Not too long ago Tommy announced that he was going to ride a two wheeler bike.
"I want those off," he told me, pointing to his training wheels.
I asked Tom to get them off. Because I had no idea what to do. I imagine all you needed was a wrench and to twist a few times. But I am clueless when it comes to tools. When I go through Tom's tools I make up my own name for them:
For instance a Ratchet is called a Dippy Do Dah.
"Hand me the allen wrench," Tom will say.
"Oh you mean Atticus?" I'll respond.
Tom just rolls his eyes at me. "I'm not even going to ask," he'll mutter. He's just used to my antics and my love of naming inanimate objects.
So Tom took Tommy's training wheels off and he helped him practice. I watched with Natalie as Tom would hold the bike. Tommy would pedal and shout at Tom to let go.
"Are you sure?" Tom asked.
"LET GO!" Tommy boomed.
It reminded me of that episode on Full House where Michelle learns to ride a two wheeler. She's shouting at Joey to LET GO and Joey doesn't want to let go because the last time he let go, Michelle fell into a bush and had a hissy fit about it. Man, those kids were brats.
Tom let go and of course Tommy tumbled to the ground.
Thankfully he had on knee and elbow pads, complete with a Spiderman helmet.
They practiced for about an hour and then Tom said that he was done. He tried to get Tommy interested in something else.
"Want to jump on the trampoline?"
"No. I wanna ride my bike," Tommy said. "I do it myself."
I watched from the window as he would fall down and determined, he'd get right back on the bike.
A few times he'd shout in anger. I saw him kick his bike at one point.
Then he got dramatic (wonder where he gets it from?) and clasped his hands together, looked up at the sky and shouted, "WHYYYYY?"
But still, he kept trying.
I had to call him in when it started to get dark and he fumed.
"I wanna ride my bike," he whined.
"Tomorrow," I answered.
And each day he'd get back on his bike.
And then yesterday..
He started riding on his own.
"MOMMY!" I heard him shout as I was feeding Natalie.
I rushed outside, thinking that perhaps he had gotten hurt. He knows to stay by the house. I'm not one of those parents who lets their young children wander the neighborhood.
I saw Tommy pedal with a big smile on his face.
"I do it!"
Then he got overexcited and lost his balance. He collapsed onto the street, the bike falling on top of him. I thought he'd get upset but instead he simply pushed the bike off of him and climbed back on.
"I DO IT!" he yelled as he pedaled.
"You did it!" I said, clapping. I even had tears in my eyes.
"I'm a big boy now," Tommy told me seriously.
I am just amazed. The reason why he wanted his training wheels off is because the two boys that are in his class that live on the street were riding two wheelers. And Tommy wanted to be the same.
"Training wheels are for babies," he informed me.
He's outside now, pedaling basically like a pro. There are times where he loses his balance but he just climbs back up and tries again. I marvel at it because he just started pedaling at around five because of his low muscle tone. I remember how excited I was when he pedaled his bike. Before he'd just push himself along with his feet.
One of the little boys in Tommy's class saw me outside with Natalie the other day.
"Hey Tommy's Mom," he said.
Because that's who you are after you have children, you see.
"I thought Tommy had training wheels." The kid said this in a semi-snotty tone. I'm not fond of him. See, he has the same backpack as Tommy and Tommy notices everything. So at the bus stop he got excited and told the boy, "We have the same backpack. We have the same backpack!" And yes, it's not something that typical children may get thrilled about. So the little boy rolled his eyes and went, "So what?" I wanted to snap at the little boy and mutter, "You little shit," but I swallowed it back.
"Tommy can ride a two wheeler bike now," I told Brat Boy proudly.
The boy shrugged. "Oh. Me too. I could ride two wheelers when I was FIVE," he told me smugly.
You little shit...
It's probably a good idea why I decided not to work at the Child Development Center. I'd probably be thinking that a lot. Plus I realized that I don't really like other people's children. Unless you're a friend of mine, that is. Then I love your children.
In other news, we had to take Max to the vet for his rabies and distemper shot.
We had tried to get him his rabies shot before, but because he had a cold, he didn't get it.
So we brought him back and Max was meowing the whole way there.
"MEEOOOOWWW. MEOOOWWWW.." Deep, gutteral meows.
When I checked in at the vet, I asked if they knew a place where we could board Max while we're at Disney. They said that they did it there for $10 a day. Which I suppose isn't that bad. So we booked him for that.
Then we were called back.
Basically, we take him to this Cat Clinic instead of on base because the last time we took him on base they kept us waiting forever and they had big ugly dogs in the waiting room that freaked Max out. I felt awful for him. And for myself. Because dogs sense I don't like them and they kept coming up to me and I'd have to give them a polite pat so I didn't offend their owners. I don't think they'd appreciate it if I said, "Your dog stinks and would you mind getting its nose out of my crotch?"
The vet came back a few minutes later and checked Max over. Max still has watery eyes but he doesn't have the cold anymore.
Other than his eyes, he's in perfect health.
He took his shots like a pro. He didn't even flinch. Well, he sort of glared at me during the second one and then all was well again.
Max will be well taken care of while we're at Disney. All the ladies there are wonderful and they only take care of kitties. So they know exactly what Max needs.
Although the cost of the trip was robbery. It was $30 for the exam! Total was $59.
Ouch.
But Maximus Prime is worth it. That's what I call him. I'll go, "Maximus Prime: the FURRY Transformer!"
Max sort of just stares at me like I'm nuts. Just like my husband. And my children. And basically anyone who comes into contact with me.
I better go give the kitchen counters a final scrub. My parents should be here in about an hour. I'm making my crock pot pot roast and the house smells great.
Hold on.
*Sniffs*
Lovely, Max just took a dump so I better clean that too. Though the minute I clean his box, he's only going to take another dump so..
Ugh.
Thank goodness for air freshner.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Amber is Crankified
So anyhow, I haven't had the best day.
For starters, I stubbed my toe this morning. Then I had an argument with Tommy. He wanted to wear a long-sleeved shirt and I kept trying to explain that it was going to be in the eighties today.
"A long sleeved shirt would be too hot," I kept saying.
"I want LONG SLEEVE!" he'd shriek back at me.
Finally I gave in.
Whatever, if he wants to sweat all day, that's his choice.
A good thing that did happen was that I found out the Memorial Day sale at Gymboree was starting today.
So I figured I'd go.
So Natalie and I went and usually Gymboree isn't that busy. But today there were a bunch of customers in there. Huh? Are people from Wyoming reading my diary and shopping at MY store? Quel horror!
The store is really small and I had the big hunking Graco stroller. It's really difficult to maneuver that thing around when there are racks upon racks. Oh and small children running around in front of you. I seriously nearly ran over this little boy. I didn't see him and I was about an inch from hitting him when his mother shrieked, "DANVER, move!!"
Danver??
The heck?
What is it with people wanting to name their children odd names?
I was bummed because they didn't have the size I needed in a shirt and a pair of shoes that I needed for Natalie.
But I perked up when I saw that a bunch of other clothes were 60% off off, plus an additional 20% off for the sale plus I had another 20% off coupon plus the 5% discount I get with my Gymboree Visa.
I found a few shirts there.
Then I found an Easter dress for Natalie.
Of course at this point, Natalie had had enough. She wiggled her way out of the seatbelt and stood straight up.
And proceeded to screech.
One little girl clapped her hands over her ears. "Mommy. That baby is LOUD!" she said, pointing at Natalie.
So I had to pick her up to keep her quiet. And let me telling you, looking for clothes while holding onto a squirming 13-month-old is not easy. I'd be looking for her size and she'd start to shift down my stomach. I'd scoop her back up and she'd screech into my ear, causing the ringing that I usually get from her to begin.
"I'm looking for clothes for you," I kept trying to explain.
But Tom must've placed his body inside of hers or something. Maybe that's what he does on the computer? Because Natalie kept screeching as though Tom were there beside me.
She has enough. She has enough!
Had it really been Tom I'd have told him to piss off and reminded him of all the crap he gets. For himself.
Of course I didn't want to tell my sweet darling baby to piss off. Because with my luck she'd repeat it sweetly at me and proceed to tell strangers to piss off.
I was also intrigued by the people in the store with me. I always get excited when I see other people thrilled with Gymboree. I want to instantly be their friends. Because they obviously understand about clothing obsessions. But obviously I'm not going to wander up to someone and be all, "I'm Amber. I love Gymboree too. Let's be friends!"
Then I'd be forever known as "That Strange Gymboree Woman." Or probably, "That Psycho Gymboree Woman."
My arm felt like it was going to break off as I searched through racks. Any normal mother might have called it a day and just checked out with what she had.
Not me.
I pushed through the pain and searched through racks.
Must.Find.Deals.Must.Shop.
This one chick bought $200 worth of clothes.
I always assume that people that can drop $200 worth of clothes in one day must be rich.
Silly, I know.
But I could never drop that much in a day.
I mean I know I have an obsession but I could never allow myself to do that.
I drooled over her pile of clothing and wished that I had rich friends who spoiled my children with Gymboree. Or grandparents who spoiled my children with Gymboree. But my Mom insists that the kids have too much and she's not going to add to my madness.
And Tom's Mom would probably pass out if she saw a Gymboree price tag before I could explain that I never pay full price for it.
*Le sigh*
Finally I was done and set my pile on the counter.
The lady rang it up and said I was $4 short if I wanted a Gymbuck.
"I do!" I exclaimed.
She said I could go grab something and she'd wait. But there was someone behind me and I didn't want to be rude and take forever. So I plucked this Easter basket that was sitting on the counter and said I'd take it.
The cashier was amused. "Your Mommy is so silly," she said to Natalie who just looked flat annoyed.
I wanna crawl around. Mommy is mean. Mean mean mean!
I spent $53.17
Hah.
I dared to set Natalie in the stroller since we were leaving and she let out a bloodcurdling scream.
"Ohh..you're fine..Mommy just needs some tea," I explained as we headed for Chick-fil-a.
Natalie's wails settled down and she placed her thumb in her mouth and sucked angrily. Thankfully there was no line at Chick-fil-a so it went rather quickly. But I was in a cranky mood because I wasn't able to shop happily so when I handed over my money to the cashier and she went, "Oh out of two dollars?" I wanted to say, "No actually that's a five dollar bill. YES out of two dollars. DUH.."
But I didn't.
I just thought it.
Then we headed for home.
But I got stuck behind this car that was NOT going the speed limit.
It was 40 and she was doing 30.
I bet she was on her stupid cell phone.
I wanted to pass her but then I worry that it's rude. Plus we were nearly home and I figured she'd turn off or something.
Nope.
We got onto the interstate and she didn't even get up to 65! And I couldn't pass because a truck was in another lane.
She was going 40.
The HELL lady??!!!
And I wasn't tailing her, I promise. I gave the length of two cars as I was taught in drivers ed.
But guess what?
This jerk behind me decided to attempt to pass her. But he realized he couldn't get ahead because of the truck so he CUT in front of my nice length of two cars.
I honked my horn angrily at him.
YOU RUINED MY LENGTH OF TWO CARS, BUDDY!
Of course that lady went onto the base.
The speed limit on base is 30.
She went 20.
She must have woken up this morning and was all, "You know what? I think I'll go ten less then the speed limit today. Let's see how many people I can piss off.."
She mercifully turned off and I thought it would be easy cruising all the way home.
Nope.
The base decided to do another Fun Run and cut off my way home. They expect everyone to know the back way home and I don't.
So I pulled up and a cop in uniform was standing there.
"You can't go through here," he told me and then turned away as though we were done with talking.
"Um," I called out. "Then tell me how to get HOME!"
At this point I was hot and I just wanted to get home.
He turned around, surprised that I was still there. "Uhhhh..." He scratched his arm. "Uhh..not sure.." Then he turned around and thought we were done again.
DUDE.
"Look, I have a pissed off baby and I just want to get HOME," I shouted.
He turned around again, shocked as hell.
And actually, Natalie wasn't pissed. For once she was happily playing in her carseat. Of course she's not going to scream when I really want her to. Of course not.
But I wanted to get home, dangit.
"Well.." he said slowly. "I guess you could pass. Just watch out for runners.."
He moved a cone aside and I drove past before he could change his mind.
I mean geez.
If they want to do a fun run, do it at the stupid track. Do NOT close of roads. It's RUDE.
And what's this crap about calling it a FUN run anyhow. The runners I passed didn't look like they were having fun. In fact, one looked like he was doing to pass out. He was slugging along with his tongue hanging out.
I had to wait forever for a bunch of runners to pass the turn I needed to get home.
Lalala..
Freaking fun run.
One runner called out, "You shouldn't be here! Go the back way!"
"NO!" I shouted back.
He looked taken aback but kept running.
Then I was finally able to turn home.
Seriously, don't mess with Cranky Amber.
And really, that cop HAD let me pass..
Then when I got home I picked up my tea and realized my tea was all at the bottom of my cup holder.
THE HELL???
Apparently the cup had a hole in it.
You see?
I shrieked out dramatically, "My TEA!"
I was close to running inside and grabbing a straw to suck it up.
That's disgusting, Amber, my Voice of Reason piped up. My Voice of Reason is pissed at me so we haven't been speaking much. But at this point it felt like it had to step in.
"That IS disgusting," I muttered.
I nearly cried.
I don't know what happened.
I ran inside and saw a little hole on the bottom of the cup.
I don't know how it got there.
"Is this your idea of a sick joke, God?" I asked outloud.
Because when I stubbed my toe this morning I had shrieked out, "God dammit!" which I rarely ever say because I think it's rude. I mean I wouldn't want someone to yell "AMBER DAMMIT" whenever they got hurt. It's just not nice.
And then the whole lie I told to that cop to get through.
"My baby is pissy.." when in reality Natalie was happily playing in the backseat.
It was really ME who was all pissy.
So I think Karma came back and bit me in the ass.
Well, my tea cup that is.
Rude.
Sorry God.
For starters, I stubbed my toe this morning. Then I had an argument with Tommy. He wanted to wear a long-sleeved shirt and I kept trying to explain that it was going to be in the eighties today.
"A long sleeved shirt would be too hot," I kept saying.
"I want LONG SLEEVE!" he'd shriek back at me.
