and an old fogie....I am not!....after an hour on stage he took an intermission.....we decided....to leave. I had personally had enough nostalgia for one night. I really enjoyed the company we were in....more than the concert we were attending....so we went to Applebees and had coffee and dessert.....just to extend the afterglow of the company....I was sad when the evening ended. On our way home....I thought about people I know....who miss the boat when it comes to spending time with friends. I am such a people person....I love being with people.....people are important to me....and I also realized....people were important to Jesus too....he spent time with people....and I want to be just like Him....and be a disciple....I just don't want to have to go see Gordon Lightfoot again to do that. Next time....maybe we can go see someone a little more uplifting.....I want to stand and sing....and be heard.....not be shushed for singing softly in my seat. Hummmm......Third Day sounds like fun!

3 points of a sermon

Today, while I sat in the pew at Waverly United Methodist....being the good preacher's wife....my darling husband Frank delivered one of his best sermons ever! He made three points...we are told in Mark 8....to 1. deny ourselves....oh...I gave up french fries for Lent....so I am looking for other things to put ketchup on....but...he was talking about letting God have control....you know...Let Go...and Let God. I thought long and hard about his first point....do I really let God be the boss.....ALWAYS? I have to answer ashamedly....no. I am well versed in the Frank Sinatra song...."My Way" and try many times to do things...my way. When I fail...I fall on my knees and ask for help.....hum....it would be so much easier....to just ask for help from the start. 2. The second point was to take up YOUR cross. It does not say....his, or your next door neighbors...or anybody elses.....it says your cross. So I asked myself...what is my cross? I thought about all the irregularities in my life....my parents living with me....life changes....I'm divorced....lots of crosses to bear....but the most wonderful thing...is that....when Jesus took up his cross....He died on it for me. 3. Follow me is the last command. It does not tell us....to take a vacation with Him....it tells us to live a life like His...doing His work....being His disciple...Casting Crowns sings a song called "If We Are the Body"....and it asks the question....if we are the body....then why aren't His arms reaching....why aren't His words teaching.....so I leave you with this today......Why? I know the answer after hearing Frank today...it is because we are not denying ourselves, taking up Our crosses and Not following Him as we should be. Go Forth All Who read this....and spread the word....God is Love!

Kathryn-Age 3

My daughter Kathryn has several pet names I gave to her as a child. She was also known as Munchkin because she was so tiny and Rosebud....and I won't go there with an explanation. Anyways....when my kids were small I kept Little Debbie products in an antique Tom's jar on top of my refrigerator. I was smocking this particular afternoon....and don't know if my older two children put her up to her feat....or if she did it on her own....but she got very quiet....so I got up from my sewing to check on her. I found her in the kitchen.....with a chair next to the cabinets....and cook books stacked on the cabinet....next to the fridge....and there in her hand....was a Little Debbie oatmeal cookie. I did not want to frighten her.....because she might fall and hurt herself....something she had managed to avoid to this point. She climbed off the books....and turned around to go down the chair....when she realized she was being watched. She turned very slowly.....held out her little munchkin hand...full of cookie....and said, " I got this for you!" I smiled inside...and sternly asked her...."How did you know I wanted a cookie?" She just shrugged. I took the cookie from her....opened it....slowly....with great anticipation....and ate every bite. She watched and waited....just knowing I was going to share....when I didn't offer some of the sweet to her....realization splattered all over her little sweet face. I licked my fingers....told her thanks....and helped her down. She never tried that stunt again. As a much older person....I realize that many time God catches me with my hand in the cookie jar....when I try to cover my way out of my sin....Hetakes the cookie(sin) from me....and gobbles it up....that is what He did for me....when His son was crucified on the cross. Jesus Christ took that cookie from me....and gave me the greatest gift of salvation. Poor Kathryn....she did not get a gift....she worked for the cookie....and I ate it! I will never look at an oatmeal cookie again...without smiling....and thanking my munchkin for the object lesson. It is better to give....than to receive. Oh, that was not what she was trying to do....but that was what was accomplished. Even today....24 years later....she is still teaching me lessons....about life....about myself....and about God. Thanks munchkin!

