Discussions with Tommy

So Tom came home last night from firing. See, they have to requalify for being able to have certain weapons.

He walked in and went, "Why is there an angry carrot taped to our door?"

He was talking about this:



Okay, I can see how he thought it was a carrot. My poor Tommy can't always make circles that well.

"It's a pumpkin," I corrected.

He did a double take. "It looks like an evil carrot."

I asked how he did with firing.

Tom almost look insulted that I even asked.

"Expert of course," he said indignantly.

Well sorry.

Then we talked and he fell asleep.

And I realized that sharing a bed with him sucks. Usually he's up during the night so I get the bed to myself. It's bliss, really.

But last night he was so exhausted since he had been at firing all day and had only had about two hours of sleep.

He shifts so much.

And the snoring.

Don't get me started on the snoring.

I want to kill whoever decided that a married couple should share a bed. Seriously.

They should not.

They should each have their own rooms. *Nods*

I told Tom if we were ever rich and could afford a big house that we'd have our own rooms. Of course this insulted him because he was all, "What? You don't like being with me?"

Er. Not at night when your arm is flung over my face and your foot kicks at my back.

Today Tommy only had a half day at school. He's upstairs now watching a movie with a friend.

Though when he first came home he picked up the tank he has been playing with yesterday and noticed something was missing.

It was this tiny (TINY) gun attached to it and I suppose it snapped off.

Only Tommy would notice something like that.

Tommy notices everything.

If one thing is out of place he'll point it out.

If a different numbered bus picks him up in the morning he points it out.

I switched some pictures out of frames and he noticed right away.

Anyhow, he had a meltdown over this tiny gun. I tried to find it. I got down on my hands and knees and searched the garage to no avail.

"But. I. Need. My. GUNNNN!" Tommy said all dramatically.

He finally calmed down. It may have been because of the Fruit Rollup that I pressed into his palm and the promise that a friend could come over later.

Tommy came home with a picture that he drew in class today:



I did a double-take because it appeared that he had also drawn his...erm...penis.

Mind you, he has done this in the past. My longtime readers might remember the drawings that were well-endowed.

I was able to explain that drawing the penis was not necissary. That people understood that it was him without the penis. That the penis was private and it was better not to draw it.

Apparently he forgot.

Because I asked him to explain the picture to me. This is something that parents learn to say. Because sometimes your kid will hand you over a drawing and you have no idea what it is. You'll twist the paper around your hands and squint at it, hoping that you'll be able to figure out what it is. Sometimes you may get lucky and figure it out.

Other times you'll have to ask the kid to explain it to you.

Because some kids get insulted if you dare ask what they've drawn.

And then they may not ever draw anything ever for you again because "you didn't know what they drew the first time so what's the point?!"

Children can seriously behave as though they're PMSing.

I'm not kidding.

"I drew my intestines," Tommy said seriously, pointing them out. "Then my stomach."

He didn't mention the penis so I pointed and asked what it was.

He looked at me as though I were completely stupid.

"My penis," he said matter-of-factly.

I sighed. "But Tommy. Remember that's private. We don't have to draw it, okay?"

"But Frank drew HIS penis," Tommy pointed out, naming another kid in his class.

Suddenly I pictured all the boys in the class drawing their penises and had to stifle a giggle.

"That's not appropriate," I told Tommy. "Please don't draw it again. I mean I like your drawing, don't get me wrong...But no more penises. Okay?"

He nodded. "Ohhh-kay." He looked a little annoyed and took his drawing back.

Then he also brought back some candy that the teachers had given the kids.

Thank goodness they still pass out candy.

There's this nonsense of no cupcakes and such at parties which I think is horrible.

Yes fruit is important. But for heavens sake, don't ban the cupcakes. Just offer fruit as well.

Tommy showed me his candy and only picked out the lollipops and the minature chocolates.

"The rest is yucky," he said, gathering it into his hands and walking to the trash.

"STOP!" I yelped.

I mean he had mini 3 Musketeers bars in his hands. Mini Snickers. A Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.

My kid is insane!

Tommy paused over the trashcan. He looked shocked.

"Mommy will eat that. You have a Mommy who loves candy," I said, taking the candy into my hands.

Mmmm...come to me mini 3 Musketeers Bar.

"Mommy," Tommy said in his best lecture voice. "Candy is BAD for you. Eat fruit."

Ah. I see his Nona has gotten to him.

She'd be so proud.

"I'll eat fruit. I promise. I'm going to have an apple later."

Of course I didn't mention that I was dipping said apple into chocolate.

Some things kids just don't have to know about.

Articles and Pictures

Six articles that surprised me while reading US Weekly.



Goodness.

So Hugh Hefner has dumped Holly and taken up with these twins?

Who look like they're wearing..PANTIES to an event?

They look like they were pulled out of a strip club or something.

I liked Holly.

But apparently they tried to have a baby and it didn't work. And Holly wants a baby, therefore they broke up.

Interesting.



Why do I even bother watching The Hills?

It's obviously fake.

And now it seems like Lauren and Audrina are fighting. Audrina thinks Lauren slept with an ex-boyfriend of hers who looks as though he's climbed out of a dumpster.

Oh and it seems like Lauren and Heidi are friends again ??

I wonder what Spencer, Heidi's creepy boyfriend thinks of that?

He seriously scares me.



Michael Phelps! WTF!?

You're on my list. You can't go getting a girlfriend.




What in the WORLD is up with these jeans? Who would wear them that high? And who would fork over $275 for them?

I don't get celebrities.



It's Jodie Sweetin from Full House! I love her. I love that show.

She was on Chelsea Lately the other day. I think we'd be friends. Granted she was addicted to crystal meth but she overcame that.

Go Jodie!

I hope you come back into the world of acting.

---------
One Picture that Confuses Me



Why is Suri Cruise never wearing a jacket?

It's it cold in New York?

Her Mommy is wearing a jacket.

Where is Suri's?

And why do celebrities dress their children horribly? Actually Suri is adorably dressed most of the time. But some other celebrity children look as though they just rolled out of bed.

Man, if I were photographed all the time I would make sure my kid was dressed to the nines.

Heck, I'm not photographed now and my kids are always dressed up.

I'm confused.

-------

Two Pictures that Confuse Me




Natalie enjoys watching America's Next Top Model.

In this photo she took the couch pillow down and snuggled on it while she happily watched the models don a green suit.



Natalie happily snuggles with her Daddy but I get konked in the head with her toys?

Rude.

-----------

Just A Question


Um. Please tell me that I'm not the only 26-year-old who is NOT going to see High School Musical 3. A lot of people at the forum that I write at are excited about seeing it??

And some are older than me.

Er.

Do they not realize that it's a bunch of scary teenagers prancing around?

Maybe that sort of thing only terrifies me. I dunno.

It might be Zac Efron's hair that scares me off.

Or Ashley Tisdale's new nose.

Dunno.

It's Our Unbirthday!