Finally I gave in.
Whatever, if he wants to sweat all day, that's his choice.
A good thing that did happen was that I found out the Memorial Day sale at Gymboree was starting today.
So I figured I'd go.
So Natalie and I went and usually Gymboree isn't that busy. But today there were a bunch of customers in there. Huh? Are people from Wyoming reading my diary and shopping at MY store? Quel horror!
The store is really small and I had the big hunking Graco stroller. It's really difficult to maneuver that thing around when there are racks upon racks. Oh and small children running around in front of you. I seriously nearly ran over this little boy. I didn't see him and I was about an inch from hitting him when his mother shrieked, "DANVER, move!!"
Danver??
The heck?
What is it with people wanting to name their children odd names?
I was bummed because they didn't have the size I needed in a shirt and a pair of shoes that I needed for Natalie.
But I perked up when I saw that a bunch of other clothes were 60% off off, plus an additional 20% off for the sale plus I had another 20% off coupon plus the 5% discount I get with my Gymboree Visa.
I found a few shirts there.
Then I found an Easter dress for Natalie.
Of course at this point, Natalie had had enough. She wiggled her way out of the seatbelt and stood straight up.
And proceeded to screech.
One little girl clapped her hands over her ears. "Mommy. That baby is LOUD!" she said, pointing at Natalie.
So I had to pick her up to keep her quiet. And let me telling you, looking for clothes while holding onto a squirming 13-month-old is not easy. I'd be looking for her size and she'd start to shift down my stomach. I'd scoop her back up and she'd screech into my ear, causing the ringing that I usually get from her to begin.
"I'm looking for clothes for you," I kept trying to explain.
But Tom must've placed his body inside of hers or something. Maybe that's what he does on the computer? Because Natalie kept screeching as though Tom were there beside me.
She has enough. She has enough!
Had it really been Tom I'd have told him to piss off and reminded him of all the crap he gets. For himself.
Of course I didn't want to tell my sweet darling baby to piss off. Because with my luck she'd repeat it sweetly at me and proceed to tell strangers to piss off.
I was also intrigued by the people in the store with me. I always get excited when I see other people thrilled with Gymboree. I want to instantly be their friends. Because they obviously understand about clothing obsessions. But obviously I'm not going to wander up to someone and be all, "I'm Amber. I love Gymboree too. Let's be friends!"
Then I'd be forever known as "That Strange Gymboree Woman." Or probably, "That Psycho Gymboree Woman."
My arm felt like it was going to break off as I searched through racks. Any normal mother might have called it a day and just checked out with what she had.
Not me.
I pushed through the pain and searched through racks.
Must.Find.Deals.Must.Shop.
This one chick bought $200 worth of clothes.
I always assume that people that can drop $200 worth of clothes in one day must be rich.
Silly, I know.
But I could never drop that much in a day.
I mean I know I have an obsession but I could never allow myself to do that.
I drooled over her pile of clothing and wished that I had rich friends who spoiled my children with Gymboree. Or grandparents who spoiled my children with Gymboree. But my Mom insists that the kids have too much and she's not going to add to my madness.
And Tom's Mom would probably pass out if she saw a Gymboree price tag before I could explain that I never pay full price for it.
*Le sigh*
Finally I was done and set my pile on the counter.
The lady rang it up and said I was $4 short if I wanted a Gymbuck.
"I do!" I exclaimed.
She said I could go grab something and she'd wait. But there was someone behind me and I didn't want to be rude and take forever. So I plucked this Easter basket that was sitting on the counter and said I'd take it.
The cashier was amused. "Your Mommy is so silly," she said to Natalie who just looked flat annoyed.
I wanna crawl around. Mommy is mean. Mean mean mean!
I spent $53.17
Hah.
I dared to set Natalie in the stroller since we were leaving and she let out a bloodcurdling scream.
"Ohh..you're fine..Mommy just needs some tea," I explained as we headed for Chick-fil-a.
Natalie's wails settled down and she placed her thumb in her mouth and sucked angrily. Thankfully there was no line at Chick-fil-a so it went rather quickly. But I was in a cranky mood because I wasn't able to shop happily so when I handed over my money to the cashier and she went, "Oh out of two dollars?" I wanted to say, "No actually that's a five dollar bill. YES out of two dollars. DUH.."
But I didn't.
I just thought it.
Then we headed for home.
But I got stuck behind this car that was NOT going the speed limit.
It was 40 and she was doing 30.
I bet she was on her stupid cell phone.
I wanted to pass her but then I worry that it's rude. Plus we were nearly home and I figured she'd turn off or something.
Nope.
We got onto the interstate and she didn't even get up to 65! And I couldn't pass because a truck was in another lane.
She was going 40.
The HELL lady??!!!
And I wasn't tailing her, I promise. I gave the length of two cars as I was taught in drivers ed.
But guess what?
This jerk behind me decided to attempt to pass her. But he realized he couldn't get ahead because of the truck so he CUT in front of my nice length of two cars.
I honked my horn angrily at him.
YOU RUINED MY LENGTH OF TWO CARS, BUDDY!
Of course that lady went onto the base.
The speed limit on base is 30.
She went 20.
She must have woken up this morning and was all, "You know what? I think I'll go ten less then the speed limit today. Let's see how many people I can piss off.."
She mercifully turned off and I thought it would be easy cruising all the way home.
Nope.
The base decided to do another Fun Run and cut off my way home. They expect everyone to know the back way home and I don't.
So I pulled up and a cop in uniform was standing there.
"You can't go through here," he told me and then turned away as though we were done with talking.
"Um," I called out. "Then tell me how to get HOME!"
At this point I was hot and I just wanted to get home.
He turned around, surprised that I was still there. "Uhhhh..." He scratched his arm. "Uhh..not sure.." Then he turned around and thought we were done again.
DUDE.
"Look, I have a pissed off baby and I just want to get HOME," I shouted.
He turned around again, shocked as hell.
And actually, Natalie wasn't pissed. For once she was happily playing in her carseat. Of course she's not going to scream when I really want her to. Of course not.
But I wanted to get home, dangit.
"Well.." he said slowly. "I guess you could pass. Just watch out for runners.."
He moved a cone aside and I drove past before he could change his mind.
I mean geez.
If they want to do a fun run, do it at the stupid track. Do NOT close of roads. It's RUDE.
And what's this crap about calling it a FUN run anyhow. The runners I passed didn't look like they were having fun. In fact, one looked like he was doing to pass out. He was slugging along with his tongue hanging out.
I had to wait forever for a bunch of runners to pass the turn I needed to get home.
Lalala..
Freaking fun run.
One runner called out, "You shouldn't be here! Go the back way!"
"NO!" I shouted back.
He looked taken aback but kept running.
Then I was finally able to turn home.
Seriously, don't mess with Cranky Amber.
And really, that cop HAD let me pass..
Then when I got home I picked up my tea and realized my tea was all at the bottom of my cup holder.
THE HELL???
Apparently the cup had a hole in it.
You see?
I shrieked out dramatically, "My TEA!"
I was close to running inside and grabbing a straw to suck it up.
That's disgusting, Amber, my Voice of Reason piped up. My Voice of Reason is pissed at me so we haven't been speaking much. But at this point it felt like it had to step in.
"That IS disgusting," I muttered.
I nearly cried.
I don't know what happened.
I ran inside and saw a little hole on the bottom of the cup.
I don't know how it got there.
"Is this your idea of a sick joke, God?" I asked outloud.
Because when I stubbed my toe this morning I had shrieked out, "God dammit!" which I rarely ever say because I think it's rude. I mean I wouldn't want someone to yell "AMBER DAMMIT" whenever they got hurt. It's just not nice.
And then the whole lie I told to that cop to get through.
"My baby is pissy.." when in reality Natalie was happily playing in the backseat.
It was really ME who was all pissy.
So I think Karma came back and bit me in the ass.
Well, my tea cup that is.
Rude.
Sorry God.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Breathing out of Two Nostrils
On Saturday, Tom volunteered to stand by a booth for Armed Forces Day. It was at the mall and he basically had to explain to people what security forces did and show weapons that they used. (Unarmed, obviously..)
I had told Tom that I'd meet him there at noon and we'd have lunch.
Of course on Saturday I had a bit of a cold so I wasn't feeling that great. And Tommy continued to count by tens. Loud.
"Ten, twenty, thirty, FORTY, FIFTY, SIXTY!"
"That's very good, Tommy," I said, over his shouting. "But how about you do that quietly?"
My head throbbed a little bit and I longed to be able to breathe from both nostrils again.
Tommy, who doesn't understand the meaning of quiet, continued to count in his booming voice. By the time we got to the mall I was this close to taking off running to a quiet place. Of course I didn't. Instead I opened up the stroller, plucked Natalie inside of it and informed Tommy to hold onto the stroller with me.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I said so!" I barked. A phrase I had promised myself I would never use when I had children but a phase that I've been using quite a lot. Though I do try to explain myself more but on that day, I wasn't feeling that great and wished that it weren't illegal to muzzle children.
When we got inside, there was a band playing. It didn't help my head much.
There were tons of booths set up. As we walked by, this old lady stuck a paper poppy underneath my nose.
"Do you want one?" she asked.
I grabbed it, just to get it away from my face. "Sure. Thank you," I said and was about to walk on.
"For a DONATION!" she said in this haughty voice, practically jumping in front of the stroller. Holy crud, for an old dame she was agile.
"Oh," I said, genuinely surprised. I mean the booth didn't even mention donations. I pulled my purse from the storage in the stroller and dug through it to find my wallet. I really need to clean in there. I found it and thankfully I had a dollar left. Usually I rarely have cash in my wallet. I offered it to her and her face fell. She took my dollar as if it were diseased or something.
"The donation is for veterans," she said rudely.
"I'm sorry," I explained. "I do appreciate what everyone has done for this country but I honestly have no money left." I even opened my wallet and showed her in case she thought I was holding out a twenty on her.
The old lady actually peeked inside and scowled. "Havaniceday," she grumbled and grabbed another paper poppy off her counter. Then she leaped in front of the next unsuspecting mother.
"Do you want one!?" I heard her screech as I walked off.
We were stopped again by an anti-drug booth.
"Would you like to spin for a prize?" the lady asked, gesturing to a small wheel with drug pictures on it.
"Sure," I said.
I spun and it landed on marijuana.
"You got marijuana!" the lady said in a voice that sounded too cheerful to me. Could it be that she's had experience with it? Hrm….I for one, have never done drugs and I'm quite proud of that.
She pulled the marijuana card out and flipped it around. She asked me a question on what marijuana could do to a person and I had to answer. I suppose I answered right because she said I could pick a pencil or a tape measure.
"Er, the tape measure," I said.
She went into the back and pulled one out. I immediately handed it to Natalie, who inspected it seriously.
Then she looked at Tommy and said he could spin too.
"Yeah!" he said and spun the wheel.
His landed on meth.
"Ohhh, meth!" the lady said and pulled out the card.
"True or false," she asked Tommy. "Meth can make you very very sick."
Tommy knows that drugs are bad for him. Because he's so into learning about the human body, I have explained to him that he should never drink a lot of alcohol or take drugs because it could ruin his body.
"TRUE!" Tommy said, jumping up and down.
"That's RIGHT!" the lady said. "Now what prize do you want? We have a rocket, a--- "
"A ROCKET!" Tommy said, clapping his hands.
The lady handed him this Styrofoam rocket with the logo "Drugs don't fly with us!" on the side.
"Yay! Thanks!" Tommy said and immediately tossed the rocket into the air. It nearly took out my eye.
"Tommy. No throwing inside," I hissed.
Tommy gave me a look that clearly told me that I was an Uncool Mom.
We finally found Tom at his booth. He was just finishing up showing a kid how to use the M-16 I think it was? I dunno. In the back area they were putting camo paint on children.
"Do you want some paint on your face?" I asked Tommy.
Tommy's eyes widened. "No!" he screeched. "It feels funny!"
Ahh, there goes the sensory issues again.
Tom finished up with the kid and said he was free to go since his relief showed up.
"Do you want to see the guns, Tommy?" he asked his son, who was staring at them in horror.
"Guns are bad," Tommy whispered.
"Guns aren't bad. I use them for my job. They can help get rid of the bad people," Tom explained, taking hold of the M-16. "Here, you can hold it.." He offered it to Tommy, who backed up.
"Guns are bad," he repeated.
"Guns ARE bad, Tommy," I said. "But these guns help Daddy at work."
Tommy reluctantly stepped forward and took hold of the gun. He held it for all of two seconds before handed it back to Tom and rushing back behind my leg.
We went to get lunch a few minutes later. I really wanted my tea from Chick-fil-A but the line was stretched. Ugh. They need to have an Only Wanting Tea line, really. That's all I wanted.
We went to Sbarro instead. We just ordered a large cheese pizza because it ends up being cheaper than if we each ordered a combo meal.
Natalie actually sat in the high chair while we ate. Though she got impatient at the end and kept standing up and pointing at everyone.
"What is that?" she'd ask, pointing at a man walking by.
That's her newest thing: she's been saying "What is that?" or "What's that?"
"It's a man," I said, setting her back down. "We must sit, Natalie."
I'd take another bite of pizza and she'd be up again. "What is that?" she asked, pointing at a woman.
"It's a woman," I explained. "We must sit, Natalie."
Two minutes later, same thing.
"What is that?" she asked, pointing to the lights.
"Lights," I explained. "We must SIT, Natalie…"
I don't mind her asking the questions. Because as my long readers will remember, Tommy barely spoke a word until he was nearly four. He said a few things, but it was few and far between. He was never asking what things were at Natalie's age. So I am grateful.
We checked out Sears before we left. Tom got some screw things. I was bored out of my mind as we walked down the tool aisles.
Then we headed home. Before we went our separate ways (we each had our own vehicle) Tom was all, "I'm impressed that you didn't go into Gymboree!"
I explained that I was waiting for the Memorial Day sale, which begins on Thursday. It's an extra 20% off sale items. Plus you can use a 20% off coupon. (There's a 20% off coupon in the latest Parents.)
"Oh Amber," Tom said, shaking his head.
"What? The government gave us money to spend. I don't want to disappoint the government." I smiled sweetly at him.