Reflections for Lent

How do I personally deal with temptation? That was the challenge given to me at the Ash Wednesday Service of the First United Methodist Church, Rev. Steve Strange, and God. So I left the sanctuary to begin a journey with Jesus to the holiest of holy places that I can reach at this point in my life. This Lent was different from the last 5. I attended it alone. Oh, I was with a whole row of my dearest friends....but last year, my husband Frank and I attended service together, we sat there different needs, different areas of growth, different levels of insight and understanding. Yet, as different as our needs were....they were on the same path way....we just did not know it at the time. So much has happened since Ash Wednesday 2007, all of it has been in preparation for what the Lord has going on in our lives right now.
This year, 2008, I am wanting victories. I want a victory over weight and body image. I want to be a temple extraordinaire. I want a victory for my dear husband. I want so much for him to succeed at college. I want him to achieve the feeling a diploma can give you. This can only happen if we both continue to follow God's will....for us both. What a year....we have begun a walk down the path of ministry that I never dreamed would have been....proof that God has plans for us all....we just have to listen and believe....and understand that God has a major sense of humor. To gain victory this year I know that my path will lead through the cross, into the tomb, and out where God's light and love will provide for me physical healing and new life image. I know this in my heart....my head just gets in the way sometimes. And here it is Lent again...did I waste another year? Or was it another year utilized to its fullest. It is that time....after the ashes have faded from my face....that I begin to think seriously during Lent on the sacrifices I am going to make and to begin my journey with Jesus, all the way to the cross and through the resurrection. I am reminded of the song...."Your Love is Extravagent" by Casting Crowns. I can have such an intimate friendship with this man I call my heavenly Father....as I find myself embracing my own crosses. This leads to a new year....a new attitude....a new me....and a new me is what I truly am seeking. In 40+ days we will celebrate Easter and we need to remind ourselves that this season is so much more than just a holiday of pretty eggs, chocolate bunnies and family reunions. Lent is so much more than just 40 days of enduring my personal sacrifice for the year.....eating no french fries. (For those of you who know me....that is a major deal. I love french fries....actually....I love ketchup....french fries just enhance it with the taste of salt.)....but excuse me for digressing here. To experience the complete element of Easter and Lent....I must experience the full power of resurrection, I have to experience the power of mourning and repenting from all of my sinful ways. I have to experience the powerlessness of death - the death of my selfishness, the death of my worldliness, the death of my behaviors that are not Christ-like. Spring is on its way....and I am feeling a daffodil....pushing against the ground....reaching for the sky.....that daffodil is me. This year....I believe I will bloom!

Another IEP Meeting

So on Thursday I went to Tommy's IEP meeting at the school.

I had to wake up Tom before I left because he was watching Natalie.

Waking up Tom is always such an enjoyable task. <--Sarcasm.

For starters, it can take awhile for him to even respond. The man could sleep soundly through an explosion and wake up hours later going, "Oh man. What blew up?"

I usually stroke his arm and say, "Tom? It's time to wake up."

I started stroking his arm and nothing happened. Tom continued to lay all sprawled out.

"Tom?" I hissed. "It's time to wake up."

I said this close to his ear.

He lifted his head up slightly. "Huh?" His eyes were still closed.

"It's time to wake up. I have to go to Tommy's IEP meeting. You need to watch Natalie," I explained. I walked to the other side of the bed and deposited Natalie beside Tom.

She immediately looked offended. How dare you set me down? What is WRONG with you? She started to whine, which helped Tom's eyes slowly open.

"Mmmmm," he complained. "I'm exhausted."

Whenever he says that I want to smother him with a pillow. I don't even think he knows what the word exhausted even means.

Max the cat joined in on the task of waking Tom up. He leaped on the bed and promptly attacked Tom's feet.