"Mommy!" Tommy's voice called from outside. He appeared in front of the screen door with a wide smile on his face.

He always wants to be outside. Even though yesterday it was down in the fifties he still insisted on playing outdoors.

"I have a jacket, Mommy," he reminded me as though I were a complete idiot when I had mentioned that it was chilly.

I have to remember that children don't mind the cold as much. That when I was little I used to dart around outside even in temperatures hovering around 10 degrees. I'd just bundle up and go.

So yes, after school Tommy had a quick gulp of water and shoved some carrots in his mouth and was gone.

Until he appeared at the door.

He came inside with his right hand closed up.

"I have a surprise for you," he said.

I held my hand out. "Goody! Can I see?"

"Close your eyes," Tommy insisted.

I obeyed.

And then I felt something fuzzy and I thought, "aww the kid probably brought in one of those dandelions or something how sweet.."

But then I opened my eyes and it was a fuzzy black CATERPILLAR.

I screamed.

I didn't MEAN to.

But the scream just came out and I flung the caterpillar to the ground while Tommy stared at me in horror.

"MOM-ME!" he whined, bending down to pick up his friend. "You gonna hurt my caterpillar." He gave me a dirty look before scooping up his "friend" and taking him back outside.

Where he belongs.

Okay, so the caterpillar wasn't huge or anything. But it was just the surprise of having one suddenly in my hand that caused me to startle.

I should have known better.

Boys like bugs, farts, boogers and sports.

So what did I expect Tommy to give me?

In my defense, he has given me flowers in the past. Of course that was awhile ago, when he was still my sweet little boy.

Now he's suddenly morphed into this moody kid who will explode with "I hate you!" if I tell him no.

It's heartbreaking, really.

I explain that he cannot use those words with me, that it hurts my feelings and then he'll lower his head and mutter out that he's sorry but he was just very very angry with me.

I went outside to check on Tommy and he was squatting on the driveway watching his caterpillar friend.

When he saw me approaching he scooped up his caterpillar.

"You hurt him," he said, frowning.

It was on the tip of my tongue to say that he was probably hurting him now, squeezing him palm to his chest like that.

But I swallowed it down and apologized.

"I just didn't expect a caterpillar. Sorry," I said.

Tommy set his caterpillar back down and the poor thing tried in vain to escape.

It was probably thinking, "Okay first I was flung in the air. And now this kid-creature keeps trying to HUG me."

"Say sorry to Sparky," Tommy commanded.

Sparky?

"Sorry Sparky," I said with a forced smile.

"He says it's okay," Tommy told me seriously.

Great. My conscience is clear.

In other news, I ended up buying a cookie cake.

I couldn't help it.

Jennifer (PurrfectPrincess) had talked about it in an entry and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

So then we all headed to Wal-Mart and of course I wandered into the bakery section and I found a cookie cake.

"Get it," Tom said with a shrug. "Of course the one you're holding says Happy Birthday on it."

"So?" I replied. "It can be our UNbirthday."

Tom raised an eyebrow at me. "Huh?"

I shook my head. "Haven't you ever seen Alice in Wonderland?"

Tom made a face as though I had let out a bean fart. "That's for girls."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh it is not. But anyhow, they have a song that goes..a very merry unbirthday..to me..to you...a very merry unbirthday..to me..to you.."

I trailed off and realized that Tom had left.

He was quickly walking away into the frozen food department.

How rude!

I was SINGING to him.

Albeit off key but still.

When someone sings to you, you stay and LISTEN.

It's common curtesy.

Tommy stayed. But that's only because he wanted a donut and was patiently waiting for me to finish my musical.

I caught up to Tom and told him he was rude to leave me like that.

"Amber," Tom hissed. "How many times do I have to tell you not to break out into song in public?"

Sorry.

Maybe I watched too many Disney movies growing up. Characters always broke out into song and I always thought it was neat how everyone around automatically knew all the words and would chime in.

And it doesn't help that movies make it look like so much fun.

Like on My Best Friend's Wedding when George all of a sudden breaks out into song to embarrass Julia Robert's character. I loved that scene! No one has ever broken out into song for me.

Well, I guess Tom sort of has. Sometimes if a music plays on his iPod while we're driving he'll grab my hand and sing.

But never in public of course.

Anyhow, we had the cookie cake when we got home and I started to sing as I brought Tom's slice to him.

"A very merry unbirthday to me..to YOU..a very merry unbirthday to me..to you.." I stopped. "Why are you giving me that look?"

Tom was given me a sullen look. "Because I just want my cake. I don't need a song to accompany it."

Rude again!

Sheesh.

Here is the beautiful cookie cake, which was delicious by the way.

Surly Sunday

Well, it happened.

We moved Natalie's crib into a toddler bed.

I was worried that she'd tumble out of her crib one day. So far she's climbed out without any problems but suppose she slipped and bonked her head?

So I told Tom he'd have to switch it to a toddler bed.

He kept saying that he'd get to it after he played his new computer game.

So an hour slipped by and then he said he was tired and that he wanted to lie down.

I said no way.

Because he had been at church most of the morning. Then he came home and plopped in front of his computer game. And then he's going to announce that he's going to bed?

I think not.

"Doesn't church teach you to help your family out and all that jazz?" I asked him as he started to grumble.

"I didn't get much sleep," he argued.

In the end he agreed to put the toddler bed together. Probably to shut me up.

At first he couldn't find the instructions.

"They're not on here," he said, flipping the booklet that came with the crib.

"They're right HERE," I said, tapping the corner page.

Then he started complaining that I wasn't helping.

"Welcome to my world," I said. "I do basically everything on my own."

So that started him complaining again.

I did help him, by the way.

And it was easy to set up.



Notice that there isn't a pillow or blanket. Why?

Because, okay, Natalie starts off like this:



And then ends up like this:



I'm just worried she'll get twisted up in a blanket.

So how did she do?

Well, she kept coming out of bed. I put a gate up in front of her door and she'd shout, "Bed? Bed?"

I would explain that it was time to go back to bed and lead her back to it.

But then she'd come back to the gate.

"Bed? Bed?"

This went on until about 9:30. She goes to bed at 8:30.

Finally she tuckered herself out.

But then at four in the morning I heard her voice.

"Bed? Bed?"

*Le sigh*

I brought her back to her bed.

Then again at 6:30 which stinks, because my alarm goes off at 7.

"Bed? Bed?"

I hope she gets better with it.

So what else happened Sunday?

Well, the neighborhood kids struck again.

They kept coming to the door and this one kid kept asking if Tommy could bring more toys out.

"No," I said.

And this kid likes to argue. He's all, "Yeah but we just need one."

"No."

"But that's not fair," he'll complain.

Well, the fact that chocolate is so danged fatty and makes my hips expand isn't fair either. But I DEAL with it.

It's what I wanted to say but I didn't.

I just said, "Sorry, no more toys," and shut the door.

Then I heard Tommy crying a while later.