"Eventually," Tom said, putting his beret on, (Since he was in uniform.) "That excuse is not going to work anymore."
Really? Damn.
I had told Tom that I'd meet him there at noon and we'd have lunch.
Of course on Saturday I had a bit of a cold so I wasn't feeling that great. And Tommy continued to count by tens. Loud.
"Ten, twenty, thirty, FORTY, FIFTY, SIXTY!"
"That's very good, Tommy," I said, over his shouting. "But how about you do that quietly?"
My head throbbed a little bit and I longed to be able to breathe from both nostrils again.
Tommy, who doesn't understand the meaning of quiet, continued to count in his booming voice. By the time we got to the mall I was this close to taking off running to a quiet place. Of course I didn't. Instead I opened up the stroller, plucked Natalie inside of it and informed Tommy to hold onto the stroller with me.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I said so!" I barked. A phrase I had promised myself I would never use when I had children but a phase that I've been using quite a lot. Though I do try to explain myself more but on that day, I wasn't feeling that great and wished that it weren't illegal to muzzle children.
When we got inside, there was a band playing. It didn't help my head much.
There were tons of booths set up. As we walked by, this old lady stuck a paper poppy underneath my nose.
"Do you want one?" she asked.
I grabbed it, just to get it away from my face. "Sure. Thank you," I said and was about to walk on.
"For a DONATION!" she said in this haughty voice, practically jumping in front of the stroller. Holy crud, for an old dame she was agile.
"Oh," I said, genuinely surprised. I mean the booth didn't even mention donations. I pulled my purse from the storage in the stroller and dug through it to find my wallet. I really need to clean in there. I found it and thankfully I had a dollar left. Usually I rarely have cash in my wallet. I offered it to her and her face fell. She took my dollar as if it were diseased or something.
"The donation is for veterans," she said rudely.
"I'm sorry," I explained. "I do appreciate what everyone has done for this country but I honestly have no money left." I even opened my wallet and showed her in case she thought I was holding out a twenty on her.
The old lady actually peeked inside and scowled. "Havaniceday," she grumbled and grabbed another paper poppy off her counter. Then she leaped in front of the next unsuspecting mother.
"Do you want one!?" I heard her screech as I walked off.
We were stopped again by an anti-drug booth.
"Would you like to spin for a prize?" the lady asked, gesturing to a small wheel with drug pictures on it.
"Sure," I said.
I spun and it landed on marijuana.
"You got marijuana!" the lady said in a voice that sounded too cheerful to me. Could it be that she's had experience with it? Hrm….I for one, have never done drugs and I'm quite proud of that.
She pulled the marijuana card out and flipped it around. She asked me a question on what marijuana could do to a person and I had to answer. I suppose I answered right because she said I could pick a pencil or a tape measure.
"Er, the tape measure," I said.
She went into the back and pulled one out. I immediately handed it to Natalie, who inspected it seriously.
Then she looked at Tommy and said he could spin too.
"Yeah!" he said and spun the wheel.
His landed on meth.
"Ohhh, meth!" the lady said and pulled out the card.
"True or false," she asked Tommy. "Meth can make you very very sick."
Tommy knows that drugs are bad for him. Because he's so into learning about the human body, I have explained to him that he should never drink a lot of alcohol or take drugs because it could ruin his body.
"TRUE!" Tommy said, jumping up and down.
"That's RIGHT!" the lady said. "Now what prize do you want? We have a rocket, a--- "
"A ROCKET!" Tommy said, clapping his hands.
The lady handed him this Styrofoam rocket with the logo "Drugs don't fly with us!" on the side.
"Yay! Thanks!" Tommy said and immediately tossed the rocket into the air. It nearly took out my eye.
"Tommy. No throwing inside," I hissed.
Tommy gave me a look that clearly told me that I was an Uncool Mom.
We finally found Tom at his booth. He was just finishing up showing a kid how to use the M-16 I think it was? I dunno. In the back area they were putting camo paint on children.
"Do you want some paint on your face?" I asked Tommy.
Tommy's eyes widened. "No!" he screeched. "It feels funny!"
Ahh, there goes the sensory issues again.
Tom finished up with the kid and said he was free to go since his relief showed up.
"Do you want to see the guns, Tommy?" he asked his son, who was staring at them in horror.
"Guns are bad," Tommy whispered.
"Guns aren't bad. I use them for my job. They can help get rid of the bad people," Tom explained, taking hold of the M-16. "Here, you can hold it.." He offered it to Tommy, who backed up.
"Guns are bad," he repeated.
"Guns ARE bad, Tommy," I said. "But these guns help Daddy at work."
Tommy reluctantly stepped forward and took hold of the gun. He held it for all of two seconds before handed it back to Tom and rushing back behind my leg.
We went to get lunch a few minutes later. I really wanted my tea from Chick-fil-A but the line was stretched. Ugh. They need to have an Only Wanting Tea line, really. That's all I wanted.
We went to Sbarro instead. We just ordered a large cheese pizza because it ends up being cheaper than if we each ordered a combo meal.
Natalie actually sat in the high chair while we ate. Though she got impatient at the end and kept standing up and pointing at everyone.
"What is that?" she'd ask, pointing at a man walking by.
That's her newest thing: she's been saying "What is that?" or "What's that?"
"It's a man," I said, setting her back down. "We must sit, Natalie."
I'd take another bite of pizza and she'd be up again. "What is that?" she asked, pointing at a woman.
"It's a woman," I explained. "We must sit, Natalie."
Two minutes later, same thing.
"What is that?" she asked, pointing to the lights.
"Lights," I explained. "We must SIT, Natalie…"
I don't mind her asking the questions. Because as my long readers will remember, Tommy barely spoke a word until he was nearly four. He said a few things, but it was few and far between. He was never asking what things were at Natalie's age. So I am grateful.
We checked out Sears before we left. Tom got some screw things. I was bored out of my mind as we walked down the tool aisles.
Then we headed home. Before we went our separate ways (we each had our own vehicle) Tom was all, "I'm impressed that you didn't go into Gymboree!"
I explained that I was waiting for the Memorial Day sale, which begins on Thursday. It's an extra 20% off sale items. Plus you can use a 20% off coupon. (There's a 20% off coupon in the latest Parents.)
"Oh Amber," Tom said, shaking his head.
"What? The government gave us money to spend. I don't want to disappoint the government." I smiled sweetly at him.
"Eventually," Tom said, putting his beret on, (Since he was in uniform.) "That excuse is not going to work anymore."
Really? Damn.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
House Of Sick
I may be the only person who does not want to see the new Indiana Jones movie.
I never liked any of them.
It was actually a movie that Tom picked for our movie nights when we were dating. This was during our "polite" phase. He endured Sleepless in Seattle without a word and I had to sit through that boring movie.
I kept getting confused on why Han Solo continued to crack a whip.
Just like it startles me when I see Han Solo today with his hair stark white.
Tom wants to see the new Indiana Jones and I said he's welcome to go on his own.
"I thought we could go when your parents visit. For a date," he said hopefully.
"No thanks," I said.
Plus, he already agreed to see the Sex and the City movie.
How?
Well, remember when he went paintballing and he didn't call to let me know what was going on?
Yeah, I sort of made him feel ultra guilty and Tom asked how he could make it up to me.
"Well," I said slowly, "you COULD go see the Sex and the City movie with me..." I trailed off, pretending that I didn't care one way or another. I examined my ragged fingernail and vowwed that I wouldn't chew them again--of course that vow lasted all of two days before my nails were in my mouth once again.
Anyhow, Tom said he'd see it with me.
"I'm sure you'll see boobies," I told him.
Tom's eyes lit up at that. (He's such a MAN.) But then he pretended not to care. He gave a little shrug and went, "I'll just try not to stare at Jessica Sarah's mole."
"Sarah Jessica," I corrected.
Tom shrugged, showing me he could care less what her name was.
"I'll probably be the only man in the theater," he muttered.
Probably not. I imagine there will be other men in there dragged along by their mates.
I told this to Tom.
"GAY men," he fumed.
"Tom. Some men actually LIKE the show. I think deep down you like the show. You watch when I have it on," I pointed out.
"That's because there's nothing else to watch!" he retorted.
Yeah, whatevs.
His favorite episode is when Samantha calls baby Brady an asshole.
Mine too, actually.
Because really, babies can behave like assholes at times.
But enough about that.
I just got back from Burger King. I was naughty and got that for dinner.
Tom works tonight and I woke up feeling like crap.
Natalie woke up feeling like crap.
In fact she woke up a number of times last night.
The fifth time I began to wonder if her plan was to kill me by lack of sleep.
Then when she woke up for the day it was whine whine and double whine.
Plus I see another tooth popping through.
She's refusing to eat again. All she's eaten today is breastmilk and a few bites of oatmeal.
Plus I got her to take a few sips of regular milk. Just a few. Now she pushes the cup away whenever I offer it to her.
I went down for a nap when she did. I did not want to wake up.
Then Tom left for work and I did not feel like cooking.
So I told Tommy that we were going to Burger King.
"Just a plain burger," Tommy told me firmly.
And he's serious about that too. The mustard and the onion pellets freak him out. The pickles send him into hysterics.
It has to be plain.
The Burger King on this base is slow though. I pulled up at the drive thru and the lady blasted over the line.
"WELCOME TO BURGERKING HOW CAN I HELP?"
Again, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Yes, I'll take the six piece chicken finger meal," I shouted. "With a diet cok--"
"HOLD ON!"
A silence.
Then, "WHAT TO DRINK?"
"A diet coke..can I get that with buffalo sauce?"
(It's this spicy sauce. It rocks.)
"IS THAT ALL?"
"No, plus a PLAIN hamburger kid's meal."
I have to stress plain. Because if I don't, the burger is still given to us with crap on it.
Then I was naughty and ordered a Hershey's Sundae Pie. I haven't had one of those since England.
Mmmm sundae pie...
I was given the total and then I drove up to the window. The woman leaned out and handed me my drinks. They had the Indiana Jones pictures all over them.
"You excited about the movie?" she asked.
I didn't know what she was talking about at first. I sort of gaped at her in confusion.
"The movie!" she gestured to Han Solo on the side of my diet coke. He was in the middle of cracking a whip with a determined look on his face.
"Not really. It's weird to see Han Solo with a whip, you know?" I laughed a little bit at my joke and it was her turn to gape at me.
"Um," I felt the need to add. "You know, because he was in Star Wars as Han Solo...."
She still looked confused.
Okay then.
Never seen Star Wars, obviously.
Then she nearly forgot to give me my pie!
I dug through the bag and she had shut her window.
I waited a few seconds to see if she'd come back and she never did.
So I reached over and knocked on it.
I saw her peek around the corner and she looked startled to still see me there. She opened it and went, "Yes?"
"My pie? I don't have my pie," I said. I guess I sort of sounded a tad hysterical.
"Oh. Right." She turned around and opened this silver fridge thing. Then she pulled it out and clunked it into a bag. Then she handed it to me.
"Thanks," I said.
"Uh huh," she responded, giving me a strange look.
Crazy Burger King customer talking about some weird dude named Han Solo..
My food was delicious. As was my pie. Tommy is weird because when I gave him a bite he looked digusted.
"It tastes," he said after he swallowed, "funny.." Then he took a long swig of water because that's all he drinks.
Tonight is good TV night at least.
Grey's Anatomy should be interesting.
I'm recording The Office. An hour long tonight! Oh goodness, I nearly typed WOOT and I HATE that word. I've been reading all you people for too long. *Gives woot users the evil eye*
Then of course, there is Lost and I hope we get to find out what in the WORLD happened to Claire and what's this business about moving the island means? For some reason I picture the island lifted up and these huge massive feet popping up and shifting over beside Brazil or something.
I know, I'm weird...
I never liked any of them.
It was actually a movie that Tom picked for our movie nights when we were dating. This was during our "polite" phase. He endured Sleepless in Seattle without a word and I had to sit through that boring movie.
I kept getting confused on why Han Solo continued to crack a whip.
Just like it startles me when I see Han Solo today with his hair stark white.
Tom wants to see the new Indiana Jones and I said he's welcome to go on his own.
"I thought we could go when your parents visit. For a date," he said hopefully.
"No thanks," I said.
Plus, he already agreed to see the Sex and the City movie.
How?
Well, remember when he went paintballing and he didn't call to let me know what was going on?
Yeah, I sort of made him feel ultra guilty and Tom asked how he could make it up to me.
"Well," I said slowly, "you COULD go see the Sex and the City movie with me..." I trailed off, pretending that I didn't care one way or another. I examined my ragged fingernail and vowwed that I wouldn't chew them again--of course that vow lasted all of two days before my nails were in my mouth once again.
Anyhow, Tom said he'd see it with me.
"I'm sure you'll see boobies," I told him.
Tom's eyes lit up at that. (He's such a MAN.) But then he pretended not to care. He gave a little shrug and went, "I'll just try not to stare at Jessica Sarah's mole."
"Sarah Jessica," I corrected.
Tom shrugged, showing me he could care less what her name was.
"I'll probably be the only man in the theater," he muttered.
Probably not. I imagine there will be other men in there dragged along by their mates.
I told this to Tom.
"GAY men," he fumed.
"Tom. Some men actually LIKE the show. I think deep down you like the show. You watch when I have it on," I pointed out.
"That's because there's nothing else to watch!" he retorted.
Yeah, whatevs.
His favorite episode is when Samantha calls baby Brady an asshole.
Mine too, actually.
Because really, babies can behave like assholes at times.
But enough about that.
I just got back from Burger King. I was naughty and got that for dinner.
Tom works tonight and I woke up feeling like crap.
Natalie woke up feeling like crap.
In fact she woke up a number of times last night.
The fifth time I began to wonder if her plan was to kill me by lack of sleep.
Then when she woke up for the day it was whine whine and double whine.
Plus I see another tooth popping through.
She's refusing to eat again. All she's eaten today is breastmilk and a few bites of oatmeal.
Plus I got her to take a few sips of regular milk. Just a few. Now she pushes the cup away whenever I offer it to her.
I went down for a nap when she did. I did not want to wake up.
Then Tom left for work and I did not feel like cooking.
So I told Tommy that we were going to Burger King.