"Okay, okay," Tom grumbled. He sat up in bed and scratched his head.

I gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and then kissed Natalie, who was still whining.

Someone, anyone, pick me up, pick me up, pick me up!

I left a few minutes later.

Of course I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect. It's always a little daunting to walk into a room filled with women who are all there to help your son. Plus the principal, who knows Tommy well. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. My principal never knew me. I never had any problems in school. Perhaps if I did this wouldn't seem so foreign to me.

When I got to the school I signed in and then went to pick up Tommy. I had warned him not to get on the bus because I was going to pick him up for a meeting.

"Again?" Tommy asked with a sigh.

"Yes again. The meeting is to help you," I explained.

I walked down to his classroom and he was waiting in the hall.

"Mom!" he said cheerfully when he saw me.

You see? He's happy. He's not crying. Does anyone else see this? He's not crying at school.

He rushed down and gave me a hug. "Mom, look at what I got." He dug through his backpack and pulled out a small toy car.

"What did you get that for?" I asked.

"For being good!" he told me cheerfully.

I know his teacher does this chart for him. If he has enough happy moments, he gets to chose a toy and get an award.

"That's a cool car," I told him.

"Yeah," Tommy said with a smile.

"How about we go to the meeting?"

"Okay," he agreed.

I took hold of his hand and we walked down the hall. I saw other students leaving the school, backpacks draped over their shoulders.

How is he going to be when he gets older? Is he always going to have problems?

We went into the office and waited a few minutes before the school pscyhologist walked in.

"Hi Tommy," she said cheerfully.

"Look!" Tommy said, showing her his car.

"That's neat!" she said. Then she looked at me. "You can come on back now."

I gathered Tommy's things and we walked back.

I took a seat in the familiar chair in the room I had grown so accustomed to.

A few minutes later everyone had filtered inside.

The school psychologist asked Tommy's teacher to explain what she had been seeing.

"Tommy has been crying all day," she began. "It's gotten to the point where he shouts and screams. I have to take him to the office and leave the room full of kids." She looked almost apologetic as she said it.

The principal, who was sitting beside me nodded. "So you see Amber, I don't feel comfortable with a teacher leaving a classroom of children. I worry about their safety. It just breaks my heart to see Tommy so upset. He's usually with me in the office for a good portion of the day."

Not even six and he's already in the principals office.

"Also," the teacher continued. "The past few days I've caught his hands south of the border."

It took me a few seconds to process what she was saying.

South of the border..south of the..

And then I understood.

My kid was fondling himself.

"So he's been masturbating," the school psychologist said bluntly. She scribbled something down.

Tommy, Tommy, what in the world...

He does it at home sometimes and I always stop him.

"That's private, Tommy," I always tell him.

Of course he's probably confused. He sees his Daddy happily scratching his balls and his package even though I've explained to Tom that he needs to stop it.

I suppose it could be worse. I hear about kids exposing themselves in class. At least he keeps it tucked away.

Basically he's going to be in the resource room more often. He does well there. He seems to thrive in smaller groups. When he's in a large classroom he tends to cry and flip out if things are different. The teacher was saying that she moved a poster to the other side of the room and Tommy couldn't stop talking about it.

"The poster is wrong!" he kept saying.

He'll still receive all the same work as the "regular" classroom. He'll still attend the "regular" classroom during storytime and small group activities.

But then came the part I was dreading.

"We feel Tommy would benefit from a half day of Kindergarten," the school psychologist said. "It seems the whole day is too much for him."

Of course I started with my arguments.

"I'm worried he'll get behind," I explained.

I was told that he'd still get the same work, that the afternoons are basically art, music and PE anyhow. Plus they used to be speech for him but that's moved up to the morning anyhow.

"He enjoys computer and show and tell," I added. Both of which are in the afternoon.

The teacher promised that he could do show and tell in the morning. She'd allow him to stand up and explain his toy. She said he tends to get upset at show and tell anyhow. If he's not called on right away he cries.

