The Party is Over

The party is over. Yesterday I said goodbye to my intern, Jennifer. We hugged....walked out into the hall....she went left, I went right. I walked quickly so she would not see that I had tears in my eyes. It was a sad moment. Goodbyes always are.

This morning I got to my room and sat in the silence, waiting for Jennifer to come back and fill my room with her smile, her presence, her effervescence...but all I got was silence. It was deafening. The bell rang for first block to arrive and she was still missing. Life had to go on. Hers was.

Jennifer, the intern, was phenomenal. I truly believe she was one of Dr. Barry's best. She had a love for the kids, a love of the language and culture, and a passion for the field. She will make some system a wonderful teacher. I hope it is one close by so I can keep up with her. She came into my room and made it her own. She met the kids and made them hers as well. They tried for her....well for the most part...there are always kids that won't try no matter what....but she handled them too....with the greatest of professionalism. She will be a good teacher....because she has the calling. This is a calling that some wish they had....few actually experience it. Jennifer....she had it!

As today draws to a close....a day without her...I am glad to be back in the saddle again....but sad because my life was touched briefly....by someone who made a difference in my life. Good luck girl! Knock 'em dead whereever you end up. I know you will set the world on fire!

¡Hasta la vista chica!

Attempting Perkins, Part Two

So Tom asked this morning if I wanted to go to Wal-Mart after we dropped Tommy off at school.

Hrm.

Sleep or shop?

Sleep or shop?

See, I usually get to take a morning nap when I put Natalie down at 9. She sleeps until 1030, bless her heart.

I sleep with her because waking up at 7 is not easy for me. I know there are people who wake up even earlier than that and do fine without a nap--I get that--but believe me, I'm more pleasant when I've had one.

Maybe it would help if I drank coffee, but I don't.

I decided to go with Tom. Because even rushed shopping is better than no shopping at all.

We dropped Tommy off at school and he saw the little boy who he goes to Language Lab with.

"Hi! Hi! My friend!" Tommy shouted, gathering his backpack and jumping out of the truck. "My friend!"

My heart squeezed when I saw his friend stop and wait for him to watch up. Then they walked inside the school, side-by-side.

I always worry that Tommy will be teased. Because of his speech delay and his awkwardness. I watch as he sort of drags his feet along as he walks and he still struggles when people toss a ball at him. His arms will be out, waiting, but most of the time the ball slips through his arms and he'll shout, "Oh! I can't DO this!"

"Yes you CAN, Tommy. You CAN!" I always tell him.

Thank goodness Tom never expected his son to be into sports. Because if he had, well, he'd have been a tad disappointed. Because Tommy could care less about sports. He's my little scientist and can spout out facts about the heart and the brain. While other little boys his age might be lining up for softball practice, my son is pouring over books, trying to learn all he can about the small intestines.

We drove off to Wal-Mart and Tom was pleased that not a lot of people were there.

"Now this," he told me as he parked, "is how I like my stores."

We went inside and Tom picked out a sandwich for work tonight while I wandered into the bakery section.

There really should be a large sign with my photo plastered on it that reads: "Do not serve her. She is trying to lose weight so she can wear a swimsuit at Disney without scaring people."

Tom found me drooling over the cheesecakes.

"Just get it," he said into my ear.

"I can't," I argued. "It's like four hundred calories a slice. And I don't even want to know how many grams of fat are in there."

Tom picked one up. "Twenty one."

"TWENTY ONE! Then no way. No way," I said, snatching it out of his hands and putting it back. Then I gestured to the cake book. "Do you want a fancy cake for your birthday next week?"

Tom shrugged. "I don't care. But if you make one, it needs to be Duncan Hines."

Tom will be 26 on May 6th. I've already found some presents for him. He wanted something for his iPod so I got that. Plus Top Gun. Because all men like Top Gun right? He's a difficult man to shop for, I tell you. He claims that he's easy but he is not.

"I'd like a Wii too," he added.

Which just isn't going to happen.

Because then he'd take over the living room with his video games and there is no way I'm going to watch him play for hours on end.

"Are you done?" Tom asked me.

"No. I need tortillas," I said and he gave a long sigh.

"Shopping with you always takes forever," he muttered as I rushed ahead of him. I found the tortillas and the I got all excited when I saw Little Debbie had a new treat out. Smores!

"Smores, Tom, SMORES!" I said, waving the purple box around.

Tom's eyes darted all around. "Geez. Do you have to embarrass me all the time?"

I really wish he'd get more excited about food.

Or ANYTHING, for that matter.

We were done a few minutes later.

As we were checking out Tom announced that he was hungry.

"Maybe," he said as he paid for the items with his debit card, "we can go out for breakfast. At Perkins."

A flashback to our last meal at Perkins appeared in my mind.

Natalie refusing to sit.

Natalie shrieking at me and rendering me deaf for two hours.

Natalie refusing to eat.

Natalie crawling up and down the booth while I tried to hurry and stuff my food into my mouth.

"Um," I said. "No."

Tom looked surprised.

Amber, refusing to EAT?

"I suggested Perkins. You LOVE Perkins," he reminded me as we pushed the cart with our bags outside.

"I did. I mean I do. But you remember how Natalie behaved..." I trailed off, figuring he probably didn't, because after all he was able to eat his food WARM, while I struggled with the baby and then he looked genuinely startled when I said that we probably shouldn't go back to a restaurant for awhile.

"She'll be fine," Tom said.

And because my stomach was rumbling thanks to McDonalds breakfast smells coming from inside the Wal-Mart, I agreed.

An old man shuffled inside Perkins in front of us.

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Then he suddenly paused, scratched his head, turned around, looked surprised to see us there, turned back around and shuffled to the front. He was shown a table and then we were shown a booth.

Natalie actually sat in her carseat while we browsed the menu.

I thought about being dainty and ordering the two egg breakfast that came with two slices of bacon and hash browns--but then my stomach rumbled again and I got something called the Tremendous Twelve--it came with three eggs, four sausage links, hash browns and four pancakes.

Tom is always amused whe I order something large like that.

"Where," he once asked when we were first dating, "do you put it all?"

He hasn't asked that since because I'm sure he's aware now where it goes.

My thighs.

My stomach.

But food is just too dang good!

Also, the waitress was somewhat annoying. When she asked what we wanted to drink I said a diet coke.

She looked startled.

"Oh!" she said. "How about some juice?"

"A diet coke," I repeated firmly.

"We have orange juice, apple juice..."

Was she deaf?

"A DIET COKE," I said, enunciating my words. "I need the caffeine," I felt the need to explain.

She blinked at me, her pen poised against her pad. "I can bring you coffee for caffine. We have FABULOUS coffee here."

I shot Tom an annoyed look and he stared back at me with raised eyebrows. "I don't like coffee," I explained slowly, as if I were talking to the neighborhood dunce. "I'd like a diet coke."

"So no juice?" the waitress said.

"No juice," I said, my voice terse.

"I'll take a juice," Tom said.

The waitress looked pleased to her it. "FABULOUS!" she said and I thought for sure she'd clap her hands or something. But instead she scribbled it down on her pad and repeated, "FABULOUS!" and she flounced off to the back.

Tom and I exchanged a Look. "Clearly," I said. "She's had too much of the FABULOUS coffee," I said, mimicking her.

Tom snickered and was about to say something but Natalie gave us her warning shriek.

Get me out of this thing!

Tom unbuckled her and sat her on his lap.

He handed her a straw.

She actually stared at it for a few minutes and gave us enough time to order without her shouting over our voices.

The waitress came back and happily handed Tom his juice.

And sort of clunked my diet coke down in front of me.

"You ready to order?" she asked.

We gave her our choices and when she was gone Natalie decided that it was time to climb on the table.