"Just a plain burger," Tommy told me firmly.
And he's serious about that too. The mustard and the onion pellets freak him out. The pickles send him into hysterics.
It has to be plain.
The Burger King on this base is slow though. I pulled up at the drive thru and the lady blasted over the line.
"WELCOME TO BURGERKING HOW CAN I HELP?"
Again, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Yes, I'll take the six piece chicken finger meal," I shouted. "With a diet cok--"
"HOLD ON!"
A silence.
Then, "WHAT TO DRINK?"
"A diet coke..can I get that with buffalo sauce?"
(It's this spicy sauce. It rocks.)
"IS THAT ALL?"
"No, plus a PLAIN hamburger kid's meal."
I have to stress plain. Because if I don't, the burger is still given to us with crap on it.
Then I was naughty and ordered a Hershey's Sundae Pie. I haven't had one of those since England.
Mmmm sundae pie...
I was given the total and then I drove up to the window. The woman leaned out and handed me my drinks. They had the Indiana Jones pictures all over them.
"You excited about the movie?" she asked.
I didn't know what she was talking about at first. I sort of gaped at her in confusion.
"The movie!" she gestured to Han Solo on the side of my diet coke. He was in the middle of cracking a whip with a determined look on his face.
"Not really. It's weird to see Han Solo with a whip, you know?" I laughed a little bit at my joke and it was her turn to gape at me.
"Um," I felt the need to add. "You know, because he was in Star Wars as Han Solo...."
She still looked confused.
Okay then.
Never seen Star Wars, obviously.
Then she nearly forgot to give me my pie!
I dug through the bag and she had shut her window.
I waited a few seconds to see if she'd come back and she never did.
So I reached over and knocked on it.
I saw her peek around the corner and she looked startled to still see me there. She opened it and went, "Yes?"
"My pie? I don't have my pie," I said. I guess I sort of sounded a tad hysterical.
"Oh. Right." She turned around and opened this silver fridge thing. Then she pulled it out and clunked it into a bag. Then she handed it to me.
"Thanks," I said.
"Uh huh," she responded, giving me a strange look.
Crazy Burger King customer talking about some weird dude named Han Solo..
My food was delicious. As was my pie. Tommy is weird because when I gave him a bite he looked digusted.
"It tastes," he said after he swallowed, "funny.." Then he took a long swig of water because that's all he drinks.
Tonight is good TV night at least.
Grey's Anatomy should be interesting.
I'm recording The Office. An hour long tonight! Oh goodness, I nearly typed WOOT and I HATE that word. I've been reading all you people for too long. *Gives woot users the evil eye*
Then of course, there is Lost and I hope we get to find out what in the WORLD happened to Claire and what's this business about moving the island means? For some reason I picture the island lifted up and these huge massive feet popping up and shifting over beside Brazil or something.
I know, I'm weird...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A Mother's Dream
On Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day. My husband, Frank, delivered a message that brought me to my knees. It was entitled, "A Mother's Dream" and I just have to share some of it with anyone who reads this.
"One thing we must always remember is that God chose our mother for us and us for our mothers. None of us could make that choice as a newborn baby, but God knew who would be the best for us. God, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, knew just which mother I needed to teach me those things that He wanted me to know. I am a lucky one....my mother is still here today and I know that at one time she had great dreams for me and for my little brother. In these days....too many mothers are not fulfilling their roles and are not training up their children in the ways of the Lord. I see this sad statement of truth everyday....I teach high school.
I can and do thank God for my mother because she cared for me, taught me right from wrong, and watched over me. Any mother worth her salt lives with a prayer on her lips that her children will grow to be strong, healthy, model citizens who live for God. I know mine did....and here I am today. I am not perfect....but I do live for God. Charles Spurgeon once heard his own mother praying, "Now Lord, if my children go on in sin it will not be from ignorance that they perish and my soul must bear swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay no hold on Christ and claim Him as their personal Savior." All Christian parents should pray....we cannot make our kids serve Christ but we have to teach them about Christ so that they can know what the way of Salvation is even if they choose not to follow it.
Frank and I have great hopes for our daughters and we have done and continue to do all we can to help them become the best they can be. It is a life-long job to encourage the girls to learn more, become more, and mature into the greatness that God has placed within them.
I am no different from any other mother....I dreamed of my children becoming doctors, lawyers, astronauts, firemen, policemen, ministers, teachers...or any of a host of honorable professions....of course they had to make up their own minds....just like I had to make up mine....it is my life. I love my job....I love every day that I get up and go be with the high school kids. It is the testimony of the love of a mother that no matter how far from God her children may run...or what kind of life they are living....she never gives up on them.....but continues to hope for their becoming great burns in her heart. I have run from God....and I know it made my mother sad....but I found my way back....and when I did...Oh Happy Day!
Thank God for mothers who never give up on their kids. Thank God for our mothers who never gave up on Frank or me. Thank God for a mother who cared enough to teach us about God. Thank God for a mother that stuck by us when we did not deserve her loyalty.
I want to encourage all mothers out there today to dream big dreams for your children and never give up on those dreams. When times are hard, hang in there and be the strength of your family. When the children push you to the breaking point, hold on to the hand of God and keep walking. You are responsible for raising and teaching your children in the fear of the Lord. Our society today is in trouble because too many mothers have forgotten their responsibility to their children or even have led them away from God and His word.
Dorothy Law Nolte's poem, "Children Learn What They Live" really hits home right now.
AND...if a child grows up in the church and learns the love of God, he or she will never forget it.!
Tears flowed freely from my eyes on Sunday. I want to thank my darling husband for letting God give him the words I so needed to hear.
I love you Momma. Thank you for giving me the road map I needed to find The Way!
"One thing we must always remember is that God chose our mother for us and us for our mothers. None of us could make that choice as a newborn baby, but God knew who would be the best for us. God, in His infinite wisdom and knowledge, knew just which mother I needed to teach me those things that He wanted me to know. I am a lucky one....my mother is still here today and I know that at one time she had great dreams for me and for my little brother. In these days....too many mothers are not fulfilling their roles and are not training up their children in the ways of the Lord. I see this sad statement of truth everyday....I teach high school.
I can and do thank God for my mother because she cared for me, taught me right from wrong, and watched over me. Any mother worth her salt lives with a prayer on her lips that her children will grow to be strong, healthy, model citizens who live for God. I know mine did....and here I am today. I am not perfect....but I do live for God. Charles Spurgeon once heard his own mother praying, "Now Lord, if my children go on in sin it will not be from ignorance that they perish and my soul must bear swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay no hold on Christ and claim Him as their personal Savior." All Christian parents should pray....we cannot make our kids serve Christ but we have to teach them about Christ so that they can know what the way of Salvation is even if they choose not to follow it.
Frank and I have great hopes for our daughters and we have done and continue to do all we can to help them become the best they can be. It is a life-long job to encourage the girls to learn more, become more, and mature into the greatness that God has placed within them.
I am no different from any other mother....I dreamed of my children becoming doctors, lawyers, astronauts, firemen, policemen, ministers, teachers...or any of a host of honorable professions....of course they had to make up their own minds....just like I had to make up mine....it is my life. I love my job....I love every day that I get up and go be with the high school kids. It is the testimony of the love of a mother that no matter how far from God her children may run...or what kind of life they are living....she never gives up on them.....but continues to hope for their becoming great burns in her heart. I have run from God....and I know it made my mother sad....but I found my way back....and when I did...Oh Happy Day!
Thank God for mothers who never give up on their kids. Thank God for our mothers who never gave up on Frank or me. Thank God for a mother who cared enough to teach us about God. Thank God for a mother that stuck by us when we did not deserve her loyalty.
I want to encourage all mothers out there today to dream big dreams for your children and never give up on those dreams. When times are hard, hang in there and be the strength of your family. When the children push you to the breaking point, hold on to the hand of God and keep walking. You are responsible for raising and teaching your children in the fear of the Lord. Our society today is in trouble because too many mothers have forgotten their responsibility to their children or even have led them away from God and His word.
Dorothy Law Nolte's poem, "Children Learn What They Live" really hits home right now.
"If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world."
AND...if a child grows up in the church and learns the love of God, he or she will never forget it.!
Tears flowed freely from my eyes on Sunday. I want to thank my darling husband for letting God give him the words I so needed to hear.
I love you Momma. Thank you for giving me the road map I needed to find The Way!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The World's Worst Mother Award
In the Waverly bulletin last week I used a wonderful devotional I found online that was a tribute to Mother's. I have thought about it all week and felt like I needed to share it with my readers today.
I am no different from most kids. I thought most of the time that my mother was the worst mom alive. If I could have nominated her for an award it would have been the World's Worst Mother. So I have peeked your interest and you are wondering how is this a tribute to a mother....sounds like a slam to me.....well...it is a tribute. I am who I am because of my mother.... " 1. She made me eat green vegetables with nearly every meal. I now enjoy good health." If I had had my way it would have been oreos and french fries three meals aday. "2. She insisted on the use of a foreign language...."Yes sir and Please." I have good manners now because she taught me this foreign language. " Foreign...because I teach high school and these words are rarely heard in the hallowed halls of learning. The language I hear there is profane and vulgar. "3. She spanked me when I was out of line. I learned respect for the law and officials who carry it out." I think today's children need a little more of that kind of teaching....but parents don't anymore. "4. She required me to do chores and I developed good work habits and a drive to succeed." I hated those chores....especially when my friends were outside playing....and I was cleaning....it was not fair....it just was not fair. I made sure I made my kids do chores. "5. For yelling, "Clean up your pig-pen of a room." I remember one time having to wear dirty clothes to a party...because I did not put the dirty clothes where they were supposed to be.....talk about an object lesson. I was mortified. "6. For forcing me to take typing in High School. I have an enduring practical skill." Although I do not type on a typewriter anymore....I can tear a computer keyboard up. Thanks Mom! "7. For nagging me to continue practicing the piano. I have an appreciation of music." I don't play the piano...that did not take....but I can play the guitar....and sing...and write music....and I owe it all to those agonizing piano lessons. "8. She encouraged me to read. She inspired a lifelong desire to learn and grow." I would still be in college if someone would pay me to be a student. I was also one of the youngest people to ever hold a library card in Palm Beach County's Public Library....I also devour books. I LOVE to read! "9. For dragging me to church ever Sunday. My mother allowed God to literally change my life." And here I am today....a preacher's wife....who would have thunk it? "10. When I wanted to be left alone during a difficult divorce she persisted in helping me care for myself and my daughter. Now, I more clearly understand the meaning of the word love. There you have it. The evidence is overwhelming. She consistently refused to allow me to do whatever I wanted and because of it, I am eternally grateful. My mother deserves to be honored as the "World's Worst Mother' and I praise God for her influence on my life and the life of my daughter. Solomon wrote about women like my Mother in Proverbs: "Her children arise and call her blessed: ' Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise..." (Prov. 31:28-31) Have you given an award to your mother lately?
I am no different from most kids. I thought most of the time that my mother was the worst mom alive. If I could have nominated her for an award it would have been the World's Worst Mother. So I have peeked your interest and you are wondering how is this a tribute to a mother....sounds like a slam to me.....well...it is a tribute. I am who I am because of my mother.... " 1. She made me eat green vegetables with nearly every meal. I now enjoy good health." If I had had my way it would have been oreos and french fries three meals aday. "2. She insisted on the use of a foreign language...."Yes sir and Please." I have good manners now because she taught me this foreign language. " Foreign...because I teach high school and these words are rarely heard in the hallowed halls of learning. The language I hear there is profane and vulgar. "3. She spanked me when I was out of line. I learned respect for the law and officials who carry it out." I think today's children need a little more of that kind of teaching....but parents don't anymore. "4. She required me to do chores and I developed good work habits and a drive to succeed." I hated those chores....especially when my friends were outside playing....and I was cleaning....it was not fair....it just was not fair. I made sure I made my kids do chores. "5. For yelling, "Clean up your pig-pen of a room." I remember one time having to wear dirty clothes to a party...because I did not put the dirty clothes where they were supposed to be.....talk about an object lesson. I was mortified. "6. For forcing me to take typing in High School. I have an enduring practical skill." Although I do not type on a typewriter anymore....I can tear a computer keyboard up. Thanks Mom! "7. For nagging me to continue practicing the piano. I have an appreciation of music." I don't play the piano...that did not take....but I can play the guitar....and sing...and write music....and I owe it all to those agonizing piano lessons. "8. She encouraged me to read. She inspired a lifelong desire to learn and grow." I would still be in college if someone would pay me to be a student. I was also one of the youngest people to ever hold a library card in Palm Beach County's Public Library....I also devour books. I LOVE to read! "9. For dragging me to church ever Sunday. My mother allowed God to literally change my life." And here I am today....a preacher's wife....who would have thunk it? "10. When I wanted to be left alone during a difficult divorce she persisted in helping me care for myself and my daughter. Now, I more clearly understand the meaning of the word love. There you have it. The evidence is overwhelming. She consistently refused to allow me to do whatever I wanted and because of it, I am eternally grateful. My mother deserves to be honored as the "World's Worst Mother' and I praise God for her influence on my life and the life of my daughter. Solomon wrote about women like my Mother in Proverbs: "Her children arise and call her blessed: ' Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise..." (Prov. 31:28-31) Have you given an award to your mother lately?
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Surprise Dog
Okay, this morning I nearly had a heart attack while we were walking outside to the car.
This dog all of a sudden charged up to me and barked.
I screamed at the top of my lungs.
For one, I wasn't expecting to see a dog.
For two, I'm half asleep and to suddenly see this panting, jumping white dog in front of me is startling.
(And let's not forget that I'm a horribly jumpy person. Jennifer can attest to that.)
Tommy went, "What's that dog doing here?"
Then the owner came charging over in his uniform. "I'm so sorry. He escaped. Sorry," he said, trying to lunge and grab the dog's collar.
The dog wanted no part of going back inside. He darted to the other side of my car and barked happily at its annoyed owner.
"Get over here," the owner said sharply. He rushed over to the dog and the dog tried to come over to me for help.
"EEEE!" I said, because dogs make me nervous. I blame Inside Edition who likes to tell stories about dogs that bite the faces off of children. So I practically shielded Natalie, who was strapped in her carseat looking all confused.
