My Resolutions

I've decided that I'd make a New Years Resolution list.

So..

Here they are.

1. I resolve to try and at least brush my hair and throw on pants that actually match like the other mothers do at the bus stop. Instead of looking half asleep with what looks like a bird's nest on top of my head. Right now Tommy doesn't care. In a few years he's going to be mortified.

2. I resolve to stop threatening that SuperNanny is going to come and put Tommy on the naughty step if he doesn't behave. Lying to children isn't right. Plus it's totally backfiring on me. Now Tommy is all, "I want to say hi to SuperNanny. She's cool!"

3. I resolve to try and lose these last 7 pounds. But it's difficult when you see a BROWNIE platter at Wal-Mart. I mean how can I turn down frosted brownies, white chocolate brownies and brownies with tons more chocolate stuffed in them? And how can I turn down cinnamon buns with BUTTERCREAM frosting on top? And how can I turn down chocolate glazed donuts? I have no willpower! If I do end up turning down the sweets than all I can think about is the sweets all day! I can't get a thing done. I keep thinking, "Mmmmm, remember those brownies? I wonder what they'd taste like? I bet chocolately and sweet and..." This happened a few weeks ago. When we went to Dairy Queen I was good and got a SMALL artic blast even though I wanted a waffle bowl sundae. But then all I could think about was the waffle bowl sundae. Tom was in the middle of telling me about his night at work and I suddenly burst out with, "I NEED A WAFFLE BOWL SUNDAE!" I couldn't stop thinking about the damn thing.

4. I resolve to put on makeup when I go to Tommy's school functions. That way I don't look like death and can fit in with the other mother's who actually take the time to look good. But who has time for that?

5. I resolve to stop farting so much in front of Tom. It's not ladylike.

6. I resolve to learn how to cook different dishes. I am so sick of spaghetti. And Bubba burgers. And hot dogs.

7. I resolve to stop laughing when another mother goes on about how beautiful giving birth is. I'll bite my tongue and stop saying, "Oh yeah beautiful when you have blood and god knows what else shooting out of your crotch!" It's not polite. Let mothers think that it's a beautiful thing. Keep how gross you think it is to yourself.

8. I resolve to stop asking Tom for people for my birthday and Christmas. I'm sure Elijah Wood, Hayden Christensen, Macaulay Culkin and John Krasinkski wouldn't appreciate on being known that they were wanted as PRESENTS. I mean they're human beings. Not gifts. (Oh who am I kidding, I'm totally asking for Elijah for my birthday come June..)

9. I resolve to stop laughing at the words penis, vagina and scrotum. You're 25. It's not funny anymore. And stop laughing when other people fart. That's not funny either.

10. I resolve to finish a novel and then try and get an agent. Nothing is going to happen if I don't at least TRY.

11. I resolve to stop buying so many clothes for the children. They don't need them. No more shopping at Gymboree for awhile. Oh wait. Crap. I have Gymbucks and the Gymbucks redemption is coming up. So after that no more. Oh crap. The baby sale starts in February and I have a 20% off coupon which will make things $8 and $16. So AFTER the baby sale. Yes. AFTER.

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So there we go. That's all I can think of for now.

I won't be staying up until midnight tonight. I'm old, I'm in bed by 10 these days ;)