I rushed out and he was in the driveway, head down, sniffling. Another boy was with him.

"Those older kids aren't being nice," the kid told me, pointing across the way to wear a bunch of older kids were. They looked to be around twelve or so.

"What are they doing?" I asked, shooting them a dirty look. They pretended not to see me and quickly looked away.

"They're calling Tommy a crybaby," the kid explained.

Tommy sniffled again. "I am NOT a crybaby," he shouted towards the older kids.

I saw a few of them snickering.

"Those little fu--" I started and then caught myself in time.

No Amber. You cannot use the f-word in front of children.

I swallowed it down. "They're being, erm, fudgeheads," I corrected.

The kid made a face. "What's THAT?" he asked, clearly confused.

(I was a little confused myself.)

"Just that they're not being nice," I said. I looked at Tommy. "Just ignore them. If you ignore them they'll get bored and leave you alone. If they keep it up, let me know."

And then I went inside and peeked out the window. Thankfully those kids rode off on their bikes.

Danged kids.

I swear, if I ever see someone picking on Tommy I'm going to talk to their parents.

Granted I know Tommy is an overemotional kid but honestly, why aren't the parents teaching their kids to be NICE to little kids?

That's what I always stress to Tommy. That it's important to be NICE.

Oh and the toy I did allow outside?

It broke. These kids have no respect for other people's things.

When I saw the broken tank I boomed, "WHO DID THIS?" and probably freaked out the other kids.

But honestly.

They need to be nicer to Tommy's things.

Or else I might slip one day and use a profanity.

She's Growing Up Fast

Dang.

I think my morning naps are coming to an end.

I admit it. I wake up at 7 to get Tommy ready for school. I do not do well with mornings. It doesn't help that I don't drink coffee. Maybe if I drank coffee it wouldn't be so horrible.

At 9, Natalie and I go back to bed until 10:30.

Granted, sometimes Natalie didn't always go back to sleep. I'd hear her playing in her crib. Which was fine.

But now that she knows how to get out of her crib..

Yeah.

This morning she kept coming out of her room. She knows how to open her door too. What she does is bring her pony over to the door and stand on it and then twist the knob. Then I hear her tiny voice go, "Mom?"

Because that's what she calls me.

Mom.

Not Mommy.

Not Mama.

But MOM. In this nasally voice.

I mean geez kid. I only birthed you. My vagina hurt for days afterwards yet I still limped over to you, took care of you and gave you my aching nipples for you to feed from.

Shouldn't that warrant a MOMMY?

Apparently not.

Because it's "Mom" this and "Mom" that.

Oh but guess what Tom is?

Daddy.

Yup.

The man who only had to stand beside me and tell me that I was doing great while I pushed and strained to get her out of me.

The one who only had to rub my stomach and then happily go to sleep on his stomach while I struggled to breathe and move and fumed that I could no longer sleep on my own belly.

He gets a Daddy.

It's just not fair.

Anyhow, like I said, she kept coming out of her room this morning.

I kept putting her back in her crib only to her the thump of her climing out, the creak of her door and then that nasally, "Mom?"

(Is she channeling Fran Dresher or what?)

Thankfully she's gone to bed at night without problems.

It looks as though we might just make her crib into her toddler bed. But I can't believe it.

I mean, she's one.

Eighteen months. Only eighteen pounds for heavens sake.

How can she already be ready for a toddler bed?

Some people have mentioned crib tents.

But I have a feeling that Natalie would figure that out and pop it right off.

So yes. The toddler bed is looming.

Even though she still doesn't even sleep with a pillow or blanket. I'm paranoid she'll suffocate.

It's because she's so shifty at night. She'll go to sleep on one end of the crib and wake up in a completely different end all twisted around.

Suppose she does that with a blanket and it twists around her neck or something?

Yes, I'm ultra paranoid.

I can't help it.

Tommy didn't get a pillow or blanket until he was around three.

I can't believe she's growing up this fast.

I mean, she already wants to drink out of a cup like her brother. She does a pretty good job with it too. She still dribbles but for the most part, the water always ends up in her mouth:



It also amuses me how much she likes Rachael Ray. Maybe she'll grow up to be a chef and teach her Mommy how to cook?



Natalie also loves her big brother and for the most part, her big brother adores her.



Natalie decided to repay the favor:



I know. With all the clothes she has, why the heck is she in a diaper? She usually gets to wander around in her diaper after her bath.

In other news, I've seen photos of the new line from Gymboree.

I am in trouble.

I love 80% of it. Including the boy stuff, which rarely happens. Most of the time the boy stuff is not nearly as cute as the girl stuff. So I wait and buy it when it goes into a deep discount. But this line has a space theme and Tommy is really into space. D'oh!

Gymboree, what are you trying to DO to me?

I'm tempted to ask Kate Gosselin if I can join their family so I can get the free Gymboree too.

I mean, okay, I didn't carry six babies at once but does it could that I was still uncomfortable in both of my pregnancies? And hey, I was constipated with Natalie, doesn't that count for something?

Also, my husband serves his country. What did Kate do other than carry six babies at once? I mean honestly.

If anyone deserves free Gymboree it's military families. And teachers. Because teachers rock too.

Here is the link to the clothes. They will be in stores on Monday I think.

http://junkjungle.org/101608m.html

And I may be a Gymboree girl but I admit, sometimes I wander over to the Gap side if something is exceptionally cute.

Like this outfit:



She wasn't trying to get her balance. She was dancing. I was singing *cringes* the Yo Gabba Gabba theme song and she just started breaking down. That show still terrifies. How people can find it CUTE is beyond me. It's freaky with a capital F.



Finishing up with her dancing.



How can she be ready for a toddler bed? She still doesn't even have all her TEETH yet.

Still Magnolias

Anyone who reads my blog knows that I am part of a trio called Still Magnolias. We have been singing together for a number of years. We met at the Loft in Columbus, Ga. Now, Amanda and I have been singing together since we were babies as she says....hardly....I am two years older than she is....but it sounds good. I thought today would be a good day to introduce the readers to the girls. They truly are exceptional women and I am glad to be a part of such an organization of such extraordinary women. PTL! Sooooo...with that said....let me introduce you to the women in my life.

Who Are We?

Amanda Brown
singer, songwriter, guitarist

Amanda looks at her life she says, "Life is about living, no waiting, so get in the car girl and Let's Go!" A native of Mobile, AL, she is a registered nurse with a Masters Degree in Management. The talented third of Still Magnolias wears many hats during her day. She is a hospital administrator for Compass Group. Right now she travels all over and helps hospitals who are floundering. She is the wife of one, mother of two, (soon to be grandmother of two), one of three Still Magnolias and the second of four daughters.
Amanda's first song, "The Best Man," was written about her father who was killed in a work-related accident when she was eight years old. Her mom, Shirley, father, Charlie, and her grandfather, Lee Terrell Prophitt, passed along to her deep roots in music. The legacy of her grandfather is forever captured in "Grandpa's Music," an early co-writing venture with her cousin, Karen. The song tells what it was like growing up in a mill village with a musical family. "I thought everyone grew up with music," says the crooner. "What a shock when I found out they didn't."
Listen to her music and you will hear that Amanda weaves into every song her stories, her humor, and her heart. "Singing three part harmony is one of the purest ways to touch someone's heart." If you don't believe her, then come and listen to Still Magnolias sing. What an experience you will have!