Also, he could do computer in the resource room in the mornings. The same exact program.

I asked if he could just spend more time in the resource room in the afternoon. He can't because the afternoons are for the older children and the teacher wouldn't be able to focus on Tommy. Sometimes Tommy needs reminders to finish his work since he tends to get distracted.

I asked if half days had to be permanent.

"No," the school psychologist said. "First we'd gradually give him more classroom time in the morning. If he does well there then we'd extend his afternoon time."

Tommy has an ADHD appointment on the 11th. That is where I'm going to discuss getting him on Vyvanse. Hopefully this medication helps.

He obviously needs the medication. Last week I only sent him to school on 5 MGs of Ritalin.

He didn't cry as much but he wasn't able to get his work done. He would rock in his seat, tap his legs and barely finished any of his tasks. Sometimes he'd even get out of his seat and distract the other children.

On his meds, he's able to get his work done.

But he cries more. And he seems almost too quiet when he's not crying, that is.

So we need to find a balance. And I have done a lot of research on Vyvanse. It helps ADHD children who are emotional.

I asked what his chances are of going onto first grade.

"Right now it seems he'd be fine academically," Tommy's teacher said. "He can do all the work. Just socially and emotionally he'd have problems. But if we can help him now and set up a behavior plan then he'd probably be fine."

I'm just worried that because he's only going half day that it's going to hurt him. I mean how is he going to be graded on PE, art and music if he's not even there? That's another question I need to ask.

I imagine it wouldn't be a problem seeing as this is Kindergarten. A lot of Kindergartens are only half day anyhow.

But still.

I agreed to let Tommy go half day since they promised he'd still be doing everything the class was doing. They all seem to want to help him.

The school psychologist did ask if she could do some tests with him. I had to sign a permission slip for that.

After the meeting I explained to Tommy that he'd be coming home in the afternoons.

"Okay," he said.

He didn't even seem to mind.

By the way, a bus drops him off. I could have picked him up but it would mess up Natalie's schedule. Plus I'd like to save my gas.

He came home early today. No problems. He just walked in and went, "Oh hi Mom."

The teacher did send him with some work which we'll be finishing up.

I just want my boy to succeed.

The Most Beautiful Rainbow

I got an email this morning....from my friend Janice....as a forward from my dear friend Carolyn. It started out with an absolutely gorgeous picture of a rainbox....and then it said as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. Live simply. Love generously.Care deeply. Speak kindly.Leave the rest to God. This email came at a perfect time in my life....they usually do....especially the profound ones. My father is very sick. He is not eating....he is not smiling...he is not laughing....he sleeps....alot. Yesterday he fell down in my front yard and hurt his hand. When I got home and saw the hand I grieved. I don't want to see my father hurt....or hurting. I love this man....I am a daddy's girl. Through all my life of caving in and hurts....my daddy was there....he held me...he loved me....he cared....when things got to big for me to handle....I let him handle them...he truly has been the poster child for living simply, loving generously, caring deeply, speaking kindly,....and leaving the rest to God. Now it is my turn to take the lessons he taught me and run with them. I cannot fall into my daddy's arms and weep right now....but I can fall into my heavenly Father's arms and let him take care of the rest. Thank goodness He is there. It is a great strength to know that I have two such loving father's. Thanks friends for sharing the thought with me....and giving me a rainbow when my sky was looking so gray.