"No," Tom said firmly. "No."

"AHHHHH!" Natalie argued.

She started to crawl up on the table again.

"I think she wants you," Tom said, and handed her over to me.

Um no Tom. Actually she just wants to climb on the table.

I took her anyway and she broke free and started to crawl up and down the booth.

Then she'd try to crawl up on the table again.

"NO!" Tom and I said in unison.

She paused, one knee on the table.

"No," Tom said sternly.

Another knee went up on the table.

"NO!" Tom and I said together.

Natalie slid back down on the booth and all dramatic like banged her face into the vinyl and gave a sad cry.

I tried to have a conversation with Tom.

But our conversation went like this:

"So work is going well-work is--Natalie NO--I'm glad to hear it. Hopefully your troops--Natalie NO--the weather is so nice but tomorrow we're supposed to get--Natalie NO--snow.."

Our food came quickly, as it always does at Perkins.

I plopped Natalie in her high chair and offered her some of my food.

She picked up a piece of hash brown between her thumb and forefinger and inspected it. Then she set it back down, banged it with her fist and brushed it onto the floor.

"Pancake?" I offered her.

Same thing.

Onto the floor it went.

I really wish I had children who liked to eat.

I decided to try the blueberry syrup on my pancakes and Tom stared at me in horror as I drizzled it on.

"That's gross," he said.

Tom, who will only ever use maple syrup on his pancakes or waffles. Because the flavored stuff is "gross" in his opinion.

Natalie started to stand up in her high chair.

Tom opened his mouth to tell her no. But Natalie stared him brazingly in his eyes and shook her head firmly.

I know I'm not supposed to do this, Dad. But standing up rocks!

"No, Natalie. NO.."

Once again, our conversation was interupted.

"So we're all set for Disney--Natalie NO--the Magic Express will take us to our hotel and--NATALIE NO--the first night we're eating at the Crystal Palace with Pooh and Gang--NO, Natalie--I know, Pooh scares me too. I never understood the facination with him either. And his obsession with honey is just bizaree--Natalie NO--I think it'll be fun to see everyone--NATALIE NO!"

I eventually moved her back to the booth beside me and she crawled up and down that, occasionally pausing to try and see if she was allowed to crawl on the table.

She wasn't and looked plain annoyed.

Guess what Perkins did have?

My eclair!

"Oh Tom, they HAVE them. My eclairs!" I exclaimed as we went up to pay.

Mmm, I got one for breakfast tomorrow.

When we got into the truck Tom was all, "Maybe you're right. Maybe we should avoid restaurants for awhile."

Then he was all, "What's she going to be like on the three hour plane ride? Dear God.."

It should be interesting.

But in happier news, I had

Fare The Well, Restaurants

I think our days of going to restaurants are numbered.

Natalie used to sit happily while we ate.

What would happen is that we'd carry her in strapped in her carseat. She'd sit there for about ten minutes and then one of us would take her out and sit her on our laps. And she would be CONTENT.

Then when she learned to sit up we'd put her in the high chair.

And she would be CONTENT.

But ever since she's become mobile, the last thing she wants to do is sit. In fact she almost looks horrified when I plop her into the high chair at home and announce that it's time to eat.

I don't have time for this whole eating business, Natalie's look will clearly say to me.

On Friday, before Tom went to work, we went to Perkins. Mainly because Tom kept searching around the house and every few seconds he'd announce that there was "nothing to eat."

"Tom," I said, "I just went grocery shopping."

He opened the fridge and looked in. "Nothing to eat," he repeated firmly.

I threw my hands up. "Then what do you want?"

Tom tapped his chin. "Wendys," he answered.

Mmm. Wendys.

I wish I had more willpower. If I had willpower like my mother I'd have snapped that we were staying at home.

But then I started picturing Wendys fries and their spicy chicken sandwich and my mouth started to water...

"We can go to Wendys," I found myself saying.

So we all bundled into the truck.

We drove to Wendys--and discovered that half of Wyoming must've thought that Wendys sounded good too because the parking lot was packed. And the drive thru that we were going to, well, drive through, had cars wrapped around the building. As we watched in horror, another car actually decided to wait in the Longest Line Ever and was nearly out into the street.

"There goes that idea," Tom muttered.

My beautiful spicy chicken sandwich started to fade away from my thoughts.

Fare thee well...I shall see you another time..

"Perkins is nearby," I spoke up.

Tom made a face. "Ugh. I'm Perkinsed out. We ate too much there when we first got here."

It's true. For some reason we always wanted to go to Perkins.

But, I mean, the food is delicious and cheap.

You can't beat that.

"Then let's go home," I said.

That got Tom. He turned the truck around the second we got the green arrow and a few seconds later we were parking in front of Perkins.

Perkins is also known as Old People Central.

Because of the oodles of old people that like to eat there.

Seriously, you'll be seated and you'll look around and realize that you're the only twenty-something in there.

We were shown to a booth and handed menus. Tom set the carseat down beside him and opened his menu.

"AHHHHHH!" Natalie shouted in protest as I drooled over a picture of an omelette.

Tom glanced over at her. "Here," he said, digging her play phone from the diaper bag. He handed it over and Natalie tossed it on the floor and stared at him indignantly.

Hello? her looked said, I didn't want some cheap toy. I want OUTTTTTT!!

(And then, for some bizarre reason, Stewie Griffin from The Family Guy's voice popped into my head. "Put me through to the Pentagon!!" Which proves that Tom watches the show wayyy too much.)

"AHHH!" Natalie repeated.

Tom shut his menu.

"Okay," he said. "Okay." He unstrapped her quickly and lifted her out. If there is one thing Tom hates, it's hearing another kid freak out in a restaurant. Especially his own kid.

He plopped her in his lap and re-opened his menu.

"Eeee!" Natalie said, grabbing for it. She grabbed a corner and tried to pull it down.

"Natalie," Tom said. "Daddy is looking."

The waitress came over and asked what we wanted to drink.

"Diet coke," I said.

"Cherry coke," Tom said.

Mmm, cherry coke.

But I mustn't drink my calories.

The waitress left to get those and Tom managed to pick what he wanted to eat while wrestling the menu away from Natalie's eager fingers.

I decided on the BLT on sourdough. It came with fries and fresh fruit. Oh and a chocolate chip cookie.

Yum.

Tom got the quesidillas.

We ordered our choices a few minutes later and then struggled to get Natalie to sit.

I think I was tossing every toy that I had put in the diaper bag at her.

"Look Natalie. It's Elmo. You LOVE Elmo," I'd say, waving it at her.

Apparently she does not love Elmo because she'd just toss it aside and struggle to break free from Tom's arms.

Tom let her stand up against her carseat at one point and we'd thought she'd be happy with that--but no, she sat back down and started trying to slide down onto the floor.

"No Natalie," Tom said. "You have to sit. Sit on Daddy's lap. Look, here," he said, handing her an extra straw that the waitress left.

In the good days, the EASY days, a straw would entertain Natalie for the duration of the meal. She'd turn it around in her hands, marveling on what this tall white plastic thing could possibly be.

But now she just put the straw where everything else was going: the floor.

And then she struggled to break free again.

"I...okay, she wants Mommy," Tom said, reaching his breaking point. He lifted her up and handed her over.

Which only confirms that he could never be a stay at home dad. He once mentioned that if I ever made it big with writing that he'd possibly quit his job and stay home with the kids so I could work. But I can picture things getting too crazy, too insane, and him just running up to the bedroom and shutting the door behind me. Then when I'd get home (or really, out of the room where I'd be writing in) I'd find the children stuck in front of the TV and find my husband curled in a fetal postion on the bed repeating, "Too much. Can't take this. Too much."