Rebecca Harris
singer, songwriter, percussionist

When you ask Rebecca if she has lived in Columbus, GA all her life she will chuckle and tell you, "Not yet! I still have a lot of living to do!" Believe me when I tell you this barely 5 foot dynamo can pack 48 hours worth of living in 24 and never bust a sweat. Rebecca is the Entertainment Coordinator for Phenix City Parks and Recreation. She is one very busy lady making carnivals, street dances, concerts happen in Phenix City. This remarkable woman has an uncanny knack for making people give 110% of themselves.
Rebecca's richly varied musical experience incorporates jazz, country, rock, folk, blues and gospel into her distinctive lead and harmonic vocals. As a singer-songwriter she draws from her life experiences as a true southern woman. "The Shelter" was written to let women know that there is a place to go if they are in an abusive situation. This song premiered at a benefit concert for the Columbus Alliance of Battered Women in October of 2000.
All of the trio boast of rich Indian heritage, but it is Rebecca who spends her spare time reading up on Indian history, folklore, and natural healing. She and her husband, Stan, a talented artist, remodeled their home to reflect a unique southwestern aura. Her writings are both passionate and light-hearted. She is happiest when she moves her audience to feel the power of her words. She has a unique gift of making people feel like they are sitting on her back porch swing, singing along and possibly becoming part of her next song.

ME
singer, songwriter, guitarist, kazooist

If you ask me about my life so far, my response is that it has been an incredibly enjoyable adventure. An original Florida native, I cut my teeth on the music of my grandfather, Lee Terrell Prophitt. One of my fondest memories was listening to all the music that came from my grandparent's house. Music has always been a passion. The song, "Flight 307," came while driving home from a trip to Nashville with Amanda. It was hastily polished off at a center table at "The Loft" in Columbus twenty minutes before show time.
I, like the other two, also wear many hats. I teach high school Spanish at Benjamin Russell High School during the day and at night sometimes you will find me teaching aspiring writers the rudiments of English Composition I and II at Central Alabama Community College. I teach Sunday School, lead a Bible Study, sing in the Arbor Praise and Worship Service at First United Methodist, and during the summers have been known to strap on power tools and get down and dirty with Appalachian Service Project in the Appalachian Mountains.
Harmony is my favorite part of a song. I love to find those haunting additions to make a song full. A storyteller at heart, I love weaving stories into songs and performances. This singing teacher loves her job, loves to sing and wonders, just how many people can get up every morning and know that every major thing they do in their lives they love?" I can, because I do....everyday! I truly am blessed.

So now that you have met us...what do you think? We are just everyday women...with everyday dreams....in an everyday world....who love to sing and love being part of each other. From blue grass to gospel and ballad to torch.....it is quite a ride....and I don't want to get off anytime soon.

Peace Out, K

On Selling, On Buying and Prattling on..

Whew.

I've been running around all morning.

This morning I decided to sell Natalie's exersaucer to Once Upon a Child since it didn't sell in the newspaper ad I listed. Or Craigslist.

It was taking up too much space so I figured I may as well get ripped off by Once Upon a Child.

I managed to fit it into the PT Cruiser and I strapped Natalie into her carseat and we were off.

I also had a tote of clothes to sell and the lady working there said it would be about fifteen minutes for her to go through everything.

So I brought Natalie to to the toy area.

"Look, look!" she kept saying, pointing to everything. She happily climbed on a musical horse and went, "Weeee!"

It actually took the lady closer to a half hour. And Natalie started to get bored with the toys so I started to walk her around the store while holding her hand. Of course she would try to break free. At one point she did and ran down a clothes aisle.

By the time the woman was finished I was exhausted.

She gave me $53 for everything which was pretty good I guess.

After that we headed to Gymboree.

I was curious to see what the lady had pulled aside for me. (See previous entry for details.)

I had given Natalie some raisins to munch on and she thought it would be funny to throw them at my head.

At first I thought it was a bug when I felt something slide down my arm and I went, "EEEEEEEEE!"

Which Natalie mistook for "Weeee!" and she happily replied, "WEEEEEE!" and threw another raisin at me.

That's when I realized that it wasn't a bug.

"Natalie. We eat food. We don't play with it," I chastised her as I parked at the mall.

Natalie's response?

To just throw down her box of raisins.

Okay then.

I got out her stroller and plopped her in there and we happily headed for Gymboree.

It was the same worker as yesterday, thank goodness, so when she saw me she smiled and went to retrieve the items she had pulled aside.

"I'm sorry I couldn't find anything for your boy," she said apologetically.

"That's okay," I said.

"I just have so much to go through in the back that I didn't have time.." she added.

Ooo. The back room again.

How I would love to get back there.

What she gave me was a huge bin full of girl clothes.

My heart started to race with excitement.

"Anything you don't want just set up here," she said, gesturing to the counter.

Of course right when my hand touched the clothes Natalie wanted out of her stroller.

"But sweetheart, Mommy is looking at clothes for you," I explained as though that would make her suddenly decide to sit back down.

No such luck.

She wanted out and she wanted out NOW.

So I had to put her on my hip as I went through the clothes with one hand.

I think I only put like 5 things back.

And seriously, that's me being good.

Because I wanted it all.

Then I wandered the store and found Tommy some shorts and a shirt.

And I have to point out that nothing was over $10. I think the dresses were $7.99, the bottoms $4.99 and accessories were about 99 cents and below.

Okay so I did spend $108.

But it's all for the summer and I walked out with a bag stuffed with clothes.

As I was walking to the car the phone rang.

It was Tom.

He must've sensed that I had just bought clothes or something.

Spiderman might have Spideysense.

The Jedis might have the Force.

But my husband has the "Oh crap, my wife has bought more clothes!" sense.

"Where are you?" he asked.

He had been sleeping when I left and I assumed that he would keep sleeping until I got back.

"Gymboree," I said lightly making it sound like I didn't just spend $108.

"Of course," Tom replied. I could imagine him rolling his eyes.

"Do you need anything while I'm out?" I quickly asked before he could ask me how much I spent.

"No," Tom said. "So how much did you--"

"LUNCH!" I burst out with.

"Huh?" Tom was perplexed.

"We should do lunch," I said. "I'll meet you at Perkins."

"I guess we can do that..."

"See you there!" I said and hung up the phone.

Phew.

Ten minutes later we were walking into Perkins.

It should be called Old People Central because seriously, most of the patrons are over the age of sixty.