Finally, the owner managed to grab the dog's collar.
"I'm sorry. Sorry," the owner said, walking off half bent over since he had his fingers firmly around the dog's collar.
"What happened, Mommy?" Tommy asked.
"A dog got out of his house, I guess," I explained, opening up the car door for him.
"Why?" Tommy wondered.
"I don't know. It happens," I said.
"That dog was too weird," Tommy said matter-of-factly.
Anyhow.
Yesterday we went to Gymboree so I could put my items on hold for today.
It was actually a spur of the moment thing.
I was bored and announced that I wanted to get out of the house.
"To Gymboree, actually," I added.
Tom shrugged. "I could go for a pretzel," he said.
Oh.
"Well actually I was going to leave you with the kids..." I said hopefully.
Tom frowned. "Maybe I want to come too."
His code for "I don't want to watch the children alone. The children scare me. Tommy is extra hyper in the evenings and Natalie wants my attention. This means that I can't play my computer game."
So he came too. But I told him he had to fill up my car before we left.
Tom always fills my car up with gas. I don't like doing it. I CAN do it if I must (when he was deployed for six months I did it) but I'd rather not.
Plus I read an article that said that breastfeeding moms should avoid pumping gas so they don't breathe in the fumes. That might be a little exaggerated but I made sure to point it out to Tom and make him feel guilty when he said I should fill up my own car.
"Sure, okay," I said. "I might breathe in gas and get the fumes in my breastmilk. If you feel comfortable with Natalie drinking gas laced milk then by all means, I'll fill my own car up.."
Then Tom felt bad and went, "Oh I'll just do it! You brat."
So he did fill my car up with gas and then we headed to the mall.
We walked into Gymboree and I started going through the new line.
Tom got a little bored and announced that he'd be going into Sport Authority. He took Natalie with him and I told Tommy he could pick out an outfit.
"I like," Tommy said seriously tapping his chin, "this shirt." He gestured to the green shirt with a shark on it.
I neatly went through the shirts and found a size 6. Then I neatly put them back. I hate making a mess. I don't want to be known as the "customer who makes a mess."
Then he picked out some shorts.
He noticed I picked out a size 4.
"HEY!" he exclaimed. "I'm SIX, not FOUR!"
I had to explain sizes to him. See, he has a size 6 Gymboree shorts but they're still huge even with the adjusters.
He also has a size 5 but they're also huge.
So I figure a size 4 might be best since he has such a tiny waist.
But he can wear either a size 5 or 6 shirt.
Then he picked out matching flip flops.
I tried to get the matching bucket hat for him. I plucked it on his head and he gingerly took it off.
"No hats," he said firmly. "I'm too old for it."
I only got Natalie a pair of shorts on sale for $12.99.
I'm trying to only buy things that I truly love. I mean there were tons that I LIKED in the store but I'm trying to behave.
I brought Tommy's outfit and the shorts up front and asked to put them on hold.
"Ahh you're waiting for the Circle of Friends sale tomorrow, huh?" the cashier said coyly.
I nodded. "Yup."
She glanced at my tiny pile in confusion. "This is it?"
Usually she's used to me bringing a huge pile over.
"I'm trying to be good. My daughter's closet is stuffed," I said.
She smiled. "Ahh, stuff it some more..."
And this is where I had to bite my tongue from pulling a Micheal Scott and shrieking, "That's what she said!"
Of course it doesn't make as much sense coming for a GIRL but still..
But with my luck, she probably isn't an Office watcher and would probably think I'm some strange perv who needs to get the crap out of her store.
I ended up saying nothing.
Well, I did say something. I said I'd pick up my hold tomorrow morning.
While I was in there, this lady was ranting about how they only have one size 5T for each line.
"And it's so annoying, it really is," she was complaining.
She had a huge pile on the counter though.
"I'll be back tomorrow at ten. SHARP," she added, staring the cashier down. Basically saying, "And you better be here at ten SHARP. You better not stroll in late.."
Tom was grateful that I was finished when he came back.
Then we got some pretzels. I gave Natalie a small piece. She basically sucked the cinnamon off of it and tossed the rest on the floor.
This morning I went to pick up my hold.
(And the sale is going on until the 11th. They'll give you a coupon if you ask for one. It's 30% off everything.)
I should do holds more often. I just walked in, gave my name, they went into the back and got it and I paid and that was that.
Then I went to get a churro from Taco Johns. (Nissa, look what you've started..) And I got my sweet tea from Chick-Fil-A.
I had leftover Chinese food for lunch, otherwise I probably would have gotten a taco salad.
Tommy said he'd put on his outfit when he got home from school for pictures. I promised him it wouldn't be a lot.
I better go get Natalie down for her nap. I just asked if she was ready for night nights and she shook her head at me and said, "AHBEE!"
This dog all of a sudden charged up to me and barked.
I screamed at the top of my lungs.
For one, I wasn't expecting to see a dog.
For two, I'm half asleep and to suddenly see this panting, jumping white dog in front of me is startling.
(And let's not forget that I'm a horribly jumpy person. Jennifer can attest to that.)
Tommy went, "What's that dog doing here?"
Then the owner came charging over in his uniform. "I'm so sorry. He escaped. Sorry," he said, trying to lunge and grab the dog's collar.
The dog wanted no part of going back inside. He darted to the other side of my car and barked happily at its annoyed owner.
"Get over here," the owner said sharply. He rushed over to the dog and the dog tried to come over to me for help.
"EEEE!" I said, because dogs make me nervous. I blame Inside Edition who likes to tell stories about dogs that bite the faces off of children. So I practically shielded Natalie, who was strapped in her carseat looking all confused.
Finally, the owner managed to grab the dog's collar.
"I'm sorry. Sorry," the owner said, walking off half bent over since he had his fingers firmly around the dog's collar.
"What happened, Mommy?" Tommy asked.
"A dog got out of his house, I guess," I explained, opening up the car door for him.
"Why?" Tommy wondered.
"I don't know. It happens," I said.
"That dog was too weird," Tommy said matter-of-factly.
Anyhow.
Yesterday we went to Gymboree so I could put my items on hold for today.
It was actually a spur of the moment thing.
I was bored and announced that I wanted to get out of the house.
"To Gymboree, actually," I added.
Tom shrugged. "I could go for a pretzel," he said.
Oh.
"Well actually I was going to leave you with the kids..." I said hopefully.
Tom frowned. "Maybe I want to come too."
His code for "I don't want to watch the children alone. The children scare me. Tommy is extra hyper in the evenings and Natalie wants my attention. This means that I can't play my computer game."
So he came too. But I told him he had to fill up my car before we left.
Tom always fills my car up with gas. I don't like doing it. I CAN do it if I must (when he was deployed for six months I did it) but I'd rather not.
Plus I read an article that said that breastfeeding moms should avoid pumping gas so they don't breathe in the fumes. That might be a little exaggerated but I made sure to point it out to Tom and make him feel guilty when he said I should fill up my own car.
"Sure, okay," I said. "I might breathe in gas and get the fumes in my breastmilk. If you feel comfortable with Natalie drinking gas laced milk then by all means, I'll fill my own car up.."
Then Tom felt bad and went, "Oh I'll just do it! You brat."
So he did fill my car up with gas and then we headed to the mall.
We walked into Gymboree and I started going through the new line.
Tom got a little bored and announced that he'd be going into Sport Authority. He took Natalie with him and I told Tommy he could pick out an outfit.
"I like," Tommy said seriously tapping his chin, "this shirt." He gestured to the green shirt with a shark on it.
I neatly went through the shirts and found a size 6. Then I neatly put them back. I hate making a mess. I don't want to be known as the "customer who makes a mess."
Then he picked out some shorts.
He noticed I picked out a size 4.
"HEY!" he exclaimed. "I'm SIX, not FOUR!"
I had to explain sizes to him. See, he has a size 6 Gymboree shorts but they're still huge even with the adjusters.
He also has a size 5 but they're also huge.
So I figure a size 4 might be best since he has such a tiny waist.
But he can wear either a size 5 or 6 shirt.
Then he picked out matching flip flops.
I tried to get the matching bucket hat for him. I plucked it on his head and he gingerly took it off.
"No hats," he said firmly. "I'm too old for it."
I only got Natalie a pair of shorts on sale for $12.99.
I'm trying to only buy things that I truly love. I mean there were tons that I LIKED in the store but I'm trying to behave.
I brought Tommy's outfit and the shorts up front and asked to put them on hold.
"Ahh you're waiting for the Circle of Friends sale tomorrow, huh?" the cashier said coyly.
I nodded. "Yup."
She glanced at my tiny pile in confusion. "This is it?"
Usually she's used to me bringing a huge pile over.
"I'm trying to be good. My daughter's closet is stuffed," I said.
She smiled. "Ahh, stuff it some more..."
And this is where I had to bite my tongue from pulling a Micheal Scott and shrieking, "That's what she said!"
Of course it doesn't make as much sense coming for a GIRL but still..
But with my luck, she probably isn't an Office watcher and would probably think I'm some strange perv who needs to get the crap out of her store.
I ended up saying nothing.
Well, I did say something. I said I'd pick up my hold tomorrow morning.
While I was in there, this lady was ranting about how they only have one size 5T for each line.
"And it's so annoying, it really is," she was complaining.
She had a huge pile on the counter though.
"I'll be back tomorrow at ten. SHARP," she added, staring the cashier down. Basically saying, "And you better be here at ten SHARP. You better not stroll in late.."
Tom was grateful that I was finished when he came back.
Then we got some pretzels. I gave Natalie a small piece. She basically sucked the cinnamon off of it and tossed the rest on the floor.
This morning I went to pick up my hold.
(And the sale is going on until the 11th. They'll give you a coupon if you ask for one. It's 30% off everything.)
I should do holds more often. I just walked in, gave my name, they went into the back and got it and I paid and that was that.
Then I went to get a churro from Taco Johns. (Nissa, look what you've started..) And I got my sweet tea from Chick-Fil-A.
I had leftover Chinese food for lunch, otherwise I probably would have gotten a taco salad.
Tommy said he'd put on his outfit when he got home from school for pictures. I promised him it wouldn't be a lot.
I better go get Natalie down for her nap. I just asked if she was ready for night nights and she shook her head at me and said, "AHBEE!"
On Motherhood
Today I want to send a shout out for all the mothers who have sat up all night with a sick toddler in their arms, wiping vomit laced with a hotdog and red Kool-Aid as they said to their upset little one, “It’s okay, Mommy is here.” I have to digress for a moment and tell a story of my daughter Kathryn. I do not do vomit...never have...never will.....one night Kat and I were in the rocker....she had a severe ear infection.....it of course came on Saturday morning....and by Sunday night and through all the old wives rememdies....I was exhausted....and so was she. Anyway, I was rocking her....holding her in front of me....looking at her....pleading with her to please sleep.....when she vomited....right in my face. It was not the cute little baby spit up.....ohhhh nooooo....it was full fledged vomit.....and as soon as it hit my face.....I vomited right back at her. There we both were....crying and rocking....and vomiting....until finally her daddy came and relieved me of my duties....sent me to bed....cleaned her up....and I sank into a much needed sleep. I woke up feeling like the worst mother of the year.....but it has made a great tale for mothers to be and what to expect. I have others....but Kat would kill me if I told them here. Moving on....to the mothers who sat in a rocking chair for hours soothing a crying baby who could not be comforted any other way. To the mothers who have gone to work with spit-up and milk stains on their blouses and a diaper or wet wipes in their purse. For the mothers who run carpools, make cookies, sew Halloween costumes, sit in the car and catch up on bills and reading at ball practices, dance lessons and endless instrument lessons, there will be a jewel in your crown….and for the mothers who can’t….because they are busy supporting their family…..you will have one too. To all the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see and the mothers who took those babies into their homes there is a special place for all of you. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections hang on the refrigerator doors, I know some of my most valuable work was a Mother’s Day card, complete with drawings, done by my daughter at the age of 5, that proclaimed: “Moms are great, moms are grand, moms are everything but a man.” How profound she was at such an early age. To the moms who have sat on hard bleachers at basketball games instead of cleaning house and responded when asked, “Did you see me, Mom?”….with a smile and “Of course, I would not have missed it for the world,” sincere response. This is for the moms who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them when they stomp their feet and ask for ice cream before dinner. It is also for the moms who count to ten instead, and for the ones who battle with child abuse issues. Anger is a tough thing to overcome….especially if you are the single mom. This is for the moms who sat their children down and explained the facts of life….and for the grandmothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t find the right words. This is for the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat. My mom used to practice FHB (Family Hold Back) and suddenly declare that she did not like apple pie anymore when company would drop in unexpectedly. For the mothers who read the same book twice a night for a year and then read it again, “Just one more time.” In our household it was I Can Do It Myself. I read it so much that Kat knew it by heart. She was also that way about the video of Robin Hood by Walt Disney. For all the mothers who taught their children how to tie their shoelaces before they started kindergarten, and for the mothers who opted for Velcro….there is no shame in Velcro….trust me. Sometimes you have to opt for the easier road. It does not mean you are a failure. My son just refused to learn to tie shoelaces. I think he was in the third grade before he ever mastered the technique. This recognition is for all the mothers who have taught their sons to cook and iron and taught their daughters to change a flat and cut the grass. For every mom whose head turns when they hear the word, “mom” spoken….even when they know their children are at home, at college, or have families of their own….it is instinct. For ever mother who has sent a child to school with a stomach ache…..assuring them they will survive….only to get a call from the school an hour later asking them to pick their child up…..Right Now! For the mothers of children who were victims of school shootings….and for the mothers whose children where the shooters….it is difficult either way. For the mothers of the survivors who sat in horror in front of the television….and hugged their child extra hard when they came home from school. For mothers whose children have gone astray….or runaway….and for the moms who have had to bite their lips when their child comes home with funny colored hair, a tattoo, or a nose ring. To all the mothers who taught their children that peaceful was the only way to handle conflict and now pray daily that their children will come home from the war….alive. Mother’s Day is a special day just for you….it is a time when your children….acknowledge that we are aware of all you do and sacrifice for us. It took me a long time to get that point…..actually….it took becoming a mother…..and realizing….that no matter how much you love your children….they will hurt you….they will grow up and have opinions of their own….they will leave home…..(sometimes they will return)…..but….they love you….just like you love them…..it is that always kind of love. So for all the mothers out there today…..new and old…..I salute you…..without you…most of us would not be who or what we are today. You were our driving force. Thanks Mom!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
On Being a Worthy Woman
I got an email this week from a woman friend of mine. It was very touching and made me think about all the things we as women do .....don't do....and bear the load for. I had to share it with those of you out there who read my blog. It is called:
One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
I just had to share this with all the women out there I know and don't know. This was written with me in mind....and I know it probably fits many of you. If I had to choose a major flaw and broadcast it....weight not included....it would be that many times I have lost sight of my worth. Many of us...men included are products of a strong willed parent. I had one of those. My mother is very strong willed and it resulted in me not having any self-esteem at all. I have been singing since I was three....my mom could have been a stage mom for a beauty queen. All my life...I have had to sing on demand. Even today at 54, when my mom says....sing....I open my mouth and out comes a song. It is very frustrating to be treated in that way. My father....now that was a different story....he has always been supportive, loving, kind, and when I was crying....he made me feel as if I was somebody. I never felt like somebody with my mom.....she was somebody....I was her shadow....or puppet....kind of like Waylon and Madame. I was the dummy doll. Oh, my mom loved me....she was just such a strong personality....that I got lost in the shadow of her. My dating life....was not much better....I tended to gravitate to people who were strong personalities...I was the wall flower of most groups....unless music was involved. Then and only then would I shine. I married young....I was 20....and my husband had a very strong personality....and a daughter with one too....Once again....I drifted into the woodwork. It was not until I had my daughter....that the fighter in me began to emerge. I realized....I was somebody....not just Ronnie's wife...and Jeni's mom....I was me....I was screaming to get out....so I went to college...finished....got a Master's Degree.....I had arrived. When my daughter graduated from high school....I went one more step to freedom....I left my husband...and became single. Becoming single....was really just a justification....I had been a single mom a long time....just a married one. Sounds pecular huh? Well....I was a single mom....My life centered around the kids....his life centered around him. At the age of 44 I walked out on 22 years of marriage. I thought I was ready for it....but the first few months....I spent most of my time away from work....in a fetal position crying myself to sleep. I was terrified. I wanted him to miss me....I wanted him to want me back....and it did not happen that way....I drew the line....he did not step across it.....so I had to find out if I truly could do it on my own....the day I signed my divorce papers....I got in my car....with no shoes on....no purse....and found myself out of gas...outside of Tuscaloosa....a very kind employee at a truck stop....fed me, put a tank of gas in my car, and listened to me cry.....and when I tried to send money back....told me....just do something nice for someone else....pay it forward. I have never forgotten that day...I realized that day....I was somebody....worth being friends with....worth being the child of....worth being noted. That was in 2000. In 2002 I attended an Emmaus Walk....I found myself....with the help of a wonderful table of ladies that God put there just for me. He showed me how wonderful life can be....he does not make junk and I am His creation....so I am not junk! I am first run.....I am the best there is. Now, here I am in 2008. The group I sang with opened last weekend for Cowboy Crush....they said we were really good...I have a great husband....who is proud of me....encourages me....supports me....loves me inspite of myself.....I AM SOMEBODY OF WORTH. I AMA CHILD OF GOD! That makes me royalty! PTL!