I didn't fare much better with the wiggly Natalie. She twisted and turned on my lap. I let her stand up on my lap but then she'd peek over the other booth. And I know that one time you see a child do that that it's cute--the old people over there waved at her and said she was adorable--but after the first time, no one wants to see your child peeking over again.

They just don't.

Some parents don't understand this.

Thankfully Tom and I do.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Natalie shrieked in my ear. For the next two hours all I could hear was ringing in that ear.

Our food blissfully came and I told Natalie that she was going to sit in the high chair.

"I'll give you some food," I promised, setting her in.

While I was cutting a piece of my sandwich off, my dear daughter stood up in the high chair and waved her hands in the air.

The two old ladies across from us snickered--we had been their entertainment for the past twenty minutes. They'd giggle as Natalie would break free, and guffaw behind their palms as Natalie would toss toy after toy on the floor.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Natalie said to the restaurant, waving her hand around.

Tom shot me a Look. "Get her," he hissed.

"You get her," I hissed back. "I need to eat."

Tom gestured to his plate. "Me too!"

Freakin' man.

I took Natalie and set her back down in her high chair.

"We sit," I said in a firm voice. "Sit."

Then I handed over a miniscule piece of sandwich.

"Amber," Tom said, staring at it. "I can barely SEE it."

"I don't want her to choke!" I argued.

"I know but..it looks like elf food or something. Smaller than elf food even. It--"

"You just shut your mouth," I snapped, my patience boiling over. I pushed the piece closer to Natalie and made a motion with my hands of eating it. "Eat," I instructed to her. "Eat."

Natalie shook her head at me. And then, not surprisingly, brushed the piece onto the floor. Then she tried to stand up again.

"Natalie, no," I said in a stern voice. I sat her back down again.

The two old ladies giggled as they sipped their coffee.

Welcome to the Amber and Natalie show , I wanted to say, That'll be twenty bucks.

In desperation, I handed Natalie a fry.

She put it into her mouth and sucked.

"Yes," I muttered, lifting the sandwich to my lips. I took a bite. Mmm delicious.

But then...

Natalie tossed the fry onto the floor.

And stood up again.

"Natalie," I said, my mouth full of delicious sandwich. "Sit!"

Natalie shook her head.

I took her in my arms and set her beside me on the booth. "Then sit here," I said.

Natalie immediatly pulled herself up and tried to peek over the booth.

"No," I said. "No." I pulled her back down.

"AHHHHHH!" she snapped at me.

I glared at Tom, who was happily eating his quesadilla. "Give me a piece of that," I said pointing to his plate.

"Huh?" Tom looked confused.

I reached over and pulled a piece of quesadilla off his plate. And handed it to Natalie, hoping it would keep her happy.

It didn't.

It went on the--you guessed it--floor.

I offered her Cheerios, a strawberry fruit bar, and those Gerber puffs thingies.

All littered the floor.

I even offered her my purse, which usually keeps her entertained. She'll usually pull out my cell phone and punch in buttons that I didn't even know existed.

Oh! So that's how I change my ring tone!

Or she'll rummage through my wallet and stare at the credit cards with wide eyes.

Shopping, I'll tell her. You'll love it when you're older..

Well maybe.

I didn't start to love shopping until I was like 20. Before that my Mom had to drag me out to find new clothes.

I somehow managed to finish my meal while holding onto an impatient Natalie. She started to crawl up and down the booth so I was able to quickly eat my food. But then she'd try to slide down to the floor and I'd have to stop her.

When the waitress brought the check I handed Natalie over to Tom.

"We're going now," I said.

Tom popped his last bite into his mouth. "Okay," he replied.

He strapped Natalie into her carseat and I picked up all the mess on the floor. I know people are paid to do that but I feel bad. I always try to keep the table neat.

Then we went to pay and I figured I'd get my eclair to cheer me up.

But there was none.

"Where are the eclairs?" I said to Tom.

But the cashier behind the counter heard me and smirked. "We don't always make those," she offered.

"That's absurd!" I said again to Tom and the cashier giggled.

Apparently we were just the amusement of the restaurant that day.

I decided to get a blueberry mammoth muffin instead.

On the drive home I told Tom, "I don't think we'll be able to go to restaurants very much," and the idiot replied with, "Why?"

WHY???

Did he not SEE his daughter??

Probably not, he was too busy eating his LUNCH while it was actually WARM.

I'll miss restaurants.

But then I thought in horror about how we'd be in DisneyWorld in June and how we were eating out in restaurants the entire week. For lunch AND dinner.

Oh no.

Just...oh no...

What a Feeling!

Wow! What a rush. Saturday night was that and more. We, being Still Magnolias, opened for Cowboy Crush at the RiverCenter. I cannot tell you how awesome that was. We had to be there at 3:30 for a sound check. The sound check did not actually occur until after 4. Until the sound check we were nestled away in our OWN DRESSING ROOM complete with lights! How cool is that? Anyways, our sound check time came and we went out on the stage and I thought I would die. I could barely catch my breath. I looked out into the auditorium and realized how enormous this place really was, locked my knees, and almost tossed my cookies. We checked the sound....it sounded terrible in my ears from the monitor on stage....but Frank and Randy assured us that it sounded great out in the audience. We were escorted off stage and Trenna from Cowboy Crush appeared from behind the curtains and told us we had a great sound.
Back in the dressing room, Amanda decided to run get some Bare Minerals make up with Randy somewhere near the Center...and Frank, Becca, and I went and walked the Spring Fest exhibits in front of the River Center. We ended up at the Cantina....for some chips and something cool to drink. Relaxing was a good thing for me....although....my stomach was still tied in knots.
We headed back to the dressing room to get ready....make-up time....I let Amanda have her way with my face....a true rarity. I don't wear make-up....but occassionally like to play dress up. Today was one of those days....I know that without a lot of make-up on....you looked washed out on a stage under the lights. We dressed, socialized, vocalized....and before we knew it....the stage guys was coming to get us.....and to the wings we headed....we heard our names....and all of a sudden the lights were in my eyes...and we were standing in the middle of a stage I had dreamed of performing on....the concert of my dreams had begun.
We started off with Almost Home....and kicked into Patti's Song....I wish she had been there....she would have loved the fact that her song was being done from the big stage.....Dixie Man was next....and my great kazoo talent was a hit....I can't remember what else we sang....I just know that it was about that time that I truly began having fun....and the rest was just icing on the cake....we were treated like dignitaries...hugged by Cowboy Crush members....and it was a dream come true. We had our pictures made with some fans...and even signed some autographs....Amazing!
Sunday morning..sigh!..I was back in the real world....Sunday morning I woke up.....just plain ole Karen....my makeup was the only remnant I had of the night before....had it really happened?.....Yep....I touched my very made up face....and knew it was not a dream......checked my calendar....and remembered....we were opening for Michael Martin Murphy on June 6th.....yep....we are STILL MAGNOLIAS!....and I hope to be one for a long, long time!

Peace Out!

Lunch with an Internet Friend

Today I had lunch with someone I met on the Internet.

Tom was not pleased when I let him know.

"Be careful," he warned. "Do I need to give you some mace?"

I explained that I had met the person on CafeMom. That we had been e-mailing back and forth for months and that she seemed perfectly sane.

"Anyone can pretend to be sane online," Tommy answered gruffly.

Which is true. Believe me, I've seen enough Montel, Oprah, Dr. Phil and the news to know that this is true.

But I just knew that the person who I was going to meet was perfectly normal.

Her name is Theresa and her husband actually works at the base an hour from here. But they're moving down to this base in June. And her husband is in security forces as well.

My husband has been pushing me to meet people.

See, I can be extremely anti-social. And my husband wishes that I'd go out and make friends.

When we went to his squadron BBQ he kept pressing me to talk to people.