Natalie received a lot of compliments on her pumpkin hat that she had on.

"Did you make that?" one old lady wondered.

Hah!

Like I could ever learn to knit. I haven't the patience.

"I bought it. At Gymboree," I explained.

She raised an eyebrow. "Jamboree?"

"GYMboree," I corrected.

She still looked confused so I added, "It's a children's clothing store." I bit my tongue so I wouldn't add, "The best place EVARRR! Your grandchildren would LOVE it!" and scare the living crap out of her.

Anyhow, I decided to get the biscuits and gravy.

I started prattling to Tom on about how I sold stuff at Once Upon a Child, how good Natalie was even though she didn't want to sit--

"Tom, we must produce children who hate sitting or something..."

Then I talked about how good the desserts and Perkins looked and should we get a pie, did we NEED a pie, should I get a cookie, did I NEED a cookie--

"Amber." Tom cut me off mid-prattle.

"Huh?" I pretended to look baffled.

"How much did you spend at Gymboree?"

Oh.

Well damn.

"Not much," I said. "Ooo this pie looks delicious, Tom. Look at this pumpkin pie--" I jabbed my finger at a picture of a pumpkin pie covered in whipped cream.

"Amber," Tom said sternly. "How much?"

"I got summer stuff. None of it is for now. For next year which means I won't have to buy as much next year which I can do because I'm never as thrilled with Gymboree summer stuff as the fall and winter. I got some amazing deals and--"

I saw Tom's expression. He did not look amused.

"One oh eight," I muttered.

Tom's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "One HUNDRED and EIGHT dollars?"

A few old people glanced over at us.

**Hello! Welcome to the Amber and Tom show. In this episode Amber has gone clothes shopping (again) and her husband Tom is not amused. Please join us next week when Tom retaliates and goes out and buys a bunch of new computer games.**

"But I got great deals," I assured Tom. "All the items I bought would have been well over $300. I know because the lady told me."

"I don't care that you buy clothes. It's just, we're sort of running out of space for them," Tom reminded me.

"I'm going to be selling some next month," I promised.

"I know you. You get attached to things." He made a face. "I bet you were sad to sell the exersaucer even."

It's true.

I was.

I nearly didn't hand it over. I held it to me for a few seconds before handing it to the lady. I think she thought I was nuts.

Tom dropped the whole clothes issue and moved on to another topic.

"Oh I saw a commercial last night. Taco Bell has new fruitistas. They're fruitistas and cream," Tom said.

Mmmmmmmmm.

I love their strawberry fruitistas. And now they've added CREAM to them?

Even better.

My eyes must've lit up because Tom went, "And yes, I'll take you to get one when we're done here."

Awww.

He knows me well.

He knows I MUST try the new things that fast food places offer.

I tried the Triple Berry and Cream Fruitista and it was delicious.

Tom, being the weirdo that he is didn't even want to try one.

"I just like simple things," he told me.

I will take pictures of all the clothes I got.

For now I have pictures of Natalie:

The Forgotten Diaper Bag

This morning I took Natalie to her 18 month checkup.

Tommy had to come along since he didn't have school.

We checked in and I was given paperwork to fill out about Natalie's development.

I noticed a lot of questions were autism-related. As in, did she make eye contact? Did she point with her finger? Does she show you things and play with toys properly?

Everything was yes by the way.

Even with her speech. She had to know seven words and she does.

I think on the forum I write at someone mentioned that their ped wanted her 18 month old to know 30 words!

Huh?

I don't think Natalie knows 30 words. If I had to guess it would be around 20.

Oh and she had to know at least two body parts. Which she does. She basically knows most of them.

In the middle of filling out the paperwork we were called back.

Then Natalie was measured.

She's at 30 and a half inches.

Then weighed.

She's at 18 lbs 12.8 ounces.

Her head was 45 cms I think? I'm not quite sure about that one.

But anyhow, guess what I did?

I totally forgot Natalie's diaper bag.

I am forever forgetting her diaper bag.

I realized I had forgot it when I parked in front of the clinic.

"Just please don't poop or anything," I asked Natalie, who laughed and went, "EEEEEEEEE!"

What I didn't know at the time was that was translated to: "I'm totally gonna crap my pants."

Because no sooner than the nurse left then I smelled a foul odor.

Tommy pinched his nose and announced that Natalie pooped and could I please change her?

"I can't," I said. "I forgot her diaper bag."

I mean honestly, who forgets diaper bags??

The room reeked. I'm almost ashamed that such a smell came from such a sweet looking little girl.

Natalie looked quite pleased with herself.

"Natalie," I said. "I asked you NOT to poop."

She laughed at me.

I was embarrassed when the doctor walked into the bog of eternal stench.

"Sorry," I immediately said when he wrinkled his nose."She, um, took a number two and I forgot the diaper bag."

(I didn't want him to think that it was ME who smelled like that after all.)

I hung my head in shame.

(For some reason I couldn't say the word poop to the doctor. I've no idea why. I mean, he's a DOCTOR.)

"That's okay," the doctor said in a cheerful tone. "We have spare ones. It happens."

Does it?

You mean I'm not the only Mommy who forgets diaper bags?

He rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a diaper. And wipes.

"You can go ahead and change her while I go through the paperwork you filled out," he said.

The only problem was the wipes. They were all dried out. They were those really cheap wipes but I didn't want to say anything. It was difficult getting the, erm, poop off with them.

"Natalie stinks!" Tommy said, his nose still plugged.

So basically the doctor looked through all the paperwork and said that Natalie appears to be growing and developing fantastically.

The only issue was that she's a picky eater.

And she refuses milk.

The only milk she wants is breastmilk.

The doctor said to keep offering the cow milk to her. And to possibly try soy milk.

Natalie is just like Tommy though. She only wants water. Or, as I said before, breastmilk.

No juice.

No cow milk.

But the good news is Natalie is still following her growth line. It's really tiny. I think she's like in the 5th percentile, if that.

But the doctor went, "Well you're petite so she's just following suit."

Is it wrong that I wanted to throw my arms around him because he called me PETITE?

I resisted the urge. I didn't want to scare him.

Natalie only cried when he looked in her mouth. She tried to kick him.

She's getting her top molars in. The bottom ones still haven't popped through yet.

But the bottom line is that she's healthy.

We were going to get her shots but the immunization room was packed and I wasn't about to wait forever.

So we'll come back for those.

I'm delaying the MMR vaccine until she's two. I know there are studies showing that it's not linked to autism but something is going on. And because Tommy has autistic tendencies, well, I can't help but worry. I do think vaccines are important though. But giving a small child tons of shots at once is just not right in my eyes. I've been spreading Natalie's out. She only gets two at one time and no more than that.

After that we headed to the mall to check out the Gymboree sale.

The worker was just setting some bins out.

"I'm sorry," she told me. "I haven't got much out yet. I have tons in the back and..."