Monday, May 5, 2008
To A New Mall We Went
So on Saturday Tom said he'd drive us to the mall in Fort Collins.
We've never been there but I looked it up and saw they had my beloved Rocky Mountain Chocolates. And they make the BEST chocolate covered apples.
I warned Tom to please come to bed around three in the morning so he'd at least get a few hours of sleep. He works the night shift so he's usually awake during the night. Then he'll crawl up to bed at around six or seven and sleep until three or four. But Tom likes leaving the house at 930 in the morning to beat the crowds. Remember, crowds freak Tom out. I would have no qualms about leaving later but it's TOM who insists that we leave early.
I woke up at 7, like usual, and guess who hadn't come to bed?
That's right.
TOM.
I go downstairs and he's playing his computer game.
"Uh Tom?" I asked him. "Did you forget we're going to the mall? Don't you need some sleep?"
Tom logged off his game. "I'll sleep now until we're ready to go," he told me.
Ugh.
Waking Tom up is NOT fun.
For one, he's a total crank. For two, it can take forever to get him back out of bed.
"Now you're going to be all cranky," I complained.
"I won't," Tom insisted.
So at 915 I went to wake him up. I shook his arm and he lifted his head up.
"Wassat?" he mumbled.
"We're going to the mall?" I reminded him gently.
"kdajfklajsfkl," he muttered into his pillow.
I sent Tommy out of the room right in time. Because then he rolled over and, well, he sleeps in the nude and I didn't want to scar my six-year-old for life.
Finally he lifted himself out of bed, stumbled into the shower and was downstairs in ten minutes.
"You ready?" he barked at me.
I was changing Natalie's diaper. "In a sec," I said.
He gave this long sigh.
We were out the door in the five minutes. We stopped off to fill up the truck..the gas prices seriously make me want to cry. We dropped $68 in less than two minutes. On GAS.
Freakin' gas.
I ran inside to grab Tom an energy drink.
Then I noticed that A&W had this new float drink. It was a root beer float in a soda can.
A creamy blend of rich A&W and ice cream flavor! the bottle boosted.
My mouth watered. I love floats.
So I picked that up too. I haven't had it yet. Probably tonight since it's such a nice day.
I went back outside and handed Tom his energy drink. He cracked it open and took a long gulp. Then the entire truck smelled like a sweet tart.
It took about forty minutes to get to the mall. It was MUCH easier to get to then we thought it would be.
Tom had plugged in the address on his GPS and I swear, the woman's voice is loud. There is no turning it down either.
"RIGHT TURN AHEAD!" she'd bark out and I'd jump every time.
We parked and put Natalie in her stroller.
"I'll push him," Tommy said, grabbing the handle and taking off towards the mall.
"STOP!" Tom and I shouted after him.
He paused and turned around. "I'm trying to HELP. Just trying to HELP! Ladedahhhhh!" Then he ran around in a circle.
"Amber," Tom said under his breath. "Did you give him his pill?"
Um.
Oops.
I had totally forgot to give him his Vyvanse.
Which meant he was totally hyper.
"And Tommy," I reminded him, taking his hand. "It's HER. You need to stop referring to your sister as a HE."
Tommy does that a lot. He'll be all, "I'll go get him!" when referring to Natalie.
We walked in and Tommy started bouncing some more. "I'm a FROG. A silly FROG!! RIBBITTTT!"
And seriously, he shouted the ribbit.
"I can't believe you forgot to give him his pill," Tom bickered beside me.
Tommy walked beside us, waving his arms all over the place.
The first place we walked into was Spencer's Gifts. Which probably isn't appropriate for a six-year-old because he noticed the vibrators and asked if it was a colored cucumber.
"Something like that," I lied while the cashier snickered.
Tom and I each got new magnets for our cars and got the heck out of there.
Tom's is the first one.
Mine is the second. Remember how I always complain about people tailing me?
Well, I just had to get that bumper.
After that we stopped in the candy store.
The lady in there must've totally be hyped up on sugar because when we walked in she exclaimed,
"HELLLLLOOOO. A little BOY and a little GIRL. What FUNNNN!"
I started to get a few sour gummies.
"I'm putting fresh gummy worms in here. FRESH GUMMY WORMS. SMELL THIS!" she waved the bag full of gummy worms under my nose. "You must take a few. Take take take!" She was practically shoving it in my face.
"Oh," I said, startled. "Okay.."
I grabbed two.
"Oh you MUST take more. They smell DELICIOUS!" She waved the bag around again.
I took two more. "I'm done," I said firmly.
She bent down to Tommy's level. "Do you like lollipops?" she asked.
"I like cheese," Tommy responded without missing a beat.
She stood upright and blinked a few times. She wasn't sure what to make of that. "Oh.." she stuttered. "Well we have delicious lollipops.." she gestured over to the corner where there were some lollipops bigger than Tommy's head.
"Lollipops are too sticky," Tommy said matter-of-factly. My little sensory boy.
I paid for the gummies and we quickly got out of there.
Next we stopped at Auntie Anne's to get a cinnamon sugar pretzel. We don't have an Auntie Anne's at our mall and they make the best pretzels.
"You know," the cashier told me, "it's buy three pretzels get one free. So you get a free one."
So we got ANOTHER cinnamon sugar pretzel.
It was so good.
Natalie even took a few bites of hers before tossing it on the ground and shrieking, "OOOOOOOO!"
"Pretzel pretzel PRETZEL!" Tommy chanted. "PRETZEL!" he felt the need to add right into Tom's ear.
"Tommy," Tom barked, rubbing his ear. "Hush."
Tommy was fidgeting all in his seat.
After that we found my Rocky Mountain Chocolates. I picked out this chocolate peanut butter caramel apple. Tommy said he wanted the same one so I got two.
When I showed my ID card while handing over my debit card the cashier squinted at it and asked where we were from.
"Wyoming," I explained. "We live at the base by there.."
She nodded. "A lot of people from Wyoming come here," she said.
"That's because our mall sucks," I explained.
She laughed. "THIS mall sucks.."
And it was a sorry mall. But our mall is even smaller so...
"Well plus I love the apples here," I said.
The cashier found that hilarious and tossed back her head and gave a loud guffaw.
Okay then.
They also had a Gymboree.
Tom groaned when I walked in.
"Why? Why why why? We have one at OUR mall. Stop going through that bin, Natalie has enough!" he whined.
But this Gymboree was much bigger than my Gymboree. I had room to move the stroller around. And they had more sale racks out.
"Cupcake cutie stuff!" I said and rushed over.
"She has enough," Tom hissed into my ear.
"Cupcake cutie!" I said again and Tom just gave up.
I wish Tom hadn't been there. Because they had more sale racks out but I knew I had to hurry. As I was looking the worker was all, "We have a sale starting Thursday. You save 30% off everything. I can't remember what it's called..."
"Circle of Friends," I offered.
Her eyes lit up. "YES. That. I'll give you a coupon for it."
"Thanks," I replied.
I ended up just getting two shirts that totalled eight bucks:
Of course I'm going to the sale.
The new line is up online and there are pieces I must have.
That's my Mother's Day present actually. Going shopping at Gymboree.
After that we decided to eat lunch.
Tom got Subway and Tommy and I got burgers at this burger place.
I think it might have actually been called Burger Place.
Hah.
Then on the way out of the mall we got Orange Julius'.
Tommy was bouncing around like crazy.
"Daddy! How old are you?" he kept asking.
"Twenty five," Tom would answer.
"TWENTY FIVE! WOW!"
And he's all excited that Tom's birthday is tomorrow and that he'll be twenty-six.
"And then..and then next year you'll be TWENTY SEVEN!" Tommy shouted.
Then in the truck Tommy was all, "Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, one hundred..one hundred ten.."
And he can go up to one hundred sixty and then he'd start over.
"Please," Tom begged after he had done this like ten times. "It's quiet time. Please let's all be quiet."
And then Tommy would whisper, "Ten..twenty...thirty.."
We also stopped off at Toys R Us and Natalie got excited when she saw all the baby dolls.
"Bebe!" she said pointing. "Bebe bebe!"
Then we drove back home.
"Ten..twenty..thirty.." Tommy kept chanting.
"Tommy..please.." Tom said sternly.
"Oh I'm not Tommy anymore. It's Thomas," Tommy said seriously.
"TOMMY!"
"It's THOMAS!"
I had a headache by the time we got home.
Oh and you'll be pleased to know that my OnDemand finally got the latest Tudors and I got to see Henry's butt.
I wonder how that goes. I mean when they give Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who plays Henry, the script.
"Okay Jonathan, in this scene you'll be buck naked and think you see the ghost of your friend, whom you've beheaded."
What if his mother called that day and asked what he did?
"Oh Mum, in this one scene I'm naked and think I see a ghost. Don't worry, Mum, you don't see my front. Just my back. And I also get to put my hand near a woman's breasts."
I see his Mom go, "Good HEAVENS!"
Also my OnDemand must've been apologizing to me for showing that episode so late that they already have this week's episode up.
I'll watch that later.
It's sad to know that so many people are going to die though.
And Cromwell eventually gets the axe.
Literally.
We've never been there but I looked it up and saw they had my beloved Rocky Mountain Chocolates. And they make the BEST chocolate covered apples.
I warned Tom to please come to bed around three in the morning so he'd at least get a few hours of sleep. He works the night shift so he's usually awake during the night. Then he'll crawl up to bed at around six or seven and sleep until three or four. But Tom likes leaving the house at 930 in the morning to beat the crowds. Remember, crowds freak Tom out. I would have no qualms about leaving later but it's TOM who insists that we leave early.
I woke up at 7, like usual, and guess who hadn't come to bed?
That's right.
TOM.
I go downstairs and he's playing his computer game.
"Uh Tom?" I asked him. "Did you forget we're going to the mall? Don't you need some sleep?"
Tom logged off his game. "I'll sleep now until we're ready to go," he told me.
Ugh.
Waking Tom up is NOT fun.
For one, he's a total crank. For two, it can take forever to get him back out of bed.
"Now you're going to be all cranky," I complained.
"I won't," Tom insisted.
So at 915 I went to wake him up. I shook his arm and he lifted his head up.
"Wassat?" he mumbled.
"We're going to the mall?" I reminded him gently.
"kdajfklajsfkl," he muttered into his pillow.
I sent Tommy out of the room right in time. Because then he rolled over and, well, he sleeps in the nude and I didn't want to scar my six-year-old for life.
Finally he lifted himself out of bed, stumbled into the shower and was downstairs in ten minutes.
"You ready?" he barked at me.
I was changing Natalie's diaper. "In a sec," I said.
He gave this long sigh.
We were out the door in the five minutes. We stopped off to fill up the truck..the gas prices seriously make me want to cry. We dropped $68 in less than two minutes. On GAS.
Freakin' gas.
I ran inside to grab Tom an energy drink.