"I'm not just going to butt into a conversation," I hissed at him.

"Why not? Just DO it. You need to MEET people," he hissed back.

But it's just not my style to butt into a conversation. Kudos to those who can do it but I'm just not comfortable enough.

If I just forced myself into a conversation I can just imagine everyone else stop talking and staring at me with a confused expression. Then you would hear crickets in the background and I'd slowly slink back saying, "Sorry..heh...carry on.." with my face bright red.

Anyhow, Theresa and I decided to meet at the China Buffet.

We both love to eat.

And I especially love buffet style restaurants.

Natalie and I arrived a little early and waited out front for Theresa. She came a few minutes later and then we walked inside and were shown a booth.

Natalie seemed baffled. She kept flicking glances to Theresa.

Who are you? the looks clearly said.

I loaded up my plate. There was delicious dish after delicious dish. I gave Natalie a pile of rice and noodles which she basically played with. She put one of the noodles in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. But the rest were sprinkled onto the floor.

Theresa and I fell into an easy conversation. Natalie started to get impatient towards the end. She'd stand up in the highchair and try to climb down. As if she were saying, "I'm done eating. I'm outta here!"

When I'd get her to sit down she'd start to give me her warning whine.

"I am two seconds away from embarrassing the crap out of you," the warning whine tells me.

I moved her over to the booth to see if she'd cruise along it.

She did not want the booth.

She wanted to crawl along the floor.

"Sorry Natalie," I said. "You can't."

She did not like that answer.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" went the whine.

I tried to get her to stand beside my seat but she immediately crumpled to her butt and then tried to crawl off.

See ya!

"Natalie," I said, gathering her up.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the whine got louder.

Thankfully we were just about finished.

So I buckled Natalie into her carseat (yup she still fits in hers being that she's only 16 lbs) and we headed out.

Theresa was going to come to the mall with me to check out the Gymboree sale.

I love spreading my sickness for children's clothing to everyone obviously.

We got to the mall and I buckled Natalie into the umbrella stroller. She immediately scooted down so that her feet were dangling just inches from the ground.

"Natalie," I said, re-arranging her. "Sit up."

"EEEEEE!"

She gave me a dirty look as we started to wheel into the mall.

I didn't think my Gymboree would have a lot. For one, it's a small store. For two, we're in Wyoming.

Sure enough, they didn't have as many good deals as other stores.

But I did find a good number of things.

I think I only paid over $10 for one item. The rest were under.

I spent a total of $45 which is good for me.

Because I had a $25 enrollment bonus for signing up for the Gymboree Visa as well.

Plus since I use the Gymboree Visa I get an additional 5% off.

My arms were filled with clothes by the time I was done.

A sickness, I tell you.

It's all for the fall and winter though.

That's what I told myself when I set all the clothes on the counter.

"Not for now. For LATER," I was telling my Voice of Reason because it started to get it's panties in a knot. "For later in the year."

Still, my Voice of Reason couldn't help but say, You have two huge bins in Natalie's closet full of clothes for the fall and winter. She has ENOUGH.

Oh shut up, you, I told the Voice of Reason.

Someone has a sickness, a sickness la-de-dahhhh, my Voice of Reason sang. For some reason my Voice of Reason sounded like Dolly Parton when it sang. Huh??

I actually got clothes for Tommy too though.

Some of the Easter stuff was also dirt cheap and the kid loves to dress up. I got him the blazer for $12.99. That was the most expensive item that I bought today.

Pictures will come tomorrow, I promise.

Theresa even found some stuff too.

After that I had to leave because Natalie was just pissed off beyond all reason by that point. She did NOT want to sit in her stroller. She did NOT care to be held. She WANTED to crawl, dammit, was that so hard for me to comprehend??

I wished I could have stayed longer but Natalie was full out crying at that point and I knew it was only going to get louder.

So we parted ways and I imagine we'll get together again.

Natalie cried dramatically all the way out to the car.

She cried dramatically as I strapped her into the carseat.

All I wanted, she was basically telling me, was to crawl around. That's ALL I WANTED!!!

Sorry kid.

She fell asleep on the way home. And then when I got her out of the carseat she assumed that those ten minutes were all the nap she needed.

"I don't think so," I told her.

I offered her some breastmilk, which she happily took. She still hates regular milk. I tried everything. Cold milk, warm milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk..it's all CAH-RAPPPP in her eyes.

Then I set her in her crib.

The minutes I turned to leave the waterworks started.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Natalie, it's naptime. That little sleep you got in the car was not enough. I know you. You'll be a royal terror at around 6 and be like that for the rest of the night. And it's not fun for Mommy. So please, get some more sleep," I told her, walking out.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She cried for a full minute and then I heard her play with her toys. She babbled at her books and her stuffed animals that share a crib with her.

Then, "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I went up to get her because I cannot stand to hear my child unhappy for too long.

I gave her more breastmilk.

She tried to bite me towards the end. She finds it amusing when I shriek, "OUCH!"

I try not to shriek but I can't help it. I mean sharp razors on my nipple hurts, yo.

Then I set her back down.

This time she complied.

She's still sleeping now, thank goodness.

I better go clean while she is sleeping.

Chicken Fries Rock

Guess who came to the door a few minutes ago?

CHAD the UPS man.

Of course I looked like utter crap. I really should track packages from UPS so I know for sure when they come. That way I can look presentable.

Chad came bearing the Nikes that Tom ordered last week. Even though Tom has perfectly good shoes.

"They're not good shoes anymore," Tom grumbled. "I need new ones. I can't believe you're even saying a word miss 'buy kids millions of clothes when they don't need them.'"

Touche, Tom. Touche.

"Howdy," Chad said when I opened the door. He handed over the package. "Have a good day."

Then he turned and walked away.

I bet his real name is Wayne or something.

Anyhow, I went and got Burger King for lunch. I woke up with a hankering for chicken fries.

I have no idea why.

Because we ate at Burger King so much in England--because it was pretty much just Burger King, Subway and Taco Bell on the base--I am so sick of it. I'm not a fan of their flame broiled burgers to begin with. Usually when we went to Burger King in England I would just have a garden salad or their spicy chicken tenderloin sandwich. Or the chicken fries, of course. Tom and I would usually get a six piece and share those on the way home. Dipped in honey mustard sauce.

On the drive there I had to stop to let a pedestrian walk across the crosswalk.

Normally people rush across. That's how I use a crosswalk: if a car is waiting for me I rush across. It's really that simple.

But this chick sauntered across very very slowly.

Any slower and she'd be walking backwards.

She was probably one of those types who calls herself a diva and thinks it's cute.

It's not.

Calling yourself a diva is no longer cute after the age of ten. Sorry.

She was talking on her hot pink cell phone that was decorated with those little crystal thingies. She had on tight jeans, a tight top and those sunglasses that make you look like a bug.

Seriously, how did those come into fashion? I don't think it's attractive to cover up 75% of your face with sunglasses.

"Oh I know Benji, I know. I'll be there later to party," the girl was saying into her sparkly phone as she took baby steps into the crosswalk. Her eyes flicked briefly to my car which was waiting impatiently for her to cross. "I'll bring the vodka, don't you worry," she continued and gave a laugh which reminded me of Cruella deVille.

At this point she was only in the middle of the crosswalk.

I mean ??

How full of yourself can you be to take that long?

If I had been a self-proclaimed diva then I probably would have laid on the horn.

As it is, I'm not a diva, I'm too nice so I just watched the irritating lady cross with a shake of my head and my fingers drumming impatiently against the wheel.

"It won't be like last time..." was the last thing I heard DivaLady say before she finally, MERCIFULLY stepped up onto the sidewalk.

I wonder what happened last time?

She probably had a mini-freak out because Benji looked at another woman.