I think she kept going but when she said TONS IN THE BACK my mind immediately wanted to know what all was back there.

The back room is my idea of heaven. Some stores allow customers back there.

Some people want to go to the Bahamas.

I want to go into the Gymboree back room. My needs are quite simple.

But then I heard the worker ask me, "What sizes do you need? I'll pull those aside and you can come back and look through them tomorrow."

For the second time that day, I wanted to give a sudden hug.

Instead I calmly said, "Size 18-24 or size 2T."

The worker nodded and wrote it down on a Post-It. Then she gestured to Tommy. "And your boy?"

OOO.

More clothes!

"Size 6," I said, trying to keep the excitement level down.

I mean, I didn't want her to change her mind and be all, "Yikes. Insane customer. Nevermind!"

"And shoes?" she continued.

THE FUN JUST DIDN'T STOP IN GYMBOREE!

Seriously.

I think I thanked her at least fifty times.

She took my name and phone number and said she should be working tomorrow morning. She said if she wasn't to just mention my time and they'd have a big bag full of stuff for me to go through.

"I just like to help our regular customers," she explained after I thanked her for the forty-fifth time. "I have this one lady who calls and takes all our sale stuff."

Huh?

Now, I've heard of stories where people will stomp into Gymboree stores and buy all the sale items.

And I don't think you have to guess where these items go.

Yup.

eBay.

I hate people like this. Seriously. It's rude.

Because there are people like me who genuinely buy clothes for my children to wear.

I just didn't think we had those Annoying eBay People in my Gymboree store.

But I guess we do.

Which would explain why a lot of the good stuff is usually long gone.

For shame you Annoying eBay People.

For shame.

"Thank you," I told the Gymboree worker for the forty-sixth time.

She even let me put the stuff I had picked out on hold.

(I had picked out a few pieces from the Prep School line since it was 60% off.)

"Thank you," I said for the forty-seventh time.

"See you tomorrow," the worker said cheerfully.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I do appreciate it," I said for the forty-eighth, ninth and FIFTIETH time.

Now I just hope that the afternoon worker doesn't accidentally put my items out.

Tommy was incredibly patient. In fact, he was browsing his section and looking all serious about what he wanted.

"This is nice," he told me.

I promised that I'd pick him up a few things tomorrow.

"Indeed," he said with a sharp nod.

*Snorts*

He cracks me up.

Because he was so patient we went to McDonalds for lunch.

I got my spicy chicken sandwich. Mmmm.

And now we're home and I've just told Tom what the Gymboree lady did for me and he's all,

"More clothes?"

"But they're for next year. Not now," I promised.

He just shook his head at me and rolled his eyes.

And OH!

He made himself macaroni and cheese and a hamburger on the Foreman Grill.

And oncee again, DID ALL THE DISHES and scrubbed down the counters.

He at first pretended like he hadn't cleaned up after himself. Because he came upstairs when I was getting up and I asked him why it smelled like burnt cheese.

"I made some stuff last night," he explained.

"And I take it you cleaned up after yourself?" I asked hopefully.

"Uhhh," he lied, staring at the ground.

"Go clean up after yourself then!" I said.

"I can't. I have to get ready to go!" he said and headed for the shower.

But then when I got downstairs I realized he had already cleaned up after himself.

He just, for some reason, enjoys upsetting me.

He says I look cute when I'm mad.

Hmph.

Stunned and Shocked

I woke up stunned.

Could it be?

Did it really happen?

Was I seeing things?

I blinked a few times and even rubbed my eyes.

I focused again.

And yes.

The same thing.

Tom had changed the toilet paper roll!

This may not seem like a big deal to most people.

But it is to me.

I'm married to a man who has been known to pile the trash into a mountain and claim that since the trash wasn't spilling to the ground that he didn't have to take it out just yet.

I'm married to a man who drops his dirty clothing a few feet from where the laundry basket sits.

I'm married to a man who, if he uses the last of the toilet paper roll just grabs another one and then sets it on top of the toilet. Instead of taking a few seconds to snap it back onto the dispenser. So I'll wander in and stare angrily at the empty cardboard roll and shout out angrily, "TOMMMMMMMM!"

Who, by the way, always seemed genuinely shocked that I was irritated by this.

"I got a new roll out," he would point out.

"But it's not on the DISPENSER!" I shrieked.

Tom would shrug. "Does it matter if it's on the dispenser or not?"

Actually yes. It really does.

A few times he's used the last of the toilet paper roll upstairs. And we rarely have spare rolls up there so one time I was in a bit of a quandry when I reached for the toilet paper and discovered there was none to be had.

I had to call Tom up to bring me a new roll.

And I'm not really a fan of letting him see me use the toilet so I was a tad embarrassed when he strolled in with one. I'm always baffled how people can let their mate brush their teeth while they're using the john. I mean no thank you! Maybe I just had the whole PRIVACY thing embedded into my head as a child.

I've embedded it into Tommy, who freaked out once when I walked in on him going.

"YOU STOLE MY PRIVACY!" he screamed at me.

Oh. Well EEK. Sor-ry.

Tom, well, stared at me for a few seconds and I was all, "Nothing to see here. Get out!" while motioning for him to leave with my hand.

I mean I'd be concerned if he was turned on by me sitting on the POT for heavens sake.

But this morning...

There was a NEW roll on the dispenser.

Maybe he's learning. Maybe the rules that I posted on the fridge are working.

When he wakes up later I'm going to praise him for it. He probably won't even know what I'm talking about. He rarely does.

I'll be all, "Because you changed the toilet paper roll I'm making your favorite sour cream chicken!"

Of course then he might say, "Um. Weren't you going to make that anyway? You told me so yesterday before I left for work."

And I'll pat his head and say, "Yes but that's BESIDE the point. Now I'm REALLY going to make it!"

Which will just confuse the crap out of him but he won't argue because all he wants his his danged sour cream chicken.

I have another announcement.

Gymboree is having a sale tomorrow.

This is from the e-mail I received about it:

**Red Balloon Sale is happening tomorrow! They don't call it that anymore but we all know the deep discounts!! I was told it was from the transition line and back for the summer items. Some stores got boxes upon boxes in so have fun digging through those bins!! Price points will be the .99 - 9.99. It will be online as well :) Cookie magazine coupon - ladies check your receipts if you are using the $15 off $50 coupon in stores. They are taking 20% off instead which is less of a discount for any purchase under $75! New Coupon in the November Parenting Magazine - 20% off and good til Dec 20th.**

I will be there of course.

Though I doubt my store has much.

But I'll pop in even if it means that I have to take both children with me.

Tommy has today and tomorrow off of school. He will not be pleased about going to Gymboree but I'll totally bribe him.

"Tommy. If you let Mommy shop in Gymboree for ten minutes I'll get you McDonalds.."

(I know. Jo Frost is shaking her head at me. In my defense though he only ever wants the plain hamburger Happy Meal with the apple dipper things. And he doesn't drink the soda, remember. Dude only drinks water and looks offended if you offer him anything else.)