Silly Annoyances

I have possibly ten things that drive me nuts. 1. My numero uno would be a southern link phone that serves as walky talkies. I hate hearing other peoples phone conversations....let alone both ends of it. When you are in a restaurant, or out in public in general....don't talk. 2. My second one would be how people use of the words seen and saw in a sentence. Nothing scalds me more than to hear someone say I seen a good movie last night. Contrary to popular belief....redneckism is a disease. 3. Number three would have to be men correcting their lower anatomy in public. It is not going to fall off...or go anywhere...if something needs fixing....excuse yourself and go to the restroom. 4. Number four would be in Walmart when children act up and momma's tell them...."just wait til your daddy get's home." Let me tell you something I feared my momma a whole lot more than my daddy. There was no waiting for him to dole out discipline when I was a child. My mom believed....if you do the crime....you do the time....NOW! Flip-flops are relatively painful when they are waved across your legs in a rapid succession. 5. Commercials with starving children and animals. They make me cry and then make me mad because they made me cry. I would really love to know how much money Sarah McLaughlin gives to abused animals....or Sally Struthers contributes to starving children in Africa. 6. The act of being a redneck. Why is it that whenever Alabama makes national news....the redneck is always the one interviewed? There are smart people here in this state...but they rarely make the news. 7. People assuming that if you are from Alabama....you are either a redneck....or married to your first cousin. There are laws against things like that....you can only marry your third cousin in Alabama....it has to be that way....because we are kin to everyone. 8. Someone telling me...."You remember so and so....don't you?" (My response is supposed to be, "yes of course....how could I ever forget?"....yet in reality....I don't have a clue. The one time I bit and responded appropriately.....the lady in question laughed loudly and told me she had not seen me since I was 14 months old.....well I don't know about you.....but I don't have a massive memory collection of that year. Heck...I can barely remember 2007. 9. People who tell you ....No...and then complain cause they could have done it better. If that were the case....then why didn't you?
and rounding out my top ten list....would be people who bring babies to weddings. I had three children....it is the bride's day....leave them at home. Nothing is any worse than beautiful video footage of the wedding....and not being able to hear a blasted thing....because of the babies crying in harmony in the audience. Either....pay a baby sitter....or see to it that a nursery is provided. I know these are just little quirky things, and I am not going to go on a screaming rampage when they happen to appear in my daily life.....nope...I will be the one mumbling.....bless her little heart....her momma did not teach her any better.....or never used a flip flop on her. See you soon.

The Hats I Wear

I wear a number of hats throughout my day. I wake up in the morning and put on my teacher hat. With that hat and all the intelligence that is in it I go to school to impart wisdom in the lives of high schoolers. Somedays my teacher hat is clean and neat and full of good stuff. Other days, like today...it is a little droopy and clouded by a cold. While at school I wear the hat of a friend and hug people who are having a bad day, listen to stories from the hurting, rejoice in my friends accomplishments, and sometimes I am even jealous when they achieve something I cannot seem to achieve....but all in all I love wearing this hat. During the school day I also wear a counselor hat....even though I don't have degree in counseling....the kids tell me their deepest and darkest secrets and I sometimes have to help them sort out their problems.
After school I put on the wife hat most days and go home and cook supper and do wifey type things. I wash, I iron, I clean....I would rather take a power nap. Two nights a week I don the adjunct hat and teach English at CACC. I usually love this hat...but am struggling with it right now. This hat is not fitting well this term. It is a bit tight. I have several students who are making my hat tight and I am a little angry because they are there....especially since I am only part time. I think it would be different if I had regular office hours....but I don't. So I will just plug along with this hat....and maybe take it off for the summer.
Weds. nights I put on my singer hat. I love to sing. I sing on Sunday's at the Arbor service and love it. I usually get a joyful feeling after Weds. night and go home ready to tackle the world. Singing can do that for me.
Some nights I put on my Still Magnolia big girl hat...and I really love that. I sing with two other women I absolutely adore. We have so much fun singing together. I can't imagine life without them in it.
I have a mother hat too. I love that hat. It is by far one of my favorites. All my children are gone from home now....but I still wear the hat. They call when they need a shoulder....or just want to talk....and I love hearing from them.
Hats are fun and everyone should have them. I like changing mine throughout the day and becoming something different....it is kind of like slipping into a phone booth and becoming Superman. You never know which hat I am going to show up in.
My suggestion to you this glorious Friday is to go out and find yourself some hats...try them on....keep the ones that fit....trade in the ones that don't. There are always people looking for a bargain in a hat.