Divas tend to get pissy if they're not the center of attention, you know.

I drove on my way to Burger King and opted to park and go in.

Because apparently the drive thru confuses the workers inside. I used the drive thru once because I had a craving for a chocolate milkshake and waited for five minutes before someone burst onto the speaker.

"HELLOWELCOMETOBURGERKINGCANITAKEYOURORDER?" the voice blasted.

I nearly jumped out of my skin because as most people know, I scare very easily.

"I'd just like a small chocolate shake," I said, my heart racing from the shock of the sudden voice.

"AWHAT?SORRYTHISTHINGISN'TWORKINGRIGHT!"

"A SMALL. CHOCOLATE. SHAKE!" I practically screamed into the intercom.

"FRIES?"

Huh?

Where did she get fries from a small chocolate shake?

"No, a SMALLLLLL. CHOCOLATEEEE. SHAKKKKKKKEEE!" I repeated. I paused after each word. It's like what people do when they assume another person can't speak English. They speak very very slowly as though that'll help the person comprehend. (I don't think it does..I mean if I went to France and someone spoke French words very very slowly in my face I'd still look at them blankly and go, "Je ne sais pas.." Which is like the only phrase I remember from taking two years of French in high school..)

"ACHOCOLATESHAKE?" boomed the voice.

"YESSSSS!"

"OKAYPULLFORWARD!!"

Of course when I got to the window there was more confusion. The lady leaned out the window and went, "I'm sorry. We're having issues with the milkshake machine. Could you pull forward and park in a spot and we'll bring it out to you as soon as we can?"

As soon as they could was nearly fifteen minutes later!

Finally a woman walked out the front door bearing my small chocolate shake. I got out of the car and waved because she looked baffled as her eyes scanned all the cars. She noticed me and walked forward.

"Here," she said, practically shoving the cold dessert into my palm. Then she turned and stomped back inside.

Well okay then.

So you can see why I preferred to walk inside.

I gathered Natalie and headed indoors. Thankfully there was only one person in line. Since it was just turning 11 I had beat the lunch crowd. If you come anytime after 1130 you might as well not even bother. Because there is usually a 20 minute wait if you come during the lunch rush.

While we were waiting a couple came in and stood behind me. The woman had a little girl that looked around Natalie's age in her arms. I could see her staring at Natalie and then a few seconds later she went,

"Excuse me?"

I turned slightly. "Yes?" I was hoping I didn't have something embarrassing going on with me. Like toilet paper sticking from the bottom of my shoe or a booger on my cheek.

"Where did you get that outfit?" she gestured to Natalie's Spring Rainbow outfit from Gymboree. Oh phew. Clothes talk.

Natalie was wearing this:



She had everything in the picture on. Including the sunglasses. I think she's been noticing that I wear glasses and lately she's been reaching for hers so she can be like Mommy. It's flattering, really.

"Oh. Gymboree," I said with a grin. My pulse raced a little in excitement over one of my favorite words being uttered: Gymboree.

The woman looked at her husband, who stood with his hands jammed in his pockets and was staring intently at the above menu.

"Mike," she hissed. "We have to get that outfit for Anna." She pointed at Natalie's outfit. "It's at Gymboree."

Mike didn't seem to care. He gave a little shrug, his eyes never leaving the menu.

"Thanks," the woman told me. "We'll be going to Gymboree later today."

I did see Mike scowl slightly.

Oops.

See, at least five of my readers have told me that they've gone to Gymboree because of me. And spent over $100 on the same outfits that I've bought Natalie.

So I have at least five husbands who are probably not pleased with me.

Well six now, including Mike.

Sorry Mike.

I ordered my chicken fries with the buffalo and honey mustard sauce. I was surprised when they actually handed over my order less than five minutes later.

Then I came home and happily devoured my chicken fries. I offered one to Natalie and she just twisted it around her fingers, took a lick, looked utterly disgusted and tossed it on the ground. And mashed it with her palm for good measure.

When Natalie takes her nap I think I'm going to watch The Tudors. I've discovered OnDemand. It already has the episode that would usually air on Sunday up. I always assumed OnDemand meant you had to pay but you don't! So I'm going to get my Jonathan Rhys Meyers love. I mean yum. Although I like him better when he speaks in his Irish accent. Although I looked him up and apparently he's an alcoholic which is a huge no no for me. But then again, I'm a children's clothing addict so...I don't think it would go well if we got together. He'd be all, "I need a drink!" and I'd be all, "I need that outfit!" Then we'd be all, "Okay you can have one drink and I can have one outfit," because we'd think then it would be okay.

It would be a messy messy relationship I think.

Here are pictures of Natalie:

Prom Week Has Passed

Ok, I know I did not blog last week. I have a good excuse though, I was tied up with getting ready for the Junior - Senior prom. What a job! I was not in my classroom at all during the entire week. I was in the girl's gym working. I was afforded the luxury of this this year....because I have an intern. She taught....and I worked on the prom. The best of both worlds. Everyone should have an intern when they take on a major enterprise like the prom. I am also very fortunate to work with a Dream Team. Our prom is in the girl's gym which is a Cinderella gym. It has been long forgotten and abused. Yet, with a little help from some black plastic, some decorations, rental tables and chairs, lights, a fountain....it was transformed into an elegant place. Our theme this year was "A Night to Remember" and it truly was. The kids all arrived in their party attire and danced their hearts content. My Dream Team: Mary Jean Fagan, Marie Parks, Ed Allen, Beth Dewberry, Jan Meyer and Dwayne Riddle....all made my job so easy. I am fortunate to have them....and at the moment a bit sad....the let down after a job well done....and my final let down. This year's prom was my swan song. I will not be in charge of the prom next year.....the end of an era. In my 18 years here at BRHS I have been the prom sponsor....12 of those years....it is time for the youngsters to take it on. Funny, I was once one of those youngsters....and now...I am one of the senior members of our staff....I never thought I would see that day. Anyway....I am rambling. I have loved doing the prom all these many years....my favorite part....is waking up the morning after....and finding out they all made it home safe and sound. I don't know about you guys....but things are not like they were when I was in school. Kids spend a major amount of money to stay at the prom less than an hour.....the true event of the prom....is the parties that follow. The kids buy fancy party dresses, rent tuxes, buy flowers for their dates....buy tickets, have pictures made...and then....by 10 are on their way to the other party. You want to be invited to one of the big parties...that means you are part of the in group. Some don't care....they go bowling and enjoy themselves...no matter what they do. When I was in school....back in the stone ages....we went to the dance....and went home....period! Oh well....things go in circles...in a few years....it will be back to the old way....thus is life! Here is to a great week. I am just glad prom is over.

Peace to you all, K

The Return of Chad

So Chad stopped by today.

Remember Chad?

He's the UPS guy. The hot UPS guy.

I don't even know if his real name is Chad. Probably not. But he looks like a Chad.

For starters, he scared the living crap out of Max, who was sitting by the front door. Max was in the middle of a cat nap (haha) and his eyes flicked briefly to the screen door. He must've seen Chad strolling up because he immediately leaped on all fours and his fur stood up.

"MEEEOOOWW!" Max said towards the door before darting off behind the couch.

I leaped to my feet and brushed off my jeans, thankful that I was wearing jeans. Usually I'm in my sweatpants but I had just returned home from grocery shopping. I even tried to pat my hair down but it was useless, it was a mess thanks to these Wyoming winds.

Our weather makes no sense. Yesterday it got to 83. Today it's 32 with high winds that are currently rattling the windows.

I appeared at the screen and opened the door.

"Howdy," Chad said, heaving the heavy box up the one stair that leads to the front door. I noticed his muscles bulging as he did this and tried not to stare.

Stop it, Amber. Not appropriate..