"Make it five and you gotta deal!" Tommy might answer.

FIVE minutes!

Kid, I won't be done searching through one rounder in FIVE minutes.

Lucky for me he still doesn't know how to tell time so after twenty minutes I'll be all, "Okay, it's been five minutes!"

Speaking of Tommy he was looking through his book about the solar system. It's an older book so it had that Pluto was a planet. Tommy noticed this and went, "Mommy! What IS this?"

And he looked really offended and such because he knows his planets and PLUTO was not part of them.

I explained that Pluto was once considered a planet but not anymore.

"Those darn scientists," Tommy said with a shake of his head. Then he took a black marker and Xed out Pluto.

Tomorrow Natalie also has her 18-month-appointment. I'm curious on how much she weighs now.

I'm betting only 18 pounds. She's my little bean.

I have to take Tommy with me because even though tomorrow is one of Tom's days off, he has training.

Tommy is all, "Is Natalie gonna cry?"

"Probably," I admitted. She hates when the doctor has to *gasp* TOUCH her.

"Oh great," Tommy said with a roll of his eyes.

I better go make us some lunch. Tommy is requesting eggs.

Tonight the new season of Little People, Big World is on.

Love that show.

Wish I could go to Roloff Farm.

A Nanny would be Nice

I need a nanny.

Just one who could keep an eye on the kids so I can write my novel in peace.

That's all.

I know there are people who gasp at the thought of a nanny. Or who tsk tsk and mutter, "But she stays at home. Why would she need a nanny?"

Um.

So I can WRITE in PEACE.

See, what happens is I'll get into a groove. The words start to flow, ideas just start popping up in my head, I'm about to write an incredibly moving line and...

"MOMMY! Tell her to STOP touching my TOYS!"

It's broken.

My groove is broken.

I'll have to stop and deal with the kids.

It's usually Tommy who is offended because Natalie dared to touch one of his Transformers.

"Can you share?" I asked impatiently.

Tommy shook his head sharply. "No. I can't. She needs to STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF!" he replied all dramatically.

And Natalie, well, Natalie is just insulted because everyone should want to share with her.

So she's all whining and trying to reach for a Transformer and Tommy is all, "STOP IT! STOP TOUCHING MY STUFFFFFF!"

Oy vey.

I hate to stick them in front of the television. Especially Natalie. I believe that kids are in front of the TV way too long these days. A lot of kids are being found to have no imaginations because they're just shoved in front of the TV--either to watch a show or to play video games.

I'm sorry, I want my children to have imaginations. I have a good one.

And I believe it's because I played outside throughout most of my childhood.

Sure I'd watch a fair amount of TV. I'll admit it.

But I would prefer to be outside.

Tommy prefers to be outside.

But since it's starting to become cold he's not able to go out as much.

Luckily, because he hasn't watched TV that often he's able to entertain himself. So he'll get out his toys and happily play--that is, until his sister tries to TOUCH HIS STUFF.

Natalie usually gets to watch one program every other day. And that's Yo Gabba Gabba. That's about twenty minutes long. So that doesn't give me a good amount of time to write.

I suppose I could write when she's asleep.

But then I have to clean.

When Tom is home he puts the TV on Spongebob a lot.

For himself.

Yes folks, he's 26 and still enjoys cartoons. I know a lot of my favorites around his age do so I'm not poking fun. Seriously. I mean even though I don't like cartoons or children's programming, you know I still laugh at farts and I still giggle when someone says the word vagina.

(I watched the latest Girls Next Door and teeheed when Holly walked right into a chocolate shop and boldy said, "Yes, I'd like to make a chocolate mold of my vagina." She didn't even flinch, she just said it like it was a perfectly normal thing to get a molding of ones crotch...)

I just need more time to write.

Last night I was trying to write but the kids kept shouting.

First it was because Natalie kept messing with Tommy's toys.

Then Tommy yelled about it, Natalie was insulted and all chaos broke loose.

So I brought some of Natalie's toys from her room. She had some blocks that she likes to play with. Okay, really she just chews on them but sometimes she makes tiny buildings.

But then Tommy wanted to play and NATALIE got insulted.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Natalie screeched when I got back into my writing groove again.

I asked what the problem was now.

"I just wanna play with this," Tommy informed me.

"But you wouldn't share with her. Play with your toys and she can play with hers. Please. Mommy just needs to write one chapter. Just one," I begged.

But then I'd start to write and the demands start.

The "I needs."

"Mommy? I need a snack. My stomach is very hungry," Tommy told me seriously.

"What do you want?"

"Broccoli!" Tommy said happily.

Huh?

"Um. We don't have broccoli," I said. "How about carrots?"

Tommy looked crestfallen. "Oh-kay," he sighed.

Then back to writing I'd go.

And NATALIE needs something. She brings over her wipes when she wants a diaper change. So she just threw her wipes into my lap and walked off.

Basically, "Clean my ass, kthx," and she walks over expecting me to jump up and get it done.

Which I always do.

Then I started writing again.

But then Natalie wanted to cuddle and I don't deny her so I plopped her on my lap and attempted to continue to write.

It went well at first. Natalie just sucked her thumb and watched as letters formed on the screen.

But then she started touching the keyboard.

Fkljafdjklafjklfa started to appear in my novel.

"Natalie. You can't touch," I told her gently.

jakfljkadflkja my novel continued to say.

"Natalie. Please. Why don't you play with some toys?"

Nope. She didn't want to play with toys.

It's at this point that I always want to cave in and let them watch TV.

But I just feel so dang GUILTY.

Especially because you hear that children under two aren't even SUPPOSED to watch TV. Apparently it's bad for them and warps their brains. I dunno.

But then I get it in my head that I'm totally screwing with Natalie's brain and I feel bad if I dare to flip it on TV. And then when it's Yo Gabba Gabba I'm paranoid that I'm messing her up because eek, what is UP with that show?

Ugh.

So yes. A nanny for a few hours would be nice. If I ever make enough money with writing I'd get one. Despite some of the rude comments that I'd get. But I'd just retort with, "Okay, at least a nanny is playing games and such with them and they're not in front of a TV. So hush."

(And for the record, I promise that I play with my kids. I just try to write a chapter a day which is NOT going well..most days I'm lucky if I get two pages in.)

I just need to find time to write. Somehow.

I have some photos of Natalie to share:

It's Time For Random Thoughts

So nothing much is going on so I figured I'd do random thoughts. I realized I haven't done these in awhile.

It's been so long that I can't even remember the theme song I typed to open my random thoughts.

Oh noes!

So I'll make another one up.

Ahem.

It's time for Amber's Random Thoughts, it's time for Amber's Random Thoughts! (Ba-da-bing!)