Then I noticed that A&W had this new float drink. It was a root beer float in a soda can.
A creamy blend of rich A&W and ice cream flavor! the bottle boosted.
My mouth watered. I love floats.
So I picked that up too. I haven't had it yet. Probably tonight since it's such a nice day.
I went back outside and handed Tom his energy drink. He cracked it open and took a long gulp. Then the entire truck smelled like a sweet tart.
It took about forty minutes to get to the mall. It was MUCH easier to get to then we thought it would be.
Tom had plugged in the address on his GPS and I swear, the woman's voice is loud. There is no turning it down either.
"RIGHT TURN AHEAD!" she'd bark out and I'd jump every time.
We parked and put Natalie in her stroller.
"I'll push him," Tommy said, grabbing the handle and taking off towards the mall.
"STOP!" Tom and I shouted after him.
He paused and turned around. "I'm trying to HELP. Just trying to HELP! Ladedahhhhh!" Then he ran around in a circle.
"Amber," Tom said under his breath. "Did you give him his pill?"
Um.
Oops.
I had totally forgot to give him his Vyvanse.
Which meant he was totally hyper.
"And Tommy," I reminded him, taking his hand. "It's HER. You need to stop referring to your sister as a HE."
Tommy does that a lot. He'll be all, "I'll go get him!" when referring to Natalie.
We walked in and Tommy started bouncing some more. "I'm a FROG. A silly FROG!! RIBBITTTT!"
And seriously, he shouted the ribbit.
"I can't believe you forgot to give him his pill," Tom bickered beside me.
Tommy walked beside us, waving his arms all over the place.
The first place we walked into was Spencer's Gifts. Which probably isn't appropriate for a six-year-old because he noticed the vibrators and asked if it was a colored cucumber.
"Something like that," I lied while the cashier snickered.
Tom and I each got new magnets for our cars and got the heck out of there.
Tom's is the first one.
Mine is the second. Remember how I always complain about people tailing me?
Well, I just had to get that bumper.
After that we stopped in the candy store.
The lady in there must've totally be hyped up on sugar because when we walked in she exclaimed,
"HELLLLLOOOO. A little BOY and a little GIRL. What FUNNNN!"
I started to get a few sour gummies.
"I'm putting fresh gummy worms in here. FRESH GUMMY WORMS. SMELL THIS!" she waved the bag full of gummy worms under my nose. "You must take a few. Take take take!" She was practically shoving it in my face.
"Oh," I said, startled. "Okay.."
I grabbed two.
"Oh you MUST take more. They smell DELICIOUS!" She waved the bag around again.
I took two more. "I'm done," I said firmly.
She bent down to Tommy's level. "Do you like lollipops?" she asked.
"I like cheese," Tommy responded without missing a beat.
She stood upright and blinked a few times. She wasn't sure what to make of that. "Oh.." she stuttered. "Well we have delicious lollipops.." she gestured over to the corner where there were some lollipops bigger than Tommy's head.
"Lollipops are too sticky," Tommy said matter-of-factly. My little sensory boy.
I paid for the gummies and we quickly got out of there.
Next we stopped at Auntie Anne's to get a cinnamon sugar pretzel. We don't have an Auntie Anne's at our mall and they make the best pretzels.
"You know," the cashier told me, "it's buy three pretzels get one free. So you get a free one."
So we got ANOTHER cinnamon sugar pretzel.
It was so good.
Natalie even took a few bites of hers before tossing it on the ground and shrieking, "OOOOOOOO!"
"Pretzel pretzel PRETZEL!" Tommy chanted. "PRETZEL!" he felt the need to add right into Tom's ear.
"Tommy," Tom barked, rubbing his ear. "Hush."
Tommy was fidgeting all in his seat.
After that we found my Rocky Mountain Chocolates. I picked out this chocolate peanut butter caramel apple. Tommy said he wanted the same one so I got two.
When I showed my ID card while handing over my debit card the cashier squinted at it and asked where we were from.
"Wyoming," I explained. "We live at the base by there.."
She nodded. "A lot of people from Wyoming come here," she said.
"That's because our mall sucks," I explained.
She laughed. "THIS mall sucks.."
And it was a sorry mall. But our mall is even smaller so...
"Well plus I love the apples here," I said.
The cashier found that hilarious and tossed back her head and gave a loud guffaw.
Okay then.
They also had a Gymboree.
Tom groaned when I walked in.
"Why? Why why why? We have one at OUR mall. Stop going through that bin, Natalie has enough!" he whined.
But this Gymboree was much bigger than my Gymboree. I had room to move the stroller around. And they had more sale racks out.
"Cupcake cutie stuff!" I said and rushed over.
"She has enough," Tom hissed into my ear.
"Cupcake cutie!" I said again and Tom just gave up.
I wish Tom hadn't been there. Because they had more sale racks out but I knew I had to hurry. As I was looking the worker was all, "We have a sale starting Thursday. You save 30% off everything. I can't remember what it's called..."
"Circle of Friends," I offered.
Her eyes lit up. "YES. That. I'll give you a coupon for it."
"Thanks," I replied.
I ended up just getting two shirts that totalled eight bucks:
Of course I'm going to the sale.
The new line is up online and there are pieces I must have.
That's my Mother's Day present actually. Going shopping at Gymboree.
After that we decided to eat lunch.
Tom got Subway and Tommy and I got burgers at this burger place.
I think it might have actually been called Burger Place.
Hah.
Then on the way out of the mall we got Orange Julius'.
Tommy was bouncing around like crazy.
"Daddy! How old are you?" he kept asking.
"Twenty five," Tom would answer.
"TWENTY FIVE! WOW!"
And he's all excited that Tom's birthday is tomorrow and that he'll be twenty-six.
"And then..and then next year you'll be TWENTY SEVEN!" Tommy shouted.
Then in the truck Tommy was all, "Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, one hundred..one hundred ten.."
And he can go up to one hundred sixty and then he'd start over.
"Please," Tom begged after he had done this like ten times. "It's quiet time. Please let's all be quiet."
And then Tommy would whisper, "Ten..twenty...thirty.."
We also stopped off at Toys R Us and Natalie got excited when she saw all the baby dolls.
"Bebe!" she said pointing. "Bebe bebe!"
Then we drove back home.
"Ten..twenty..thirty.." Tommy kept chanting.
"Tommy..please.." Tom said sternly.
"Oh I'm not Tommy anymore. It's Thomas," Tommy said seriously.
"TOMMY!"
"It's THOMAS!"
I had a headache by the time we got home.
Oh and you'll be pleased to know that my OnDemand finally got the latest Tudors and I got to see Henry's butt.
I wonder how that goes. I mean when they give Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who plays Henry, the script.
"Okay Jonathan, in this scene you'll be buck naked and think you see the ghost of your friend, whom you've beheaded."
What if his mother called that day and asked what he did?
"Oh Mum, in this one scene I'm naked and think I see a ghost. Don't worry, Mum, you don't see my front. Just my back. And I also get to put my hand near a woman's breasts."
I see his Mom go, "Good HEAVENS!"
Also my OnDemand must've been apologizing to me for showing that episode so late that they already have this week's episode up.
I'll watch that later.
It's sad to know that so many people are going to die though.
And Cromwell eventually gets the axe.
Literally.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Victim
“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;” Job 13:15,
I sometimes become a victim to my emotions....yep I do...it is true. Often my circumstances stir up my emotions and I respond inappropriately....hey...let's just say I blow it! While my emotions toward my situation are not entirely wrong; they are just not entirely reliable. But you know...I know that my God is.
Adversity, trials, and sufferings are God’s greatest tools for growing us spiritually. However, our emotions sometimes tell us otherwise, making it hard to trust God for a good outcome. I think the reason it may be hard to rely on God in hardships is because I sometimes forget who my God is. I become so focused on what my eyes can see instead of the unseen hand of God at work in my life that I miss the boat entirely. My mom used to tell me it was God building character in me...and after struggling for so long....I would wonder....what kind of character God was wanting me to be.
A prime example of this happened a couple of weeks ago. My parents live with us....so alone time for my husband and I is at a premium....if it even exists. Well....I had been praying for some alone time with my husband....and I got it....just not quite like I had envisioned it. I was thinking romantic....not stuck in a hospital room with my sweetie...strapped up with I.V's and monitors. Two weeks ago, my husband, Frank, came home from work complaining of chest pains. I normally would have blown this off....but Frank has a high pain tolerance....if he said his chest was hurting....he was probably having a massive coronary. This was something to worry about.....and I worry with the best of them. This time I was consumed with all the “what if” questions. What if it’s really a heart attack? What if he dies and I am widowed and alone? What if this trial is a test of faith? Like Job, will I be able to say, “Though you slay me, I will trust you?” I hoped so.
God only eliminates the things in my life that don’t “look” like Him. If there is a characteristic in my life that needs to be put to death, I can trust God will do it and I’ll be better off without it. While my mind may acknowledge this truth, my emotions need God’s grace in order to trust Him in the process.God’s grace is always sufficient. He is enough for whatever I face.
God’s faithfulness has been evident in my past and it helps me trust Him in the present. Like David, Habakkuk and many others, I stir my faith in God by remembering those past victories. David was able to face and slay the giant because he remembered God’s faithfulness in his past battles. Habakkuk, as he prayed about his situation, remembered God’s history with the Israelite children and how He brought them triumph. Remembering the past victories reminds me of just how big and able our God is, and rescues me from any doubt in the present situation. It offers strength, hope, and the faith I need to endure.
It is human nature to fear. But as a child of God, I have got to remember exactly how the righteous live. They live by faith. So I’m learning to say in my circumstances, “God, this is not what I want. It’s not what I planned for my life, but though you slay me I’m choosing to trust you.”
After all the testing....the pain that Frank was suffering....could not be diagnosed as a heart attack. He would live to be my husband for many more years with some behavior modification activities....ie...quit smoking and start exercising. The gray spot on the xray and from the stress test were not visible in the heart cath. The doctors were relieved....as was I. Then, I realized that God not only eliminated the condition Frank was suffering from..... He also eliminated another layer of doubt in my life. In the hollow of that place, a deeper faith in God took root.Instead of trusting my feelings, I’m choosing to trust my God. He is enough both now and always for whatever comes my way. While my emotions are still going to trip me up from time to time, still, I will trust Him. Why—because if something needs slaying in my life, I’m better off without it and God is just the one to make the change a success.
I may not always understand what’s going on in my life. This may not be what I planned, but I will choose to trust God...I am going to rely on the fact that He will help me to see the good in every one of my situations, and He will also bring our the good from within me. I can count on that!
I sometimes become a victim to my emotions....yep I do...it is true. Often my circumstances stir up my emotions and I respond inappropriately....hey...let's just say I blow it! While my emotions toward my situation are not entirely wrong; they are just not entirely reliable. But you know...I know that my God is.
Adversity, trials, and sufferings are God’s greatest tools for growing us spiritually. However, our emotions sometimes tell us otherwise, making it hard to trust God for a good outcome. I think the reason it may be hard to rely on God in hardships is because I sometimes forget who my God is. I become so focused on what my eyes can see instead of the unseen hand of God at work in my life that I miss the boat entirely. My mom used to tell me it was God building character in me...and after struggling for so long....I would wonder....what kind of character God was wanting me to be.
A prime example of this happened a couple of weeks ago. My parents live with us....so alone time for my husband and I is at a premium....if it even exists. Well....I had been praying for some alone time with my husband....and I got it....just not quite like I had envisioned it. I was thinking romantic....not stuck in a hospital room with my sweetie...strapped up with I.V's and monitors. Two weeks ago, my husband, Frank, came home from work complaining of chest pains. I normally would have blown this off....but Frank has a high pain tolerance....if he said his chest was hurting....he was probably having a massive coronary. This was something to worry about.....and I worry with the best of them. This time I was consumed with all the “what if” questions. What if it’s really a heart attack? What if he dies and I am widowed and alone? What if this trial is a test of faith? Like Job, will I be able to say, “Though you slay me, I will trust you?” I hoped so.
God only eliminates the things in my life that don’t “look” like Him. If there is a characteristic in my life that needs to be put to death, I can trust God will do it and I’ll be better off without it. While my mind may acknowledge this truth, my emotions need God’s grace in order to trust Him in the process.God’s grace is always sufficient. He is enough for whatever I face.
God’s faithfulness has been evident in my past and it helps me trust Him in the present. Like David, Habakkuk and many others, I stir my faith in God by remembering those past victories. David was able to face and slay the giant because he remembered God’s faithfulness in his past battles. Habakkuk, as he prayed about his situation, remembered God’s history with the Israelite children and how He brought them triumph. Remembering the past victories reminds me of just how big and able our God is, and rescues me from any doubt in the present situation. It offers strength, hope, and the faith I need to endure.
It is human nature to fear. But as a child of God, I have got to remember exactly how the righteous live. They live by faith. So I’m learning to say in my circumstances, “God, this is not what I want. It’s not what I planned for my life, but though you slay me I’m choosing to trust you.”
After all the testing....the pain that Frank was suffering....could not be diagnosed as a heart attack. He would live to be my husband for many more years with some behavior modification activities....ie...quit smoking and start exercising. The gray spot on the xray and from the stress test were not visible in the heart cath. The doctors were relieved....as was I. Then, I realized that God not only eliminated the condition Frank was suffering from..... He also eliminated another layer of doubt in my life. In the hollow of that place, a deeper faith in God took root.Instead of trusting my feelings, I’m choosing to trust my God. He is enough both now and always for whatever comes my way. While my emotions are still going to trip me up from time to time, still, I will trust Him. Why—because if something needs slaying in my life, I’m better off without it and God is just the one to make the change a success.
I may not always understand what’s going on in my life. This may not be what I planned, but I will choose to trust God...I am going to rely on the fact that He will help me to see the good in every one of my situations, and He will also bring our the good from within me. I can count on that!
Friday, May 2, 2008
My Dear Letters
Nothing much to report, so I'll do my dear letters.
-------
Dear my Showtime OnDemand,
I'm miffed that you still have not released the latest Tudors yet. Everyone else around me seems to have already watched it. What's up? Is it because we're in Wyoming? Look, I know Wyoming isn't as important as California and New York, but hello, we have Yellowstone. That should account for something.
Signed,
A-really-wants-to-see-Henry's-butt,
Amber
-------
Dear Wyoming Winds,
Hi. It's me again. Thank you ever so much for rattling my windows the entire night and freaking my daughter out. I really just love waking up at two in the morning. Please, I'm begging you, go bug Georgia or something.
Signed,
A-sick-of-being-blown-over,
Amber
-------
Dear Natalie,
Sweetheart, I know you want to walk. I'm sorry that you can't right now. It's not my fault. Okay, well, maybe it is. What with genetics and all. Plus I was a late walker. You'll get there, I promise. Please stop yelling at me. And while we're at it, stop biting my nipples! It's not cute. When Mommy shrieks OUCH it means that it HURTS.
Signed,
A-poor-abused-Momma,
Amber
------
Dear white car that was riding my arse this morning,
Wasn't that hilarious when I slowed down from 30 (the speed limit on the base) to 20? Sorry, but you're not allowed to get that close to a car. Don't you remember driver's education? You're supposed to give the length of two cars. If you follow me like that again, I'll slow down to 10.
Signed,
A-don't-like-seeing-the-front-of-a-car-close-to-mine,
Amber
------
Dear Max,
I'm sorry that Tommy placed his lollipop on you like that. I asked him why he did it and he explained that he was finished with it and that you seemed to be a good place to set it. I explained that you were a cat not a place to leave leftover food.
I know this insulted you and that you weren't pleased to smell like butterscotch for the rest of the night.
It is why I gave you extra treats.
Signed,
A-sorry-Max-I-really-am,
Amber
------
Dear all the Entertainment Shows out there,
If I have to see a clip of Paula Abdul messing up on American Idol ONE MORE TIME I'm going to scream. We get it. She messed up. Stop rehashing it, she's probably embarrassed enough.
Signed,
A-sick-of-seeing-Paula,
Amber
-------
Dear Lost writers,
Once again, I'm confused. Thanks ever so much. What I'm gathering from all the confusion is that the island is some sort of time warp? Yes? I've always thought that the island was the Bermuda Triangle or something. Am I close?
I really wish I were friends with one of you so I could pick your brains. And be all, "Oh and then Charlie can come back from the dead because the island is magical and stuff.."
I think I'd be kicked out after saying that.
Signed,
A-baffled-but-still-loves-the-show,
Amber
------
Dear Rachel Ray,
Your recipes confuse me. It's not a good idea to have ingredients that are an entire printed page long. Some of your ingredients I've never even heard of. Please just come cook for me or cook and then overnight your food to Wyoming. Oh and I think it was cool that you had Rosie O'Donnell on today. I actually like her.
Signed,
A-wish-I-knew-what-arrabbiata-was,
Amber
-----
Dear Tom,
Could you please not talk when I'm obviously watching a TV show? I really was trying to watch Oprah yesterday since the cast of Sex and the City were on. I don't care if you think the mole on Sarah Jessica Parker's face is scary. Yes, I see they try to cover it with makeup and they aren't doing a good job. Yes, I know you're sick of the audience shrieking after every word that they say, I am too. I don't get why girls do that either. But HUSH. I am TRYING to LISTEN!
Signed,
An-I'm-totally-going-to-see-the-movie-and-leave-you-with-the-kids,
Amber
-------
Dear my Showtime OnDemand,
I'm miffed that you still have not released the latest Tudors yet. Everyone else around me seems to have already watched it. What's up? Is it because we're in Wyoming? Look, I know Wyoming isn't as important as California and New York, but hello, we have Yellowstone. That should account for something.
Signed,
A-really-wants-to-see-Henry's-butt,
Amber
-------
Dear Wyoming Winds,
Hi. It's me again. Thank you ever so much for rattling my windows the entire night and freaking my daughter out. I really just love waking up at two in the morning. Please, I'm begging you, go bug Georgia or something.
Signed,
A-sick-of-being-blown-over,
Amber
-------
Dear Natalie,
Sweetheart, I know you want to walk. I'm sorry that you can't right now. It's not my fault. Okay, well, maybe it is. What with genetics and all. Plus I was a late walker. You'll get there, I promise. Please stop yelling at me. And while we're at it, stop biting my nipples! It's not cute. When Mommy shrieks OUCH it means that it HURTS.
Signed,
A-poor-abused-Momma,
Amber
------
Dear white car that was riding my arse this morning,
Wasn't that hilarious when I slowed down from 30 (the speed limit on the base) to 20? Sorry, but you're not allowed to get that close to a car. Don't you remember driver's education? You're supposed to give the length of two cars. If you follow me like that again, I'll slow down to 10.
Signed,
A-don't-like-seeing-the-front-of-a-car-close-to-mine,
Amber
------
Dear Max,
I'm sorry that Tommy placed his lollipop on you like that. I asked him why he did it and he explained that he was finished with it and that you seemed to be a good place to set it. I explained that you were a cat not a place to leave leftover food.
I know this insulted you and that you weren't pleased to smell like butterscotch for the rest of the night.
It is why I gave you extra treats.
Signed,
A-sorry-Max-I-really-am,
Amber
------
Dear all the Entertainment Shows out there,
If I have to see a clip of Paula Abdul messing up on American Idol ONE MORE TIME I'm going to scream. We get it. She messed up. Stop rehashing it, she's probably embarrassed enough.
Signed,
A-sick-of-seeing-Paula,
Amber
-------
Dear Lost writers,
Once again, I'm confused. Thanks ever so much. What I'm gathering from all the confusion is that the island is some sort of time warp? Yes? I've always thought that the island was the Bermuda Triangle or something. Am I close?
I really wish I were friends with one of you so I could pick your brains. And be all, "Oh and then Charlie can come back from the dead because the island is magical and stuff.."
I think I'd be kicked out after saying that.
Signed,
A-baffled-but-still-loves-the-show,
Amber
------
Dear Rachel Ray,
Your recipes confuse me. It's not a good idea to have ingredients that are an entire printed page long. Some of your ingredients I've never even heard of. Please just come cook for me or cook and then overnight your food to Wyoming. Oh and I think it was cool that you had Rosie O'Donnell on today. I actually like her.
Signed,
A-wish-I-knew-what-arrabbiata-was,
Amber
-----
Dear Tom,
Could you please not talk when I'm obviously watching a TV show? I really was trying to watch Oprah yesterday since the cast of Sex and the City were on. I don't care if you think the mole on Sarah Jessica Parker's face is scary. Yes, I see they try to cover it with makeup and they aren't doing a good job. Yes, I know you're sick of the audience shrieking after every word that they say, I am too. I don't get why girls do that either. But HUSH. I am TRYING to LISTEN!
Signed,
An-I'm-totally-going-to-see-the-movie-and-leave-you-with-the-kids,
Amber
What is In Your Closet?
I was looking for a verse this morning....one to claim for the day and came across this one from Colossians 3:12-14 and I just had to share it with you. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
I suffer a little from OCD.....Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...I have to lay out my clothes the night before I have to get up and go to work. It is one less thing I have to think about when I get up. It allows me to be more objective and intentional instead of rushing to decide what to wear.
In Colossians, Paul shares an analogy of clothing because our behavior is something that people see about us. Just like a bad suit, we look bad in negative behavior. Paul admonishes us to clothe ourselves in love. He then says to accessorize love with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness. What an ensemble. Can you imagine if we were intentional in putting on this behavior everyday? What a difference it would make in our life and the lives of those around us.
So, from now on when you decide what you want to wear...think on this. What you put on....inside and out is your choice. God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, has custom made an outfit just for you. The clothes fit perfectly and bring out your true self. Go ahead, find a quiet changing room and go change. Clothe yourself today with love, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness.
I know I need to wear something different in my heart. I am ashamed to say that I haven’t been wearing the clothes He gave to me when I became a Christian. Today, Friday, May 2nd I am making a conscious effort to change the clothes of my heart and put on love, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness. I want to dress for success....inside and out. I want to look my very best. I am wearing my Bee pin this morning....because it reminds me I can Bee....whatever I want to Bee....I want to Bee my best for God.....Today, Tomorrow, Forever!
Here's to change! K
I suffer a little from OCD.....Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...I have to lay out my clothes the night before I have to get up and go to work. It is one less thing I have to think about when I get up. It allows me to be more objective and intentional instead of rushing to decide what to wear.
In Colossians, Paul shares an analogy of clothing because our behavior is something that people see about us. Just like a bad suit, we look bad in negative behavior. Paul admonishes us to clothe ourselves in love. He then says to accessorize love with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness. What an ensemble. Can you imagine if we were intentional in putting on this behavior everyday? What a difference it would make in our life and the lives of those around us.
So, from now on when you decide what you want to wear...think on this. What you put on....inside and out is your choice. God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, has custom made an outfit just for you. The clothes fit perfectly and bring out your true self. Go ahead, find a quiet changing room and go change. Clothe yourself today with love, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness.
I know I need to wear something different in my heart. I am ashamed to say that I haven’t been wearing the clothes He gave to me when I became a Christian. Today, Friday, May 2nd I am making a conscious effort to change the clothes of my heart and put on love, compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness. I want to dress for success....inside and out. I want to look my very best. I am wearing my Bee pin this morning....because it reminds me I can Bee....whatever I want to Bee....I want to Bee my best for God.....Today, Tomorrow, Forever!
Here's to change! K
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Questions 54 and 55
I got an email this week from my friend Pam George....she always sends profound emails to me....so I don't just hit delete....I always take the time to read them....this one was truly profound and thought provoking and sparked me to take the email and adapt it to my life. It began by stating that most of us tend put off something that brings us joy just because we haven't thought about it, don't have it penciled in on our schedule, didn't know it was coming or are simply too anal to vere from our routines.
Think about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to 'cut back the calories'. I don't know about you but I've tried to be a little more flexible!! How many women eat at home because our husbands didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to us?
How often have the kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while we watched some insipid show on television about people we don't know or care about? This was a big one for me. My parents live with me....and watch the game show network 24/7. Whenever my daughter comes to see them....she doesn't visit with them....she watches television with them. You can only talk during commercials. I have grown to hate the television for that very reason. I used to watch it at night....but I hate game shows....and until my parents go to bed that is all that is on in my house.
I cannot count the times I called a friend and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' only to hear them stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' One day we will wake up and our friends will be gone.....we aren't getting any younger you know and we will never have lunch together again.
We cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get the baby toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get the kids out of college. Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.' This truly hit home for me last week when Frank came home complaining of chest pains. All of a sudden I was thrown into an unknown realm. I was looking at the fact that I could be a widow....and I did not like that at all. I sat in the room and thought about all the things we want to do, need to do, should do....and knew it was possibly too late. God gave me a second chance and believe me....I plan on siezing this moment....Carpe Diem it is.
When anyone calls I am going to be open to adventures and available for trips.I am planning to keep an open mind on new ideas. I want to have an enthusiasm for life that is contagious. After a five minute conversation with me I want you to be ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller-blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. Well....maybe not quite that extreme....but I do want my friends to be ready at a moments notice for what I have to suggest. Gas may be 5.00 a gallon this summer....but it is going to be the summer of the new me. I am going to seize the world by the horns and ride that puppy.
I stay on a perpetual diet. I have since the birth of my daughter, Kat....28 years ago....but you know....I love ice cream. It's just that in the past...I have felt that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. With my new zest for life and living next time I want ice
cream. I am going to stop the car and buy and ice cream....it does not have to be a triple-decker....but it will be ice cream...that way if my car hits an iceberg on the way home, I will die happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something
on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone
call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? My friend Bill lost his friend Morris this week....he sent me an email that said....he had just talked to him that morning....if he had known his conversation was going to be the last one he had....would he have said or done something different....I want to leave this world with no regrets! I think that is going to be my new mantra....instead of No Fear! Mine is No Regrets!
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the
rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed
at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When
you ask, 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply? Do you really care?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores
running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And
in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say 'Hi? When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away. ... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over. 'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!'
Think about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to 'cut back the calories'. I don't know about you but I've tried to be a little more flexible!! How many women eat at home because our husbands didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to us?
How often have the kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while we watched some insipid show on television about people we don't know or care about? This was a big one for me. My parents live with me....and watch the game show network 24/7. Whenever my daughter comes to see them....she doesn't visit with them....she watches television with them. You can only talk during commercials. I have grown to hate the television for that very reason. I used to watch it at night....but I hate game shows....and until my parents go to bed that is all that is on in my house.
I cannot count the times I called a friend and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' only to hear them stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' One day we will wake up and our friends will be gone.....we aren't getting any younger you know and we will never have lunch together again.
We cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get the baby toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get the kids out of college. Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.' This truly hit home for me last week when Frank came home complaining of chest pains. All of a sudden I was thrown into an unknown realm. I was looking at the fact that I could be a widow....and I did not like that at all. I sat in the room and thought about all the things we want to do, need to do, should do....and knew it was possibly too late. God gave me a second chance and believe me....I plan on siezing this moment....Carpe Diem it is.
When anyone calls I am going to be open to adventures and available for trips.I am planning to keep an open mind on new ideas. I want to have an enthusiasm for life that is contagious. After a five minute conversation with me I want you to be ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller-blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. Well....maybe not quite that extreme....but I do want my friends to be ready at a moments notice for what I have to suggest. Gas may be 5.00 a gallon this summer....but it is going to be the summer of the new me. I am going to seize the world by the horns and ride that puppy.
I stay on a perpetual diet. I have since the birth of my daughter, Kat....28 years ago....but you know....I love ice cream. It's just that in the past...I have felt that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. With my new zest for life and living next time I want ice
cream. I am going to stop the car and buy and ice cream....it does not have to be a triple-decker....but it will be ice cream...that way if my car hits an iceberg on the way home, I will die happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something
on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone
call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? My friend Bill lost his friend Morris this week....he sent me an email that said....he had just talked to him that morning....if he had known his conversation was going to be the last one he had....would he have said or done something different....I want to leave this world with no regrets! I think that is going to be my new mantra....instead of No Fear! Mine is No Regrets!
Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the
rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed
at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When
you ask, 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply? Do you really care?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores
running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And
in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say 'Hi? When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away. ... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over. 'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!'
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