"I have a big one for you," Chad said with a grin, thumping it down in front of me.

I bet you do, Chad. I bet you do..

AMBER! For shame. You're a married woman! came my Voice of Reason. The same voice that pipes up when I try to buy another outfit for my kids. It's the Voice of Reason that reminds me that the children have enough.

Remember, the Voice of Reason will say, The children's closets are stuffed. You're having to start folding things at the bottom of their closets. They have enough. So back away from the outfit. Yes it may be cute but they don't need it. Amber. AMBER, why are you bringing the outfit to the cashier? Do you not HEAR me??

I don't think my Voice of Reason likes me very much.

"Thank you," I said brightly. I'm sure I was blushing. I was about to add "Chad" but I imagine he'd have given me a confused look and say something like, "My name's not Chad. It's Brian.." or something like that.

Though it would amuse me greatly if he really was Chad.

"I hope you can stay warm," I said stupidly. "Because of the winds.."

Shut UP, Amber.

Chad gave me a bemused smile. "I'm used to it."

He still had on his expensive looking sunglasses and I noticed he had one of those Bluetooth things behind his ear. He had on his color of Poo uniform and was in the shorts, which is why I mentioned the weather. Especially because the truck has no side doors. I can imagine the winds must make that unpleasant.

"Well thank you again," I said and lifted up the vacuum.

Holy CRAP.

It was heavy.

I pretended that it was nothing, that I lifted things like this all the time.

"Have a nice day," Chad said politely and turned and hurried towards his rumbling UPS truck.

I huffed and puffed the thing inside.



Isn't it pretty? I ended up getting it for around three hundred or so. The original price was $569 or something like that but with the discounts, it knocked down the price.

Tom was actually awake and he set to putting the thing together.

It was really simple.

"It looks like a robot," I commented. "Hello new vacuum," I cooed, stroking the handle.

"You're weird," Tom told me.

I marveled at all the pieces that came with it. There's even a mattress attachment. I am so cleaning our mattress as soon as Tom wakes up. Because as soon as Tom put the thing together he announced that he was going back to bed. I was thisclose to pushing him out of bed and saying, "Excuse me, I'm cleaning off our mattress with my ultra powerful Dyson."

Of course I tried it out right away. I just vacuumed up a little patch of carpet. Then I switched it off and eagerly peeked in the filter.

And was promptly disgusted.

In just a small patch of carpet it picked up a lot of crap.

The thing was already half full!

I cannot believe we've lived in this filth for so long.

I'm appalled.

The thing is, I just vacuumed yesterday with our dippy old Bissel.

Gross, gross, gross!

"Tom!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

He was about to fall asleep when I threw open the door.

"HUH?" he grumbled, buring his face in his pillow.

"I just vacuumed a small patch of carpet," I said, throwing my arms around for emphasis, "and the filter is nearly HALF FULL with dust. I can't believe it."

"Mmmm," Tom said into the pillow.

"I can only imagine what the entire living room is going to pick up," I said, walking out the door.

"Mmmm," Tom repeated.

Clearly, he wasn't as impressed as I was.

But then again, his idea of fun is watching The Military Channel.

The other day we sat and watched this program on how Kevlar helmets are made.

Most.Boring-ist.Show.EVARRRRR.

I'm not kidding.

And the narrator was speaking in this slow voice.

"First..the..helmets...are..put..through...the..blah..blah..blah.."

I was bored out of my mind.

But because we have DVR my excuse of, "My show is coming on!" doesn't fly anymore.

Because Tom just says, "DVR it."

I did manage to watch Big Brother and I am hoping Natalie goes home today.

I'm embarrassed that my daughter shares a name with her.

I'm off to go finish vacuuming.

And see what other crap it picks up.

Seeing Clay Again

Last night was a sad night for me. I went to the funeral home for a viewing of my friend, Jimmy Brown. Jimmy was a firefighter for the Auburn Fire Dept. so it was a very symbolic viewing. There were two Honor Guards posted at the head and foot of the coffin. They rotated off every 15 minutes. Well, after going through the viewing I ended up in the coffee room to visit....and there...sitting at one of the tables....was my former student Clay Carson! I was floored. I havge not seen this young man for 15 years. He did not look a day older than he did at graduation.

We hugged, told each other we loved each other, and sat down and had a rapid fire conversation. Our conversation was interrupted every fifteen minutes when he had to go and stand guard.

Who was Clay Carson? Well...in a teacher's life there comes along a student or two if you are lucky that really touch your heart. Clay was mine. I loved him from the first day he walked into my class. He was an awesome young man....with a heart for Jesus....and today, he is still an awesome young man with a heart for Jesus. What a guy!

I had Clay in Spanish class and he was a model student. He worked hard, gave 100% of himself everyday, and just made life wonderful! It does a teacher's heart good to see a student they had in the past....and how they are in the present! So many times we never know what happens to our former students.

Even though last night was a time of saddness, for me there was a touch of joy. Joy that I got to see that I made a small impact on someone's life. Joy that I truly had touched a life during his formative years....and made a difference. The words to the song, "What a Difference You Made in My Life" came to my mind...while I was waiting for Clay to return from Honor Guard duty. The chorus to the song goes something like this:

What a difference you?ve made in my life.

What a difference you?ve made in my life.

You?re my sunshine day and night.

Oh, what a difference you?ve madeIn my life.

This is truly what all teachers want to hear their former students say to them at some point down the road of life. I sat there with my former student last night though....and thought those things about him. He truly did make a diffence...he truly was my sunshine....he was that ray of hope that make me still want to teach. I touched a life once...and I am forever changed.

I'm Tired....or Am I?

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Have you ever noticed that a large number of my blogs seem to revolve around being tired? I seem to be blogging about how busy I have been, or how busy I currently am.... then I seem to launch into some tirade about how tired I am. You know in this fast– paced society we just don’t take the time to get the rest our bodies need. It is like being on an eternal merry-go-round. It continues to go round and round and never stops so that I can get off. I have to laugh because here I am on this busy roundabout thing called life, and I just keep going and going, like the Energizer bunny....never taking the time to just halt all the craziness and rest.

God showed me the error of my thoughts this past summer. I had so much to do, my dad was sick, my mom was sick, I was working overtime trying to get ready to go to Philly for a week long conference. Two days before leaving for the conference....I was jolted into reality. I was diagnosed as hypertensive...and a type II diabetic. The words fell like lead. I was told I had to begin a medicine treatment and get some rest....well, I was actually thinking that the conference would be a great rest period....depending on the definition used of rest....that's a joke! I was in Philly! So much to see and do....and eat....so little time. So there I was....getting ready for my trip, a whole week without the responsiblity of my parents. I was leaving it all for my husband to deal with....and was feeling a bit guilty because of this. I would deal with my problems when I returned. I would watch my sugar levels while I was gone...but I was going to eat a Philly Steak and Cheese.....from Geno's....or bust thunder.

Needless to say, by the time I boarded the plane in Atlanta, I was tired (physically, mentally, and emotionally). We hit the ground running in Philly. Our first day there was free until the afternoon so we used the time to sightsee. We did a lot of sightseeing. We saw all the things first time tourists must see. There were two things that really hit me....and none of them were the traditional things... The first thing that made me stop and take notice was the Love statue in the park. Love...when was the last time I actually thought about that word. Oh, I use it....with my family....but here it was....larger than life...staring at me. As I stood there....I softly sang...Jesus Loves Me....hum I wondered....where did that come from? I Corinthians 13 - the love chapter also entered my head....Love is patient, kind....etc....one has to rest in order to shower others with love.

Our second stop was the Rocky Balboa monument. Here was a man....who overcame the things in life that should have defeated him.....hummmm....that was kind of me right now. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I looked at the bronze statue. A burst of energy ran through me and I ran up the stairs Rocky runs up in the movie....at the top...I threw my hands in the air....I am one of God's chosen....I too can overcome the things in life that should defeat me. I spent a lot of time that day just reflecting and silently praising God for my salvation and just enjoying a slower pace. That night when we finally fell into bed I got some much needed rest. I could not remember when I had slept so soundly or deeply.

What a week Philly was. I loved every minute....and returned home so rejuvenated. Why? Just as God promises me in Matthew 11:28, I came to Him that week in Philly and He gave me the rest I so needed. All I have to do to get filled up and replenished is to spend time with Him. His strength is my strength. I just have to slow down!...and remember to check my blood sugar!

Happy Trails, Karen

Maximum Overload!

I am so busy....sometimes I am not sure if I am coming or going.
Monday nights I guard. Monday nights are for those Emmaus meetings and Worship committee meetings that spring up. Most Monday's I am free. But what exactly does that mean?
Tuesday nights I teach two classes at a local college. I run home from school, fix supper for my parents and husband, rush to class before 5. I get home by 8 and then I clean up any mess left in the kitchen and get my stuff ready for Weds. It is a hectic day. Usually I drop into bed exhausted!
Wednesday nights I have Praise Band practice. I once again rush home, fix supper, eat, and hurry to practice. Some nights we are lucky and get out early....at least by 8. Other nights it is more like 9 when I once again drag my tired body home, shower, and go to bed.
Thursday nights I am on Tuesday night's schedule. Frank bowls on Thursday nights so he does not get home until 9. I am almost comatose by the time he gets in.
Friday nights fluctuate depending on the season of the year. During the fall, I sell football tickets at the gate for our local high school team. The rest of the year this night is reserved for whatever I am not nailed with during the week.
Saturdays are my special days with my husband. We both lead such hectic lives during the week that on Saturdays we find time together. I look forward to these date days.
Sundays are hectice. I go to FUMC and praise band warm up by 7:45, the service at the Arbor is at 9, at 10 I bust the doors to get to my car and head to Waverly for church. I am a preacher's wife and want to support my husband in this endeavor.
So now let me ask you does this schedule look familiar? If you closed your eyes would you be looking at your own schedule? One of the biggest traps Satan has for us is that of a daily, very hectic schedule. It is easy to get caught up in way too many activities. Every year during Lent I decide to fix the clutter in my life and look at the activities I do, and ask myself just WHY do I do them. While outside activities aren't bad, I have to make sure that they don't take away from what is really important, spending time with God. Have I forgotten that somewhere along the way? Sometimes I feel so much pressure to be involved in so many activities because "everyone else is doing it." But then I stop and remind myself that I don't have to do things because everyone else is doing it. Romans 12:2 tells me not to conform after the pattern of the world. In fact, I am to be conformed to the likeness of Christ. (Rom. 8:29, II Cor. 3:18) Well, I ask myself....if I am so busy running here and there, how can I be conformed to His likeness? Ok...so seeing that I am so busy running in too many directions at one time I must ask myself...just what kind of influences am I letting in? Are they good ones or bad ones? Romans 16:19 says to be wise about what is good and innocent about what is evil. If I hang around many ungodly influences, it is hard to maintain that innocence about what is evil. If I am being exposed to so many ungodly things, I am not protecting myself as I should be.I am opening the door to Satan and telling him to come on in!
It is through my quiet time that I have come to realize that Satan, the enemy, is using all my busy activities to distract me from what is really important? All of my "busyness" is one of his many schemes to destroy me and my walk with God. All the "stuff" I HAVE to do is just a scheme to take away my intimate family time with my husband, to destroy my devotional time, to destroy my time to relax, unwind and heal myself.
Before my parents moved in with Frank and I family meal time at the table was unheard of. Oh we ate together....in the same room....in front of a TV set....but there was no converstation, unless it was about the show we were watching. It is true that family devotions have become a thing of the past in many homes, Frank's call to the ministry has changed that for us. See, God is protecting me....even when I did not know I needed help! Rom. 12:1says to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, yet I am so busy sometimes that I feel like the "walking dead" because I am so tired.
In Titus 2:4-5 I find young women being encouraged to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good managers of our homes, to be kind, to be submissive to our husbands, so that the Word of God many not be discredited. Personally I cannot be a Titus 2:4-5 woman with my current level of activity? If I do not change my ways this "busyness" will rob me of those things which really are important. Time with God, Time with family, Time for self. Once I lay the busyness down....I will truly experience JOY.

Humbly His Servant,

Karen

On a Martha Becoming a Mary

In Luke 10:38-42 we read:
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!""Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her".

I can identify with this ultra busy woman. I am a Martha and I am often overwhelmed by the responsibilities of life. Sometimes I feel as if I have been left to do all the work ourselves. I can see Martha fussing in the kitchen, getting more frustrated by the moment as Mary sits at Jesus feet? Finally she speaks out….only to have Jesus lovingly tell her that just one thing is needed.

One thing! Out of all the many things I do, out of all the many distractions, out of all the many important things I do, only one thing is needed. What are you thinking Jesus? And just what do you think is that one thing? Well, when I ask that question....I come up with the same answer each time....the one thing...the one important thing is to do as Mary did and sit with Jesus, simply be in His presence.

I do so much for the Lord…..many things….busy things. Yet He is not calling meto work for Him…He is calling me to be with Him. He is calling me not to make a good…but to make a better choice. Out of that one thing I will find the purpose of my life as God wills it. God says to me that my soul will be fed by Him. I have to be willing to sit and listen and do as He tells me. If I am listening then I will understand. My problem so far is that I don't seem to know what to say "no" to.

I have to think a lot about what it would look like in my life if Iwere to become a "one thing" woman. My friends would be overjoyed. My God would be overjoyed. My husband would be overjoyed. I would not be so tired. I would find some time to be with Jesus. My friends who have mastered the "no" word tell me that me that when you have sat there you long to sit longer. I cannot imagine that. My life is distracted by many good things, like work, singing, writing, volunteering....but today I think I want to choose the better today…I want to begin carving out a bit of time to sit in His presence.

Music is the way I accomplish this. Music helps me clear away the distractions of everyday living. When I find I have become distracted and need to find that "one thing" that I know is needful, I find some quiet moments, put on some music, and praise God. I sit and listen and let the words of the songs become my prayers and my heart is refreshed. It is in the "one thing" that all the other things in my life can find balance. Music lets me find Jesus....when he has disappeared among all the clutter. Music is the release I need. Thank God He gave me the gift of music....so I can praise Him with my "one thing."

A Humble Servant Who Has Not Mastered the Word "No," yet....but I will. I just know it....I will. I just have to let the Martha in me go....and find the Mary. She is there....waiting for me to become her....Ready of not...here I come!

Dedication to a Life Well Lived

When I was a child my father would listen to Jim Ed Brown and his sisters sing a song called the "Three Bells." I have loved this song since the first time I heard it. It is one of those that always makes me cry. The lyrics that make me the saddest are these:

"From the village hidden deep in the valley

One rainy morning dark and gray

A soul winged its way to heaven

Jimmy Brown had passed away

Just a lonely bell was ringingIn the little valley town

Twas farewell that it was singing

To our good old Jimmy Brown

And the little congregation

Prayed for guidance from above

Lead us not into temptation,

May his soul find the salvation

Of thy great eternal love"

I am sad today. My real-friend Jimmy Brown passed away around midnight last night. Jimmy was more than a friend....he was extended family. His brother, Randy, is married to my cousin Amanda. I have had many a meal at the Brown family table as a teenager when Amanda was dating and first married to Randy. I got the phone call this morning and it made me sad, but only briefly. Sad, because Jimmy will be sorely missed by all who knew him. He was an awesome man of God. If you were ever around him you could feel God's Spirit moving like a mighty wind.

Jimmy was a fire-fighter at heart. He served a long time at the Auburn Fire Dept. and was well loved by all who knew him there and at the Fire Academy. I got to meet some of the Fire Academy guys last summer when they came to visit. Still Magnolias went to Jimmy's and sang with and for the guys. They truly loved this man. It was a powerful feeling to be in the league of brothers for a short period of time. There is a bond there that is eternal.

Jimmy was a man of God. He loved his God and he served his God. Even when cancer took control over his body anyone who knew Jimmy knew where he was in his walk with God. He was such a fierce believer. I am blessed for having known this man during my life on this earth.

Jimmy was a loving husband and father. Two of the most important people to him were his wife and his son. His pride in both shined when they were around or when he was talking about them. I know that there will be a big gap in their lives as they adjust to the absence of their loved one.

Jimmy was a loving brother to Randy and Debbie. I know they are both struggling today with this loss. I also know that they too are Christians and know that Jimmy is walking those streets of gold with God right now...and has already picked out his mansion and is waiting for all of us to get there so we can pick and sing on his new front porch.

I sat there this morning when I got the news and cried. I cried for his family and friends. I rejoiced for him because he was no longer in pain and he was with God. I had no doubt in my mind! I thought briefly about what Jimmy would say to us if he could give us a shout out from up above and I know he would be telling us all to get our lives together. The thing I think he would tell us all is to not waste a moment with anger towards those we love, enjoy life to its fullest now, and to not sweat the small stuff. We can chose to live and enjoy what we have in friends and family.....or we can work ourselves into an early grave. The choice of course is ours. I personally want to follow Jimmy's example and enjoy my family while I have the chance. The world lost a truly good guy last night. God gained another angel. My thoughts and prayers are with the Brown family and all the friends of Jimmy Brown. God Bless Us All!

Happy Friday!

The weekend has arrived and there is about 5 minutes before the bell sounds and the kids leave the building for the weekend. They are as excited as I am. Announcements are on and the kids are so quiet listening to the information droning out of the speaker box. Glazed eyes look at the board....waiting....counting down the minutes until that bell rings and we all run for our cars to get as far away from this place as we can....for a few days. A small reprieve from all the hum drum...end of the year stuff that goes along with school. I will pray that the kids will be safe this weekend....and especially tonight. We have bad weather in the area....and they take it so lightly.

Tomorrow is the New Life Festival at Southern Union in Wadley. I am excited about singing for the district and for Bishop Willomon. I will add that one to my list of life accomplishments....and singing for Kennedy and Nixon.

Sunday is church. I love Sundays. I love getting up early, having my quiet time, going to the Arbor and finishing up in Waverly. Sunday's are real high days for me. It is hard to bring me down then. I love all of the day. I think it is my favorite day of the whole week.

Then comes the Monday's....7 more of them til school is out for the summer. Here I sit...counting the days...wishing my life away....sigh....

Have a great weekend. I know I will!

Help! My Hut is on Fire!

I got an email yesterday from my good friend Robert, aka Dr. Bob, it was a story about a shipwreck survivor and I thought it was profound enough to share it with you this morning.

When your hut's on fire
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?' Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue h im! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story:

It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

My hut was on fire yesterday so I decided after reading this that I would consider passing this on, because you never know who else might feel as if their hut is on fire. So many times I find myself whining about things that happen to me only to realize down the road that it was actually a blessing in disguise. One of my blessings/discouragments is when my parents moved in with us three years ago. They were going to stay for four to six weeks and now three years later they are still with us. I have a husband that is a man among men....he is still married to me after all this! That is a hard thing to do. My mother is not an easy person to be with...she is one of the Irregular People author Joyce Landorf talks about in her book. I get discouraged sometimes with them when they won't eat...won't tell me where they are going...won't give up the big screen TV (trivial matter), recycle, all in all....interrupt my lifestyle....yet, after the discouragment passes....I see the blessing....I am fortunate enough to spend time with my parents that I would not have if they lived somewhere else. We eat most meals at the family table....and eventhough....neither of them remember much....and ask the same questions over and over....we are together.....That truly is a blessing. My friends don't understand why they are still with me....and not in assisted living somewhere....well...they don't want to live in assisted living....their version of that is living with me....and they will until I cannot help them anymore. Yes, my life is sort of on hold for the moment....but a moment in God's time is but a blink of an eye...so I laugh and so....ok, God....I am blinking. Peace to you all! Happy Thursday!

Extreme Make-Overs

I love Sunday night television. My favorite show is Extreme Home Makeover. I watch it every chance I get and cry as I see each family give up something that is in a bad state of disrepair and come home to a mansion. Well, look at me. I am a big girl. I have a big girl body that is probably not the temple God meant for me to have....but because of vandalism and years of abuse it is as it is. I want to have an extreme temple make-over. Ok, so what is that going to entail? How can I make-over my temple to be modern, shiny, sleek, and new. A temple that makes people want to dwell there?
Step One - I have to clean the old stuff out. I have to clear my temple of all the old yard sale relics it has collected over the year. I have to dust out the cobwebs of the corners of my mind. I have to open the windows and let the light in. Whew...this is going to take some time....but then....time is what I have. Everyday that I draw breath on this earth....gives me another day to clean up the temple.
Step Two - I have to acquire things for my temple to make it inviting. I need ornamentation that sets off the temple and makes it a place people want to come. I have to get rid of the clutter first....time to visit the Mission Thrift Store....I am feeling some donations coming on.
Step Three - I have to make a pact with myself never to let my temple get in such a state again. I should be ashamed at what I have allowed to happen. In my heart and mind I am....very ashamed. God created me in his image....and somewhere along the way....the Hindenburg crossed with a New York city ghetto image got in the way! How did I let this happen?
I let it happen when I left Satan get the best of me. I let Satan tell me I was not worthy of a pretty temple. I let Satan tell me that I could never have a pretty temple, and that I would always have a decrepit temple. Satan won....but just his battle....he has not won the war. I regrouped my army yesterday and decided that God and I were an undefeatable team. Today I am cleaning out my old ugly temple and I am armed with new paints, cleaning ingredients, and a primo decorator. I am empowered! My temple is not going to be complete in seven days like the houses on Extreme Home Makeover....but wait and see....give me seven months....check back with me in say, October and see my grand opening of the New and Improved Karen's Temple. I know you will be surprised. I won't be ....because I know....with God....all things are possible....including cleaning temples!

Random Thoughts of an April Fool.

Thought 1 -
As much as I love my husband - the one thing I need to love more is myself. Only I can know what I need to survive, to flourish, and harnassing myself to someone who brings chaos into my life is not it. I can feel worthy; I can feel worthy being loyal to' I am worth my husband saying, "Yes, you are the most important person in my life."

Thought 2 -
Sometimes when success is robbed from me I think all of my Education professors from Auburn are going to snatch me from my classroom and make me stand naked before a tribunal of former teachers and students and expose all of my flaws and imperfections. I usually wake up before the jury reconvenes.

Thought 3 -
Sometimes when my loving husband has the very last word I think I am going to be placed in the corner of inadequate dummies and rot until I learn to "shut up!' I have to stop then and ask myself....is this really going to matter or make a difference in five years? Will this end the war in Iraq? Will this cause world peace? Most of the time...I realize it won't...and I move on about my business.

Thought 4 -
Sometimes when I miss the mark with my mother, or play the role of bad daughter I can hear the daughter behavior control specialists marching toward me to wash my mouth out with soap, or order me to go get a switch...it is at that moment that I look at my mom and feel helpless....helpless because she is locked inside a long-ago memory and is screaming to get out!