---------

Actually, with changing my random thoughts theme song I thought about something that bugs me. I hate when television shows suddenly change their theme song. It's distracting. Case and point? Growing Pains. I think the last season they slowed their regular theme song down and I didn't like it. Before it was fast paced and cheery and suddenly it was depressing and made me want to take a nap. Roseanne did this too. Before it was just music and no words. Suddenly during the last season the music had lyrics and I did not like it.


Going along with television shows it also bugged me when none of Lynette's other children were featured in the new season of Desperate Housewives. It just focused on the twins. Where was the oldest son? Where was their daughter? I kept craning behind them hoping to see another child in the background but no, it was just the twins. Maybe the other kids were at soccer practice or something? Or, you know, sleeping? I hope the show isn't just going to drop them and we (the audience) are supposed to forget that they existed. TV shows like to do this sometimes. Take Family Matters for example. Remember how Laura used to have a little sister? Well suddenly she was gone. Poof. No more little sister. And we were all meant to nod along and pretend like she had never been. I did not like this. And that poor little actress later turned up on Celebrity Rehab. Apparently she also pimped herself out for money so she could buy drugs. So you see network execs...don't suddenly write out a character with no explanation. It's not good for the audience OR the actors portraying them. If you're fine with the possibly of them turning into a prostitute than please, by all means, write them out..


Tom wants to take me to Hawaii when he gets back from Iraq. He says it's because he wants to spend time with me in peace but I know it's because he HAS to see Pearl Harbor. It's a must. He needs to see the Arizona. We will probably do this on the first day that we are there. Otherwise he'll be a distracted mess while we sit on the beach. I can picture him starting to twitch and me getting annoyed and him going, "But I need to see Pearl Harbor!" I told Tom we're going to stalk the Lost set. Since it's an open set you can stare at it. Some hikers have stumbled onto it and were able to meet the actors. My plan? To pretend to be hiking and then be all, "Holy shit! The Lost set!" and pretend to be shocked when I knew all along. ("But you don't hike," Tom rudely pointed out. "Hush Tom. I do when we go to Hawaii.")


Thanks to Tina Fey's spot on impression of Sarah Palin I could not take the debates seriously. I kept giggling and my mind started to tell me that that wasn't the actual Sarah Palin but only Tina Fey spoofing her. But then I'd have to tell myself that NO, that was the REAL Sarah Palin, not Tina Fey. I was so confused last night.


Tommy has Show and Tell today and he's bringing in his Human Body book. He wants to tell everyone how they started out as an egg and how sperm turned them into a baby. When he told me this I went, "Um. Maybe you shouldn't say that Tommy.." He was confused. "But why? I WAS an egg and then I turned into a baby!" (That's just the easiest way to explain it to him..) Oy vey. He also amuses me when he eats. "My food is going down my esophagus, Mommy!"


The other day when I drove home I saw a beautiful sight: someone was talking on their cell phone BUT they had pulled over! Fantastic. Maybe people are learning. To the people who still drive and talk on their cell phones: shame on you. If you must talk put it on speaker or something. Sheesh.


I finished my newest book The Other Queen by Philippa Gregory and highly recommend it. Also I ordered the new Nicholas Sparks book The Lucky One. I hadn't even realized he had a new book out until a few people mentioned it on the forum I write at.

Show Love

Natalie is really into this show called Yo Gabba Gabba.

It freaks me out.

Seriously.

I mean what ARE those things?

They have this segment called Neat Tricks or something like that and I'm not kidding, this one little girl played the recorder. With her NOSE.

And then in the background they're chanting, "Neat trick, neat trick!"

Um?

Were we watching the same thing?

How about DISGUSTING trick?

Tom still doesn't believe it's a real show. He thinks it's on Comedy Central. He's all, "They wouldn't show this to children. It would ruin them for life!"

Actually, yes, they do show it to children, Tom.

And your daughter loves it.

But it's the only way I'm able to clean in peace. I don't pay much attention but the songs still get into my head.

"Don't bite...don't bite your friends.."

Ahhh.

Get OUT of my head you horrible freaky-ass song!

And when we were at Target yesterday I made the mistake of going down the toy aisles. They have Yo Gabba Gabba toys and Natalie was freaking out over this stuffed toy. It was of the green one with the freaky-ass arms. I don't know the names. I had to distract her with my cell phone in order to grab it from her hands and put it away. No way was I paying $7.99 for a freaky-ass toy!

(Maybe Santa will. Dunno yet.)

But anyway.

Yesterday I went to Tommy's IEP meeting.

The good news?

He's not crying at school. He's not whining if he raises his hand and doesn't get called on. He's reading well. He's a joy to be around.

However...

He's struggling with math.

I'm not surprised. I mean I struggled in math.

This was my expression through most of my math classes:



Then I'd realize that I was staring at the teacher with my mouth agape and I'd quickly return to my work. Only to realize that I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING!

Sometimes Tommy does get frustrated. His favorite expression?

"Maybe I'll just do this tomorrow."

Sometimes he'll be all, "Think brain. THINK," and pound on the side of his head.

So they're going to work more with him on math.

They did say that he's coming along with his speech. They notice that he's gotten so much better than last year.

Phew.

Natalie started to get impatient towards the middle of the meeting. I started to let her wander around the room since the teachers said it was okay. But then she started opening all the cabinets and going, "Hi! Hi!"

So I stopped her from going through the cabinets and she got ticked. She went into tantrum mode. Where she just drops down to her stomach, spreads eagle and lets out a bloodcurling scream.

So I started digging through my Magic Purse.

I handed her the cell phone and she was happy again.

All and all the meeting went well. I told Tommy that I was proud of him for not crying and for being patient.

"Great. Can I go home now?" Tommy asked.

"Yes Tommy. We're done. We can go home," I assured him.

When we got home Tom convinced me that we ought to go to Chilis.

"But I was going to cook--"I started.

"Oh, you don't want to cook. You're tired. Exhausted even. Poor Amber. She needs to rest. I'll take her to Chilis," Tom said, pulling me into his chest.

So over to Chilis we went.

I mean no cooking for me? No cleaning up afterwards?

I'm in!

But I actually found that I wasn't totally hungry when we got there.

So I just ordered that Molten Chocolate Lava Cake.

Tom gaped at me in confusion after I ordered. When the waitress left--she wrote down my order like it was perfectly normal to order a dessert for dinner--he leaned over and went, "Amber. You can't have that for dinner!"

"Sure I can," I said with a shrug. "I never have room for it after I eat. I'm in the mood for chocolate. Thus, I'm ordering it for dinner."

It was delicious too. I shared with Natalie, who prefered the ice cream that came on top to the actual cake part. Oh wells, more for me.

And I also munched on chips and queso too. So it wasn't like that was ALL I had for dinner.

Tom always has to get queso when we go to Chilis.

He's was all, "QUESO!" on the drive down to Chilis and nearly made me jump out of my skin.

I think he just likes saying the word.

It IS fun to say...

I have pictures of Tommy. He actually allowed me to do a photoshoot!









And because he's a boy he started to do this: